Hammelburg, Stalag 13, Barracks 2
December 14, 1943, 0900 hours

Kinch was smiling as he sat at the table in the barracks. He was ready to relay the information he had received overnight, but they were waiting for the Colonel to return from Klink's office.

"Do we 'ave to hear more about that bloody Nimrod bloke?" Newkirk complained. "I'm getting pretty tired of London telling us how great he is." There were several nods of agreement from around the table as the barracks door opened and Colonel Hogan entered the barracks.

"Why the gloomy faces?" Hogan asked, looking around at his men.

"Kinch is about to tell us more exploits of Nimrod," LeBeau responded. "We're getting tired of all the accolades he gets." LeBeau knew that this was only part of the reason everyone was feeling down. It was also mail day, and they all knew that the Colonel would be upset if he didn't receive any mail again.

"I still think Nimrod is not a real person," Carter said.

"Andrew, give it a rest," Newkirk admonished.

Colonel Hogan knew that his men were a proud bunch, but he could see that this was getting to them. "All right, let's hold it down," he said. "Kinch, you don't have to read the parts about Nimrod today." His men were happy with that decision. "But I want to see the message when we are done."

Kinch nodded, his smile still threatening to split his face. Hogan noticed the look and arched his eyebrows in question.

Kinch noticed the questioning look and said, "We received another message early in the morning." He paused, trying to add to the suspense.

"And ..." Hogan prodded, playing along with the game.

"This one was from an agent code named Sam," Kinch added, and paused again.

"Sam?" Baker asked. "We don't know an agent with that code name." There was a rumble of conversation as the men mumbled their agreement with Baker's comment.

Hogan held up his hands. He had a suspicion of who Sam was, and judging by the look on Kinch's face, he knew he was correct. "What was the message?" he asked Kinch.

"The message reads," Kinch began, pausing again for effect.

Newkirk elbowed him. "Go on," he said impatiently.

"The message reads, Journey home successful. Am back on job now. Tell Papa Bear thanks for everything," Kinch read.

"Hey, that's our Sam!" Carter exclaimed.

"Where is he at now?" LeBeau asked.

"What is he doing?" Baker asked.

The barracks door opened and Schultz walked in as Kinch was saying, "That's all I know."

Schultz looked at Kinch and asked, "What do you know?"

Kinch looked back at Schultz with an innocent look on his face. "I know nothing, Schultz. Nothing!"

"Jolly joker," Schultz muttered.

"What is it, Schultz?" Hogan asked testily. He knew why Schultz was here, but had to ask so that Schultz could pass the mail out and leave.

"It is mail time, Colonel Hogan," Schultz replied. "I'm sorry, you did not receive anything again." Schultz indeed looked sad, but Hogan didn't notice.

Hogan shrugged and tried to look as if it didn't matter. "Oh well," he said. "Pass out the mail to the men then." He turned and walked into his office and slammed the door a little harder than he would have liked.

Everyone stared at the door, not knowing what to say. Schultz began to pass out the mail. When he finished, he quietly left the barracks.

---------------

Colonel Hogan lay on his bunk staring at the ceiling boards above him. He listened to the muffled voices in the outer room as Schultz passed out the mail to the men. He knew that he shouldn't have slammed the door to his office coming in here. His men knew that he was upset, but he had been trying to act like it didn't bother him. He didn't want his troubles to disrupt the operation.

But as much as he tried to fool his men, he couldn't fool himself. Why had Lisa stopped writing to him? He looked at the pile of letters on the shelf next to his bed. Why, Lisa? Why? He took one of the letters from the pile.

He heard the knock at his door, but didn't acknowledge it. He was not in the mood for company. The knock sounded again, and he heard Kinch's voice say, "Colonel?"

Hogan sighed. Kinch would have the message form London for him. But he also knew that Kinch would want something else.

"Come in, Kinch," he said.

The door opened and Kinch entered the room. As Hogan expected, he had the message in his hand. "You wanted to see the message from London, sir," Kinch said as he handed the paper to Hogan.

Hogan took the message and said, "Thanks, Kinch." He put the message on the bed beside him.

Kinch stood silently for a moment, and then cleared his throat. "Uh, Colonel?" he said.

"Kinch, I know what you are going to say," Hogan said, cutting him off. "We've been through this before, and I haven't changed my mind."

"Why, Colonel?" Kinch asked. "Why won't you tell them?"

"No, Kinch," Hogan replied. "As I said, we've been over this before ... too many times."

"But Colonel, the men know you are upset," Kinch said. "They know how you looked forward to the letters from Lisa."

At the mention of her name, Hogan winced. "I'll be fine," he responded weakly.

Kinch shook his head. "Not with this eating your insides out," he replied. "Tell them."

Hogan sighed. "Kinch, they wouldn't understand why I didn't tell them until now," he replied.

"I think you underestimate them," Kinch replied. "We're all concerned for you."

"And I appreciate it," Hogan replied. "Let's just leave it at that."

"Colonel," Kinch started.

"No," Hogan said curtly. "For two years, I have been receiving letters from my sister Lisa, and pictures of my nephew Bobby. I haven't received any for two months, and everyone is concerned. I'll be fine, Kinch. Really."

"Do you think they would be less concerned if they knew that Lisa was really your wife?" Kinch asked.

Hogan was silent. He closed his eyes and tried to fight the feelings that were churning inside him.

"Or is the real reason you don't want to tell them because of some of the things you've done since you've been here?" Kinch asked.

Hogan glared at his friend. He started to shake his head, but stopped. Kinch knew him too well, and was actually right. "Damn you, Kinch," he said softly. "You know you are right, but you had to go and force me to admit it."

Kinch smiled. "No need to thank me, sir," he said.

Hogan chuckled. "I'd rather court-martial you," he replied. "But I appreciate your concern. All I can say is that I will think about it."

Kinch rose from the chair. "All I can say is that I will keep bugging you until you say something," he said.

Hogan smiled at him. "I know you will," he replied.

Kinch looked at the envelope still in Hogan's hand. "I'll leave you alone now," he said.

"Kinch," Hogan said. "Thanks for looking after me."

Kinch just smiled back and headed for the door.

---------------

Hogan removed a photograph from the envelope in his hands and looked at it. It was a picture that he and Lisa had taken on their trip to Atlantic City on his last trip home before leaving for England. Lisa had sent him the photograph so that, as she had put it, he wouldn't forget her. Lisa dear, how could I ever forget you? I have thought about you every day I've been in this Godforsaken camp.

He thought about the day the photograph had been taken. You were beautiful, my dear. I was glad that we decided to elope rather than wait for the large wedding that our parents wanted to give us when I returned from the service. Boy was Mom mad when she found out! But she got over it when you surprised them with the news that you were pregnant. Hogan laughed softly to himself. After that weekend in Atlantic City, I'm not surprised at all!

Hogan looked at the picture again. So why can't I tell anyone here the truth about you? Kinch knows, but that's because we were on the same crew. But why can't I tell the rest of the men here? They've become just as close as Kinch and I did in England. He sighed. Maybe it's because of the tag they put on me from the beginning. 'Ladies man', they had said. Just because I am a flirt with the ladies, they tagged me with that label. I have to admit that the reputation has helped us a few times. But then when it became more than just flirting ...

Hogan shifted in his bunk. Kinch is right. I am ashamed of that. How could I ever face the men with the truth now, after having those encounters? Kinch says that they will understand. How did he put it before? 'Fidelity is usually the biggest casualty of war.' That's so true, and I am embarrassed that mine was one of the victims. If I said anything now, would the men still think the same of me? What about Hilda and Helga? Would they still be as helpful if they knew I was just using them for information?

Hogan put the photograph back in the envelope. But I'm mostly ashamed of what I did to you, Lisa. Sure, I've tried to justify it by saying it is just part of the job. But deep down, it hurts me to know that I have betrayed your trust. How will I ever tell you? How can I ever NOT tell you? We've always been honest with each other. But now, I have betrayed that trust. Will you still love me? Will you understand?

He put the envelope back with the others by his bed and jumped to the floor. Lisa, I love you, he thought as he headed out into the large room of the barracks.