Disclaimer: Not mine, not mine, and not mine. Except for the part that's mine. Of which there is none. Damn.
CHAPTER 6
Severus Snape POV
This should never have happened. Potter should have learned Occlemency. I suppose I can't put all the blame on him, as much as I want to. He was lazy about practicing but I was the one assigned to teach him. I should have taught him until he mastered it. But I threw him out after he saw my memory in the Pensieve. After he watched my humiliation, the destruction of my dignity by the man we're all here mourning right now.
I've never liked these people and I know they don't like me. But I've always stored a particular hatred in my heart for Black and the werewolf. Black for those miserable school days, Lupin for being friends with Black and, of course, for that night he nearly killed me.
I know what you're thinking. It was twenty years ago. Why hate someone because of something they did so long ago? I've done worse more recently. I have the Mark to prove that. Well, to answer that question, I'm not honestly sure. Maybe because forgiveness is the first step toward friendship and that's the last thing I need right now. I've never wanted anyone to be close to me. What's the point? Eventually one will have to betray the other. Et tu, Brute? There's no way around it. Even the best of friends will do it. I have proof despite my lack of first-hand experience. Remember that night I discovered what was under the Whomping Willow? The werewolf's best friend sent me down there. I don't need that.
Most of them have given up on me. Potter, Granger, all the Weasley spawn, they hate me. Moody thinks I'm still a Death Eater. Only in name, you paranoid lunatic. The rest see me as a cold, bitter, sarcastic man. So be it. It's true, you know. See me however you wish, just as long as you're not trying to be my friend. Molly Weasley is still friendly to me. It irritates me but even I can't be, well, me to her. She's just too damn nice. Opposite of my own mother, but we won't be talking about that here.
So I'll do my work for the Order. My hatred for Voldemort is strong, my loyalty to Dumbledore stronger. I'll continue to infiltrate is ranks, learn what I can, and come back. I'll attend meetings, develop plans, and try to save the world. But when all is said and done I'll be back alone in my dungeons. Where no one will be my friend and no one will betray me.
No heart is better than a broken heart.