Hammelburg Area, Chalet of General Albert Burkhalter
December 21, 1943, 2020 hours
General Burkhalter was sitting on his sofa, waiting to hear the radio broadcast. This would be the one where the famous Colonel Klink received his award for his perfect record at Stalag 13. The pompous windbag will probably make an idiotic speech too. Oh well, it will be entertainment while I am waiting for Elsa to come over. Burkhalter chuckled. Yes, I am really glad that I have this place, and that Berta is still in Berlin. Tonight I can have some charming company and engage in pleasant conversation rather than hearing the Hinden-Berta blow all that hot air.
Ah, it is good to be able to relax before I have to fly to the Wolfsschanze tomorrow morning for the evening briefing with the Führer. I think if I would have to spend the evening listening to Berta, I would end up begging the Führer to transfer me to the Eastern Front where it would be quieter.
He glanced at the clock and turned the radio on. There was music playing, so Burkhalter knew that the program had not started. He poured himself some of his finest brandy, and leaned back to relax.
The music stopped and Burkhalter heard a female voice come over the airwaves.
"That was the Führer's favorite selection. And now I would like to introduce to you Colonel Wilhelm Klink of Stalag 13," the female announcer said.
There was a long moment of silence and then Burkhalter heard Klink's voice, "Hallo?" Klink said nervously.
"Tonight we honor Colonel Klink, who as Kommandant of Stalag 13, has never had a prisoner escape," the female announcer continued. "Colonel, may I present you with this scroll."
There was a long moment of silence before Burkhalter heard Klink's voice again.
"Uh, uh, that reminds me of the story of the two Bavarians ... Pat and Mike," Klink stammered out. Burkhalter started laughing.
The female announcer interrupted, "Thank you, Colonel Klink."
Burkhalter continued to laugh. Even on live national radio the man sounds like an idiot!
The female announcer went on. "And now we have a real surprise for you. An American prisoner of war who has some interesting things to tell you."
That statement was a real surprise for Burkhalter and he sat up to listen more closely.
"You are Colonel Hogan of the United States Army Air Corps?" the female announcer asked.
"Hogan?" mumbled Burkhalter. "What is he doing on the radio?"
"That's one of my names," Hogan replied.
"One of your names?" the announced asked.
"Well, I had another name when I was in prison," Hogan said. "But naturally you don't give your right name in a case like that."
Burkhalter chuckled. Leave it to Hogan to come up with an answer like that. He's up to something with this broadcast. I wonder what it is?
"You were in prison," the female announcer stated flatly.
"Three times," Hogan replied. "Bum raps."
The announcer tried to continue. Burkhalter could tell that she was not expecting the answers she was getting. Having seen Hogan do this to Klink, as well as himself, he knew what she was going through.
"Colonel, you've had an opportunity to observe the new Germany and the United States," the announcer said. "Now how would you compare them?"
"Ah, no comparison at all," Hogan replied. "Back home, everybody thinks for himself. All those decisions to make. Here, one man thinks for everyone. Saves a lot of wear and tear."
Burkhalter choked on the brandy he was sipping. Did I just hear what I thought I heard?
"I'm, uh," the female announcer stammered.
"I mean, take the Russian Front, that was Hitler's idea," Hogan continued. "Yet I think it's wonderful that you don't hear one word of criticism about it."
Burkhalter roared with laughter. That Hogan sure has nerve. On live radio!
"You've read Mein Kampf, I believe," the announcer continued, somewhat exasperated.
"Oh yeah, you bet," Hogan replied. "You know, that guy Hitler that wrote it. A lot of people think that just because he wears that silly moustache, the book's a lot of junk."
Tears were starting to stream down Burkhalter's face, he was laughing so hard.
A male announcer broke onto the radio. "And now the orchestra will play another favorite selection of the Führer" he said in a strained voice.
The General was still laughing hysterically. His side was starting to hurt, and he was having trouble catching his breath. I'll bet Hitler is mad as hell right now! He's probably yelling and screaming at everyone within earshot of him. Still laughing, Burkhalter reached over to turn off the radio. He wiped his eyes and tried to stop laughing. It was hard to do.
He heard a knock at the door. Ah, that will be Elsa. I've had my humor for the evening, and now it's time for a little relaxation. He strode over and opened the door. "Elsa, my dear," he said. "Come in, come in."
---------------
The flight to Rastenburg had been uneventful. Burkhalter was tired from the evening before, as he and Elsa had stayed awake until the early hours of the morning, and slept most of the flight.
Before he left, he had gotten a report from Hochstetter that two of his men had been shot on the road leading to the fuel depot that was under construction outside of town. Hochstetter said he suspected the Underground, and Burkhalter was glad that this one time, he could not suspect Colonel Hogan, since he was on the radio at the time the shooting occurred.
Now Burkhalter was standing in the briefing room, waiting for his turn to talk. He listened to the state of the war on all the various fronts given by Generals Zeitzler and Jodl. Sounds like it's been a quiet day at the war, he thought.
When it was his turn, he briefed the Führer on the state of the camps under his command. He reported the various escapes and number of prisoner deaths. The latter number always upset him, even though the number was always small. He was very glad that he was not in charge of any camps where the Russian prisoners were being held. When he heard the reports from those camps, it seemed that Russian prisoners were dying by the dozens each week.
"And I had a report from the local Gestapo head this morning that two of his men were shot in what looked like an ambush," he told the Führer. "He is suspecting the local Underground."
"That would be Major Hochstetter?" Hitler asked. Burkhalter nodded. "And he is not suspecting your senior prisoner from Stalag 13 this time?"
Burkhalter shook his head. "Nein," he replied. "He knows it can't be because he was on the radio at the time of the shooting."
"You mean him?" Hitler asked. "Major Hochstetter suspects that idiot of all those acts of sabotage? I was listening to that broadcast last night. That Colonel Hogan doesn't seem like the sort that would know how to break out of a prison camp, let alone get back in."
Burkhalter smiled and nodded his head. "This is what I have been telling him," he replied. So Hogan has you fooled as well, mein Führer. That is very good.
"No wonder we are having so much trouble with the Underground," Hitler yelled, his face starting to turn a red color. "We have Gestapo agents concentrating on the wrong people!"
Hoping to stop the rampage before it got started, Burkhalter interrupted, "I have been successful in keeping him from causing disruption to the camp, mein Führer."
Hitler, seemingly calmed for the moment, nodded. "Good, good, Burkhalter," he replied.
There were a few more reports to be given, and after about ten minutes, Hitler dismissed the meeting. Burkhalter was driven to the airport and flew back to Hammelburg. He knew that Hochstetter would be on a rampage to find who killed his men, and he wanted to be nearby in case he decided to harass Klink or the prisoners.