Disclaimer: I don't own Dawson's Creek or any of its characters.
Author's Note: Thanks to the following for reading and reviewing my story: Gypsy, Giuliana, justagirl, alysa, Aubrey, Abagail Snow, Cesare, roundin3rd, Molly, kelcb26, annie, dwscreekfreak, Vale, )TINK(, Vera, Annie, Pacey-Luver, FinallyPJ, SmOgLoViNg, MDSWitter26, Cila, meli dav, patcreekgirl, and sunydee2. I appreciate the comments and constructive criticism. You guys rock!!!
Rating: This one's NC-17. Enough said.
"Pacey," Joey mumbled as Pacey was on top of her, kissing her neck.
"What?" Pacey said into her neck as he tried to fidget with the clasp of her bra.
"Bessie is going to be home any minute," she continued as she put her hands on top of his to stop him from going any further.
Pacey pulled back and gave her a small smile as he sat up. "I think I get it now," he said as he scratched the back of his head.
"Get what?" Joey asked.
"Have you noticed that every time we're alone nowadays, Bessie is always going to be home any minute?" Pacey replied.
Joey stared at him coldly. "Are you trying to get at something here Pacey?" she asked as she held her stare.
Pacey sighed. "Look, I've just been noticing that for the past few weeks, you've been holding back from me or something," he answered.
Joey was shocked. "So, just because we haven't...done...anything...in a sexual way..." she started.
"Joey, I told you after we moved to the next level in our relationship that I wouldn't be expecting us to do that every time we were around each other," Pacey interrupted.
"Then if that's really the case, what's the problem?" Joey asked.
"The problem is that for the past two weeks, you haven't let me get close to you. We might start making out or something, but as soon as I try to do anything else after that, you won't let me. Even something as simple as touching your stomach when we're kissing, you push my hand away," Pacey replied. He watched as Joey dropped her head and stared at the ground. "Look, if you feel that something's wrong between us, I'd like to know about it," he said as he walked towards her.
Joey lifted her head. "Pacey, there's nothing wrong between us. Right now, this is all me, okay?" she said.
"Well, what is it?" he asked.
Joey bit down on her bottom lip. "Two things. Last week, if you must know, it was my time of the month and this week..." she started. "I just don't want us to get caught in a compromising situation by Bessie, or Bodie, or Doug for that matter. I mean, the other day Bessie wouldn't leave me alone about the "love bite" on my neck, which was all you, I'd like to add," she rambled.
Pacey smiled. "You were encouraging me the whole time, remember?" he said.
Joey blushed as she remembered, in full detail, that entire makeout session. "That's beside the point. The point is Pace, we don't have a problem. We're fine. Okay?" she assured.
"But if you felt that we did have a problem, you would tell me, right?" Pacey asked as he wrapped his arms around Joey's waist.
"Of course. But, like I said, there's nothing to worry about," Joey replied as she kissed his neck. "Now, where were we?"
Later on...
"Thanks so much for helping me with Dawson's party girls," Gale said as she began pacing around the kitchen.
"No problem, Mrs. Leery," Jen said with a smile.
"Yea, no problem," Joey said, a little distracted.
"Well, I've gotta run. I'll talk to you two later," Gale said as she grabbed her coat and left the kitchen.
Jen turned over to Joey, who was getting up from her chair. "So, it seemed like someone was a million miles away there," Jen teased.
Joey smiled. "Was I that obvious?" she asked.
"To the trained eye, yes, yes you were," Jen said as she grabbed her coat and started making her way to the front door. She waited until Joey was at the front door before continuing. "What's up?"
Joey sighed. "I don't know," she replied.
"Sorry Joey, but an 'I don't know' isn't going to cut it for this conversation. What's on your mind?" Jen asked.
"Sex," Joey stated simply. "Sex is on my mind."
Jen nodded. "Hmm. Do tell," she said.
"For the past few weeks, there's just been this incredible tension between Pacey and I. I don't know if he feels it or not, but every time we get within five feet of each other, I just feel this tension rising," Joey rambled. "He asked me about it earlier, but I just shrugged it off."
"Are you sure that was the best idea?" Jen asked.
"I don't know. I just don't want to have a sex discussion with him," Joey replied.
"He's your boyfriend Joey, and he has been for what? Six, seven months now maybe? Why won't you discuss it with him?" Jen asked.
Joey hesitated. "I don't know what I want," she said.
Jen looked at Joey intently. "Keep going," she continued.
Joey shrugged. "Look, I just don't want to rush into sex and have it jeopardize our relationship. I know that I want more, I just feel the need to keep waiting until the right moment," she finished.
Jen nodded in understanding. "I get it. But, have you ever thought about the idea that maybe there is no right moment to have sex?"
Joey stared at Jen, puzzled by her comment. "What do you mean?" she asked.
"I mean that maybe there is no such thing as the perfect moment to have sex. And that's just because that's how life is. However, I do think that in an imperfect moment, having sex can turn the otherwise dull moment into a perfect one. Do you get what I'm saying?" she asked.
"Yeah. It's just that...it's a big step. I'm afraid there might be a fallout afterwards," Joey replied.
"Joey, how do you know that there will be a fallout afterwards? You and Pacey could have sex and everything could be the same as it is now, or it could be better. Listen, Joey, the most exciting things in life usually require more courage than we presently have. You just have to take a deep breath and jump," Jen advised.
Joey let Jen's advice sink in. "So, to recap, are you saying that I should have sex with Pacey?"
"Not exactly. I'm saying that if you feel some sexual tension, you need to talk to Pacey about it. And if you want to have sex with Pacey, well, just follow your heart. It always wins in the end," Jen answered. "Now, about me and Jack..."
Dawson's party...
"Hey Pacey, Joey," Jack said as he saw them walking up to the Leery's front porch.
"Hey Jack," Pacey said. "Where's the better half?" he asked.
"Inside, mingling. Wow, Joey you look great," Jack said, acknowledging Joey's new outfit.
"Thank you Jack. You look...like you always do," Joey replied.
Jack laughed. "Thanks Joey," he said.
Joey turned to Pacey. "I'm gonna go in and say hi to everyone," she said.
"Alright. I'll be out here," Pacey said as she turned and walked away.
"Hey Jack? Do you mind if I bitch to you about my insecurities regarding my girlfriend for awhile?" Pacey asked Jack as soon as Joey had entered the house.
"Not at all Pace," Jack answered as he motioned for Pacey to sit down. "What's up?" he asked.
Pacey sighed as he sat down. "I think that Joey's hiding something from me. And that's been eating away at my brain for the past few days," he confessed.
"Hiding what?" Jack asked.
"I don't know. She just won't let me get close to her. I mean, over the past few months, it's like the closest I've ever been with a person. And now, every time I get within three feet of her, she shrugs me off or pushes me away," Pacey explained. "It's just so unbelievably frustrating."
"I getcha man. But, tell me, what do you honestly think she's hiding from you? I know you've got some idea at the back of your head," Jack said as he pressed the issue further.
"Well, it could be that she's done something that she thinks might hurt me, or it could be that she thinks we're spending too much time together and that she needs to take a few steps back and 'find herself', I don't know," Pacey replied.
Jack let Pacey's ideas set in. "I don't think those fit. Joey's is ass-backwards in love with you. Everybody can see it, except for you sometimes, but I don't think that she did anything to hurt you. And you two have been permanently attached at the hip for months now. I think it's safe assume that she's not getting tired of you or anything. And come on, I don't think that Joey would tell you that she had to go and find herself. Does that sound like something she would say?" Jack said.
"I wouldn't put it past her," Pacey replied.
"Anyways, Pace, I do have an insight as to what's up with you and Joey," Jack said.
"And that is?" Pacey asked.
"Two words for you Pace: sexual tension. That's what your problem is," Jack answered.
Pacey sighed. "Why didn't I think of that before?" he realized.
"I don't know Pace, but I kind of thought it was obvious. As did Jen. Why didn't you consider sexual tension?" Jack asked.
"Because, I didn't think she'd be feeling a lot of sexual tension. I feel it, I just haven't said anything," Pacey replied.
"And why haven't you said anything?" Jack asked.
"Cause I don't want to guilt her into having sex," Pacey answered.
Jack nodded in understanding. "I understand. But, I still think that you need to talk to her about this. You told me once that you and her have always been honest throughout the course of your relationship. Why stop that now?" he asked, hoping that Pacey would get the point and talk to Joey.
Pacey's lips quickly formed into a smile. "Thanks Jack," he said as he got up to look for Joey.
Inside the Leery house...
Joey was mingling with the guests at Dawson's party. She looked around everywhere, but she couldn't find Dawson. She decided to look upstairs. Maybe he was lurking up there somewhere. She walked up the staircase and went down the hall. She slowly opened the door to Dawson's room. And there he was, sitting on the window ledge, staring out into space. "Hey Dawson," she said.
Dawson turned his head. "Hey Joey. How's the party?" he asked.
"It's alright. Why aren't you down there?" she asked.
"I don't know. I felt like doing some major soul searching. I mean, look at me Joey. I haven't changed at all from this time last year," Dawson replied.
Joey walked over to the edge of his bed and sat down. "Come on Dawson. Sure you have. We've all changed," she reasoned.
"Well, I know that you've changed, Jen's changed, Pacey has changed, but I still feel like I'm the exact same person I was a year ago. Where's my character growth?" he complained. "Where's my defining moment?"
"If you keep looking, you'll find it. Don't get down on yourself," Joey replied.
"I can't help it. I just want to finally get some answers," Dawson said.
"The answers will come, when you least expect them to," Joey said.
Dawson paused. "What was your defining moment?" he asked.
"Hmmm. I'd have to say that it would be me and Pacey's first kiss at the Icehouse," Joey answered.
"Why?" Dawson asked.
"Well, because it started our relationship, and our relationship has changed me a lot since last year," Joey explained.
"Do you think that you and Pacey were meant to be?" he asked. "Do you think he's your soulmate?"
"You know, I'm not too big on the whole soulmate idea. I think that me and Pacey just developed feelings for each other, and we fell in love. It's been a great ride, and I don't plan on getting off any time in the near future," Joey said.
"Yeah, but do you think that fate brought you two together? Do you think he's the one?" Dawson asked.
Joey paused. "Do I think he's the one?" she repeated. She bit down on her bottom lip. "I think that he's a definite possibility." Dawson looked down at the ground. "Well, what about you? Do you think that your soulmate is out there somewhere?"
"I know who my soulmate is. She just hasn't come around yet," he answered. "And it's weird because she was in love with me, and then she went and supposedly fell in love with another guy."
Joey paused for a second. "Dawson, what are you trying to say?" she asked.
Dawson sighed. "I'm trying to tell you that you're my soulmate. Joey, you and I are meant to be. I've been on this soul searching journey all year, and at the end, what I found, was you," he said.
Joey got up from the bed. "Dawson..." she started.
"Joey, you think you're in love with Pacey, but you're not. He's just a bump in the road, the obstacle in the two star-crossed lovers path," he said as he interrupted her.
Joey glared at Dawson. "How do you even know what love is?" she asked.
"I don't know. I do know that just a few months ago, we kissed right here, in this very spot, and I was just confused about my feelings because I didn't know what they were. And I know now Joey, that I'm ready to have a relationship with you. We can be together!" Dawson explained.
"No, we can't be together Dawson. I'm with Pacey. I'm in love with Pacey," Joey replied.
"Ugh, Joey! You're not in love with him! He's just a rebound guy! The only reason you two are dating is because you thought you needed to get over me!" Dawson said.
"Dawson! How I felt about you and how I feel about him now are completely different! Are you trying..." Joey shouted back before Dawson stepped forward and kissed her. Joey was momentarily stunned by Dawson's actions. She quickly tried to push him away, but he held her forearms still. However, they were soon interrupted by the sound of an opening door.
"Dawson?" Pacey said as he opened the door before looking in. When he turned his head, his heart sank. Dawson and Joey were kissing. 'This is what Joey's been hiding from me,' he thought to himself. "I'm sorry, I'm obviously interrupting something," he said as he quickly shut the door and flew down the hall, onto to the stairs.
"Pacey!" Joey called out, finally releasing herself from Dawson's grasp and leaving him there bewildered. She ran after him, stopping momentarily to retrieve her coat. She sprinted through the house and followed him out the door. He wasn't running, but he was walking away as fast as he could. "Pacey!" she called out as she approached him. She reached forward and pulled his arm back, forcing him to face her. "Pacey, let me explain," she pleaded.
"What's to explain Jo?" Pacey asked as he pulled away from her grasp and continued walking away from her.
Joey shook her head and caught up with him. "It's not what you think!" she exclaimed. "Look, one of the best things about us is that we always tell the truth. So, why don't you just let me tell you the truth?"
Pacey stopped in his tracks. He turned around and looked at her. There were a few tears on her face now, and more were threatening to fall. He noticed that she was shivering delicately in the cold. He took her coat from her hands and walked behind her to help her into it. "I don't know if this is the best place to have this conversation, a few hundred yards away from his house. Let's go," he said as he took her hand and began walking.
"Okay," she said softly, surprised that he was holding her hand, leading her away so they could talk. She kept quiet and thought carefully about what to say to him.
At the docks...
Pacey led Joey down to his favourite spot on the docks. He motioned for her to sit down, and then he walked a few paces away from her to sit down himself. "Okay. What happened?" he asked.
"Well, I went inside the house to see to mingle, and I couldn't find Dawson. And seeing as it is his party, I went looking for him to see why he wasn't downstairs enjoying the party. He was in his room, just sitting at the window. I went in and we just started talking. We talked about how I've changed, and my defining moment, soulmates, stuff like that," Joey explained.
"How does that lead up to you two kissing?" Pacey asked impatiently.
"He asked me if I thought that you were my soulmate. I told him that I didn't believe in soulmates, and I asked him about his soulmate. And he told me that I was it. And then he kept going on and on about how we were meant to be together, and then he just went and kissed me. I tried to push him away, but he was holding on tight to my forearms. I couldn't even pull my head back," Joey finished.
Pacey paused. "So then... I just completely misunderstood what I saw?" he said hopefully.
"Yes," Joey replied as she stood up and walked over to sit beside him. "Pacey... I would never ever deliberately cheat on you. I hope you know that."
Pacey paused to look into her eyes, only to find truth. "I know," he said.
Joey smiled. "He asked me if I thought you were the one," she said.
"Really? What'd you tell him?" he asked.
"I told him that you were a definite possibility to be the one," she replied.
Pacey let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and grinned. "You really think that?" he asked.
"Yes," Joey answered without hesitation. "Even though we're young, I just feel... this connection with you that I'll never have with anyone else."
Pacey smiled a little more, then his face grew serious. "But even with this connection, you can't tell me that you're feeling the sexual tension between us?" he asked.
Joey paused. "It's not exactly the easiest thing to bring up Pacey," she answered.
"But you should have told me the truth. If something's bothering you, I want to know about it. Even if it is about sexual tension. These are the things that we need to talk about," he said.
Joey sighed. "I know. I'm just afraid," she replied.
"Of what?" he asked.
"I'm afraid that if we have sex, everything will change between us. I don't want to lose what we have," she said.
Pacey stood up and walked in front of her. "I don't want to lose what we have either Jo. And I can't say that things won't change or they will change. But I can say, that whenever you're ready, however long it takes, I'll be waiting to take the plunge with you," he said as he cupped her face softly with his hands. She smiled under his touch and he leaned over and kissed her. As they pulled away, he reached for her hand. "Come on, how about we go back to Doug's place, pop in a frozen pizza and be alone for a few hours?" he suggested.
"Sounds like a plan," she said as she gripped his hand tightly. A million thoughts were racing through her head. She knew what she wanted. She wanted to take the plunge. She wanted to have sex with Pacey.
Doug's Place...
Joey was standing in Pacey's doorway, waiting for him to finish in the bathroom. She was wearing a white tank top and a pair of Simpsons boxers that Pacey had lent her. She had called Bessie earlier, telling her that Pacey wasn't feeling too well after eating too much cake at Dawson's party, and that she needed to stay and help him recover. She couldn't tell if Bessie fully believed her or not, but she had just said to be careful and to be home early. Joey looked down at her hands, which were shaking. She ran her hands through her hair and took some deep breaths to calm herself down. Her heart started going a million miles a minute when she heard Pacey walk out of the bathroom.
"Hey gorgeous," he said as he put his hand on her waist and kissed her softly. "I think that you should definitely wear my boxers more often," he said with a smile as he kissed her forehead. He walked over to his nightstand and opened it up. "Joey, have you seen my wallet?" he asked. "I gotta remember to leave some money for Doug for groceries or something like that."
"I think you left it in the kitchen, let me go check," she said anxiously as she walked off to retrieve his wallet. She got it from the counter, pausing momentarily to open it up and to look for the condom she knew was inside. She smiled as she pulled it out and closed the wallet. She walked back into Pacey's room. "I found it," she said as she gave him his wallet.
"Great, thanks," he said as he opened it up. However, the wallet felt different, like something had been taken out of it. He quickly looked into one of the flaps and noticed that his condom was gone. He looked up at Joey, who was smiling at him and walking towards him.
"Looking for something?" she asked as she held the condom up.
"Joey..." he started.
"I'm not upset Pacey. I..." she said as her voice quivered. "I want to use it."
Pacey paused as he took the condom from her hand and placed it on his dresser. "If this is about earlier, you don't have to do this," he said.
Joey smiled. "This isn't about what happened earlier with Dawson. You said earlier that whenever I was ready, you were going to take the plunge with me," she said as she started to unbutton his shirt. "I'm ready."
Pacey nervously kept his hands to his sides. "Joey, we don't have to do anything that you're not ready for," he said, his voice a little shaky.
Joey kept working at the buttons of his shirt. "Pacey. I know that I'm ready. I can feel it," she said as she slowly pushed his shirt of his shoulders. "I know what I want. I want you," she continued as she started placing kisses along his shoulders.
Pacey closed his eyes under her touch. His heart was racing. "I want you too," he said.
Joey felt the butterflies in her stomach multiply. "Show me," she whispered as she placed her hand over his heart and felt just how fast it was beating.
Pacey took a deep breath and leaned in to kiss her. He started off slow as his lips danced with hers. He ran one hand through her hair and the other hand softly gripped her waist. Joey kept her hand on his chest as she mimicked Pacey's action by running her fingers through Pacey's hair. Their kiss soon intensified as Pacey lid his tongue into her mouth, tasting every inch of it. Joey moaned into his mouth and allowed her tongue to softly dance with his. Pacey pulled his head back and began to kiss down her shoulders. Joey shivered under his kisses, and strained to pull him closer to her. She felt Pacey gently lift her off the floor and carry her over to his bed, laying her down on the covers. His eyes were full of question and desire as he stared into hers.
"Yes, Pacey," Joey said as she sat up a bit to meet him at the lips. She felt another wave of passion come over her as their kiss quickly became intense. She ran her hands down his chest and pulled at his wifebeater. Pacey lifted his arms so she could pull if off and toss it aside. They met at the lips once again as Pacey continued his assault of her mouth. Joey moaned once again and instinctively rocked her hips into Pacey's. Pacey's hands hesitantly toyed with the bottom of her tank top, pushing it up slowly as he started to expose her chest. Joey broke their kiss and put her arms up, giving him a smile as he slid her shirt up off her body with shaky hands and tossed it alongside his on the floor. He hovered above her as they resumed kissing, not wanting to put his entire weight on her. Joey could feel the sweat beginning to appear on her skin. She couldn't get enough of Pacey right now, and she wanted to feel him even closer. She gripped his waist and started to pull him directly on top of her.
"Joey, I don't want to crush you, I'm too heavy," he said in protest.
"I need to feel your skin against mine," she replied as she pressed herself directly up against him. Pacey moaned at her contact, and all coherent thoughts left his head. He took his time with Joey, slowly caressing her skin with his hands and lips. He heard her whimper every now and then, which made him grow harder than he thought possible under his boxers. He felt Joey toy with the button on his jeans, and he sat up a bit so she could have easier access. She undid the zipper and rolled the pants down his legs, pausing briefly to take them off his legs and to push them onto the floor. She grew a little more nervous as Pacey began tugging at her boxers, slipping them down her legs in one swift motion.
Pacey paused before reaching down to pull off her panties. He looked into her eyes for hesitation. "Yes, Pacey," she said once again as she ran her hand up his arm to his shoulder. Pacey smiled and slowly pulled off her panties and tossed them on the floor. Joey closed her eyes, wondering what Pacey was thinking.
Pacey reached forward and softly caressed her breast, trying to reassure her. "You're so beautiful Joey," he said as bent his head down to take her nipple into his mouth. "You have no idea," he finished as he moved his head over to her other breast.
Joey let out a sigh of relief as Pacey kissed his way back up her chest. She rested her head on his shoulder as she slowly peeled off his boxers, allowing him to spring free of any barriers. She pushed them down to his knees, and then felt Pacey kick them off to the edge of the bed. Pacey tilted his head down a bit, growing extremely self-conscious. Joey smiled and kissed him softly. "You're so handsome, you have no idea," she said as she kissed his neck.
Pacey smiled. He looked back over to the dresser and got up to retrieve the condom. Joey quickly pulled the covers back, allowing herself to get under them. Pacey walked back to the bed and slowly tore the package open. Before he rolled it on, he kissed Joey's forehead. "I love you," he said.
"I love you too," she replied, closing her eyes under his touch as she anxiously waited for him to put the condom on.
Pacey carefully rolled on the condom and positioned himself in front of Joey. He moved forward and kissed her on the cheek before brushing a few strands of her hair out of her face. Slowly, inch by inch, he gently slid into her. Joey closed her eyes tight as she felt Pacey enter her. She felt a sharp pain and she instinctively buried her head into the crook of his neck and wrapped her arm around his shoulder, her fingernails digging into his back. She felt Pacey pull his head back a bit to look at her. "Just relax Jo," he whispered. She simply nodded her head against his shoulder as she took a deep breath to calm down. Pacey kept still for a moment, waiting for her to adjust to him. Finally, Joey began to feel the pain give way to an intense heat that caused her to whimper. Pacey took this as his cue. He slowly began to thrust himself into her, going slow at first, and then quickening the pace in short spurts. He kept his eyes locked on Joey, allowing her emotions to determine the pace.
Joey hung onto Pacey's shoulder tightly, wanting to be as close to him as possible. She was keeping her eyes shut tight, just enjoying the waves of pleasure that were washing over her. "Pacey," she moaned as he began to quicken the pace. She slowly opened her eyes, her eyes brimming with unshed tears. Pacey smiled softly as he kissed her forehead and began to pump into her even harder. Joey began rocking her hips harder to meet his thrusts. She could feel herself melting into the waves of pleasure. Joey buried her head in his chest as she went over the edge, with Pacey following suit seconds later. They remained still, neither of them willing to lose the closeness they were feeling at that very moment. However, it was Pacey who had to break the closeness first as he reached down and slowly slid out of Joey, peeling off the condom and getting up to toss it in the garbage can. He crawled back into bed, wrapping his arms around Joey and pulling her close. She rested her head on his chest and began to trace patterns on his torso. "Pace," she said softly.
"Yeah?" he replied.
"That... that was amazing," she said earnestly as she looked up into his eyes. "Thank you."
Pacey grinned. "You know, you were pretty amazing too. And I should be the one thanking you," he said. Joey blushed a little at his compliment. "You know, there's probably a million things I'd like to say to you right now, but the only one that fits is I love you," he finished.
Joey smiled. "I love you too," she replied as she kissed him. She slowly closed her eyes and shifted in bed so that Pacey was spooning her. She rested her hand on top of his and fell into a blissful sleep. Pacey kissed her neck and shut his eyes as well. What had started at as a terrible evening turned into the most amazing night of his life. He smiled into her neck and fell asleep.