Chapter Four
A/N: Bonjour y'all, sorry its been so long! I've got exams coming up so I've been studying like a good little girl and also I had lots of trouble with my DVD player cause it kept breaking!
Anyway, thanks for ye great reviewy-thingys, they cheered me up whilst I was revising quadratic equations!!! (Anything that does that is more than welcome, believe me!)
ANYWAYS, here be chapter four. Oh yeah, and carry on with your "Do you know a bad-haired Alex?" campaign! Also, if you are an Alex and you believe your hair is good, feel free to tell me what style its in.I'll judge for myself if you're the exception.
WHEN WE LAST LEFT OUR HEROES/ HEROINES/ DVS AND CCWS:
Satine had just discovered Christian was not the alcoholic aristocrat she thought.
"Vat ees zees Duke of vich you are speeking now?" asked Christian. She won't be able to resist my charmingly foreign accent, he thought to himself.
"The Duke!" She leapt over him and shoved his head up her skirt.
Christian smiled. The accent always works, he thought smugly.
Zidler came in looking scarily like a red-headed penguin. "My dear, are you undressed for the Duke?" he asked. "Where were you?"
Satine gave Christian a sharp bash in the nose with one thigh, causing him to retreat behind her, tending his wounded nose. "Try anything and I'll kill you," she hissed, before turning her attention back to Zidler. "Waiting.all on my own.in this hippo.without any writers."
The Duke came in.
"Mmm, monsieur," Satine smiled. "how wonderful of you to take time out of your busy schedule to sleep with me!"
Christian ducked behind the table with a noise not unlike that of Bugs Bunny fast retreating into his burrow.
"I fear the pleasure may be entirely mine," the Duke said, kissing Satine's hand.
Satine rolled her eyes. She'd preferred being told it could make her feel faint.
She went and sat on the bed, tucking her bong out of sight in her knickers.
"After tonight's exertions you must surely be in need of refreshments, my dear." The Duke, by some odd coincidence headed towards the very table Christian was sitting behind with the bottle of champagne clutched tightly in his little DV paw.
"Don't!" Satine leapt up and began moving around the room in a random manner.
The Duke looked slightly worried and turned back to seek refuge in the champagne. The time had come for drastic action. She grabbed the bong and jumped out in front of him.
"I don't have much coke,." she knelt and peered between his legs at Christian as he whispered the words to her. Which, by the way, is Inappropriate Place For A Conversation #126.
"But, oh, if I did, I'd buy a big bong so we both could smoke." When in doubt, sing. "I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, that I used it before, or that my friend dropped it on an unclean floor."
Christian backed slowly away. The Duke's eyes tinged. And his mouth. But that was just because he'd been brushing with Aquafresh Three-in-One.
"That makes me very horny." he muttered.
"Doesn't take much, does it?" Satine whispered to herself before adding "It's from Craptacular Craptacular. With you here I finally understand the point of drugs."
"Which drugs are those, my dear?" the Duke asked, just as Christian, still backing away from the CCW and her client, reached the door and stepped round it only to find the Duke's big thuggy manservant on the other side. He closed the door with a bang. Satine leapt onto the bed and pretended to weep. "Oh Duke, don't toy with my addictions! You must know the effect you have on women! You make them want to get stoned before coming within twenty feet of you!"
The DV watched from what was possibly the Worst Hiding Place In The World, bar None.
"Let's make love!" she pulled the Duke down on the bed, gesturing to Christian to leave. But he simply raised one eyebrow in a gesture that said, "Yeah right. If you're getting it on with some possible pervy Duke with a thuggish manservant outside ready to knock you unconscious at any time, in a hippo for God's sake, I want to watch!"
"Fine," Satine muttered. "You're right," she told the Duke.
"Yay! I'm right!" smiled the Duke. "Um.right about what?" he asked Satine.
"We should wait until you've shaved," she replied. "there's a moustache on you that scares the crap outta me. You should leave."
She bundled a confused Duke out of the door then turned to reprimand Christian.
Unfortunately, she fainted right in his arms.
Chances of that, eh?
Meanwhile, up in his tower, Zidler and the other members of the Perve Association had their telescopes trained on the hippo. Together, left hand in the air and right hand down the pants of the person next to them, they chanted the motto, "All for Porn, and Porn for all!" before continuing to look down the telescopes to where it seemed like unconscious Satine and gullible Christian were doing extremely rude things.
Christian moved Satine onto the bed, landing on top of her.
Just then, for the second time that night, who should walk in but.
Dun dun dun!!!
THE DUKE!
A/N: And that, folks, is what we in the business call a cliffhanger. Except some of us who call it "an excuse to stop our lazy asses doing any more work."
Look out for the next chapter coming soon with excessive use of the word "insania!" (Fans of I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, this one's for you!)
Keep reviewing pleasey pleasey please. And also include your answer to my new question, do you know anyone called Randall and would you say they were odd?
See y'all soon!
A/N: Bonjour y'all, sorry its been so long! I've got exams coming up so I've been studying like a good little girl and also I had lots of trouble with my DVD player cause it kept breaking!
Anyway, thanks for ye great reviewy-thingys, they cheered me up whilst I was revising quadratic equations!!! (Anything that does that is more than welcome, believe me!)
ANYWAYS, here be chapter four. Oh yeah, and carry on with your "Do you know a bad-haired Alex?" campaign! Also, if you are an Alex and you believe your hair is good, feel free to tell me what style its in.I'll judge for myself if you're the exception.
WHEN WE LAST LEFT OUR HEROES/ HEROINES/ DVS AND CCWS:
Satine had just discovered Christian was not the alcoholic aristocrat she thought.
"Vat ees zees Duke of vich you are speeking now?" asked Christian. She won't be able to resist my charmingly foreign accent, he thought to himself.
"The Duke!" She leapt over him and shoved his head up her skirt.
Christian smiled. The accent always works, he thought smugly.
Zidler came in looking scarily like a red-headed penguin. "My dear, are you undressed for the Duke?" he asked. "Where were you?"
Satine gave Christian a sharp bash in the nose with one thigh, causing him to retreat behind her, tending his wounded nose. "Try anything and I'll kill you," she hissed, before turning her attention back to Zidler. "Waiting.all on my own.in this hippo.without any writers."
The Duke came in.
"Mmm, monsieur," Satine smiled. "how wonderful of you to take time out of your busy schedule to sleep with me!"
Christian ducked behind the table with a noise not unlike that of Bugs Bunny fast retreating into his burrow.
"I fear the pleasure may be entirely mine," the Duke said, kissing Satine's hand.
Satine rolled her eyes. She'd preferred being told it could make her feel faint.
She went and sat on the bed, tucking her bong out of sight in her knickers.
"After tonight's exertions you must surely be in need of refreshments, my dear." The Duke, by some odd coincidence headed towards the very table Christian was sitting behind with the bottle of champagne clutched tightly in his little DV paw.
"Don't!" Satine leapt up and began moving around the room in a random manner.
The Duke looked slightly worried and turned back to seek refuge in the champagne. The time had come for drastic action. She grabbed the bong and jumped out in front of him.
"I don't have much coke,." she knelt and peered between his legs at Christian as he whispered the words to her. Which, by the way, is Inappropriate Place For A Conversation #126.
"But, oh, if I did, I'd buy a big bong so we both could smoke." When in doubt, sing. "I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, that I used it before, or that my friend dropped it on an unclean floor."
Christian backed slowly away. The Duke's eyes tinged. And his mouth. But that was just because he'd been brushing with Aquafresh Three-in-One.
"That makes me very horny." he muttered.
"Doesn't take much, does it?" Satine whispered to herself before adding "It's from Craptacular Craptacular. With you here I finally understand the point of drugs."
"Which drugs are those, my dear?" the Duke asked, just as Christian, still backing away from the CCW and her client, reached the door and stepped round it only to find the Duke's big thuggy manservant on the other side. He closed the door with a bang. Satine leapt onto the bed and pretended to weep. "Oh Duke, don't toy with my addictions! You must know the effect you have on women! You make them want to get stoned before coming within twenty feet of you!"
The DV watched from what was possibly the Worst Hiding Place In The World, bar None.
"Let's make love!" she pulled the Duke down on the bed, gesturing to Christian to leave. But he simply raised one eyebrow in a gesture that said, "Yeah right. If you're getting it on with some possible pervy Duke with a thuggish manservant outside ready to knock you unconscious at any time, in a hippo for God's sake, I want to watch!"
"Fine," Satine muttered. "You're right," she told the Duke.
"Yay! I'm right!" smiled the Duke. "Um.right about what?" he asked Satine.
"We should wait until you've shaved," she replied. "there's a moustache on you that scares the crap outta me. You should leave."
She bundled a confused Duke out of the door then turned to reprimand Christian.
Unfortunately, she fainted right in his arms.
Chances of that, eh?
Meanwhile, up in his tower, Zidler and the other members of the Perve Association had their telescopes trained on the hippo. Together, left hand in the air and right hand down the pants of the person next to them, they chanted the motto, "All for Porn, and Porn for all!" before continuing to look down the telescopes to where it seemed like unconscious Satine and gullible Christian were doing extremely rude things.
Christian moved Satine onto the bed, landing on top of her.
Just then, for the second time that night, who should walk in but.
Dun dun dun!!!
THE DUKE!
A/N: And that, folks, is what we in the business call a cliffhanger. Except some of us who call it "an excuse to stop our lazy asses doing any more work."
Look out for the next chapter coming soon with excessive use of the word "insania!" (Fans of I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, this one's for you!)
Keep reviewing pleasey pleasey please. And also include your answer to my new question, do you know anyone called Randall and would you say they were odd?
See y'all soon!