Another's Name, But My Heart
By Lady of the Ink
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, but you knew that. I hope. But I do own this plot and all the twists that it takes.
General Reminder: All references to Kikyo mean Kagome unless that section is in Kaede, Kagome, or the real Kikyo's POV.
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Chapter Eleven
That Thing You Do
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Kagome smiled as Shippo bounced up and down on his small bed, chattering about the plans they'd made for the following day. He seemed especially excited about the hike they were going to take after breakfast, although she suspected it had a lot to do with the enormous picnic lunch the cooks had already begun packing.
"Come on now, Shippo," she scolded gently. "If you don't get to sleep soon, you'll be too tired to walk tomorrow."
The kitsune cub protested, but finally settled down enough for her to tuck him under the covers. Leaning down, she brushed a soft kiss across his forehead. "Good night, Shippo. Sleep well and I'll see you in the morning." Shippo's smile was interrupted by a huge yawn. In less than two minutes, he was fast asleep.
Kagome rose slowly, being careful not to disturb him. She walked to the door, throwing a quick glance over her shoulder as she went. Her heart warmed at the sight of the young demon snuggled under the covers with one arm tossed over his head.
The past week had seen Shippo almost constantly by her side. He had also earned himself a permanent place in her heart. She had come to think of him like a small, fluffier version of Souta; it was a comparison that was both pleasant and painful. It reminded her of the brother that she longed to see, but also the fact that she was no longer as alone as she had been.
Another change had occurred over the past several days, one that was about to continue in a few short minutes. It was also something that Kagome was less sure she was happy about. It had happened the same night as Shippo's arrival . . .
As soon as it was official that the small orphan would be staying with her, the nearest carpenter had been sent for to construct a bed for him. The man had worked hard on the simple piece of furniture, finishing it in near record time. She had been so excited to see it with Shippo that she had rushed through dinner, eating as little as she could without drawing notice.
It was no real surprise when, not long after Shippo fell asleep in his new bed, her stomach began to growl. She had slipped down to the kitchens for a quick snack of bread and cheese, making it there and back to the stairs without incident. That good luck streak seemed to end when she reached the landing and saw Inuyasha waiting by her door.
As soon as he had spotted her, he'd straightened from his slumped position against the wall. One look at his face had made it obvious that he had something to say. Her heart had begun to thump almost painfully as she stared up at him, silently hoping that whatever reason he had for seeking her out would be something that she could easily handle. Since that narrowed the possible topics to something not concerning the huge lie she was living, Kagome wasn't holding out much hope.
The actual subject turned out to be slightly less horrible than she'd feared, but it didn't let her off the hook by a long shot. Inuyasha's tone had been unbending as he spoke. "This whole thing isn't something either of us wanted," he had begun, the words coming out with the air of having been rehearsed, "but it's time we both accept it and find a way to deal with it. Too many people depend on us making this work for things to go on the way they are now."
'You have no idea,' had been the first thought to pop into Kagome's head. And he didn't, she had realized quickly, not when it came to the threat hanging over her family. His concerns were based on entirely different reasons than her own.
Her mind had suddenly clicked back to another part of his statement, the part about finding a way to deal with it. It took a long moment before she could manage a reply. "Wh-what exactly do you want to do about that?" Kagome's voice had wavered several octaves as her brain insisted on throwing images of the possibilities at her. Thankfully for her and her strained breathing, he had replied quickly with an answer much tamer than any of her own choices.
"One hour a night will be spent getting to know each other." He hadn't quite met her eyes as he'd said it, choosing instead to stare at some point over her left shoulder. That small sign of his own discomfort had allowed her to answer with a semblance of composure.
"Excuse me?"
"One hour a night, after you've put the brat to bed," he had repeated firmly. "If I can stand it, so can you." His eyes had flickered over her briefly before he'd turned on his heel to stomp away without another word.
Kagome had remained motionless, staring after him in amazement. She hadn't been able to believe what he had just said. Had he honestly suggested that they take time and effort to make their marriage work for the sake of others? That didn't seem to fit the bloodthirsty, invading demon image that Kikyo had painted so well. Was it possible there was more to him than what she had seen so far?
That was the first time that the thought had occurred to her, but it certainly wasn't the last. Over their next four meetings, several comments that Inuyasha had made had given her pause. She had found herself paying strict attention to both what he said and how he said it, looking for more insight into his true character. She was sure she was in for another hour of the same as she headed towards their fifth meeting in as many nights.
As Kagome entered the small parlor they had agreed on (it being neutral ground), she stole a quick glance around the room. She was both relieved and worried to note that she was the first to arrive. It meant that while she didn't have to face Inuyasha immediately, she had plenty of time to work up a nice case of nerves for when she did see him. She couldn't decide whether she preferred the suspense to walking in on his golden-eyed scrutiny, since neither option was particularly appealing to her.
Crossing the room as quickly as she could, Kagome assumed her usual seat in the chair on the left of the fireplace and closest to the door. Her rational side reminded her that the extra couple of feet wouldn't do her any good if, for whatever reason, she decided to make a run for it. With Inuyasha's inhuman reflexes, he could catch her before she made it to the door with extreme ease. Nonetheless, she always headed for the same seat when the choice was hers. It was a small, irrational comfort that she couldn't force herself to forgo.
Settling in, Kagome tucked her skirt tightly under her legs. Once the fabric was pulled taut and wrinkle free across her knees, she had nothing left to do but wait. She looked at the fire, the floor, the shadows on the wall, and then down at her fingers. She had just begun counting the stones in the wall opposite her when the door opened and Inuyasha entered the room.
Kagome swallowed, ducking her head to delay having to meet his eyes for a few more seconds. Her ears zeroed in on the whisper of sound his bare feet made while crossing the stone floor. She didn't look up until she heard him sit down in his own chair.
The instant she did, her eyes were caught and trapped by his. A flush began working its way into her cheeks as she realized that he was staring at her. Clearing her throat in embarrassment, she struggled to form a coherent sentence.
"Good evening."
Inuyasha huffed.
She tried again. "Did you have a good day?"
Silence.
Kagome struggled to contain her frustration. It was like that every night. She would make several attempts at small talk and he would reply with grunts and one words answers until something struck him enough to comment. The long silences had grated on her nerves the first night and had only gotten worse as the week went on. Since starting the conversations was always left to her, she had taken to making mental lists of amusing and entertaining ideas that might peak his interest into replying.
She told it self it was her way of helping to keep the conversation away from unsafe topics, but if she were brutally honest, that was only half of it. The truth be told, once he began contributing instead of sitting like a lump, Inuyasha was actually an acceptable companion for the hour.
Unfortunately, knowing that just made his habitual taciturn openings even more annoying to her. The meetings had been his idea in the first place and he had proven that he was capable of being at least semi-social, but he still refused to jump right into it. She had come to the conclusion that there was just some quirk in his personality that wouldn't allow him to be nice until he got some of his obnoxiousness out of his system first.
Forcing herself to remain calm and wait out the trying part, she began speaking as though he had bothered to give her a response. "I saw your brother around the courtyard earlier. Has he mentioned how long he'll be staying?" She paused to allow him time to speak but he merely resettled himself in the chair. "It's kind of odd, isn't it, that he's stayed so long when it's obvious that he doesn't care for this place."
Noting that there was no reaction, Kagome decided it was time to bring out the big guns. Furrowing her brow and raising one finger to tap against her cheek, she affected her best curious-and-slightly confused look. "I wonder where it is that he goes when he disappears everyday?"
If she hadn't been watching him so closely she would have missed the flicker of his eyebrow as she relayed her bit of news. A devilish spurt of glee filled her at the knowledge that she had information that he didn't. Settling deeper into the cushions, Kagome eyed him blandly and waited for him to make the next move. It was time for him to learn that two could play the silent game.
Long minutes passed with the only sound coming from the crackling fire. She looked at him. He looked back. More time elapsed.
Kagome opened her mouth as though preparing to speak and Inuyasha leaned forward. She was hard pressed to contain a giggle at his grunt of disgust as she turned the action into a delicate yawn.The game continued.
If she had been paying closer attention to her emotions, it might have worried Kagome to note just how relaxed she had become in his presence. Although she was far from completely at ease, no longer did she feel the intense worry and fear guiding her actions as they once had. Their relationship had changed until she almost felt like they were . . .friends.
"He goes somewhere everyday?"
Inuyasha's voice was so unexpected that Kagome actually jumped at the sound of it. As she quickly regained her composure, she toyed with the idea of putting off answering him. In the end, self-preservation won out over spite and she told him what she'd noticed.
"Uh-huh. It's a little confusing because he always goes in the same direction, but he's gone at a different time each day this week. I haven't been able to come up with any reasons why he'd be doing that. Do you have any idea?"
A short shake of his head answered her question and sent his bangs tumbling over his forehead. Combined with his thoughtful expression and the soft firelight, Inuyasha looked boyishly adorable. The ears topping his head twitched, drawing her eyes to them. She wondered idly if they were as velvety as they looked. If he were sitting a little closer, she could reach up and tweak one to find out.
'Where did that come from?!' Kagome asked herself, startled at her wayward thoughts. Fighting to push them from her mind, she rashly blurted out the next question that popped into her head. "You and Sesshomaru don't get along very well, do you?"
Inuyasha immediately tensed and she feared that she had crossed some invisible line. But, much to her relief, he soon relaxed. Even then, his answer was a while in coming. "No, we don't."
Getting the impression that it was something of a sensitive subject, Kagome hesitated before pressing the issue. But her curiosity was too great to let it go and the fact that he had answered her first question encouraged her. "May I ask why?"
There was another pause as he apparently debated with himself. In the end, he must have decided to tell her. "He's never forgiven me for being born." At her startled look, he explained further. "We're only half brothers: same father, different mothers. I don't think he ever got over my mom coming along."
"Oh. Well, I guess it's understandable. The whole 'replacement' issue can be a big deal. If he saw your mother as taking his mother's place with your father, then I can see how he might resent you, too."
He gave her a look that was equal parts defensive and pitying, the latter clearly directed at her. "It wasn't so much that she was his second wife; it was that she was his second, human wife."
Kagome frowned. "I can't imagine that something like that could cause big problems. Different mom and half human or not, you're still family."
Inuyasha scoffed at her logic. "You don't know Sesshomaru. A day hasn't gone by in my life when he didn't try to make me feel inferior because of my human blood. 'Big problems' is a mild way to describe the fights we got into. If they weren't bad, I wouldn't have had to go as far as to marry you to resolve them."
"Excuse me? What do you mean 'this far to resolve them'?" She pieced everything together before he had a chance to respond. Kagome stared at him, jaw agape as she struggled to wrap her mind around his unintentional revelation. "You're telling me that you . . .you invaded our village, threatened war, and overthrew the rulers just because you and your brother can't learn to get along?"
Inuyasha just looked at her, the only emotion on his face slight confusion. "'Overthrew the rulers' is a funny way to talk about your own family."
She struggled momentarily, torn between dismay at her slip and amazement that that was the only thing he found odd about the whole statement. Finally managing to gather a few of her wits, she went with the first excuse that popped into her head. "I . . .I was trying to keep it impersonal to avoid being bias, but even so, that's just so wrong!"
The expression he wore could only be described as clueless. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that there had to be other options that precluded invading someone else's home! You could have talked it out or at least come to some kind of an agreement about staying out of each other's way!"
Inuyasha jumped to his feet. "You have no idea what you're talking about! There wasn't really an invasion, and even if there had been, it would have been justified. We offered a peaceful solution. It was your decision to say no for so long that it forced us to use other methods.
"And for your information, you have no idea about how much damage a fight between my brother and I can cause. You told me yourself that I was the first demon you ever saw so you can hardly declare yourself an expert on the matter. Whatever you imagine one of our battles to be like is probably not even one tenth of what they actually are. It was safer for everyone, not just easier for me, that everything happened this way." He glared at her as he delivered another stinging comment before storming from the room. "As if anyone could call living with you easy!"
She had to give him credit; he didn't quite slam the door.
Kagome knew she should have been afraid at his display of temper. She should have been worried that he'd caught her slip of the tongue. She should have been plotting ways to fix what she had unintentionally screwed up. But as the minutes passed by, she remained in her seat. Her mind replayed Inuyasha's final words, focusing on the meaning behind them.
For all his bluster over her not understanding, She was certain she had heard more than he had meant to say. He had all but admitted to agreeing to (if not seeking out) the solution that was best for the people as a whole rather than the one that was good for only him. That spoke of a reasonable person capable and willing to put others before himself.
As she finally made her way back to her room, there was a soft smile hovering on Kagome's lips. Inuyasha didn't know it, but he should have been paying closer attention to the things he was letting slip. The information she was learning about him was in danger of making him seem almost . . .nice.