Disclaimer: I do NOT own anything.
Falling in Love Was Never Easy
-hajime
And his eyes burned ablaze as I peered into them. He wanted to curse me, place a spell upon my kin and call it divine retribution. Somehow, I had a feeling that he wanted to hit me with everything he got.
But he didn't. Loki stood still; an arm pinned on my side to keep me from escaping. He's been from that position ever since we started this small talk an hour ago.
For a second there, I felt like my arms would wound themselves around his neck. I wish I knew why.
Maybe it's the eyes...the aqua eyes that could show hurt and fury at the same time, the eyes that could represent both hatred and sorrow... the eyes that attracted me to him the first time we met...
"Fenris, I..." He was going to start all over again and I certainly won't have that.
"...don't..."My decision was firm and I made sure he saw the determination in my eyes. He opened his mouth again, only to be silenced.
"Just don't."
I couldn't look at him directly. I was afraid of what I was going to see. The great Loki, captain of the Assassin's guild, crumbling before my very eyes.
It hurts me to see him pained like this, it really does. It's just that...I don't know how to explain but something just urges me to do this again and again.
I like Loki. I like him so much but to compare my fondness of him to my affections for Chaos would futile. I need Loki... he alone can give me the comfort I need every lonely night.
It might probably be loneliness that pushed me to go this far. It is this feeling of being empty...this feeling that drove me into Loki's room, yearning for the male companionship I wanted to receive from the rune knight himself. Yes, Chaos had always been the cause...
Chaos...
I reached for him then, only to find myself stroking the side of Loki's face.
I watched him watching me with eyes full of passion. Right then and there, he knew. He knew it all along.
"I cannot be Chaos, Fenris Fenrir. I can never be." He was hurt thrice and his orbs said it all. He looked down, then he looked up again, meeting my gaze with his.
God, if only I could love this man who looks at me with all the love in the world...
It was only when blood dripped had I realized that I bit my lower lip a tad too hard.
"You are bleeding."
I didn't respond.
Loki lowered his face slowly, giving me all the time I need if ever I didn't want the contact. I didn't flinch. I just stood there, helpless as his tongue explored the insides of my mouth.
I felt it then, the longing... the desire flowing from his veins to his lips...
Suddenly, he pulled back and looked away. He knew I wanted to leave and he let me. I walked past him and out the door.
"I love you, Fenris Fenrir...I need you...I've always had..."
I know. It's just too bad I couldn't say the same words back. Instead, I whispered a different set of words and I tried my best to make them as gentle as I could despite the harshness of the statement itself.
"Let it go, Loki."
I don't remember if I cried back then but I do remember myself thinking of committing suicide.
Why do I do this? Why does he let me? Why was fate so...
I sighed painfully.
Maybe one day I'll learn to love that idiot. Maybe not.
Let fate decide. For it is the reason why we met in the first place.
-owari