Another's Name, But My Heart

By Lady of the Ink

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, but you knew that . . .I hope. But I do own this plot and all the twists that it takes.

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General Reminder:

All references to Kikyo mean Kagome unless that section is in Kaede, Kagome, or the real Kikyo's POV.

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Chapter Twenty-Two

Precious Illusions

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Kagome was not by nature either an early or a quick riser. She preferred to spend as much time as she could asleep or, if that wasn't possible, in the next best state: the area between waking and slumber. She loved it, that place where you recognized and appreciated the warmth of your blankets even while you walked among the clouds in your dreams.

It was, to her way of thinking, the closest you could get to having a perfect moment. You had the power to start it off in exactly the manner that you wanted, ensuring the perfect setting and details. After that, you received the added bonus of your subconscious mind taking over and carrying you with it as it wandered down unexpected paths.

Her current position was the perfect example of why that was her favorite time. From the part of her that was awake, albeit grudgingly so, Kagome knew she was in bed. There was the familiar sensation of the soft pillow and mattress beneath her and the clinging weight of the quilt over her. The sleep hazed portion of her mind, influenced by unadmitted fantasies and the desire for a reason not to get up yet, supplied . . .something more.

An extra source of warmth lay behind her; a possessive arm was resting heavily around her waist. She could feel long strands of hair brushing against her cheek and shoulder. She smiled lazily as she imagined the mix of her own raven tresses with another's silvery ones pooling across her pillow.

And that was where her subconscious must have taken over. How else would she, who had never slept in the same bed as anyone, not even a family member, be able to imagine the rhythmic rise and fall of the chest of the person behind her as he breathed? How else would she know the feeling of that same breath tickling damply across the nape of her neck?

Humming contentedly, Kagome snuggled more deeply into both the bedding and the illusion. In response to her movements, the grip around her body tightened and a nose nuzzled just beneath her ear. With a sound that was halfway between a sigh and a whine, her companion shifted before settling back down.

A small frown furrowed Kagome's brow at the noise. There was something about it that seemed . . .off, too real somehow.

Whatever it was, it had caught her attention enough to break the fragile hold she had on sleep. With her eyes still firmly closed, she began the slow and unwelcome task of coming fully awake. As the final step in the process, she abandoned the dream for reality, but not before taking a moment to appreciate it. The sensation of being held so closely by Inuyasha was bittersweet due to her knowledge that it wasn't likely to happen for real. Today was the day that she'd tell him the truth about her deception. Once she did, the last thing he would want to do was be in the same room with her, let alone the same bed. It was destined to remain an unfulfilled fantasy, kept company by a dozen others of a similar vein.

Grudgingly relinquishing her creation, Kagome forced her eyes to open. It took a moment for them to adjust to the sudden burst of light. The second that they did, she found herself facing a sight that had her blinking in disbelief. She closed her eyes quickly, squeezing them as tightly shut as she could manage. She then cracked one eyelid open in slow motion in the hope that the previous speed was the cause behind her seeing what she thought she just saw.

It wasn't.

The view was the same as it had been moments before. There, just an inch from her nose, lay the very combination of hair that she had envisioned. Ebony and silver combined themselves into a wave of contrasting beauty. A quick downward glance showed the arm to be just as real, bare, muscled, and wrapped firmly about her middle. The breaths on her neck continued unabated.

Slowly, a bit at a time, pieces of the previous night came drifting back to her. She remembered her decision to come clean with Inuyasha and deal with whatever problems her honesty gave rise to. Inuyasha had come to her room and she'd been engulfed with the realization of all that she would be giving up. His gesture to comfort her had broken something inside her and she'd found herself asking him to stay.

She'd meant for it to be another of their talks about anything and everything. She'd meant to store up images and memories to take with her into the bleak seeming future. There'd also been a vague idea about testing the waters about her standing in his eyes. She had been aiming for some clue about what his reaction would be like.

Kagome couldn't say for sure when her intentions had changed because it hadn't been a conscious thing. Maybe it had been after her invitation when his look of shock had melted into one of unchecked pleasure. Maybe it had been when the slow, shy smile tipped his mouth, or when the faintest hint of pink had taken up residence in his cheeks.

Whatever the cause, she found herself reaching for him, drawing him to her. His initial surprise quickly disappeared as his arms closed around her in return. After that, there were no words, just soft sighs and the sound of their breathing in the quiet room.

Kagome's cheeks burned as the fast-returning memories coincided with her gaze locking onto one of her under things hanging from a wall sconce. She averted her eyes only to be faced with seeing the rest of her clothing littering the floor, nestled with Inuyasha's in a manner closely resembling their owners'. It was like a visual monument to what had happened in the night.

It was too much for Kagome to bear. What had felt so right at the time now loomed as the biggest mistake she had ever made in her life. While she couldn't bring herself to regret what she had done, the fact still remained that it never should have happened. Tears welled in her eyes and streamed down her cheeks as she pulled away from Inuyasha and leapt from the bed. Groping blindly, she grabbed for something to cover herself with. She caught hold of Kikyo's loaned dressing gown and dragged it around her body. All the while, there was one single thought pulsing through her mind.

'What have I done?'

x

Inuyasha knew and accepted that he wasn't an expert on females. He knew that he wasn't an expert on humans. He also knew that he wasn't an expert on morning afters. Adding all that knowledge together made it clear that he certainly wasn't an expert on morning afters with human females, especially ones that happened to be his wife.

Even with all of that, he figured he could tell the basic good signs from the bad ones. She was still beside him when he woke up - good sign. She was wearing a sweet smile in her sleep - good sign. She leapt out of bed sobbing before turning to look at him with dismay burning in her eyes - bad sign.

Very bad sign.

Inuyasha sat up and rested his back against the headboard as he sought to gather himself. While he'd been awake for quite some time, there was just something about being torn from peaceful contemplation and thrust into obviously treacherous waters that required some getting used to.

Kikyo had jumped at his first movement, backing away as far as the walls of the room would allow. Her foot got entangled in some of the clothing on the floor - his pants, he saw - and stumbled. When she looked down to free herself and saw what she was caught on, her pale face flushed red. She yanked her foot out and kicked his pants several feet away. The action knocked her off balance and she stumbled into the wall, striking her shoulder forcefully.

Wincing at the audible thump, Inuyasha stretched a hand in her direction. "Kikyo," he began, then stopped as she blanched and all the color vanished from her face. He remained silent and still, unwilling to say or do anything that might disturb her any further.

After a long moment, she seemed to calm down. He heard her take several deep breaths as her hands fisted in her robe. She had avoided meeting his eyes thus far, carefully directing her gaze at the other parts of the room. Now she looked him full in the face and he immediately wished she hadn't. The sadness and regret she wore in her expression caused something in his stomach to clench. He remembered her declaration from the day before and the wave of unease that it had caused. It returned now as she opened her mouth to speak.

"Inuyasha!"

He was so wrapped up in bracing himself for whatever blow she might deliver that it took several moments to realize that Kikyo wasn't the one who had spoken. The voice had come from somewhere outside of the room and was disturbingly familiar. It was only when it came again that Inuyasha recognized it and learned that it was coming closer.

Only one demon had the ability to roar his name in that exact tone and at that exact volume. He had heard it many times throughout his youth and knew that it could mean only one thing. His father had come to call and he wanted to see his youngest son . . .NOW.

Inuyasha jumped from the bed even faster than Kikyo had moments before. Dropping the quilt and ignoring his wife's subsequent gasp, he fumbled around for his clothes. Hurriedly yanking them on, he headed for the door.

"I'm sorry, but this is going to have to wait a little while longer. I have to handle this first." He offered her a small smile as he quit the room. As he made his way down the hall, he was unable to repress the feeling that he'd lucked into a small reprieve. It was like earning a stay of execution for his newly formed and vulnerable dreams. The threat had been postponed, not eliminated, and the knowledge of its continued existence left a bad taste in his mouth.

As Inuyasha vanished through the bedroom doorway, Kagome could barely keep herself from collapsing into a boneless heap on the floor. It had been all that she could do to look at his face after what had taken place the night before. Just when she had drummed up every ounce of courage in her body to broach the subject, that voice had called his name. Judging by the look on his face, Inuyasha had recognized the voice's owner and didn't think he should ignore it.

'Or maybe he wanted an excuse not to listen. That worried expression that he was wearing could have meant that he knew something bad was coming and he wanted to avoid it being said. It could be proof that he has feelings for me.'

Kagome forcefully tamped down the hopeful voice in the back of her mind. It would be horrible if Inuyasha developed feelings for her, making her deception all the more painful. As much as it hurt for her to think that he didn't care, it would be so much worse for him if he did. She'd bear the pain gladly if it kept him from having to, which meant she needed to be honest with him as soon as possible, before she did anymore damage.

She dressed as quickly as she could in the plainest outfit that Kikyo owned. She wanted to feel as much like herself as she could, and being draped in rich fabrics didn't help that effort.

Slipping through the halls with quiet steps, Kagome kept reminding herself that it was all for the best when her stride began to falter. That determination led her to a room brimming with noise and activity. She wanted to get a feel for the situation before she barged inside, so she stopped outside the doorway. Leaning against the wall, she listened to the conversation going on inside.

". . .runner arrived asking about Sesshomaru." The unknown voice was obviously a male, deep with authority. Although it had been faint before, Kagome thought there was a good chance it was the same person who'd been yelling Inuyasha's name.

"So Sesshomaru hadn't gotten back yet? That seems a little odd." Inuyasha was speaking, his tone thoughtful. "I assumed he was heading straight there once he left here, and that was yesterday morning."

"You know your brother; there could be any number of reasons why he was delayed. I don't think there's anything to get worried about. He'll turn up soon enough."

"Enough of this." The new voice was a woman this time. "You know what I want to hear about, and I'm not going to wait any longer for you to get around to it. I want to know what she's like."

"Who?" Inuyasha's dry tone made it clear that he knew exactly who she was talking about but wasn't going to admit it.

There was a slightly exasperated sigh. "Kikyo, of course."

In the hall, Kagome stiffened.

"What do you want to know about her for?"

"The woman in my daughter-in-law now, and a part of the family. I should know something about her. And besides that, I'm entrusting my son to her, and I need to know that she's up to the challenge of looking after you."

"I think you got that backwards. I look after her, not the other way . . ." His voice trailed off and Kagome knew that he was thinking about her timely arrival during the fight with Sango. "Anyway, it seems rude to just talk about her. You can visit her later and get to know her for yourself. Is that all right, Mother?"

"So where is she right now? I can speak with her and you boys can finish your talk about Sesshomaru and whatever boring topics you're sure to broach next."

"Wait!" Inuyasha's voice held almost as much panic as Kagome felt. "She's still in bed, so you probably shouldn't disturb her just now."

There was a snicker, then the unknown male voice spoke once more. "Still in bed, eh? I don't have to ask why."

"Dad!"

"Dear!"

Dad? Mother? The unknown visitors were none other than Inuyasha's parents. In the hallway, Kagome hesitated. There was no way she could go storming in there to tell him the truth now. It would be too horrible and embarrassing for the both of them. It would be better to do when they could be alone, maybe after his aprents left . . .

She cut that line of thinking off as soon as she realized what she was doing. There could be no more delays; the truth had to come out. The new arrivals simply called for a change in plans. She would find another way to tell him everything and then she would be on her way.

As she moved back the way she had come, Kagome found an idea forming in her mind. It wasn't nearly as noble as approaching Inuyasha directly with her story, but she had a feeling it might be the only way she would be able to say everything that needed to be said without breaking down. She would just have to hope that he would understand her reasons behind doing it that way.

First things first, she had to find Kaede.