Another's Name, But My Heart

By Lady of the Ink

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, but you knew that . . .I hope. But I do own this plot and all the twists that it takes.

.

General Reminder:

All references to Kikyo mean Kagome unless that section is in Kaede, Kagome, or the real Kikyo's POV.

.

.

Chapter Twenty-Three

So Much For Pretending

.

Kagome found Kaede quickly and with little fuss since the older woman was in the place everyone knew was the most likely for her to be. She looked up from changing Kohaku's bandages when Kagome burst into the room, out of breath and obviously distressed. Her deft hands quickly finishing her task, she turned a concerned face toward the girl she had come to regard with fondness.

"What's the matter, child?" she asked when it became clear Kagome wasn't going to start on her own. She wished she had waited when, instead of the explanation that she had expected, she was met with a flood of tears instead.

Kaede might have been old, but she wasn't a fool. She had seen the changed in the relationship between the hanyou lord and his "bride". She'd seen them and mourned them, knowing they didn't bode well. Cursing her niece and the self involved nature that had gotten them all into the mess, she had watched and waited for the web of deception to collapse.

She sighed sadly as she gazed at the sobbing girl in front of her. It looked like she didn't have to wait any longer.

Not wanting to risk their conversation being overheard, Kaede crossed the room and pulled the door closed. As she turned, she cast a quick glance over the patient but quickly dismissed him as a threat to their secrecy. While his condition had improved notably, there was little chance that he had recovered enough to eavesdrop, intentionally or not. There would be no danger in talking in front of him.

That resolved, Kaede moved to the still crying girl and wrapped her arms around her shoulders. She knew it would be better for Kagome to get her tears out of her system before trying to speak about what was upsetting her. She waited, occasionally offering a gentle pat on the back or a quiet whisper of reassurance. When the storm of tears finally passed, she pulled back in order to see the girl's face, but she still didn't speak. This time she would allow Kagome to take the lead and begin only when she felt ready to talk about her problems.

Wiping at her cheeks, Kagome took a deep, shuddering breath. She closed her eyes as though she needed to focus and gather her strength. Finally she opened them, giving a little nod to show that she was ready.

She cut right to the chase. "I can't do this anymore." She rushed into her reasons without giving Kaede time to speak. "I never wanted to be involved in this situation in the first place, if you remember. Kikyo forced me into it. I've always known that it was wrong, and I've never enjoyed it, but it was the only was to keep my family safe. I didn't feel like I had an choice.

"I never expected to like him," she continued, starting to pace in the small bit of open floor. "I thought that he would be some domineering, bossy idiot, and he is. But that's not all he is." Her face turned wistful and her steps slowed. "There's this whole other side to him that he keeps hidden. He can be so kind, and sweet, and gentle . . ."

Kagome paused, bowing her head so that her hair momentarily hid her expression. When she looked up, her face bore equal amounts of pain and determination. "Over the past few weeks, I've really gotten to know Inuyasha. He's a good person, a good ruler. In the short amount of time that he's been here, he's mad a lot of improvements and changes for the better. He's fixed problems that Kikyo never even bothered to learn existed. I known that Kikyo is your niece, but Inuyasha is the one who deserves to rule these lands. He's earned it . . .and he's earned the right to know the truth."

Kaede watched as Kagome braced her shoulders in preparation for an argument. It was an argument that wouldn't come. Every point that she had brought up had been valid, and Kaede hadn't failed to notice them all for herself. She'd had her doubts about Kikyo's competency as a leader even before the situation with Inuyasha had arisen. Her manipulative handling of it had merely sealed Kaede's opinion.

"I agree with you," she told Kagome. Her tone was calm and her voice was even. The small bit of sadness she felt faded quickly. Her blood tie to Kikyo was something that couldn't be changed, and she would always feel a bit of loyalty because of it. But the simple truth of the matter was her niece was not fit to be a ruler when she cared so little for the people she was supposed to be in charge of. Half demon or not, Inuyasha had been fair and kind, giving the village its first experience with a wise leader since the death of Kikyo's father many years before.

"Wh-what?"

A small smile quirked Kaede's lips as she noted the disbelief in Kagome's voice. "Kikyo is my family and I love her. But I am not so blinded by that as to ignore her faults. I was against this charade as well, and I understand if you don't want to continue it." Kagome's shoulders slumped in relief as the disagreement she had expected ended before it began. She seemed to deflate, looking small and pale in the room's dim light. Kaede wished she could let it go at that, but there was one question that still needed answering.

She kept her voice as gentle as she could possibly make it. "I'm not going to try and change your mind. I'm on your side with this decision, and I will help you in any way that I can. But there's one thing I'd like to know: This has been going on for weeks; why now? What happened to make it impossible for you to continue on as Kikyo?"

There was a long pause as Kagome gathered her thoughts. Kaede could only imagine the reasons running through her mind. She doubted the girl would admit to all of her feelings; it was even possible she had yet to discover them for herself. She also doubted they were the only trigger for her decision. If she knew anything about Kagome, and she was sure that she did, it would have taken something big to cause her to cry off.

She was right.

"His parents are here. I heard him talking to them. It's just . . .I can't . . .I can't look them in the eye when I'm lying to their son! I just can't!" A bit of panic had entered her eyes and Kaede could see that it really bothered her. She tried once more to offer comfort, but Kagome was past that. "I have to tell him the truth, Kaede, and I have to do it now. I can't put it off any longer. I'll tell him . . .and then I have to leave."

Kagome walked quickly down the hall, a sense of desperation speeding her steps. Now that her decision had been made, she wanted to carry it out immediately. The longer she remained, the bigger the chance that something would go wrong. She would back out of telling the truth, or give up the idea of leaving, or, even worse, have to face Inuyasha or his parents.

Thankfully, she managed to make it to her room without running into anyone. As she pulled the door closed behind her, she leaned against it for a moment. Her heart was pounding fiercely in her chest and she was having a hard time slowing her breathing. Her mind felt fuzzy and her concentration was shot. Her thoughts kept jumping around, making it difficult to focus.

As soon as she was sure she could make the short walk without collapsing, Kagome hurried to the other side of the room and the wardrobe that rested beneath the window. Dropping to her knees, she began pulling items from it and piling them on the floor at her side. She chose the simplest of the clothing, the things with the least embroidery or other adornments. While she felt a little bad about taking Kikyo's clothing, she justified it by thinking it was the least the selfish girl could do. She had forced Kagome into this situation and, as a result, ruined her life. A few pieces of clothing was a small price to pay for that.

As she ruffled through the drawer looking for a specific item, she felt a spurt of guilt over deceiving Kaede. It wasn't that she had lied, exactly. She had just omitted a few parts of the story. She was going to tell Inuyasha the truth . . .just not to his face. She was going to leave . . .she just wasn't going back home when she did. Doing either of those things would have been far too painful. The thought of seeing Inuyasha's golden eyes burn with betrayal made her breath hitch and her throat tighten. It would be worse if she were to remain in the same village afterward. There was a good chance that their paths would cross, even if it was only rarely. But knowing, day in and day out, that he was so close and yet untouchable to her . . .it would kill her.

So she was going to leave it all behind. She would be able to spare her family the shameful truth about what she had done and put distance between herself and her weakness at the same time. She would simply tell them that her first job had led her to another, and that it was in a distant village. Once she found a place to settle in, she would resume contact with them. It didn't matter where she went, just so long as it was as far away as she could get.

Triumphantly pulling out a small bag, Kagome began shoving the chosen clothing inside of it. Since she was worried more about time and fitting as much as she could into it rather than wrinkles, the entire job took less than two minutes. She almost wished she had been more picky when she turned to tackle her next task. Approaching the desk in the corner with no small amount of trepidation, she seated herself in the chair and reached for a sheet of paper.

There were so many people that she was going to miss. Kaede had promised to look out for Shippo for her, and to make sure that Sango was taken care of in an appropriate manner. She didn't bother mentioning Kohaku's care, knowing already that the older woman would treat him to the best of her abilities. All that was left to be seen to was Inuyasha.

It was hard, as she soon discovered, to pen the words that were sure to cause great pain to the person most dear to you. With every sentence that she completed, another small shard of her heart broke off and crumbled to dust. Only the knowledge that it was truly best for him to know allowed her to finish the letter without breaking into tears.

Kagome sealed the letter and left it in the middle of Kikyo's bed. Inuyasha was sure to come looking for her sooner or later, and she wanted him to find it right away. Hefting the bag over her shoulder, she headed for the door without looking back.

x

It had taken him almost an hour, but Inuyasha had finally managed to convince his parents to allow him time to prepare Kikyo for meeting them. He had had to call on every reason he could remember overhearing -and a few he invented on the spot- to do it, but he was quite pleased with the result. They had all agreed that breakfast together the next morning would be soon enough. His parents would use the extra time to look around and get to know some of the people.

Inuyasha wasn't going to waste a moment of the time he managed to buy. As soon as they turned to head outside, he hurried towards the stairs. The servants were treated to a red and white blur racing through the halls towards the second floor.

Due to the speed with which he had left he earlier, he had no idea how Kikyo was feeling. Hell, he wasn't sure how he was feeling. It had been so sudden, her reaching for him. It was like another person was in control and he watched from a distant part of his own consciousness. There was a large portion of his mind that refused to believe that it had really happened and been more than just a dream.

He needed to talk to her. He needed to know what she was thinking and how she would act around him. It was especially important, due to his parents' visit, that they present some kind of a united front, unaffected by insecurity and embarrassment . It would also be as good a time as any to warn her about the . . .eccentricities in their natures.

Even with all the uncertainties hanging over his head, he felt a sense of anticipation at seeing Kikyo again. Regardless of the path their conversation took, he had a need just to look at her again, to see her face and hear her voice. He found a strange sort of comfort in being near her. It was a little alarming to be so connected to someone, but invigorating at the same time. Every meeting with her brought a new realization and a sense of excitement to his life.

The letter was lying in the center of Kikyo's bed. Approaching it curiously, Inuyasha noticed his name written across the front in a small, neat hand. He picked it up, sitting down on the edge of the bed as he sliced it open with the tip of one claw. As he unfolded the single sheet of paper, Kikyo's scent came wafting up at him. He took a moment to study her handwriting before he began reading, smiling a bit at the oddness of his curiosity. The smile faded quickly as he read what she had written.