A/N: So sorry for the long wait. Just for that I decided to give you two chapters instead of just one. Please R&R. I just LOVE reviews and everyone's ideas.

Chapter 8:

Spike knew that he promised Buffy he wouldn't drive, but he had to see Angel. He had to sure make he was all right. He knew that he was driving like a maniac, but it didn't matter. He made it to Angel's in record time. He jumped out of the car and rang the doorbell. Cordy answered. She had a somber look on her face.

"Hey Spike, what are you doing here?"

"I came here to see him, Cordy."

"Oh he told you?"

"Called me just now with the news." Spike thought that it was better to lie then tell her he had known before her. She seemed ready to break down at any moment and Spike knew that she would just use that information to get angry. It would help relieve some pain.

"Oh okay. He's upstairs. I think he said something about only letting you see him right now. I'm not sure." She moved and Spike flew up the stairs to his brother's bedroom.

Spike opened the door and looked in. Angel was lying on the bed under the covers. He seemed to be sleeping. Spike went over to him and sat on the bed. Angel started to move and then woke up.

"Hey I really didn't expect you to come so fast."

"My big brother just told me that he had a disease. You think I would wait for an invite?"

"Should have known you would over react."

"Yeah well you know me. The big over-reactor. So this kidney failure is genetic?"

"Yeah that's what the doctor said. I would have to check and see whose side it was on, but right now I'm tired."

"You going to be okay?" It was a stupid question, but Spike needed to hear Angel say that everything was all right.

"I think I'll be okay tonight. They said that everyone should be checked to see if they match for a kidney transplant."

"You know I'll be the first one in line."

"Yeah I figured as much."

Angel looked up a little and saw Spike staring at him. He knew Spike was never the strong one. He fell apart too easily. Angel also knew that he could be strong if he wanted to be. He played it off like he didn't know what he was doing, but he was always the one who knew exactly what he was doing. Anya had been the one who always played it by ear. She had barely declared a major in her junior year of college. Before that she kept changing it all the time.

Angel had always said that he wanted to be a police officer like his dad, but he was never really sure. He went through the training, but never really decided that it was what he wanted to do. Spike had known from the start. He wanted to be a great lawyer and own his own practice. Before he realized his love for law he wanted to a have a job where he could argue for a living. He hadn't known what that was, but he knew he loved to argue and make grand speeches. He had a way with words. Angel had wanted him to be an accomplished writer. Spike was the down to earth one no matter what their father said.

"Will, I need to know that you can deal with this."

"Of course I can."

"You were never the strong one and that was my fault. I never let you be the strong on. You didn't have to be. Now you have to be able to sit there in a chair next to my hospital bed and watch me get sick. I want to know that you will be able to do that because I don't know if I can get through this without my little brother there to crack jokes and be Willish."

Spike wanted to say that he would always be there for Angel. He wanted to switch places with him and be the one who had a disease. Angel had things to live for. Spike only had a crummy job and a crummy life. The only thing that was worth being around he couldn't have. It wasn't fair.

"I'll be there for as long as you need me. I'll be the one to crack the first joke about how you look like shit laying in a hospital bed."

"Good because I can't do this without having a sense of humor. That would be like trying to swim when you don't know how to."

Spike saw the fatigue on his brother's face. He knew Angel was tired.

"Hey, dad, why don't you take a nap? You are already starting to look a little shitty." Angel laughed a little. He tried to make himself comfortable on the bed, but he was too exhausted to move. Spike saw Angel's dilemma with movement and went over to him and helped him roll over on his back.

"Are you going home tonight?" Angel asked.

"No, I think I'll stay in your guest room."

"Don't you have a case to prepare for?"

"Yes, but I'm all prepared. Beside I really don't want to go home to an empty house." Angel was already sleeping when Spike finished his sentence. He decided that it would be better for him to just go. He walked outside to be greeted with a melancholy Cordy.

"Is he okay?"

"Yeah he's just sleeping."

"I wonder how could this happen?"

"Genetics I guess. I'm not really sure myself."

"I heard that you want to sleep in the guest room. It's all made up and everything."

"Thanks Cordy. I don't know what else to do. I think I should do something big, but for now this is all I can do."

"It's good enough Spike. Good night."

"Good night." Spike retreated to the guestroom and tried to fall asleep. He had a long day ahead of him. For now he needed to sleep and think only of his brother. The other stuff would come later.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy had just gotten off the phone with Andrew and looked up at the clock. It was close to eleven. Spike hadn't called and that worried her. There were two options to that scenario. One Angel was fine and there was nothing to worry about or two, Spike was driving like a maniac and he was going to get himself killed. She didn't really think she liked the second option, but it seemed like the most logical reason. With Angel's history anyway. Buffy wanted to call Spike, but she was still reeling on the conversation she had with Andrew.

Buffy had decided not to wait on calling Andrew and found his number as soon as she got home. She waited only until Dawn was asleep and then called him. He answered his phone after two rings.

"Hello Dr. Schafer how may I help you?" he answered the phone so professionally.

"Andrew, it's me, Buffy."

"Oh my god, Buffy how are you? It's so nice to hear from you again. I was afraid you would never talk to me again."

"I'm fine, Andy, but I'm getting a divorce."

"Well I hate it that I'm overjoyed with the prospect of you finally realizing that Riley isn't any good for you."

"No it's okay. I know that he is an asshole. Now I need your help."

"Anything you name it and I'll do it."

"I need you to come to Sunnydale and testify to the fact that Riley hit me."

"You mean that piece of shit is denying it?"

"Yes." Buffy hated the tone is Andrew's voice. He had always been a little too overprotective of her, but that was a fact she couldn't help. It had a little to do with the fact that their parent's had gotten married.

There was a slight pause and then Andrew talked, "I don't know if I'll be able to make it over there until Wednesday. I will try for earlier."

"I'm sure Will will be able to wait until the last possible moment."

"How will Willow do that?"

"Oh, Will is the name of the lawyer."

"On a first name basis with your lawyer." It was a comment more then a question

"Lots of people call their lawyers by their first names."

"Yeah but none of them are shy Buffy Summers."

"I got less shy over the years."

"Buffy that's not it. I know you almost as well as Willow does. I lived with you for Christ sakes." "How do you know anything about how I think?"

"You said his name and then made a little sigh before continuing." Crap did I do that. I could never keep much from Andrew why try now.

"Well if you must know I feel a little attracted to him."

"Just a little?"

"No, he's the perfect guy. God he's smart, funny, good looking, he's good with kids and very family oriented and he can cook."

"How do you know he can cook?"

"We're supposed to just be friends so as a friend I let him sleep over yesterday night. He was a little pained because his brother might die."

"Oh."

"Goodness I shouldn't even be thinking about him what with all that is going on. I can't stop though. Right now I'm worried because he wasn't called me about his brother. How pathetic!"

Andrew had to handle the situation with care. Buffy was ranting and when she ranted there was barely anyone who could get through to her.

"Buff, I think that maybe you should consider the fact that you really like this guy. He seems nice enough. How long have you and Riley been separated?"

"A year."

"Well then that is a lot of time with only you and Dawn. You should test the waters. See if he really wants only to be your friend. Imagine what can happen after the trial."

"I know, but I don't think that I should start dating this early. I think I should just give up this crazy idea."

"You don't have to give up anything you don't want to."

"He probably doesn't want someone with baggage."

"Buffy don't sound so defeated."

Buffy had to get off this subject. It was making her very uncomfortable.

"So what's new with you?" Andrew went silent for a couple of minutes and then realized that he wasn't going to get anything from Buffy.

"I'm good. My practice is doing well. I think that things are always busy."

"It must be great to help people."

"With the sniffles and coughing? It isn't what I wanted it to be. I'm not helping people in an emergency."

"But it's still help."

"Yeah, that's what Warren says."

"Who's Warren?" Andrew paused for a minute and then went on.

"Warren is my boyfriend." Buffy was a little shocked, but not too much. She always thought that Andrew was a little gay.

"So, you decided to come out of the closet?"

"How did you know I was gay?"

"I could just tell. You had that one friend who was totally gay and I figured either you were very cooperative or gay. You've never been cooperative so I figured gay was the right word for it."

"Well it's nice of you to tell me know. It would have saved me a couple years of weird explanations."

"So, is he a nice guy?"

"Warren is a very nice guy."

"But."

"But he is barely coming out of the closet and he isn't telling anyone."

"And that's a problem because."

"He tries to hide the fact that he's gay. He tries to hide our relationship. It's just so frustrating."

"I guess that would be frustrating."

"It's like he doesn't think that I'm good enough for him. He hides me from his fire fighter friends. I know that I should be patient and all, but I just think that six months is enough to realize that you're not getting any gayer. Any less gay either for that matter."

"Well maybe he just thinks that he needs more time and you'll be there because you love him."

"I do love him and of course I'll be there for as long as it takes, but it isn't less frustrating. I mean he knows that he loves me and that I love him, but he just can't admit it to everyone else. His family knows, but his friends don't. It's like there is a whole part of his life I can't be a part of."

Buffy thought about what Andrew had just said. It hit her a little to close to home. She liked Spike and somewhere deep down she knew that he liked her, but there were too many restrictions to their attraction.

"Well Andrew, I think that maybe you should talk to him about this. He probably just thinks that it's okay. He doesn't know the rules in the gay handbook. Think about how you were when you were first coming out. It had to be difficult."

"I went a different way then him. I told some of my friends before I told my family."

"Does your dad know?"

"Yes, I told him a couple of Thanksgivings ago. I think he might have told your mom, but I guess not because then you would know for sure."

"Well, my mom and I aren't talking of late."

"She doesn't think that you should get a divorce."

"Precisely. She just doesn't get it that Riley is a bad guy. She has only seen one side of him."

"Well he only showed her one side. I think that maybe it's for the best that you get a divorce. Look Buffy I have to go. Bye."

"Bye." The conversation with Andrew had Buffy thinking. She had to talk to Spike and see if he was okay. She had his cell phone memorized. She dialed it quickly.

Spike had been asleep for a while now. He had left his cell phone on by accident and when it went off he jumped up two feet. He looked groggily at the number and saw that it was Buffy's.

"Hello," he said rather sleepily.

"Spike did I wake you?"

"Yeah, but its okay. It's not like I was enjoying the sleep." It was true. Spike's sleep was plagued with awful dreams of Angel lying dead in a hospital bed.

"You never about Angel and I was worried that you were dead or something." She was worried about him. He forgot to call her. It had been an exhausting day and he just wanted to try and sleep.

"Sorry I forgot. Angel called and told me that he had the disease and I just went over to his house as soon as I could."

"Oh that's too bad about Angel. I'm sorry that I'm bugging you over something as trivial as not calling."

"No it's good that you called. I needed to hear someone's voice that didn't' belong to kids or Cordy."

"How is she?"

"She isn't breaking down yet. She is trying to keep it together. The kids don't really know yet. She and I tried to tell them about it, but they weren't listening. I'm pretty sure that Connor didn't get it, but Maddy might have understood. She walked away all sad like."

"I was wondering if you would be up to getting some coffee."

Spike thought about the idea of coffee. It was almost eleven-thirty and he wondered what place would be open at this. He thought that maybe Buffy knew where there was a place to get a good coffee in this town.

"Well, where is there a good place to get a coffee in this town?"

"Well I think that there is a diner near the hospital."

"Do you know where all the good eating spots are in Sunnydale?"

"Most of them. I'm a woman on the go."

"Okay woman on the go I'll pick you up in a few minutes. Sound good?"

"Sounds great."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"He just looked so weak. I wanted to cry out loud, but I couldn't. Not while he was the one going through all this shit. God, I hate this. He actually said that I could be strong if I wanted to! Who does he think I am?!" Buffy and Spike had been sitting in the diner for a half-hour now. Buffy was listening to Spike rant about how the world was so shitty.

He looked so cute when he ranted, Buffy thought.

"I mean I know that you say that I'm strong enough to do this, but I never really had to do that kind of thing."

"Spike, you did that kind of thing all the time."

"What?"

"You helped people when you were an A.D.A. You helped the people put away the people that hurt their loved ones. You are very strong in the courtroom."

"Yeah in the courtroom I'm strong. What are they going to do move the hospital in a courtroom? Or Angel's house for that matter."

"Spike, you are strong no matter were you are. Sooner or later the strong side will come out and you'll rise to the occasion."

Spike sighed. He knew that he was ranting, but she didn't seem to mind. Sort of a level head to his big one in the sky.

"Look I know that I'm ranting, but I don't really ever get in a good rant."

"Well that's what friends are for. We are here to listen to the other ones rant. Now calm down and think about what Angel would want you to do."

"What do you mean?"

"Would Angel want you to sit here and rant or would he want you to just sit down and have a cup of Joe with your friend."

"He would want the latter."

"So, seeing as Angel would want the latter that is exactly what we should do. So did you ever find out what Giles wanted to talk about?"

"No, we got out of there pretty quickly and he hasn't called to say anything. I think it might be about my father. He was away on business when. the incident happened."

"So that's what you're calling it. The incident."

"It wasn't that big of a deal." His father's words still rang in his head loudly, but he figured that it was better to ignore then. "What kind of nasty things did you say to him?"

Spike sighed and tried to think of what to say.

"I'm pretty sure that I called him a piece of shit more than once. He was trying to scold his twenty-eight year old son on life. He was trying to play dad after all these years of playing the funny critic. He wanted to talk about my behavior and how I needed to stop acting so irresponsibly. I tried to stop hearing all the bad things he said to me through the years and just except the scolding like a little boy, but I realized that I wasn't a little boy. I knew that that time in my life was over and he was just comparing everything to those shitty years. He will never stop doing that until I'm old and gray."

"So, he was trying to scold you on something you did? What was it?"

"I was drinking again a few months ago. Wes and Angel had to get me out of a bar a couple times. They asked Xander to help them but he refused. Xander ended up telling my dad and that was how he found out. Also I was acting kind of stupid to my boss and he was threatening to fire me. My boss and my dad are chums from a long time back."

Buffy thought about everything Spike was saying. It was years of ridicule and embarrassment. He couldn't live up to his father's expectations and he wouldn't allow himself to set any of his own. Spike was good at what he did was what Buffy had learned from word of mouth and from personal experience.

"Spike I think you did the right thing by telling your dad where to go, but maybe you should have said it in more eloquent words."

"Shit, Fuck, and asswhole were the only words that were going through my mind. He makes me feel like an immature little kid."

"Well parents can do that."

"Does your mom make you feel like that?"

"Yes more then anyone I know. Sometimes it scares me."

"I don't know why he has so much control. He was never there. It let anyone have control of my life."

"Well my mom was there and she was tons of control over my life. I barely shook it off when I filed for divorce."

"How do I shake it off? I can yell and scream, but he still holds it. I don't know why."

"Because you want him to. You want someone to have control over your life because you don't think you do. Every time someone doesn't want to take control of your life you turn into a wreck."

"Hey I thought you were supposed to be on my side."

"I'm on your side, but it is true."

"Not really. Angel always had control over my life, but I was still acting like a stupid punk."

"That was because Angel got older and didn't have as much time for you anymore."

"Okay so I need someone other than myself to be in control. I really hate that, but it's who I am."

"Well you don't really want to be like that, but it's not your fault."

"Yeah I guess you're right." Spike looked down at his watch and saw that it was over twelve-thirty.

"Holy Shit, I have to get back to Angel's. It is really late and I still have a few things to prepare for."

"Oh I should tell you that I called Andrew and he said that he would definitely testify against Riley. He just can't come until this Wednesday."

"Great that helps things a lot. I really need to get going though."

"Okay let's go."

Spike stopped in front of Buffy's house. They had talked about a lot of things while they were in the car. Every time they saw each other it was easier to talk openly.

"Well, this is my stop."

"Yeah." Buffy could see the look on Spike's face and wondered why it was there. She decided that if he wanted her to know he would tell her. Buffy made a move to the door and Spike stopped her.

"Buffy about last night. You know the fact that we kissed. I was wondering what that was about and where it might lead to."

Buffy had feared that he would ask her this. How could she give him an answer when she didn't know for sure her own self?

"Well, it was a nice kiss."

"Yeah it sure was."

"But I don't know where I want it to lead. It just seems that, I don't know my life isn't really ready for any relationship. I have Dawn right know to think about." It wasn't what she wanted to say. She wanted to say that it could lead somewhere good. In fact she wanted to kiss him right there and then.

Spike felt like a deflated balloon. He really wanted Buffy to say that it would lead to many countless days and nights of being able to look at her whenever he wanted. He knew better than to hope for too much, but he thought it wouldn't be too much.

"Oh yeah. Of course. It's just that well it was a good kiss and I didn't want you to think that I wanted us to move to another level of our friendship. I really enjoy being on my own right now. Like I said I'm trying to find a way for me to control my life."

"Right, so I'll see you later?"

"In a couple of hours. Do you need a ride?" Buffy wanted to cry and scream at him for not wanting her. She wanted to tell him where he could put his ride and where he could go. That would be stupid.

You're the one who said that you didn't want anything. This is your fault. He might've wanted to be something more before you opened your stupid mouth and told him that you didn't want to be anything more.

Buffy went from hating Spike to hating herself in her mind over and over again. Spike wondered what she was thinking. He really needed to leave and get to Angel's. He too was upset that he told Buffy that he didn't want a relationship, but the more he thought about it the more he realized he was sparing her some hard times. He would always be at Angel's bedside for the next couple of months, maybe years. He couldn't let someone go through that too.

"Uh, Buffy, I know that these nice silent sitting marathons are great, but I really need to get back to Angel's house. I know I sound like he is about to explode at any moment, but I really think that my being there will help him."

"Right okay I'm going." Buffy practically ran out of the car. She hoped that Spike wouldn't see how angry she was, but he did. Spike wondered why Buffy was angry, but put the thought aside as he started his car and headed to Angel's.