Take Her in Your Arms

Chapter 2

Curiosity killed the cat or soothed it?

Light peered in through the curtains, and with a restless yawn, Tonks was awake. She sat up, bringing the pillow in her arms to her chest and once again burying her face in its salty, masculine scent. As he turned her head to the side, resting her cheek against the soft linen, she saw it; the corner of a thin book peeping out between the mattress and the box spring.

With a two handed tug, what appeared to be a leather bound sketch book revealed itself. Opening the inside cover, her fingers drifted over the gold embossed initials, "R.J.L." Something inside her felt a little guilty. Obviously, he didn't want this book seen or it would not have been hidden between the mattresses.

"On the other hand," Tonks mused aloud and bit in her bottom lip in a moment of ethical contemplation.

She ran her hand over the smooth, worn leather, inhaled the scent of old parchment and charcoal; this book was obviously very special. Her gut told her that opening and reading its pages would be very intimate, almost as precious as opening and touching the man. With that final thought, Tonks threw ethics aside and turned to the first page.

The first sketch was of the four Marauders. Isn't that what they called themselves as boys? They were happy and laughing, even the tubby turn- coat, Peter Pettigrew; just seeing his portrait made Tonks nauseous.

The next ten pages were devoted to various school scene poses of James, Sirius and Peter. The part of the book seemed completely devoted to a single girl with long flowing hair and thin stature. For the next seven pages, the girl's smiling eyes and upturned lips showed that artist was more than casually interested in his female subject.

Oddly enough, some of the sketches seemed to be posed. The girl, sometimes only wearing a scant tank top and shorts lying in a field of daisies, another one showed her walking barefoot at the edge a lake, a wreath of flowers in her hair.

Two blank pages. The next showed James and the girl holding hands. "L.E", Tonks whispered the initials above the sketch. This had to be the young, Lily Evans. Tonks gasped. Had Remus been in love with Lily?

Quickly, she turned the pages of the book, but there were only more pictures of his friends and anonymous school mates. A few of them girls, but none with Lily's beckoning smile. Suddenly the book jumped ahead and showed three aurors with the inscribed initials, "L.E., J.P., and S.B." A gorgeous solitary drawing of Lily in her wedding gown, one of Sirius laughing, an adult James on a broom, Peter looking over his shoulder, and finally, a very haunting self portrait mirrored opposite three drawings of a wolf. Without thought, her fingers drifted over the sketch entitled, "Wolf in Rage"; an angry beast howled at an unforgiving moon. Was this Lupin's wolf?

At this section of the book, a faded ribbon provided a marker and a picture of a young James; "No, that's Harry", Tonks corrected herself. There were numerous drawings of Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Fred and George, even Dumbledore with his twinkling grin and Severus with his trademark sneer.

She had to closely exam the next sketch, a broken old man with long, thick hair wearing an Azkaban prison uniform, "Dear gods! Sirius!" Thirteen years had aged him thirty, but in his eyes, the artist noted his strength of his spirit, the determination of will.

Now the sketch book contained more familiar images. An older, but tidier Sirius; several members of the order; a large dog and a wolf snuggled together before a fireplace; a few more of Sirius and finally, the last person in the book, Tonks recognized without doubt, was herself.

Sixteen pages devoted to, "Nymphadora"; her name written in a fine, concise, cursive script. Each sketch perfectly capturing her facial expressions, physical mannerisms as well as her absolutely ridiculous hair styles. Even she had to laugh at the wit portrayed by the artist's hand. The first few sketches were comical, but with each addition turn of the page, Remus added finer expression. He had drawn her in private moments of contemplation, in intimate moments that they had shared for the briefest of seconds, and the final picture made her jaw drop.

"Oh my god!" It was herself, completely naked.

In the same exact moment that she slammed the book shut in shock, she heard a doorknob rattle. Quickly, she shoved Remus's sketch book beneath the duvet, not even allowing herself time to grab her wand.

Remus stepped inside the room. Hollowed eyes and slack lips showed his weariness. Raising a curious brow, "What are you doing here?"

"You left," Tonks answered breathlessly; the image of her seductively drawn, naked body still burning in her mind.

"Well, this is your home; I suppose you can take which ever bed you want." His voice was tired, there was no bravado in his voice.

Tonks looked away, guiltily remembering their conversation last night; remembering her malicious jabs. Her voice small, barely above a whisper, "You left me."

"I'll remind you, it was at your suggestion." Remus answered quietly, tone frigid, arms crossed. Obviously, he still hurt.

"I didn't mean it," Tonks answered weakly, but it was too little, too late.

Remus entered the room and began to look around, as if he were searching for something, "Then perhaps you should be more careful with your words."

She closed her eyes, and cursed her previous behavior. Then realizing that he was turning over the room, she asked innocently, "Have you forgotten something?"

Remus looked up nonchalantly, "Just a book. I thought I might have left it here." As if it were no more important than a spare hat or a single mitten.

"This book," Tonks asked, as she pulled back the covers and revealed his leather bound notebook.

He did not meet her eyes, "Yes, thank you." He reached towards the bed and instantly, Tonks snatched it to her chest.

"Are these your sketches?"

"Yes," his eyes still not daring to meet hers.

"They're very good."

Lupin swallowed, "Thank you."

"There's quite a few dedicated to me."

"Yes," he said quietly, hand tightening on the bed poster.

"Why?"

He fumbled with the covers, "You're a metamorphangous; a very interesting subject." It was an obvious lie.

"Oh," Tonks replied, not believing him for a minute and flipped open the book, towards her section. Her voice trembled, as she asked, "And what about this one? The one of me naked, lying on your bed?"

Remus shut his eyes and whispered, "Please...don't," pain ready in his voice.

It was in this moment that Nymphadora Tonks felt her entire body shake. What the hell was happening? What was she so afraid of?

"Well, I think I have the right to know," she pushed on, trying to stop herself from shaking.

His blue eyes flashed open like cold steel, "My sketch book was never mean for you to see."

"But I've seen it none the less; tell me why you've drawn me like this?" Tonks struggled with tangled emotions.

The momentary anger was gone and Remus flushed with embarrassment, his voice low, eyes hooded, "Because sometimes, I think on you that way."

It was as if her heart stopped beating for a moment, and when she regained her pulse, she was suspended in storm cloud of confusion, anger and desire.

Her brow knotted, as she rose to her knees, softly shutting the book at her side. "Why?" Okay, that was a dumb question, but she wanted to hear the answer anyway.

Remus looked at her for the first time that morning with his eyes completely unshielded and it broke her heart to see him this vulnerable. He was always so strong and confident for The Order, for his friends and for the children. She felt decisively low for shattering his strength; for being his weakness.

"Because you're beautiful." He paused, his voice trembling, "And sometimes, when I'm lonely, I think on what it would be like to have you in my bed." A long sigh, "I think on what it would be like to...to have you," he stammered, and then finally got out, "to have you make love to me."

Suddenly, it was as if all the pain and anger, the hostility and frustration that had been brewing in her heart burst into shower of hot tears and short sobs.

"I'm so sorry," he leaned against the bed post, completely resigned to humiliation. Eyes shut tight, "I never meant for you to know."

A few short cries and then, "How could you, Remus!" Tonks sobbed, "How could not tell me! How could you just keep letting me walk away every night and not tell me?"

Remus looked at Nymphadora with a look of absolute confusion, "This is why! For Merlin's sake!"

Remus checked his bewilderment and took several steps back from the bed, Tonks still sobbing hard. His voice fast, "I knew you could never want me the way, I wanted you. And I didn't want to upset you or scare you; I'm content with our friendship. "

Tonks flung a pillow which hit him squarely in the chest, yelling, "Damn your contentment! And damn you for making decisions for me! I'm not scared of you or of this!" She lifted up the book in her right hand.

Remus was all the way against the side of the wall, face twisted in confusion and fear.

Tonks wiped her eyes, and looked at him with piercing intent, "Don't you know why I'm in your bed? Because it smells of you; it bloody reeks of you. Gods Remus! It's the only way that I can be close to you any more."

If he was shocked at her confession, he didn't show it. He looked down at the floor, and began quietly, "Nymphadora, I know you're angry at me about that night. You're angry because I supported Sirius's decision to go the ministry. That's why I backed away from you." His blue eyes now rested on her petite form, "You want an apology that I'll never be able to give."

"I know," Tonks rubbed her sore eyes. "But does that mean I'm going to lose you? Because eventually your scent will slip away from the sheets, and then I'll have nothing but dirty laundry and bitter regrets and you'll have nothing more of me than an image on a page."

Sweat glistening on his brow, "You'll always have my friendship."

"I know," Tonks admitted and fumbled with the bed sheet, "but what if I want something more?" She asked timidly, her toes curling around the covers, their eyes meet, "Do you still want something more? I mean when you're lonely?"

There was a long, thoughtful silence. "I'm always lonely," he confessed.

Tonks gently smiled, "I promise, I'm better looking in person than that picture."

Lupin flushed, and shyly replied, "You're blushing."

"I blush every where," Tonks laughed, and indeed her cheeks as well as her chest and arms were touched with color.

"Really?!" Remus chucked, now standing directly next to the bed, arms still crossed. "Well, umm... This is rather awkward. Most of my experiences with woman start with food and end with bed." Then sitting down on the edge of that mattress, "We seem to be doing things a bit backwards here."

Tonks laughed for the second time, "Perhaps, we should start with breakfast. I'm not much of a going backwards girl myself."

"Thank Merlin," Remus mused with relief and a slight smile. Then, with renewed strength and an old confidence that he hadn't known in sometime, Remus reached over, and took Tonks' hand, his pale blue grey eyes twinkling, "Good morning, Nymphadora." Then before she say, 'Don't call me Nympadora'; he kissed her...