Take Her in Your Arms

Chapter 4

As soon as he called out her name, Tonks winced at what she had done. He probably thinks I'm a complete slut. Wiping her hand on the back of her mouth, she tried to suppress that fear, "Was that okay?"

When she looked up, she noticed Remus handing her a handkerchief, "I think that may have been the happiest event in my life." Then with a very silly grin, "We'll be lucky if it doesn't become my patrionous."

Tonks filled with unabashed laughter, "That would certainly shock the dementors!"

Reaching down to the woman sitting at his feet, he pulled her into his lap, drew her to his chest, his voice gentle, "Thank you, Nymphadora. That was definitely an unexpected, but wonderful surprise."

Tonks nuzzled her head against his chin, "Well, you brought it on yourself, Remus; looking so handsome in your good suit."

He tilted her head upward, "Never underestimate the power of tweed."

Nymphadora smiled and they shared a brief kiss, and Remus continued, "You said yesterday that before you found my sketch book that you didn't see me as," he paused, and drew a sharp breath, "as sexual."

"Remus-"

Putting a finger to her lips, he continued, "And I know that you think I'm perhaps, old fashioned when it comes to ideals about sex."

Wow! Was Remus reading her mind?

"But I'm not." His blue eyes, burned with intensity, "I'm not expecting you to fall in love with me just because we have sex and I'm certainly not expecting you to feel that morally, you need to love me, before we do."

Tonks nodded; although, she wasn't sure how she, herself, felt about what he was saying.

"What I'm trying to say is, I want you. I've wanted you for a very long time and not just like this, not just you touching me, teasing me," His voice was low, warm against her ear, "I want to touch you, too. I want," his voice rugged, "I want to pleasure you."

Tonks was a young woman who liked being in control; at the dueling field and in the bedroom. And she'd never had a man tell her, in so many words, that he intended to be her equal in the latter. Then again, she'd only dated boys; lads who were her age or maybe a couple of years older, who she was able to quickly dazzle with her sexual prowess; dating Remus Lupin was her first experience with a truly older man. Obviously, a man that knew what he wanted.

"Remus," Tonks blushed, her breath quickening, "Are you telling me that you don't want to take things slowly?"

"I think you crossed that line this morning."

"Touché, Professor Lupin," Tonks stood, taking in his relaxed masculine form. Wondering, with delicious anticipation, what she had gotten herself into.

Remus stood, a slight smile on his lips, and straightened his cravat. "You know, it's going to be awfully difficult to focus on my work today."

Smiling, her hair confidently tinting red, "I do have that effect on men."

Remus, who was now heading to the door, turned on his heel, voice teasing, "I wasn't referring to what went on this morning, I meant that I'll be thinking on what will take place tonight."

Tonks eyes widened.

"Good day Ms. Tonks," Lupin offered in his most pleasant voice, before heading down the stairs and out the door.

Whoooaa!

Tonks sat down on his bed, still in shock. In her mind, she tried to reply everything that had happened in the past thirty minutes and it was a lot. First off, there was 'the deed'. She giggled to herself thinking on how he was much bigger than she had anticipated. Then again, he was a tall and lanky man; of course, she should have expected that the rest of him was that way. None the less, it was a nice surprise.

Most guys would have just grunted when she finished them off, but Remus called out her name at his moment of pleasure and within moments after, handed her his tissue; passionate and thoughtful.

The only thing that troubled her, were his words afterwards. Not the fact that he said he wanted her or his allusions to his pleasuring her; but, the fact he told her that she didn't have to love him.

"Why would he tell me that?" She mused, unknowingly snuggling up to his empty pillow.

Then, eyeing his sketchbook, she pulled it out and flipped through the 'Hogwart's' section. For a second time, she was met with page after page of Lily Evans and with the idea that Remus had been in love with her.

Two blank pages and then the picture of Lily and James holding hands. Tonks retrieved her wand from the side table and tapped the empty pages. Nothing happened. She tried several unlocking spells, but the pages remained blank.

Laying down her wand, she flipped back and forth from the drawing of Lily in the daisy field to the drawing of Lily and James. "He doesn't think he's capable of being loved."

It was a very wretched realization, but one that Tonks felt in heart to be true.

Her eyes watered with sadness and empathy, thinking of the countless times she had felt unworthy of being loved. She was a metamorphangius, after all; who could ever love someone that was so freakish, so different.

Again, she thought on Remus's words, this time understanding their intent; self protection, unworthiness. He wanted her physically with or without her heart; not because he was callous or shallow, "But because he doesn't think he'll ever be worthy of a woman's love."

A single tear rolled from Tonk's cheek and dropped onto the blank page. Rippling, like a pebbled thrown into a pond, the blank parchment began to reveal its picture. It was another drawing of Lily, and she was crying. In a very neat script beneath were the words, "After I told her, I loved her."

Suddenly, she heard a pop and feet on the stairs. Almost immediately, the door swung open, "You really have me loosing my mind, I forgot my brief case." Remus was standing before her out of breath, with a smile that quickly faded as realized her face was tear stained. "Are you okay?"

He rushed to her side, seemingly unaware of the sketchbook. "What is it?"

"Were you in love with Lily?" Tonks questioned firmly. She didn't usually care abou her lovers' pasts, but this was different. She needed to know.

Remus visually pulled away, voice devoid of expression, "That was a very long time ago."

"But were in love with her?" Tonks asked again.

"Nymphadora, I'm running late as it is," he stood from the bed and picked up his briefcase.

"Remus." Tonks insisted.

He stopped, suddenly. "Yes, I was in love with Lily Evans." Then turning back to face Tonks, his eyes remorseful, "And I was still in love with her when she became Lily Potter." Then firmly, he added, "But I can assure you Nymphadora, that she never loved me. Not in any way other than friendship." And then in voice barely audible, he added, "No one has."

With his stark confession, he apparated from the room and Tonks, hugging his sketchbook to her chest, said to the emptiness, "That's not true Remus, I love you."