A/N: Wow, Chapter Twenty. I can't believe it. I promise I'm going to focus all my energy on updating this story till it's finished. I'm going by my outline and it seems to be right on so I'm thinking about five more chapters after this one. Make it a good solid twenty-five chapters. I really want to finish it before the year mark comes up. I think it was sometime in July that I first posted this story so I guess I better haul ass. My other stories are just going to have to wait their turns on the backburners. Anyway enjoy this chappy. The next one should be up relatively shortly. Told you I'm going to try my hardest to wrap this one up. I won't settle for crap though so it'll still be good. ENJOY!

Disclaimer: No, alas, I don't own any of these characters. Joss Whedon and Co. do. They aren't mine I just get a kick out of putting them in angst-y situations. Also any mistakes made in this chapter are purely mine. It's un-beta'd so beware.

Distribution: Go ahead! Just tell me where my stories going.

Spoilers: none whatsoever

Chapter 20:

Spike was dreading this conversation. He had to tell them sooner or later. They'd figure it out when he didn't show up for some sort of family event. His empty apartment might clue them in to. He decided it was best to invite them all to a dinner. Nothing to fancy just a little something at his apartment where he made some good food and got them all buttered up before dropping the bomb on them.

Angel had been let out of the hospital the same week Spike had that dinner with Dru. It had been a week since then and Spike was feeling no less confused about his place in life. He wasn't sure what he thought Dru would be able to give him.

In retrospect she had given him all she could give him. She had given him closure and although Spike was still searching for his own two feet it had been enough. It was nice to know that Dru wasn't out to intentionally hurt him. She had and she seemed genuinely sorry for it, but she couldn't change the past.

She had been just as screwed up as he had been and although that didn't make the hurt go away it did dull it some. It was good to know that Dru felt bad about how she had treated him. It helped him realize that maybe a person just needed those experiences because they were all apart of life.

It didn't make him any less confused though. He had gone over and over the reasons why moving right now was a bad idea. They outweighed the good reasons by a lot, but Spike didn't care. He felt like it was something he had to do. He could pass up something like this. It was the opportunity of a lifetime. Spike kept telling himself those words hoping they would be true.

If he were going to be honest, deep down in the crevices of his mind where he hid everything he would deny until he died, Spike knew he was running. Knew he was running away from this life because it was getting too tiring. Things got old and used and had a stale feel to them and they didn't seem to be getting any better even though he was weathering the storm with all his might.

So here he was setting his fake wood dinning table for seven seats and bringing out an extra table for the kids to eat on. He was getting ready to face his doom and he knew it. They'd yell. They'd scream and if he was lucky the girls would scratch too much and Wesley wouldn't threaten him with bodily harm.

At least he'd have Xander and Angel on his side albeit very reluctantly. They had both made their position on Spike's departure crystal clear, but they were going to let him make his own mistakes. Spike wasn't sure if this whole thing was a huge gigantic mistake, but he had to do it.

Okay here goes nothing Spike thought when he heard the doorbell chime.

If he was lucky they'd all show up at the same time and he wouldn't have to go throw Cordy, Fred, and Anya's questioning and Wesley's burning stares along with Angel and Xander's knowing looks of concern. He'd just be able to sit them down, fill them full of food and then break the news to them.

Spike made a quick stop to the freezer, opened and took out a wine bottle. A minute later when he was halfway to the door he doubled back and put the wine bottle back into the freezer. He really didn't think it would be a wise idea to get these people drunk.

Spike walked over to his front door, took a deep breath and opened it.

"Hey, all." Spike said.

Spike opened the door to find Cordy, Angel, the kids, Anya and Xander standing in front of him. The kids said their hellos before pushing past Spike and began their search for Spot. Spike was greeted with hellos and hugs before Cordy, Angel, Anya and Xander pushed by him and into his apartment.

"So, what's this dinner about anyway. You were all vague with the details." Cordy said.

"I think it would be easier if I told you when Wes and Fred get here. I really don't feel like repeating myself." Spike said hoping they didn't see the fidgeting in his nervous demeanor.

They obviously didn't because Anya said, "Fair enough. So what's on the menu?"

"Um… just cooked something simple and easy. Lasagna with French bread." Spike said.

"Sounds better then the fast food I was going to pick up." Cordy said.

It was easy, this part at least. He could pretend like he didn't have anything big or life altering and just talk with his family and friends. Occasionally he would catch Xander or Angel's eye and they would have that questioning looking. They both knew what was going on tonight, but neither was ready to pull him aside and ask. Asking made it real and Spike didn't think either of them were ready for it to be really even

Xander who he had just started getting along with. So they settled for giving him the unnerving stares silently asking is he was actually going to tell everybody tonight. Spike just looked back at them and hoped he had conveyed enough in his eyes to tell them that yes they were right and tonight was the night he was going to tell them because Saturday which was only three days away Spike would be leaving for San Francisco in search of an apartment.

The doorbell chimed again and Spike knew exactly who it was. It was the last two people that were supposed to be here. Spike got up and opened his front door.

"Hey Spike. Hi y'all." Fred said cheerfully. Wes merely nodded in recognition to everyone.

"Hey, glad you guys could make it. Come on in and let's get started eating. I'm sure everyone's pretty hungry." Spike said as he closed the door behind Fred and Wes.

Spike quickly made his way over to the kitchen hoping to buy a little time before everyone was sitting down waiting for him to revel his news. The moment was here and now all he had to do was tell them and get it over with.

"Do you need some help?" Spike turned around to see Cordy standing there looking as though she needed something to do.

"Sure… um why don't you take the plates out to everyone. I'll cut up the pieces." Spike said.

"I can definitely do that. So, do I get to know what's up before everyone else or do I have to wait." Cordy asked.

"You have to wait." Spike said handing her two plates with lasagna and French bread on them.

"Fair enough, but you need to stop acting all nervous. I think it's making everyone else nervous." Cordy said.

She left with the two plates in her hand and came back for two more until everyone was served a nice piece of lasagna and a good portion of bread. Spike passed out cans of soda to everyone and Cordy made the kids chocolate milk. Everyone was seated and looking at Spike expectantly.

"Maybe you guys should eat first." Spike said noticing that Connor and Maddy were already chowing down on their food.

"Oh, this isn't good. He wants us to eat his good food so we'll be lulled into a false sense of security and not get too mad when he tells us what's up." Anya said.

"No I just don't want the food to get cold." Spike said.

"Because yelling will be involved and you're not sure how long it's going to take." Cordy said.

"Why don't you just tell us and then we'll eat. I don't think any of us have much of an appetite now that this conversation has taken a more serious tone." Wes said.

"Yeah it can't be that bad." Fred said.

"Poor innocent, Fred. You have no idea just how bad it could be." Anya said with something of disdain and disappointment in her voice.

"Hey, I'm not just so stupid f… screw-up." Spike said suddenly remembering there were kids in the room that didn't need to hear his bad words at the moment.

"So then tell us what's up." Cordy said somewhat impatiently.

"Giles offered me a position as partner at his new law firm." Spike said.

"Well, that's not bad. I mean that's good. It's a step in a good direction." Fred said.

"Wait… isn't Giles's new law firm in…"

"SAN FRANCISCO!" Anya said finishing Cordy's sentence.

"Um… yeah see that's why you all are here. Okay here goes nothing… I'm taking the job. I'm moving out there sometime this month. I'm going up there to take a look at the apartments this weekend. I already called Giles and told him I'd take the position." Spike said.

Spike would have preferred yelling to the eerie silence that fell on the room. They all seemed either puzzled or angry and Anya seemed to be a mixture of both. Connor kept happily munching on his lasagna while Maddy looked everywhere but directly at Spike. She was peering at him through her eyelashes and Spike could feel her eyes as well as everyone else's on him.

"How could you… why would you… why are you moving at a time like this." Anya said being the first one to break the silence.

"It's just something I feel like I have to do." Spike answered truthfully.

"But what about everything that's here. I mean not to throw Angel's sickness in your face too much, but he is sick and he does need you." Fred said.

"If this is what he has to do then I can't step in the way of that." Angel said.

"Did you know about this?" Cordy asked and that deadly accusing glare was set on Angel.

"Yes I did know about this. He came to me and told me. I think he was seeking some sort of approval and I gave it to him. He needs to find his own way and he isn't going to be able to do that if he's being guilted into staying here." Angel said.

"Yeah well you may be above that, but I'm not. Spike, William, you can't move. Not now. Not when we need you here. Please you have to reconsider. I mean what's in San Francisco that isn't here?" Anya said.

"What's here that isn't in San Francisco? I don't know. I'm not even sure there'll be much of a difference, but I can't just pass this up, Ahn." Spike said.

"The job would still be there in a few months. I'm sure Giles would hold it for you. I mean he's that kind of guy and he loves you and I have to agree with Anya that right now isn't the best time to be moving." Fred said.

"Fred, can't you just be happy for him. I mean yeah it looks and awful lot like running away, but if he has to do it then it should get done before he explodes or something." Xander said.

Spike almost smiled at Xander's antics. He was showing his disapproval, support and good use as comic relief all in one sentence.

"Did you know about this." Anya said giving Xander a glare that was equally as scary as Cordelia's.

"Well, he had to give me his two weeks notice. I am his boss." Xander said and he was beginning to look a little flustered.

"How come you didn't tell me!" Anya screamed. This grabbed Connor's attention and he looked as though he was about to cry before Maddy ushered him out of the dining area. She seemed to be on top of things lately.

"Anya, I'm not allowed to tell you those things. Things between and employer and his employee have to stay private." Xander said.

"But he's my brother. I made you hire him." Anya said.

"Anya, don't get mad at Xander because he was doing his job." Cordy said.

"Yeah." Xander interjected but crumpled back into his seat when Anya sent him another glare.

"Get mad at Spike. He's the one that's leaving." Cordy said in that frighteningly calm manner. Spike sighed.

"Ahn, she's right. If you want to get mad at someone it's me. I'm the one that's decided to leave all of a sudden and out of the blue." Spike said.

"It is all of a sudden and out of the blue. How long did it take you to think about this? A few days. I think you should go back and rethink it." Anya said.

"Anya, maybe we should be giving Spike support rather then getting mad at him. I mean this is a great job opportunity for him. It'll give him experience in running a law firm. It's one step toward his dream." Fred said and Spike could have kissed her.

He knew that she was holding in a lot of what she wanted to say to him and most of it was yells and screams. She was being supportive.

"Who gives a fuck about job opportunities? Why aren't you more upset about this? Why are you supporting him and this decision?" Cordy said staring at Angel.

"Well I can't very well make him stay. If he wants to go out and screw up his life I can't do anything about it. He isn't some little kid anymore. He's a grown man and it's fucking ridiculous if I try and make a grown man do something he doesn't want to do." Angel said angrily.

"Look this isn't some harebrained stupid thing Spike thought up doing while he was hammered. I'm perfectly sober and this is a good decision for me." Spike said.

"Yeah so instead of going back to the bottle you're going to run away. Jeez I think I like you better as a drunk. At least then you stuck around." Anya said.

"You know what Anyanaka, I'm done with this shit. This stupid shit where everyone makes me feel like I owe them a debt of gratitude. I don't owe you a Goddamn thing. I don't owe any of you a Goddamn thing. I've paid my debt, but you're still making me feel like I owe you something. Yeah, I was a bad kid and yeah I screwed up a few times, but everyone does it. No one is so bloody perfect that they don't mess up a few times." Spike said.

"You're just being a selfish bastard as usual." Anya said not ready to give up so easily.

"No I'm not. I haven't been selfish in a very long time, Ahn. I've tried to be everything you all wanted me to be, well now I'm fucking tired." Spike wanted to scream, but he kept his voice at a relatively normal volume.

"Whatever, you just keep telling yourself that." Anya said.

"He isn't being selfish." Wesley said. He had been quiet throughout the whole exchange. "If he wants to move let him bloody well move." Wesley said getting up and walking out the front door.

"I should…" Fred started to say pointing to the front door.

"No, I'll go. No sense in him yelling at you when he really wants to yell at me." Spike said getting up and walking over to the front door.

Wes stood in the hallway running his fingers through his short brown hair. There was pain in those blues eyes and Spike knew he was the reason.

"Is this really what you want to do?" he asked Spike the minutes Spike closed the door.

"I don't know. It's a step. The truth is the only thing I know for sure is that I don't really know anything for sure… if that made any sense whatsoever." Spike said letting a small smile pass over his face.

"I understand. I don't understand why you have to move in order to gain any new knowledge, but I understand why you have to do it. I also understand why you didn't tell me first and I don't feel upset that you told Angel and… Xander before you told me. Xander's your boss so you were obligated and Angel's your brother." Wes said.

"Wesley, I would have told you, but I didn't want to have to explain myself more then I had to. As it was I didn't want to tell Xander really, but I had to. Two weeks notice and all that. I needed Angel… I guess I needed him to be on my side. He takes a few days to fully realize things. I guess I was counting on you just automatically being on my side. Was I wrong?" Spike asked.

"No, not wrong. I'm on your side with anything you chose to do, no matter how stupid. It's just going to take me a little while to get used to the idea. I mean, we've lived in the same town since we were little." Wes said.

"Yeah I know and you've been the best friend a bloke like me could ask for, but I have to do this. I'll be over here a lot. I'm not just disappearing from the face of the Earth." Spike said.

"I know. I guess I need a little while to get used to the idea. I guess we had better get back in there." Wesley said.

"I'm dreading every second of it you do realize that right?" Spike said.

"Yes, but it's just something you have to do." Wes said shoving Spike through his front door. When they walked over to the dining area they saw something a little out of place considering what had just taken place a few minutes ago. Everyone was sitting down eating cordially, although Anya was chewing her food a little harder then she had to.

"Well this certainly isn't what I expected." Spike said.

"I guess you were right. We just had to eat before we started the heavy discussions." Cordy said.

"Yeah, but I'm still angry that you're leaving. Don't think you were getting off easily it's just the aroma from this lasagna was too overpowering. I couldn't resist." Anya said.

"Alright so you're still angry, but you're willing to over look that for some food." Spike said.

"Basically. I'm hungry and I came here because of the promises of food so I'm very well going to eat said food." Anya said.

"How's Connor?" Spike asked.

"He was on the verge of tears, but I think Maddy calmed him down. He had some questions, but I think Maddy cleared those up to. They're in the living room eating if that's okay with you." Angel said.

"Course it is. I eat there half the time anyway. Just hope Connor doesn't drop his food and let Spot eat it again." Spike said.

"No I think it's safe to say Maddy will make sure he doesn't." Cordy said.

"Okay this is really weird. Usually when families argue there are grudges and stuff like that. You guys fight and you make up in a matter of minutes. Am I the only one sing the weird?" Xander asked.

"Xander, you've been in this family for how many years now and you still don't know how things work. They get mad at each other, but make up faster then you can say meatball. They've always been like that." Cordy said.

"Sorry guess I missed it considering I'm always at work when the fights happen. This is the first one I've seen in… well since I've known this family. It's nice." Xander said a smile on his face and Spike knew why.

"It is sort of like a Norman Rockwell painting. You know if the people in those paintings were all stuffing their faces with food." Fred said.

"Oh, please you make us sound like a bunch of fat people. Food isn't the only thing that makes things better for us." Angel said.

"No, sometimes it's candy or ice cream or chocolate. Face it Angel, you have never been known to stay mad at Anya or Spike for a long period of time and vice versa. I don't know why Spike expected the worse." Wesley said.

"I guess I just forgot. Our we good, Ahn?" Spike asked.

"No, no we aren't good. Not yet anyway. I'll need some time to adjust to the fact that you're leaving us, but apparently I bought off with chocolate." Anya said and everyone laughed even though they weren't sure if they were supposed to.

"But seriously I will need some times to get used to the fact that one of my favorite brother's is going away. I guess I just never thought what it would be like if one of you moved." Anya said.

"You had to know it would happen sooner or later." Angel said.

"Yeah it was either I was moving on my own accord or dad was shipping me off to a boarding school." Spike said.

"Don't be silly, Spike. He wouldn't ship you off to a boarding school. Maybe to go live with great-aunt Mildred, but never boarding school. I guess I'll just learn to deal. You'll be over a lot right?" Anya asked.

"Yeah, I'll be over a lot."

"Good because I don't think I could go with out seeing you ever once in awhile. I guess that means if you're happy then I'm happy. Just… be happy okay."

"I'll try and work on it."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike stood in front of Buffy's apartment wondering what exactly he was doing there. He wasn't sure what ground he stood on with Buffy, but he knew she meant a great deal to him. He could see himself… he could see himself with her and the picture looked really nice.

She had made it clear that she didn't want that picture though. She wanted some other picture and Spike wasn't sure where he was in that one. He wanted it to be somewhere close, but he doubted that it would be.

His plane was set to leave in four hours. He had just enough to time to tell Buffy whatever it was he was going to tell her and get to the airport two hours before his flight like he was instructed to. He wasn't sure what he was going to say exactly.

He knew that they'd be able to talk openly and maybe even yell considering Dawn was out of the house. She was over at Cordy and Angel's again. So they'd be able to talk with nothing keeping them from truly expressing their feelings through cursing and swearing.

Here goes nothing Spike thought as he knocked on the door.

After a few minutes and still no answer Spike decided that she must have been out enjoying her Dawn free time. He was about to turn around and walk away when Buffy answered the door. She had a puzzled look on her face when she saw him. She must have been getting ready for bed although Spike couldn't imagine anyone going to bed at eight thirty on a Saturday night.

"Spike… what are you doing here?" she asked confusion seeping out of her voice.

"I… uh… can I come in?" Spike asked not really wanting to tell her his big news on her balcony.

"Um… yeah sure why not. I guess you can come in. I'm not really doing much. Dawn's over at Maddy and Connor's although I bet you already knew that." Buffy said wanting to kick herself for her stupid babbling.

"Yeah I knew." Spike said. After a minute or so Buffy stepped aside and said, "Come in Spike."

Spike nodded his head and walked inside the apartment. He had only been inside the small space she shared with her daughter on two occasions and those two occasions were enough for it to have some painful memories.

"Sorry it's a mess. I just… I had the guys over and I didn't have time to clean up." Buffy said picking up random items and placing them in a neat little pile on the couch.

"I guess I should just come right out and say it. You know that job I was talking about. The one that Giles offered me?" Spike asked. Buffy nodded.

"Well, I've decided to take it. I know I said I wouldn't, but it's a really good job and I couldn't just pass it up." Spike said. Buffy looked at him as though she was going to say something, but instead opted for a put upon sigh and flopped down on the couch.

"And?"

"And? That's all you have to say?" Spike said not sure why his voice had raised a bit. He wasn't really sure what he had expected from her. They had only been friends for a little while and they had only had one night together.

"What do you want me to say Spike? I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say here. I mean you're a friend. A really good friend, but I don't know how I'm supposed to react here. Do you want me to ask you to not go when this is such a good thing for you?" Buffy asked and it was killing her to not just jump in his arms and beg him to say.

Seeing him with Dru had almost killed Buffy, but she had thought about it long and hard and realized that Spike was going to hurt her or she was going to hurt him worse then she already had and she wasn't exactly ready for that.

"I don't know. At least lie like everyone else and say that you're happy for me." Spike said in an exasperated tone.

"Okay, I'm happy for you. This sounds like a really great job opportunity for you. Your dreams are coming true just like you wanted them to." Buffy said lowering her eyes to the floor.

Spike wanted to tell her that his dreams weren't coming true if she wasn't in them, but he stopped himself. It was obvious to him that Buffy just wasn't interested in him that way. She would be his friend, but anything else more then that just wasn't going to happen.

"Yeah you're right. This is a step towards my dream. Thanks, ever so. I'll… uh… I'll see you around some time." Spike said sarcastically before charging out of Buffy's apartment.

He slammed the door and it closed with a resounding thud that shook the picture frames hanging on the wall. Buffy sat down on her couch. She looked dazed, but determined an odd combination during a time.

He's right. This is his dream and I'm happy for him. I'm not going to break down. Buffy thought repeatedly as she tried to keep the tears at bay.

After five minutes she could no longer hold them in and she had to cry. She sat there, silent sobs racking her small frame. She wasn't sure why she was crying exactly. Things had just been so hard lately and even though she had won her case with Riley Buffy was still dealing the aftereffects of having Dawn testify.

She cried for just about everything she could think of at the moment, but mostly she cried because she had seen it. She had seen that small glimmer of hope that Spike had when he asked her if that was all she had to say. She could see him urging her with his eyes to say that he should stay because there was something in Sunnydale that he should stay for.

Buffy wasn't scared by many things, but the notion of actually loving someone like Spike scared her beyond the telling of it. It wasn't because she was scared that Spike was going to turn out to be a bad guy like all the guys in her life had been.

Sure that little thing was in the back of her mind and she used that as an excuse, but really it wasn't because of that. It was because Buffy just didn't feel like she was good enough for Spike. He was so good and he just didn't seem to have any flaws where Buffy had so many flaws she couldn't count them with five hands.

Spike deserved someone who would be good enough for him and Buffy just wasn't sure that she was it. So she hid behind her bitter woman reasoning and she didn't tell anyone how she really felt because it would just result in words that didn't really mean anything. She had heard them all before.

She would just play the perfect vision of a cool calm collected woman who knew what she wanted and wasn't afraid to take it. Spike would go off and become a great attorney and forget all about her.

After about ten minutes of her non-stop crying Buffy heard the doorbell ring. It took her a little while to get herself composed and when she did she picked herself up off of the couch and walked over to the door. She wasn't sure who it was. It could have been Warren and Andrew.

They had been coming by a lot lately. Willow and Oz were out of town on some sort of vacation. Buffy had a brief thought that it might be Cordelia with Dawn saying that Dawn had asked to come home early. All these thoughts ran through Buffy's mind, but none of them were even close to the truth.

Buffy opened the door and there stood Riley looking decidedly drunk and angry about something. He had a beer bottle in one had and the other was curled tightly into a fist. He was smiling at her.

Some sort of wicked smile that looked like a cross between a smirk and a leer. He smelled bad and he looked like a homeless person. He had his arms folded across his chest and he looked somewhat pleased with himself.

"Honey I'm home."

A/N: Okay so what do you think? I know left it all cliffhanger-y, but I just couldn't resist. It was in my outline and everything so I had to do it. Also sorry if it seemed like I was trying to rush the family scene and the Spuffy interaction. I don't think I was, but it went faster then I thought it would. I wanted Angel and Anya and everyone not to be to made at Spike for leaving, so I had them all happy and cheery or relatively happy and cheery at the end there. I couldn't resist. Okay, so please review because I LOVE reviews and I'm not above begging for them.