A/N: Oh okay I know that it's been awhile since I updated. So here's an update. Thank you guys for reviewing this story. I have 90 reviews for one story and I owe it all to everyone who took the time to review. You guys rock. Please help me hit the hundred mark! ENJOY!

Distribution: Go ahead and spread it around if you think it's good. Just tell me where my baby's going first.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.

Spoilers: None

Chapter 23:

"Buffy, come on Buffy please pick up the phone. Please... we can't just leave things like that. Buffy would you please just pick up the fu... hello? Shit!" Spike said as he was cut off by the answering machine again.

He suspected that Buffy was really sitting by it answering and then hanging up, but that didn't derail him. Spike only needed an hour after he left the hospital to gather his wits and decide that Buffy was worth fighting for. And that's exactly what he'd been doing since that day in the hospital... almost a month ago.

Spike was ready to give up. He was seriously was thinking about just calling it quits. He couldn't do it anymore. He'd sent flowers and chocolates and everything he could think of to Buffy and, although they never came back, he still got nothing.

Not even a call to say thanks for the stuff but quit harassing me. Spike had gone back to Xander and eloquently asked for his job back. Xander just sat there smirking a little and said sure whatever he wanted. Spike was grateful that Xander hadn't made a huge deal about it and just went back to doing his job.

Spike had immediately called Giles to tell him that although he'd really love to take the job there was just no way he could at the time. Giles understood enough chalking it up to Angel and his illness and Spike was content to let the man think that that was the reason. It was easier then getting into the messy details.

Anya had been rather pleased with Spike's decision to say as everyone else had been. In fact she was rather vocal at saying that he needed to hurry up and scoop Buffy off of her feet. Angel was more subtle saying that he'd be pleased with whatever Spike chose to do. Spike hugged them feeling more empowered by their words and ready to face what needed to be done.

Spike also made it a point to tell Wesley and Fred about his choice not to leave. Fred was ecstatic jumping up and down and screaming yay. Wes just gave Spike a knowing look that said Spike had better tell all later. Fred also said that Spike had better go after Buffy and that left Spike feeling happy and even more empowered.

But now it was a month later and the glimmer had worn off and everyone was beginning to look at him like he was a time bomb waiting to explode. Whenever he got to see how Angel was doing it felt more like Angel and Cordy were trying to see how he was doing. Anya was still voicing her opinion, but even that had lost its flare.

And so now they were all unsure if Spike and Buffy were even going to be a Spike and Buffy. Spike knew everything that was going on with Riley from Angel who would state time and time again that he could lose his badge for telling Spike this information. Spike would just shrug and tell him to continue.

There was a trial going on, apparently the courts didn't know what to do with Riley and needed more testimony. Spike knew that that was what needed to be done. People were innocent until proven guilty and this was a criminal case. Of course Riley came from money and that was why the case was taking so long. It had been going on for three weeks now. Spike had been by Angel's a few times and had seen Dawn there.

Dawn would come up to him and hug him and tell him everything that had happened at school that week or anything that was on her mind. She had questioned him once on why he never came over to her house to visit her mommy and Spike just said it was complicated. Of course that puzzled the little girl even more, but she dropped it.

So Spike had been an outsider in Buffy's life for the past month and it was killing him. He knew he could go to Willow and get information that way, but he felt it was better if he did it on his own. He'd seen Andrew a few times since then and Andrew had told him how he had worked things out with Warren and was going to move to Sunnydale.

Spike was happy for the man and told him if he ever needed a job to go see Wesley. Andrew nodded and said that he would. Any other contact Spike had though was strained and from third parties and Spike desperately wished that he could just go see Buffy.

"Fucking shit!" Spike said as he threw his telephone against the wall. Spot dunked and decided it was time for a nap and ran off to Spike's bed. Spike spared an apologetic glance at the dog before it scurried off.

"Well, I didn't expect you to be throwing things. I guess it's as good a welcome as ever." Spike looked up to see Wesley standing there with a key dangling in one hand.

"Sorry, I just... it's nothing." Spike said as he sat down in his recliner.

"Really nothing. I didn't realize throwing phones across the room so they could shatter against walls was for joyous occasions." Wes said sarcastically.

"Oh piss off, would you. Can't you seem I'm..."

"Brooding. Wallowing in your self-loathing. Throwing a temper tantrum like you were four."

"Hey what part of piss off didn't you understand."

"Oh, William, stop acting like a stubborn jackass. You can't pull that shit with me." Wesley said as he sat down on the couch.

"You know for once I'd like to just get angry without everyone trying to stop me from being angry. It's a natural emotion you know." Spike said.

"Well, when you get angry, you get drunk and when you get drunk you get suicidal and when you get suicidal I get angry and I really don't like getting angry."

"One time, Wes. One time and all of a sudden I'm Mister Unstable. Jeez thanks for the vote of confidence." Wes rolled his eye heavenward and let out an exasperated sigh.

"Yes, I'm very aware of how many times you've actually tried to off yourself, but drinking is suicidal period."

"Don't give me that doctor crap. Spew it to someone who cares." Spike said turning away from Wes.

"You know you act like a four year old more and more as you get older. You haven't been drinking have you?"

"No! No okay not a drop of alcohol has passed these lips. Clean and sober is the way to go." Spike said in a sarcastic tone.

"Please leave the sarcasm at the door. I don't really need it."

"Oh you don't really need it. Well screw you Wesley and your fucking perfect life. What the hell are you doing here anyway?"

"I came to see my sorry excuse for a friend and make sure said friend was okay, but apparently I'm not wanted."

"Good glad you're able to see that. Don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out."

"Just because you're being a little shit doesn't mean I'm leaving. When you act like this I know I have to stay and watch your sorry ass."

"Okay so what is this like tough love? Well you know what you can just stuff your tough love crap right up your ass. Just leave me alone okay. I'm doing just fine without you here."

"Yes because phone tossing means your fine. See I thought phone tossing meant you weren't fine, but now I see that that is clearly not the case."

"Why do you always have to be a smart ass? Can you for once in all the time we've known each other do as I say."

"No because I don't like the orders you give me."

"Argh! I can't take this. What is it you want from me Wes? What grand scheme do you have planned to cheer me up? It's been a month and she clearly doesn't want to talk to me. I can't do this anymore. I can't keep shaping my life around other people. I'm just going to call Giles and say I was high or crazy or something for turning down the job offer and then I'm leaving because I can't take anymore of this dilly dallying shit." Wesley looked at his friend of a lifetime.

He had known Spike since they were little. They had moved to Sunnydale together. They had been through everything together. Wesley had no problem saying that Spike was one of the kindest, bravest, loyal, trustworthy... just best people he knew.

Wesley didn't understand why life always seemed so hard for Spike, but he knew that obstacles had been thrown at his friend and Spike just dealt with them badly. This though, this situation with Buffy was practically killing Spike and Wesley could see it.

"Well I understand if you decide to call it quits. I know this is hard for you and I know that you must really love her to be trying so hard, but it is hard and I can understand why you would want to give up, but I have to say that I don't think I could ever respect you again." Wesley said.

"Oh thanks that's really reassuring. What is it with you people and your nosing around in my business? If I want to give up, I'll give up. If I want to go live in Mexico and do the Mexican Hat dance for the rest of my life, I'll go to Mexico and do the Mexican Hat dance for the rest of my life. Why do you all insist on making comments? I can take care of myself. I'm a Big Boy now and I don't need you people putting in your two cents. Do this Spike. No do this Spike. Jump in the air and do a flip, Spike. Quit it already. It's fucking annoying." Spike said.

"I'm sorry if you think the fact that was care enough about you to try and help you manage your life. I'm sorry if it annoys you, but that's what friends and family do. Live with it."

"I'm sick of it. I'm done with it. I'm just... done." Spike said. Spike knew that they were all trying to be helpful and they all just wanted to makes sure he was happy, but it was getting to be extensive. It was time for Spike to stop being what everyone wanted and time to start just being Spike.

"You can't just give up like this."

"What would you have me do? Waste away here always trying to make her see that I love her and I want to be with her. Wes, I'm trying and it's not working and I know quitters never win and all that rot, but it's like a lose-lose situation anyways."

"I know that things seem bad now, but if you really think that Buffy is the one. If you really love her then you'll fight for her." Wes said.

"What the fuck do you think I've been doing? Sitting around knitting? I have been trying and it's not working. What more can I do. What else do I have left?" Spike asked with pleading eyes.

"I don't have the answers that can solve that. I don't even know if there's a simple solution to this problem. I wish there were, but I can't see one."

"So then what's wrong with me calling it quits? She already has." Spike asked Wesley in a challenging manner. Wesley looked down at his hands racking his brain for an answer.

"Because it's not you. Because it's not my best friend. It's not what you would do." Wesley said after moments of silence.

"Maybe it is me. Maybe I've just grown up and realized that life sucks and it can't get any better."

"No, no I can't believe that. Not from you. Not about something like this."

"Why not. Why am I supposed to just stay the same? I mean why is it I have to be such the hopeless romantic."

"Because that's you. you're the person that talks about true love and soul mates and perfect happiness and I know you don't like to admit it, but you want to be happy with someone and you want to have a family and you want to be a dad and you want to do all that stuff."

"I can still do all that stuff."

"You want to do all that stuff with Buffy. You don't give up on love like that. The Will I knew wouldn't give up so easily." Wesley said.

"Give up so easily! I've been chasing my tail for months now. She's been giving me hope and then snatching it away from me. She's a bloody tease! Yeah that's what she is. Telling me it doesn't matter and stuff like that. You know I do think... I mean it's too soon, but I thought I loved her, but all she ever did was jerk my chain around. How can it be a good thing to be with someone so... unstable?" Spike asked Wesley.

Wesley wasn't exactly sure how to answer that without making his friend even more upset. The truth was Spike was just as messed up and okay maybe it wasn't the best idea to go after a girl who was just as emotionally unstable as Spike was himself, but you can't help who you fall in love with.

"Because you love her. Because you care about her and you want to be with her. Because of so many reasons only you know about and I could never understand. Personally I would have picked someone different, but look how well that turned out. I'm not the matchmaker here. Sad really. I mean you can set everyone else with their perfect soul mate, but you can't seem to hold on to your own." Wes said.

"Oh, okay so this is my fault. I'm the one that messed this up. See for a minute there I thought it was Buffy and her inability to commit, but I see now. It was me just because I'm me." Spike said angrily.

"That's not what I meant. Love came so easily for you when it was other peoples love. Now here you are with what you want just out of your reach and you're considering giving up. Remember what you told me when I thought Fred wouldn't want me."

"Yeah I told you to stop being a stupid git and shift your ass already. I told you that if you didn't make a move she would find some other guy to fulfill her every need."

"Yes and even though you were working both of us it worked. We got together and I haven't been happier. I love Fred and I know that if it wasn't for you I would never have been this happy. You need to realize that you can be just as happy." Wes said.

"Wes you and Fred would have gotten together even if I hadn't interfered. You two were made for each other. It would have taken time, but you would have seen. I just... things don't seem that way with me and Buffy. We just keep running in circles tripping over ourselves. And what's worse is she wants nothing to do with me." Spike said.

"I'm sure she does. I'm sure she's just afraid."

"Afraid of what. Of me... of us. I've been nothing but good to her. I just don't understand women sometimes." Spike said.

"Well I don't think Buffy's had the best experiences with men. I mean just look at her sleazy husband. She's just not as secure about men and their ability to be good people."

"I know, okay, I've been through that whole thing. I've been through it and I understand why she would question people and stuff like that. I mean my track record isn't exactly perfect. A drug happy, alcohol friendly, bad girl. An uptight prissy daddy's girl and another drug happy psycho cheater. I know how relationships can turn rocky." Spike said.

"Then you must understand that given her circumstances she is less then willing to trust people."

"Yes! Okay I get that, but what do you want me to do. Would you have me sit around and sulk and wait for her to realize she loves me? Would you have me crawl on my knees and plead with her to love me? I've been doing all that and I'm sorry, but can I have some of my dignity back."

"I know, but..."

"No, if she really wants me... if she really loves me and she's just being a... bitch... well then she's going to have to make the move because I'm done with this whole hopeless romantic shit. It takes two people to kick start a relationship and I'm not getting any help here. She's pretending like she couldn't care less about me."

"I know, but it's not like you to give up. I know you're giving it your all and I know that it's discouraging that nothing is working, but you can't just give up. You love her." Wesley said.

"Yeah well not to sound cliché, but sometimes love just isn't enough." Spike said.

"It is when it comes to you. Will, I don't want you to be unhappy for the rest of your life. I mean you're my best friend and I don't know what I'd do without you. We grew up together and I've told you everything about me and vice versa." Wesley said.

"I know you want me to be happy, but I just can't be happy like this."

"I understand. Really I do. If you think you'll be happy in San Francisco then I'm all for it. Be as happy as can be. Hell I'll even pack your bags and send you there. But if there's a glimmer of hope, a small possibility that San Francisco won't make you happy and it's just another escape from life then you have to own up to it." Wesley said.

"Well I don't know. I mean yeah it's an escape, but it could be more. I could be happy there if I'm doing a job I love. I mean I don't know if I'll be happy there, but I think I should try. I'm obviously miserable here."

"But are you miserable because you have nothing or are you miserable because you had something and you can't seem to get it back. Because there's a difference between the two Will. One means you get to start fresh and the other means a life of what ifs and could have beens. You can't live your life like that... no one can." Wesley said. Spike looked thoughtful.

It was possible that if he moved he still wouldn't be as free as he would have liked. The image of Buffy's face when she smiled or the memory that Dawn liked pancakes better then waffles would always be with him. He couldn't shake either of them off. And then there was Angel and his problems and Anya with her need to control his life.

There was his niece and his nephew and possible other nieces and nephews. There was Wes and Fred and there was Sunnydale itself. There were some many reasons to stay, but none of them could beat the real reason. The mere thought that Buffy would one day realize that she was making a mistake by shutting him out and she would welcome him into her home and heart and they could live happily ever after.

Wesley was right. Spike couldn't live knowing that he still had the smallest chance with Buffy. He couldn't leave knowing that she might change her mind and show up on his doorstep with open arms.

"Fuck! It's not fair. She's living somewhere out there probably not giving a shit about me and I can't get her out of my head. I mean I should be able to. I should just be able to flip a switch and then every memory of her would be gone. Like that one movie with Jim Carrey."

"That's not how love works."

"Why not. She treated me like shit at the bottom of her shoe. I should just be able to forget all about her. I should just replay those words in my mind and be able to forget, but I can't." Spike said.

"I know, but you have to realize that those were said out of fear. You will never truly be happy if you don't know for sure."

"So you want me to what go to her and put my heart on the line again. It's not fair."

"No it's not, but then again neither is life. Nothing is ever fair or easy. It's what you get for trying that makes it worth the trying. Buffy means a lot to you. More then I think even you realize. When you think about her your face lights up and when you see her I've never seen you look happier. Even with Faith or Dru. I really think that you two are meant for each other." Wesley said.

Spike looked up at him with wide eyes. Just like Angel, Wes didn't believe in soul mates or true loves. He believed in people and their ability or inability as the case may be to commit to relationships.

"I just think you both need a shove in each others directions. I know you can't live knowing that she might love you like you love her. And I know that you can see it. Even though she is acting sort of mean and cruel." Wesley said.

"So you want me to keep trying?" Spike asked hesitantly.

"Yes that's exactly what this whole conversation has been about."

"Well, I guess I could. I just... can I be alone for a day or so. I have to think things through." Spike said.

"Yeah I assumed you did. I'll be here for you Will. No matter what you chose and I hope you know that. I hope you know that if you chose to just forget about Buffy and move on with your life I'll be there to stand by you. I just... I want you to be happy and I don't want you to live a life of regrets." Wes said as he got up and left Spike alone in his apartment.

Spike thought about what Wes had said and realized that ever word was truth. It was true that he would always wonder, but was it a wonder that would be bearable. Would he look back one day and realize that it was just a small thought in the back of his head like any question about love.

Spike thought that with time he would forget about Buffy, but the longer they were apart the more he wanted to be with her. It didn't seem like he could get her out of head. She was their and taking up permanent residence.

Spike smiled realizing that Wesley's little visit was just the kick start he needed. He couldn't give up no matter how hopeless it all seemed. He had to see it through and he had to know for sure that Buffy didn't want anything to do with him because deep down he really thought she loved him.

She had to love him because he could feel it every time he was with her. It wasn't just that he was at ease... she was at ease too. He couldn't leave it like that. He had to know for sure and then if it was meant to be it was meant to be.

There was nothing more he could do that night though. He had already left several messages on her machine and it was pretty late for a call. Besides he wanted to see her in person. He could go by the court house but it would seem too much like stalking as would going to her apartment. He sighed and looked over at the clock on the wall. It was close to eleven and he had to be into work the next day.

He was tired and worn out and he wasn't going to solve the Buffy situation tonight. He turned off his TV and various lamps he changed his clothes, brushed his teeth and did all the normal stuff before he cuddled up into his nice warm bed with Spot on the other side already snoozing. Spike drifted off to sleep knowing that soon he'd be able to get something that he had only recently discovered could be so powerful. Closure.

A/N: This was originally going to be Wesley talking to Spike and Oz talking to Buffy in one chapter, but it got to be too long so I caught it in half. This chapter is Wes and Spike the next will be Oz and Buffy and then the final chapter! I'm excited and maybe the chapters will come faster. Hopefully! Okay please REVIEW!