A/N: Oh okay I know that it's been awhile since I updated. So here's an update. Thank you guys for reviewing this story. I have 90 reviews for one story and I owe it all to everyone who took the time to review. You guys rock. Please help me hit the hundred mark! ENJOY!

Distribution: Go ahead and spread it around if you think it's good. Just tell me where my baby's going first.

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.

Spoilers: None

Chapter 24:

"Buffy, come on Buffy please pick up the phone. Please... we can't just leave things like that. Buffy would you please just pick up the fu..." Buffy picked up the phone and hung it up again.

That was the fourth call from Spike in one day. It was getting so Spike was leaving at least five messages on her machine each day. Buffy wasn't sure whether she found it annoying or romantic.

She hadn't meant a single word she had said to Spike in that hospital room. No one had commented on it so she didn't have to think it over... at least for the time being. Willow had tried to persuade her to at least talk to Spike. That if she talked to Spike and worked things out they could get to the root of the problem.

Typical psychiatrist Willow. Talking solved everything. Andrew had been more blunt in his argument. He had told Buffy that by doing this she was giving away the only guy that ever treated her right. She had listened to his arguments with silent regard and none of her usual biting comments.

Andrew was right. She was giving up a lot by not picking up the phone when Spike called or keeping his flowers or going to see him. At first it had been because she was angry. She had been angry at Spike, but more so angry with herself. She thought she needed to be strong and independent and to be with Spike would just start up her streak of never being able to be alone.

She was also angry with herself for believing that there was a good guy out there when clearly Spike had done her wrong... or had he. Had the scene with Drusilla been nothing more then an old girlfriend helping a drunken ex. Had she even had the right to get angry with Spike even if that hadn't been the case.

Spike had told her she had no claim on him at the time. Spike wasn't her boyfriend or lover. He was just a friend as for as he was concerned because that was all Buffy would let him be.

He could make his own choices and sleep with whomever he wanted to sleep with. It made Buffy even angry that Spike was make her see the holes in her logic. Buffy had always relied on her instincts, but maybe now her instincts were so screwed up that they could no longer be trusted.

So she turned Spike away in spite but more and more nowadays she really just wanted to answer the phone when he called, but something else was keeping her back. Buffy had the sinking feeling that it was fear. Not fear that Spike would screw her over, but that she would end up screwing it up with Spike.

That there was something about her that was just incapable of being loved. That for some wacky reason she'd say or do the wrong thing and he would just leave her because he figured out he deserved better.

A knock on the front door broke Buffy's thoughts.

"Come in. It's unlocked." She said. She heard the door creek open and looked up.

"Oz what are you doing here?"

"Just thought I stop by. See how you were doing." Oz said shutting the door behind him.

"Oh, well I'm fine." Buffy said.

"Yeah you look fine." Oz said sitting down in one of the loveseats.

"I'm sorry, I've known you for like ten years now and I still can't decipher if you're being sarcastic or not." Buffy said snidely.

"I'm not so sure which one I meant either. I'm leaning more towards observation. You know if that's the one that doesn't get my head bit off." Oz said. Buffy sighed. Snapping at her friends was not what she needed to be doing right now.

"I'm sorry Oz. Look I know you and Willow and Andrew are worried about me, but I'm fine. I couldn't be better." Buffy said knowing full well she was lying through her teeth.

"Well I just wanted to make sure. You know you have to testify against Riley in four days. I just thought you might be a little... nervous about it all." Oz said.

"That's sweet of you, but I'm holding up fine."

"Oh I know. You're a fighter. I keep telling Willow that, but she worries. Doesn't help that she's pregnant. Hormones and all that." Oz said.

"Yeah I know how that goes. You go from being nice and sweet to being weepy and paranoid the next. So how's everything going with you?" Buffy asked hoping to shift the conversation towards Oz and Willow rather then have all the attention on her.

"Good. Willow's working, I'm working, the baby's fine. Everything's really good."

"So is working at a record company everything you thought it would be?" Buffy asked.

"Well it's exciting. Definitely keeps me on my toes. Sometimes the singers will come in and be a little too Hollywood for my tastes, but all in all I'm living the dream." Oz said.

"Still pick up a guitar every once in a while?"

"Well yeah. It's not just something you put down... even when you put it down. It's still a part of me even if it isn't going to take me places. I haven't really picked up since... you know." Oz said.

Buffy did know what he was talking about. Oz had been part of an extremely successful local band when they were in high school, which was saying something for a town as big as LA.

He had been the lead guitarist in the band called Dingoes Ate My Baby and it could have been his ticket to big fame. Everyone had said the Dingoes were going places and they did... Oz just didn't share in their glory.

Oz had been dating Willow for a little more then a year when he found out the news. He was already in college at the time and Buffy and Willow were seniors in high school. Oz and the band would go on many tour dates in the near by states leaving Willow alone for weeks at a time. Buffy knew her friend had taken those times hard.

She would be morose and even the thought of extra homework wouldn't excite her. Willow only seemed to be happy when she was around Oz and it had seemed that Oz had felt the same way. When Oz would come home after weeks on the road he'd come to Willow and they would just hold each other for the longest time. The atmosphere would be so peaceful around them.

It had come as a pleasant surprise when a record exec had come to Oz and the band with the deal of a lifetime. They could have it all... cars, money, fame. For a local band with band members that came from broken homes and dirt poor parents it was the chance of a lifetime, but Oz wasn't so sure.

He knew that if he were to go with the Dingoes on their quest for fame and fortune he'd have to leave behind the girl who he loved more then his own life. He had started a life for himself going to college and doing the good boyfriend thing. He didn't want to mess that up. He was enjoying his life as it was and fame and fortune just weren't enough for him.

He had told the guys that he couldn't do it, but to go ahead without him. There was frowning especially from the lead singer Devon who thought of Oz as a brother and vice versa.

It had taken Devon awhile to understand why Oz would give up the chance of a lifetime, but he grew to accept it. The band still thought of Oz as one of them so they would involve him in everything from songs to clothes to tour dates.

They valued his opinion and input and soon Dingoes was a hit with everyone. Oz couldn't have been happier for his friends he knew the deserved it and he wasn't going to hold them back just because it wasn't his dream.

They had used the songs Oz wrote and Oz even owned the rights to a few of the songs. It looked as though the Dingoes were going places, but if you looked close enough you could see the cracks. Adam and John, the drum and bass player, were somewhat unchanged by the rock star lifestyle although they occasionally took part in the partying. Devon had changed though.

He started using drugs and drinking and having unprotected sex with any pretty thing that walked by. Although the drugs and the drinking and the fast woman hadn't been the reason for his death it didn't help things with the band or his finances. He spent money as if he grew it in his backyard and didn't bother to show up for practices. Oz had tired to reason with him, but there was no getting through his thick head.

Devon was killed in a car accident when he was twenty-three leaving the Dingoes without a singer, Oz shell-shocked and the world in mourning. They had been a very popular band and had a pretty big fan following that most thought it was a horrible joke. Oz had felt the loss of his best friend like a dead weight on his chest.

The band members had been just as shocked with Devon's death. After everything bad he did in his life a car accident was what killed him. It had taken them awhile to move on, but the soon found other work and kept doing what they loved.

Devon had given Oz everything he had left which wasn't a lot after the drugs. Oz was given all the rights to everything the Dingoes had because the other band members felt he would do a better job at running those things and keeping Devon's spirit alive.

"Oz, did I ever tell you that you're one of the greatest people I know." Buffy said. "No I don't think you have." "Well you are. You're smart and funny and sincere and unselfish. Maybe I was wrong to push you away."

"No, you weren't. What happened between us... That one date... it wasn't right. Being with Willow... that's right."

"Still there aren't many guys like you. How come there aren't that many guys like you out there?" Buffy asked.

"I don't know... I mean I have my faults. Everyone has their faults." Oz said.

"Yeah but you're... you gave it up! You gave up being famous and rich and living you dream for love. I've never seen anyone give up their dream so readily like you did."

"You're forgetting yourself Buffy. You gave up becoming a doctor to raise Dawn."

"That's different. Dawn is my daughter. I'm supposed to do those things because I love her. Willow... she was just a girlfriend. How did you know that she was the one person you were supposed to be with for the rest of your life? How did you just say 'fuck it' to your dreams to be with her? Why can't more people be like that?"

"It wasn't hard. My dreams had changed. At that point I more then anything wanted to be with Willow because it was right. Willow was how I was supposed to be with. Wherever Willow is that's where I'm supposed to be. That's where I belong." Oz said.

"I just don't get why there aren't more people like you. No one's ever done that for me. Riley sure as hell didn't give up anything to be with me. I had to give up everything to be with him." Buffy said.

"Well there is Spike."

"Oh no not you too. God, can't I go more then five seconds without thinking about him or having someone else tell me I should be thinking about him."

"Well I'm sorry about sounding like a broken record. As for not thinking about him... that's all up to you. I can't control what you think. I just think that maybe... I mean he gave up going to San Francisco to see how you were. He's still here. I know he wants to be with you." Oz said.

"I know that too. I just... I don't know what to do. Everything is such a mess. I don't know how to fix it."

"I don't know everything that's going on with you. maybe you were thinking that he was too good to be true in the beginning, but then he was still such a great guy that you thought that maybe you weren't good enough for him." Oz said. Buffy looked up at him in surprise.

"Hear me out here. I know everyone seems to think that you don't feel like you can trust him or they just don't know what to think of how your two are acting. I just call it like I see it. So I'm thinking that you feel like you have to much baggage and that it would get in the way of any really happiness... so you closed yourself off. Am I close?" Oz asked.

Buffy wasn't sure what to do. She shook her head in reply and Oz looked at her intently.

"You know that's not true right. You know that you are worth it, right?" Oz said after she was silent for a long time.

"Of course now I do. I mean I thought I wasn't. I'm still not so sure that I don't think about it that way. I mean he's such a great guy and none of it's fake. It's who he is."

"So I gotta wonder what's holding you back now." Oz said.

Buffy thought about it. More then anything she wanted to be with Spike. Wanted to him to hold her close to him and take all the pain away.

She just wasn't sure why she couldn't answer the phone when he called. She wanted to be with him, but she was afraid. She was afraid of taking that terrifying plunge into the unknown.

"I don't know. I don't know why I don't talk to him or why I'm avoiding him or why I can't let myself be happy. I just don't know why I can't do any of it."

"Maybe because you're still afraid. Of what I don't know. Like I said I can't read your thoughts or control your mind. You have to tell me why you're scared." Oz said.

"I don't know... I just don't know anything anymore." Buffy said dejectedly.

"Well, maybe it's just you're nervous. Nervous about putting yourself out there again. Maybe it has nothing to do with being afraid that you're going to screw things up. Maybe you're just nervous about dating again."

"Could it be that simple?" Buffy asked.

"No, it's probably not, but that's the basic. It's scary... the new stuff... the unknown."

"You're right that is scary."

"Yeah, but we've got choices. You don't have to face the unknown alone you know." Oz said.

Buffy thought that being alone was probably the worst thing in the world. Going through life alone had to be hard. There was no one there to be proud of you. no one there to prove wrong.

There was no one there to congratulate you at the end of the day. You were just by yourself. That had to be one of the worst existences in life, but Buffy had actually thought that it was better.

To go through life alone then to ever go through what she had gone through again. She thought she wasn't strong enough to go through the same thing twice, but she was wrong.

People who had no one to care about them... they were dead on the inside. Buffy couldn't imagine what her life would be like without Dawn. When she had been separated from Riley for that year before the divorce was final she hadn't needed anyone in a romantic way.

She had Dawn's needs and wants and cares to worry about, but now... it just wasn't like that anymore. Dawn had survived this horrible ordeal and now she didn't want to be smothered like Buffy had been doing before.

Dawn just needed Buffy to be strong and lively, but this thing with Spike was sucking the life out of her. Buffy saw how Dawn would look at her when she turned the volume down on the answering machine. Dawn didn't understand why Buffy couldn't be happy with Spike and to be honest Buffy didn't understand it either.

She wanted to be happy with Spike and she knew Spike wanted to be with her. The phone calls and the chocolates and the flowers were a huge indicator of that. Was it possible for Buffy to put everything behind her and just take the plunge?

"Are you scared that he won't want you?" Oz asked.

"No I know that he still wants to be with me. I've got forty messages on my answering machine that would prove that." Buffy said jokingly.

"Well what are you scared of?" Oz asked.

"I don't know." Buffy said.

"Then don't you think it's a little silly to be sitting here moping when you could be with Spike?"

"I guess... I just... I feel."

"It's a risk Buffy. Life's one big risk. It makes the difference in your life. Maybe you make the wrong choices, but they're your choices to make. At least you can say that much. Don't let your fear rule your life."

"How'd you do it. How'd you take the risk of choosing Willow over the Dingoes?" Buffy asked.

"It wasn't to hard. I didn't listen to my brain, which was telling me that it was a good thing. Being rich and famous who wouldn't want that. I listened to my heart. I knew the Willow was the one and that to have anything without her would be... worthless. You know that saying... it's lonely at the top." Oz said.

"Yeah I guess. So it wasn't hard for you. then why is it so hard for me. Does that mean that me and Spike won't make it?" Buffy asked.

"No, I don't think that's it. You both have been burned from what I've I think you're both just to cautious and love is something spontaneous most of the time. Don't worry... you'll get there. It's all about timing Buffy. You're time with Spike is now. It's your time to be happy, trust me." Oz said.

"What do I do? What do I say? I mean I've been avoiding him for so long. It's going to sound stupid, whatever comes out of my mouth. How do I date someone? It's been so long I think I've forgotten." Buffy said.

"I'm not sure... it's been awhile for me too. I think you just play it by ear. Follow your hear because even though it can play some pretty dirty tricks on your brain can play some worse ones."

"This... I'm not sure I can do this." Buffy said. "Do you love him?" Oz asked.

Buffy was quiet for a moment. Did she love Spike? Was it too soon to say for sure? Did she already know deep down that she loved Spike? Was that what she was scared of?

That maybe it was too early for her to start developing feelings for Spike, but they were there. Right in front of her face screaming to be played out. She loved him.

"Yes?" She whispered in a small voice that Oz wasn't sure he heard.

"Well then that's enough." Oz said in a matter of fact tone.

"What if it isn't?" Buffy asked looking up at Oz with a lost look in her eye.

"If it isn't enough, later on or now, you tried Buffy, but something tells me that you to will make it enough." Oz said.

Buffy nodded as if she understood what Oz was saying. It was all Oz could hope for. He had to try and help the others save Buffy from where she was right now.

"Just call him or see him or something. Remember what I said about following your heart. It's good advice." Oz said getting up from the couch. He had to get back to Willow before she suspected something was going on.

"Thanks Oz. It was nice talking to you." Buffy said hoping she could convey her gratitude in those short sentences.

"Any time, Buffy, any time." Oz said as he opened the front door and walked out of it.

Buffy watched him leave.

Oz rarely spoke, but when he did it was to convey some sort of high wisdom. He didn't get a name like Guru Oz for nothing. He knew what he was talking about despite how young he was. He knew about life and he certainly knew about love. Buffy always made it a point to listen to him when he talked especially if it was advice.

Oz advice was the best advice she ever received. He was saying to go for it. He was saying to lay it all on the line for love just as he did, only Buffy didn't have anything to lose like he did.

She had to call Spike. She had to tell him how she felt. She couldn't run away from love anymore just because she was scared and thought that it would never work out. Life was about taking chances and making choices.

Buffy would regret never telling Spike just how much she loved him and wanted him to be a part of her life. It would be worse then how she was carrying on right now. She just hoped Spike would listen to her know that she had it somewhat figured out.

A/N: Well that took longer then expected. There were just so many things to think about with this one. I had gone back through my story and realized that Oz didn't have a story about his past. Everyone else did, but Oz did not. So whereas with Wes and Spike I just did that because there weren't enough of those conversation, I had to come up with a background for Oz. Hope I did a good job. I had to keep going over and over so hopefully I didn't contradict myself. Okay last Chapter next folks. I can't believe it's coming to an end. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! I JUST LOVE REVIEWS!