Sorry for lack of updates. Thank you to all reviewers, I worship the ground you walk on. I don't know if this funny, but it's a chapter so be thankful haha.

Disclaimer: Don't own Cowboy Bebop. Sad but true.

Faye looked down at her grumbling stomach. [God, I'm so hungry. When's Jet getting back? He should know better then to leave me alone with Edward and Spike on the Bebop with no food. Bastard.] She scowled. It had been an hour since Jet had left. She was lying stretched out on the couch, imagining various delicacies float across the ceiling. First it was sushi. Then egg fried rice with chicken. Then ribs. Coated with that honey glaze sauce she remembered so well, that tang that seemed to glisten on your tongue...

"Oh, stop it," she grumbled to herself, staring bleakly at the ceiling.

"Hey, there goes some pork chops..." Faye blinked. "Stop talking to yourself."

[If he doesn't come back soon, I might be forced into cannibalism or possibly insanity. Ed's way too skinny and Spike's a bit lean but...no, stop it. Don't think that way.]

[I wish I hadn't eaten all of Spike's cheesecake]. Unconsciously, she licked her lips. [It was pretty damn fine].

Faye began to name the imaginary foodstuffs that floated across her sight. "Crab cakes...moo goo pan...tiger shrimp...chocolate...ice cream..."

"What about cheesecake?"

Faye gave a little scream of fright and shot up. Spike stood behind her, hands in his pockets, ever-present cigarette hanging over his lip. When she first looked him in the face there was a sly look she didn't like in his discolored eyes...but that disappeared. Now he just looked tired and bored.

She gave him a little smirk. "Cheesecake too."

She waited for him to start arguing again, or try and punch her or something but he just said, "Where's Jet?"

"Out."

"Out where?"

"I don't know. He said it was personal business." Faye was still wary. Spike started to open his mouth when Edward tackled him from behind.

"Spike-Spike and Faye-Faye are here with Edward!" she cried gleefully, clambering up onto Spike's shoulders. In one hand she was clutching a toilet roll.

"Get off," Spike said automatically, but he didn't try to remove her. Edward peered into his face. "Spike-person would like to help Edward?"

"Huh?"

"Jet-person has confiscated Edward's paint set," the hacker said, a little sadly. "We," she pointed to Ein, "may have been stripped of our Warrior markings, but that does not mean that Radical Edward is not a Rainbow Warrior at heart!" She waved the toilet paper roll in his face. "Spike- Spike wanna help us make a tee-pee?"

"No, bad idea," Faye snapped, trying to take the toilet paper roll away. Ed snarled at her and she recoiled, looking extremely peeved.

"Don't do that, Faye," Spike smirked, patting Edward on the head. He looked like a pirate captain with his pet monkey. "You're insulting the Rainbow Warrior Code of Honor."

"Neeeeee!" Ed agreed.

Faye stared at him pityingly. "Did I just hear you say that?"

"Yes. Ah, it confirms my superior intelligence..."

"Your what?"

Spike just smiled. Edward nodded her head vigorously. "We must construct a Teepee of Sorrow, in remembrance of those two proud Rainbow Warriors who lost their souls and markings in the Bath of Tears," she said solemnly. Then she brightened. "Do not lament for their passing, fellow Warriors!" she announced to a bemused Spike and Faye, "For it is myth among the Rainbow Warrior clan that Warriors whom have died in water, their spirits reincarnate and come back into being as whales, and it was so." She nodded, beaming.

Spike stared blankly at her. Faye blinked.

Edward stared innocently with her amber cat's eyes. "Spike-Spike want to help Edward and Ein make a memorial teepee?"

"Ok..."

And so it became that, two hours later, Spike found himself lying sheepishly in the middle of the lounge, which had been successfully teepee'd by Edward. Long swathes of toilet paper wound around the pipes on the ceiling, the couch, etc. Spike blinked: he didn't recall how he'd let the situation get out of control.

He did remember saying he wanted to go get a drink. He remembered Faye departing in a huff for her own room. And that was all he remembered until now, waking up on the floor.

Then he noticed that in fact he was gripping something hard and bottle- shaped...he had a beer bottle in his hand.

Oh.

Well, that would explain why he couldn't remember anything. And why his vision seemed to waver at odd moments. In fact it would also explain the...seven...other empty beer bottles near his feet. He didn't even remember Jet buying any beer.

Spike scratched his head. But that action alone was too complex for his intoxicated mind and he stopped quickly. He laid his head back, causing his brain to slosh sickeningly inside his skull.

"Edward?" he tried.

A curious giggle answered him.

"Edward?" Spike winced and tried to get up. This failed. [Gaah, my head...]

Suddenly he heard the door open, and large footsteps approaching. That could only be Jet, back from his little soiree. Spike winced, his acidic stomach giving an uncomfortable gurgle. He tried to think himself out of existence.

"Spike? Yo, Spike!"

The cowboy tried to dig his head into the floor.

"Faye? Edward? Where are you g- JESUS H. CHRIST!!"

Spike cringed as a large shadow fell over him like a leaden weight. He curled up, knocking the empty bottles by his feet, the sound produced rather like glassy funeral bells. [Your own funeral, Cowboy.]

"Spike!"

"Yeah, that's me." Spike didn't want to open his eyes. "Quit shouting. I have a hangover."

He yelped as a cybernetic arm lifted him effortlessly off the floor, he had no choice now but to open his eyes...and found himself staring into Jet's bluey-green ones. Which were glinting dangerously, a bad sign.

"What happened?" Jet rumbled, letting Spike swing there (although Spike was shorter by a few inches, it definitely felt like a few miles).

"I don't know," Spike croaked feebly. His mouth felt like a hot desert. And he began wishing he'd find an oasis, drink the whole thing, then find a palm tree or something to crawl under and sleep till the End of Days, letting its cool shadow welcome his tired body, the soft sand cushion him and the desert sounds sing him to sleep-

Jet shook him and Spike's eyes snapped open. "Stop daydreaming! Where's Edward and Faye?"

"I don't know," Spike repeated in a dull monotone. Jet shook him again and he yelped, feeling like a child who was being scolded.

"Give 2 good reasons why I should give you this," he heard Jet say, and Spike focused his eyes long enough to see a beautiful cheesecake in a neat white box, with a small note pinned to the outside. Instinctively he snatched for it but Jet moved it back.

"Well?"

"Because you're a swell guy and you won't let a friend starve?"

"Friend? Really?"

"Er...crewmate? Partner?"

"Ex-partner if you're not careful." He set it down.

"Ed wanted to build a teepee," Spike muttered lamely, "I said I'd help...I didn't do it!" he added quickly, "I don't remember what happened. I just remember thinking...that I needed a drink..."

Jet's scowl deepened. "Where's Edward?"

"Um..."

"Edward ish here," came a giggly voice from above. Both men looked up. Toilet paper streamers rustled, and Edward swung out into view, clinging monkey-like to the pipes on the ceiling. She was grinning lopsidedly; and wider then usual. Her orange hair stuck out in odd directions. Spike thought her brilliant eyes seemed hazy and unfocused.

In one hand she was clutching a beer bottle.

Spike's brain screamed at him. [OH SHIT OH SHIT WE ARE IN DEEP SHIT...]

"Edward is...heeheehee!...mourning for the soulsh of ther Rainbow Warryersh," Ed slurred, giggling. She waved her bottle. "Libationsh have been made in offering! Shpike-Shpike wash ther Master of Sherimonies..." She grabbed the bottle with her feet, pointing it at Spike who was trying to disappear into his jacket, aware that Jet's hand was trembling.

"You gave Edward ALCOHOL!?" Jet roared in a very loud voice that echoed around the Bebop, making Spike's head whistle and clammer. "ARE YOU INSANE??"

"Hold on a minute, Jet," Spike said weakly, trying to wriggle loose, head reverberating, "I did not GIVE Edward any alcohol...she must've...uh...stolen one of my bottles?"

The response was an animal-like growl. Spike was exceedingly aware at that moment of how much Jet looked like an angry grizzly. His mind recalled a random obscure fact that no force in nature was more dangerous then an angry bear protecting its cubs. In which case, he knew he was in deep trouble.

The sound of high-heeled boots clacking and then stopping made both men turn their heads. Faye stood above them, blinked at the sight of all of them, and tried to slink away. "Uh, looks like you're busy...I'll come back later."

"Stay where you are!" Jet snarled, his command successfully pinning her to the ground. Faye stuck her lip out and warily moved to the railing. Above, Edward gibbered like a monkey.

Spike, who was watching all of this, cringed as Jet turned his head back.

"I knew it was a mistake leaving you three alone," he growled. He sounded more disappointed then angry. "I was under the impression that you were half-way responsible adults. I guess I was wrong, right?"

"I tried to take the toilet paper away from Ed," came Faye's voice, sounding defensive. "She tried to bite me. If you ask me, I think she picked up rabies on Earth."

"No one asked you," Spike mumbled.

"This is your fault," Faye shot back. "You deciding to help Edward turn the Bebop into a toilet paper factory! That was our last roll, by the way. Did you ever consider that?"

"I don't need to use it as much as you do," Spike grumbled. He was feeling sick and his head had a real brass band going in there.

"You're an ass!" she snapped.

"You're a shrew!"

"Go to Hell!"

"Ladies first!"

"Both of you shut up!" Jet shouted and Spike twisted in his grip. "Yaagh...Jet, don't do that...my head." He wilted as Jet gave him a completely non-sympathetic look.

"Jet-pershon?" came a small voice. "Edward....hic!...ishn't feeling so...so....well."

Ed hung limply from the ceiling by her feet. Jet dropped Spike unceremoniously onto the floor and caught her just in time as she fell. Edward blinked at him slowly.

"Alcohol ish bad for you," she announced, before promptly falling asleep in Jet's arms. In doing so she dropped the beer bottle that was in her hand, it landed on Spike below. It him in the stomach. He doubled over, wondering if he was going to be sick. Blue lights flashed in front of him.

[Maybe I'm dying of alcohol poisoning,] his brain mumbled.

[What about that new cheesecake?]

[Can't eat if you're dead.]

[I don't want Faye to eat it again.]

[Then don't pass out, cowboy.]

[Am I passing ou- ]

Emptiness.

Jet looked at Spike on the floor and sighed noisily. He appeared to be breathing at any rate, so that was ok. He looked up at Faye, who had scraped together the decency to look guilty.

"Get rid of some of this toilet paper," he rumbled, "I'm going to put Edward to bed, and then try and do something for Spike...he's drunken way too much. Anything you can't reach I'll deal with later."

To his surprise, she didn't start complaining, though the look in her green eyes strongly suggested she wanted to. Jet stumped out with Edward dangling limply in his arms, head thrown back, a dreamy expression on her face. Ein tagged along at his heels.

He gently laid her down in bed, and put the covers over her. Ein whined, and cowboy looked down at him. "It's best if she sleeps it off...she probably won't remember anything in the morning anyway." He bent down and scratched the corgi's ears.

"Let me know if something happens, ok?"

"Bark!"

Jet hesitated, then reached forward and gently removed Edward's goggles from her head, setting them down beside her. Just so she could sleep comfortably.

Jet walked back into the lounge, where Faye was struggling to remove the toilet paper with an incredibly disdainful look on her face. "Welcome to my world," he told her when she glared at him.

The bounty hunter folded his arms as he looked down at Spike's crumpled form.

"And just what am I going to do with you?"

A/N: Ok, excuses: I haven't been able to update any of my fanfiction very much because it's finals time, meaning I am screwed. I am trying to find time to write in between mindless panicking. All reviewers get a CHEESECAKE! (throws random cheesecakes) End note. .