A/N: Gaah it took me soo long to write this. Not sure about the quality but it's here, another chapter. Enjoy, cowboys.

Spike woke woozily, aware that he was bouncing up and down. The movement made him feel nauseous. His brain sluggishly suggested that he was being carried over someone's shoulder. Spike told his brain to shut up; he didn't want to hear anymore from it, and grumpily passed out again.

[[Flashback of one hour ago]]

Spike sat down with a large paper bag on the couch next to Faye, feeling oddly satisfied. Perhaps this was because he'd gone down to a seedy mart down in the Martian city and bought a eight-pack of beer bottles for 7 woolongs. He idly lit another cigarette, then smoothly slid the cap off one bottle and drank. Ahhh, the joys of cheap beer.

"PRESENTS!"

"Uh uh, no way." Spike used one hand to hold back Edward, who was straining toward the bottles. "This stuff is for adults only. You're way too young."

"Oh!" Ed whined, "Edward thought you brought her back some souvenirs!" She plopped down cross-legged next to his feet.

"Sorry, kid." Spike blew smoke out, before easing himself back on the couch. He laid a sweating beer on his stomach, dropped his head back and closed his eyes. Then his nose twitched. Spike opened an eye.

"What's that smell?"

Faye gave him a withering look and held up her wrist. "It's a new perfume I bought. The smell of freshness may not be something you're used too, but get over it."

"Well, it stinks."

"Go somewhere else then."

"I'm all nice and comfortable."

"Well, this couch isn't your property. So I'm staying," Faye said, with dignity.

"Edward thinks Faye-Faye smells like over-ripe fruit," Ed said, a little doubtfully.

"Good grief," Faye snapped, "you two clowns couldn't smell a rose unless it was shoved up your nose. It's Summer Citrus Essence." She sniffed her wrist and sighed dreamily. "It smells like –"

"- Rotten oranges, we know." Spike replied, taking another swig. He was only a little surprised to find that he'd gone through his first bottle already. Raising his head he saw the rest of the bottles were 3 feet away on the table: his brain began to calculate if it was worth getting up or not.

Then he saw Edward looking at him with bright, eager eyes, and he had an idea.

"Hey, Ed, wanna do something for me?"

Edward brightened. "Ok, Spike-Spike!"

"I hereby name thee my official Beer Monkey. When I want another beer, you will pass one to me."

"Beer Monkey?" Faye looked revolted. Ed squealed and began making monkey noises. "Spike, that's cruel."

"No it isn't. Beer Monkey! Hand me another bottle!" Spike grinned as Edward extended him one, hooting. "See? She likes it. Everyone's happy. Especially me." He unscrewed it and drank deeply. Faye stared at him, fascinated.

"Are you really going to drink all of those?"

"Why not?"

"It's just...stupid."

Spike belched loudly. "I don't care."

"You're setting a bad example to Edward. She'll grow up to be a drunk or something."

Spike raised an eyebrow. "Who are you, Jet? Since when did you care about Edward?"

Faye shifted uncomfortably. "She's just a little kid, ok? I don't think –HEY!" She swatted Edward away. "Stop touching my hair!"

"Edward the Beer Monkey was just checking to see if you had fleas, Faye- Faye!" Ed chirped, giggling. Then she capered around the couch to Spike, who was laughing. Faye seethed, and began to straighten her hair, ignoring them. "I do NOT have fleas!"

Spike waved his bottle, grinning. "Beer Monkey! I have six bottles to finish before Jet gets back! What's the hold up?"

"You're disgusting." Faye stood. "Normally, I'd have a beer too, but not when you're like this."

"Fine," Spike said, accepting his third bottle, "you can go and...and do whatever women do. I wasn't going to let you have any anyway." He drank, then looked up at Faye. "I'm supposed to be drinking away my sorrows. Why are you still here?"

Faye glared at him, then snatched her little red jacket off the couch. "Be that way," she snapped. "I'm going to my room and when you start to sing drunkenly I'd better not be able to hear you." She flounced off in a huff. Spike peered after her and hiccuped. "Strange animals, women...like...a different species." He blinked. That was probably the deepest thought he'd had all day.

Well, it was deep for him. He paused reflectively, and slowly brought the bottle to his lips.

Three more bottles later...

"Y'know," Spike said morosely, "all I wanted was my damn slice of cheesecake. There's nothing wrong with appreshe...appreshia...appresh...with liking fine culininary...colonery...good food. And damn if New York-style cheesecake isn't the best thing there is...why can't other people see that?" He looked expectantly at his audience, a row of empty bottles. "Why can't anyone see how special it is to me? It has a place...in my heart...I have a heart, you know," he snapped suddenly, then turned gloomy again. God, he was drunk.

Spike rolled his head back. "Ed? Beer Monkey? I'm still capable of speech and am conscious...which is bad. Where'sthestupidkid...ED!"

Edward popped up, waving her long arms. "Edward the Beer Monkey is here, Spike-Spike! Hoo hoo hoo ha ha!"

"I thought you were teepeeing the Bebop," Spike yawned, holding the bottle so beer dribbled onto his chest. He tried to lick the falling drops.

"Edward HAS teepeed the Bebop," Edward said slyly, then changed her expression into one of sorrow. She bowed her head. "Edward must mourn for the loss of our fellow Rainbow Warriors."

"Amen," Spike slurred, staggering to his feet. He put his head back, arms outstretched. "O God, who'art in Heaven, Hollow Bee thy Name...uh...hic!"

"Spike-Spike makes a good Master of Ceremonies," Ed giggled, clapping with her feet. Spike gave her a wobbly grin, turned and slipped on some toilet paper on the floor. He lay flat on the ground, mumbling feebly about cheesecake and bees. Ed clambered over to the table, noticing that one last beer bottle was left, sweating and unopened. She leaned forward and sniffed it. There was a pungent, heady smell that made her blink a few times. Ed gave the cap an experimental lick. Nothing. She peered at Spike on the floor, then looked back at the bottle.

Edward unscrewed the cap and took a sip, her eyes bugging at the rich taste. "Whooh...Spike-Spike has good strong medicine! Chief Edward of the Rainbow Warriors will drinnk it aaall!" She smacked her lips, and looked at Ein. "Though Spike-Spike should know better then to give white man's liquor to natives of the Rainbow Warrior tribe...heehee!"

Ed leapt about, flailing her arms, doing some strange sort of war-dance. "Aw-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-waaa!" she undulated, waving the bottle.

Ein lay down and put his paws over his eyes.

Peace on the Bebop started to go downhill from there.

[[End flashback]]

"ACKPTH!"

Spike gasped as his head was dunked in ice-cold water, and pulled out again. He scrabbled at Jet, who was holding him by the scruff. "I'm AWAKE, dammit!"

"Coulda fooled me. For a while you were pretty far gone, mumbling about oranges and cheesecake." Jet supported Spike as he leaned against him weakly, droplets glistening in his hair. "You ok?"

"Arrrghhll."

"Hey, no puking on the captain. That's not allowed on the Bebop."

"What about on the bathmat?"

"You clean it up."

"In that case, I won't." Spike checked his roiling stomach, grimacing. "I used to be able to drink 8 bottles without getting smashed. It's a sad day when a cowboy can't hold his liquor, and it ain't gonna be me."

They made it out into the corridor, Spike with an arm around Jet's strong shoulders. The younger cowboy hung his head. "I didn't mean for it to get out of control like that, Jet. I was bored. All of a sudden drinking a whole lot seemed like a good idea."

Jet sighed. "You know I know that."

Spike fidgeted. "How's Edward?"

"You can see for yourself, if you want." Spike nodded. Jet slowly opened Edward's door and was greeted by a welcoming yip from Ein. The data-dog looked up them, panting, from on top Edward's bed. He wagged his tail.

"How's it going, Ein? All ok?" Jet scratched him behind the ears. Spike looked at the bed. Edward was still asleep, curled up like a cat, still with her dreamy smile. He rubbed his nose and looked away.

"SPIKE-SPIKE!"

Spike yelped and was hit by Hurricane Ed. "Edward?! Jesus, I thought you were –"

"Radical Edward was pretending to go sleep-sleep so Ed could jump on Spike!" Ed hugged him with surprising strength for a 13-year-old. Spike eased her away, looking embarrassed at Jet's grin. "Yeah, ok, whatever."

"Spike-person is all wet." Edward announced, peering at him. "Did Spike- person make friends with a water balloon?"

"No, but he did get intimate with the sink bowl." Jet smirked. Spike gave him the bird. "So says the man that does strange things with his bonsai plants."

"What the- why, you- Spike!" Jet growled. Spike laughed and made a beeline for the lounge before Jet could decide to maim him or not. Too bad that Faye Valentine happened to be an obstacle in his way.

"Ugh! GET OFF, SPIKE!" She shoved him away, and began picking up her bag again, muttering.

"Ok, ok," Spike held his palms up, then narrowed his eyes. "Hey...where are you going? Not that I care, but if you've stolen anything of mine," he added maliciously. "Like my new cheesecake, for instance..."

Faye stared at him, then slowly, gleefully, licked her lips.

Spike barely noticed that his world was falling around his ears. Faye blinked at the sudden heat of his gaze. It was practically burning into her skin. Spike was standing rigid, his eyes a pale, deadly tan. She could see a faint film of sweat on his upper lip.

"You...you..."

He leapt at her, but a muscled arm caught him around the waist and held him back. Spike struggled violently. "Let me GO, Jet!" he yelled, twisting, "That bitch ate my new cheesecake!"

Jet stared at Faye, mindless of Spike's attempts to get free. "You didn't, Faye."

"No, I didn't," she replied coolly, and snapped her fingers. "God, you men are so stupid. I didn't touch Lunkhead's precious little cheesecake. It's still in the fridge." Spike stopped struggling. Faye raised an eyebrow at him. "I'm not that much of a mean bitch. Besides, I wanted to see the expression on your face. It was worth it, by the way." She shouldered her bag, and began to walk towards the Bebop's docking bay. She lazily waved a hand at them from over her shoulder without looking back. "Au revoir, boys ."

"Wait a minute. Faye- where're you going?" Jet released Spike and followed her.

"Away. You know how it is. I'm my own woman, and it's time to make tracks. That little beer incident made me realise myself." She climbed through the portal into the ship's bay. "Don't wait up."

"But...but I haven't fixed the Redtail!"

"I did." Faye strode over to it. "It took sweat, tears, and a lot of broken nails, but I managed."

"But...wait, woman!" Jet ran to catch up. "Faye..."

Spike appeared at his side. "You're leaving because I wouldn't let you have one of my beers?"

Faye blew her bangs noisily. "No, Spike."

"Must've been the shower incident then."

"Forget it." She threw her bag into the cockpit, and climbed in. Spike leaned against the door, looking down at her with an unreadable expression. "So the great Faye Valentine is leaving the Bebop to play her own tune, huh?"

"Gotta find a new rhythm." She smiled tightly, then fished around in her purse for a cigarette. She stuck it in her mouth, then eyed Spike and Jet. "What? Are you two going to start crying? Did I mean that much to you?"

A lighter appeared under her nose. Spike grinned. "We're waiting for you to break down first, seeing as you'll miss a couple of bachelors like us."

Faye lit up. "You're dripping water from your hair onto my lap. Move."

Spike snorted. Jet elbowed him out of the way and took his place. "A lone female bounty hunter, huh? Sexy." He grinned.

She drummed her fingers on the controls, not looking at him. "Are you two going to let me leave or do I have to blast a hole in the Bebop?"

Jet raised his arms. "Well, now that you put it that way –"

"FAAYE-FAAYE!"

Edward streaked through the portal, holding Ein in her arms, and clambered up Jet till she was perched on his shoulders. "Faye-Faye was leaving to go food-shopping without saying good-bye to Ed OR Ein! That's mean, Faye-Faye! When are you coming back?" She craned her face forward.

Faye took a slow drag. "I'm not going food-shopping, Edward. I'm leaving. For good."

"Edward believes that you should always do good, for good. So Faye-Faye is leaving for a good cause, ne?"

"Yeah," she said softly, "For me."

"O-kay!" She held Ein forward. "Faye-Faye is leaving, Ein. Say good-bye!" Ein yipped.

"Edward! He'll get fleas all over my cockpit!" She gingerly shoved him away. Edward giggled, and hugged the dog to her chest. Jet gave the Redtail a farewell smack with his hand. "I guess you're going then," he said gruffly. "Don't want to hold you up."

"Bye," she said coolly. She gave them a little wave. "So long, cowboys. It's been fun." The Redtail's cockpit closed, shielding her. Jet and Spike went back into the bridge, and watched as the Redtail shot out of the Bebop, making a path for the stars. Edward waved her arms at it through the glass. "BRING ME BACK A SOUVENIR, FAYE-FAYE!"

"I'll be damned," Jet muttered, lighting a cigarette. "She left."

They looked at each other.

Spike grinned. "Hey, this is great. No more annoying shrew-lady. We can stink and not do the dishes and no one will care."

"I was the only one that did the dishes," Jet reminded him.

"Oh yeah. Well, we can leave the toilet seat up. And...best of all...we won't have to split any more bounties three-ways." Spike took a deep, satisfied drag. "I tell ya, Jet, life's looking a lot better now that that wench has took off." Jet gave his rumbling laugh. They nodded at each other, both with we-don't-give-a-shit-that-Faye's-left looks on their faces. Jet broke the silence. "You want your cheesecake?"

"Yeah. Oh man," Spike moaned as he strode over into the kitchen. "You don't know how long I've been waiting for this moment. A whole cheesecake..."

"It's yours, pard."

Spike whipped open the fridge door. When he saw the shelf a smile stretched across his face, and he went misty-eyed. "Oh Jet..."

"What? Are you going to say that you love me or something? I know that," Jet cracked.

"Not that." Spike's hand on the fridge trembled. "Jet."

"What is it?"

Spike's voice was a whisper. "It's not there, Jet."

"...Whaat?" Jet appeared at his side. The neat white box with its little note had gone. Instead there was a can of beans with a note taped on the side. Spike snatched it.

I COULDN'T RESIST, COWBOY. I WON'T EAT IT, I'LL JUST LOOK AT IT AND THINK OF YOU. I KNOW YOU LOVE CHEESECAKE. TOODLES! --FAYE

"Bitch," Spike said. He was breathing hard. "Bitchbitchbitch...YOU BITCH, FAYE!!" he screamed. "MY CHEESECAKE, DAMMIT!" He spun towards Jet. "Unlock the Swordfish II! I'm going to rescue my cheesecake and then shoot that woman down!"

"Spike! For god's sakes, I can get another –"

"That vindictive shrew. I've got to –"

"No, Spike. Let her go."

Spike sagged. "Let my cheesecake go?"

Jet rolled his eyes. "Um...yeah, that's who I meant."

"Fine." Spike smoked furiously. "You're right. That's the best way. Stew in fury and resentment for a couple of weeks before hunting her down."

"I didn't say that."

"It works for me."

On the Redtail:

Faye gave a glance into the seat beside her. The cheesecake looked pretty damn good from where she was sitting. [But no,] she thought, [I need so I can remember the look on Spike's face when he thought I ate it. And imagining the look in his face now.] She smirked.

For a brief instant, she felt a tiny pang of regret. Then it went away and she sighed in relief.

[Get over it, Space Cowboy.]

A/N: Well you know what to do. Review!