Tai & Sora

By Kumquat Queen

of

FREAKSHOW

A/N: It may not be Thursday, but may I present, from FBC(Freakshow Broadcasting Company), in cooperation with SloMutt Productions and Infinite Entertainment, the fun, the drama, the heartbreak...EPISODE 2!!! I haven't gotten any reviews as of writing this chapter, but a member of an online writing group who also happens to be royalty over a citrus fruit can dream, can't they? Besides, I'm sure that eventually someone will review...right? Right.....? (cracking voice)Please?

Anyway, this episode introduces the two Jacks. I couldn't find one person to fit the role, so I split it into two different people.

Episode 2: Nothing To Fear But Queer Itself

It was a typical morning at the Kamiya/Takenouchi household. Tai, Sora and Kari were lounging around the living room, Tai and Sora penciling in facial hair on the clothing models in Cosmo, Kari filing her nails.

"So," Kari piped up, "What are you two girls getting up to today? Gonna go pick out some lingerie, get juiced, and pick up some studs?"

Tai rolled his eyes. "No, Martini Navratilova. We're going to this new Bisexual club that just opened up, The Bi-cycle. So to answer your question, probably on one, likely on two, and hopefully on three." Tai went to the fridge and looked inside. "Hey what happened to all our beer...?" He took one look at Kari, still innocently filing, "...And I just answered my own question.

"What?" Kari asked innocently, "Lupita forgot to stap on my shoulder flask. I can't sober up again, I'll get hungover."

Tai moved toward the door, "Well, I'd love to stay and chat ladies, and Kari, but I have things I need to do before tonight. Paperwork to file, reports to fill out..."

"...Leather pants to buy..." Sora added helpfully.

"Maybe some of that later, too." Tai opened the door, to find Matt Ishida, his best gay friend(and once love interest, the audience suspects) on the other side. "Oh, hey Matt."

Matt smirked, "I know where you're going. Leather doesn't work for you. Go with the tight black jeans you keep hidden in your closet that you think I don't know about!" He called after his friend, the elevator doors already closing.

He walked past Kari on the sofa. "Morning Cruella."

"Nice to see you Fatt," Kari didn't even look up from her nail filing. Matt strolled into the kitchen.

"So, Sora, how goes 'Operation: Get Tai Out Of The House And Into Some Guys Bed Because It's Been Four Months Since He Last Did The Nasty'?" Kari made a disgusted noise at this. " All is well, I assume."

"Yes." Sora said. "I intend to keep Tai in the Bi-Cycle until he meets someone. I already called my boss to get the day off tomorrow, so we can stay out as long as it takes."

Kari looked confused. "Wait a shot. Aren't you the boss?"

"Yeah. It was an akward conversation. I was a bit of a bitch. I told myself I'd fire my ass if I did this again on such short notice."

"Well, I have also taken steps to ensure that my friend gets a little." Kari made another disgusted noise, "I'm bringing in a hooker to make Tai feel better. If Tai hasn't left with some guy by midnight, I'm sending him in to give him a little pick-me-up."

"Y'know," Kari spoke up in an annoyed fashion, "One, if you're going to discuss my brother's sex life, or lack thereof, please wait until I'm slurring my speech, cause then there's only a 50 percent chance I'll remember it. And two, If you needed a man to seduce Tai, you didn't need to hire a hooker. You should've asked, I'd have let you borrow Lupita."

"Kari," Sora began, slightly sickened, "We need to make Tai feel better. If you hadn't just mixed mood neutralizers with pineapple Schnapps, perhaps you would too. "

"Listen, all I know is," Matt chimed in, "Tai has been chaste and boring since Micheal broke up with him. It's time we put the sex back in his homosexuality."

"Alright, I gotta go before this gives me nightmares." Kari started to get up but then shook her head. "Aw what the hell, I'm already so drunk I won't remember this in the morning." And she sat down again.

"Ok, bottome line," Sora interuped, "Tai needs to get over Micheal. But I don't trust him to do that on his own. So Kari, I'm gonna need some pills to slip into his drink. Something to make Tai feel so good he'll forget about everything else except scoring one."

"I got exactly what you need, right here honey." Kari started pulling pill bottles out of her purse, lining up about seventeen on the coffe table. "Let's see...no that's a tranquilizer...hmm, maybe this? No....Ah, here's the one!" She got up and handed the bottle to Sora. "Premium Quality Uppers. This'll make him feel like he's on Cloud 8."

"Wait," Matt said, "don't you mean 'Cloud 9'?"

"Sure, whatever. Their also usefull if he has a heart attack. Or is it a herpes outbreak? Aw hell, who cares?!

Later, that day, Kari was relaxing in the offices of Takenouchi Florist Service. Why, she didn't quite know. Something about watching the shop as a favor to Sora, or something like that. Either way, she was mixing a Vodka Martini, when a handsome blond man walked into the office.

"Hi." the man said. "Um, I'm looking for Matt Ishida."

"Oh, you must be the hooker." Kari said as she smilingly took out a wad of bills. "Here you go, honey."

"Wha...what?" The man seemed shocked at the very thought.

"You are the pro that Matt and Sora hired to give my older brother a little touchy-nookie-nickie, aren't you? Oh, jeez, why the HELL did I just say that!?!?!?!" She took a long gulp of her drink.

"Um...no. For one, I'm not, gay, you're thinking of my brother. And I'm not a prostitute, either." The man was abviously a little embarressed. "My name is TK. I'm Matt's brother."

"Oh." Kari regarded TK with a thoughtful look for a few moments. "Hmm. I like you. C'mon, honey, you're my new best friend. Let's never be apart." Kari got up from Sora's desk. "We'll go shopping, make-out in elevators, and take bubble baths together. It'll be fun." She started out the door.

"Um...Shouldn't you lock up. Soembody might steal something." TK was having very weird time with this woman.

"Oh, of course. Don't know what I was thinking..." Kari grabbed her drink from the desk, and then the two left, though TK didn't know where...or why.

Meanwhile, at the Bi-Cycle, Tai and Sora were at the bar, sipping on apple wine.

"Tai, what do you think of my outfit? I'm trying to turn on the men without arousing the lesbians."

"You look like a million bucks. Or something like that." Tai didn't seem interested in what was going on. But then, Sora's chance came when he set down his drink and looked away. Sora quickly slipped one of Kari's happy pills into the glass, and watched as if fizzed away like alka-celtzer.

'Perfect...' She thought. It wouldn't be long now.........

Well, maybe things weren't so perfect. Instead of making Tai happy and horny, he was now simply very hyper-active, and a little, well, REALLY high, conga-ing with a bunch of strippers. He seemed no closer to getting a date than he had before. The only difference between now and then was that he was no longer wearing a shirt, and several women were sticking dollar bills into the waistband of his pants.

'Oh crap...what am I going to do?' Sora thought frantically. 'All I've done is drug him, but still no guy-on-guy action like he needs.

Tai's conga party abrubtly ended, and he came back over to his friend.

"Y'know, we should come here more ofteeeen..." Tai's speech was slurring badly. "Sora, have I ever told you how puuurty you arrrr...?"

'Ah hell, now the mo is hitting on me. This can mean nothing good. Think Sora, think! What are we gonna do??'

"Um, Tai, maybe we should go..."

"Aw, but I don't want to gooo. I gotsa meet a cutie. Get meself over Micheal...I misss him."

"Um, I really think we should go now." She couldn't let him near anyone who'd take advantage of him in this condition. Plus his speech was making her feel a little guilty.

"And thennn, he found someone else in a fe...in a few weeeeeks. Why?" Tai was starting to look sad, tears were welling up. Sora really needed to get him out of here now. "Why Micheal?" He was now openly crying. "Sora, les go home. I don't wanna be here no more..."

"It's ok Tai. We'll go."

The next morning found the two friends curled up together on the couch, a blanket wrapped around them. Tai opened is eyes, and looked to Sora's sleeping form curled against him. He gave a single sad smile, and then closed his eyes again.

ROLL CREDITS

A/N: Yes, yes, I know, this chapter was still sorta serious. But It can't be all smiles, can it? Any questions comments or rants can be left in reviews.(hint hint)