Disclaimer: I still don't own Red Dwarf or any of it's amazing characters.
Author's note: This chapter isn't entirely relevant to the story. It's just trying to put across that Rimmer hasn't actually met Nicole yet, whereas Lister has. Sort of. You'll understand by the end of the next chapter, I promise!!!
"Show me the way to go hooome!"
Rimmer looked up from his half-completed revision timetable. Lister stumbled into the room, knocking over his guitar as he went.
"I'm tired and I want to go to beeeeed!"
Rimmer looked back down at his timetable and printed 'ASTRONAVIGATION' in the 7:00-8:30pm slot. Lister peered over Rimmer's head, resting his elbows on his shoulders.
"Lister..." Rimmer said warningly.
"Alright, alright," Lister moved away from Rimmer and jumped onto his bunk creating an almighty ruckus. There was a thankful silence in the room for a long time. Rimmer took the opportunity to Tipp-ex out 'ASTRONAVIGATION' from the 7:00-8:30pm slot. He turned and saw Lister was asleep and snoring gently. He sighed with relief and leaned back in his chair. Lister opened one eye.
"'Cos I had a drink about an hour ago--"
"WILL YOU BE QUIET!"
"OK, Rimmer, I'm sorry," Lister said with a laugh.
"Are you laughing at your superior, Lister?"
"No, I'm laughing at you, smeghead!"
"Right, that's it, you're on report."
Lister held his hands up in mock surrender.
"Ooh, I'm so scared!" he said, not holding back the sarcasm.
Rimmer ignored him and continued writing in his report book, saying each word aloud as he wrote.
"Right, Lister D. Third Technician. Offense: laughing at and insulting a superior officer."
"Oh for God's sake, Rimmer. Lighten up!"
Rimmer shut the book with a snap and waved it towards Lister.
"When the Captain sees this--"
"--I'm dead," Lister interrupted. He had heard this speech countless times. "Look, if I bother you so much, why don't you just leave?"
"Because I don't want to leave, I want to revise!"
"Rimmer, your Astronavigation exam is tomorrow and you still haven't finished your timetable."
Rimmer stared at the piece of card in front of him. Smeg, Lister was right! The only thing he had written on it had just been Tipp-exed out!
"Look," said Lister in a slightly more serious tone, "If you want me to leave, I'll leave."
"Yes, that would be nice." Rimmer replied as gently as he could.
Lister jumped down from the bed, lurched out the door and down the corridor. Rimmer waited until the echo of Lister's thundering footsteps had ceased before writing 'ASTRONAVIGATION' in the 7:00-8:30pm slot.
A/n: Teehee! I love the 'Astronavigation' thing! My friend came up with that! In fact it's probably the funniest bit in this fanfic so far!