Author's note; Thanks again to all the great reviews and to all the people who are reading but haven't reviewed.

Sitting side by side on a bench by the pier Alex couldn't help but stare at his baby brother who had become a man in the years he had been away.

"What?" Ryan questioned through a mouthful of pizza.

"Nothing, I was just thinking how much you've changed. Grown up so much from that little kid."

"Yeah we kinda had to, Trey and I both." Ryan really didn't want to get into this now, he loved Alex really he did but the anger that burned in the back of his mind was slowly taking control.

"Ry..."

"No Alex just let me talk for once. You left us there - just went - disappeared. You knew what would happen. How Mom would react. What A.J could do now that you were gone. It wasn't fair of you...it just wasn't fair."

Ryan's anger was reflected back at him. Ryan knew why Alex had left. Ryan also knew the anger he felt wasn't justified Alex had taken enough shots in Ryan's defence but it still didn't take away the feeling of abandonment.

"Damn it Ryan, what did you want me to do huh? Stay there for eighteen more years? Be A.J.'s personal punch bag so you wouldn't get hurt? I know you went through a lot after I left but you can honestly say you would have made me stay?"

"Yeah." Ryan whispered his lip quivering while blue eyes pooled with unshed tears.

Alex was stunned to silence, his own brother was wishing years of pain on him. Alex knew Ryan better than anyone he could see the suffering and heart ache which crept beneath the tough exterior.

"Come on little man, you believe in fate right. If I'd stayed you would never have met the Cohen's, never have a new brother or be attending private school. Hey come here I know you don't mean it you're just upset..."

Alex once again beckoned Ryan into his opened arms wanting desperately to take away the pain from his past.

"No get off me." Ryan sprung to his feet surprising Alex and himself. The rage had broken free.

"I do mean what I said. Every word. Yeah maybe if you had stayed I wouldn't have met the Cohen's but I also wouldn't have been used as a punch bag for seven years. Maybe I won't have had my arm broken three times, a bottle embedded in my skull. Yeah maybe those things would never have happened but at least I would have my brother by my side."

Turning sharply on his heels, Ryan fled from his brother's bewildered gaze, while the fresh tears began their unfamiliar path down his face.

The Cohen's were together in the den enjoying a 'family day' which they tried to fit in once a month as their time was largely dedicated to school or work. Seth was sitting next to his father desperately trying to explain the controls of his new game so as not to die on level one.

Hearing the front door close Sandy brought his stare up from the screen in front of him, catching sight of Ryan he was upset by his son's demeanour.

"DAD will you pay attention! Jump, jump, come on jump out of the way. Great just great first level all baddies defeated and you sink in the quick sand..." Seth cut his berating barrage short on seeing his brothers paled face.

"Ryan you OK? What's going on kid I thought you were spending the day with Alex?" Sandy questioned while rising from his spot on the floor.

"Yeah...I was...he had to...to...go..." Ryan stuttered an excuse and fled to the pool house before more tears could fall.

"Whoa what was that about. Do you think his brother just left? Maybe he said something? I'm gonna go see?" Seth rushed in one breath while making a spring for the door.

"Seth give him a minute he's upset. Just let him have a bit of space." Kirsten turned to face her husband anxious for him to read her mind, stalling Seth was fine but Ryan needed to be looked after and if Sandy didn't go right now she was.

"Umm I better go check on him. He looked pretty upset." Sandy stepped around Seth glancing out to the pool house where by now all the drapes had been shut.

"I thought you just said give him a minute..."

"Seth hush. Now show me how to play your game."

Sandy knocked lightly on the door when he received no answer he cautiously entered and had to squint into the darkness to find Ryan's small form huddled in the far away corner.

"Hey kid, you wanna talk to me?"

Sandy heard a shaky breath being inhaled knowing Ryan was trying to control his emotions he remained quiet as he crossed to the corner and slid down the wall to Ryan's side.

"Did something happen with Alex today? You guys get in a fight?"

"Sandy...it's ok please just...just go."

"I think you coming home early, upset and then sitting here in the dark tells me that everything's not ok."

"We just haven't talked in so long...I guess we..." Ryan stopped short he felt he needed to talk this over with someone before he faced Alex again but he didn't know how Sandy would react to his past.

Sensing Ryan's desperate need to share Sandy placed a reassuring hand on his back, "Take your time I'm not going anywhere."

"Before Alex left no one ever hurt Trey or I." looking up he saw the scepticism in Sandy's eyes, "Honestly not Dad or A.J or any of moms other dead beat boyfriends, Alex would never let them. Whenever they got drunk or high they would start getting heavy handed but Alex would never let them hurt us, never. I remember once when Trey and I were really little we broke a window playing baseball, Dad got so mad but Alex took all the blame, he wasn't even home when it happened. Then again Dad didn't mind beating on Alex because he knew he wasn't really his son."

Ryan paused to draw breath and gauge Sandy's reaction to his previous proclamation, Ryan knew that Sandy had some idea of what his home life was like prior to coming to Newport but the details could cause more shift than intended.

"Alex stayed, put up with it all every bruise, black eye and broken bone. Then mom got together with A.J that was the final straw. A.J really hated Alex, I mean in every way possible, he hated that he protected us, he hated that he was old enough to fight back and he hated him having independence. He would use any excuse to dig at Alex, dirty dishes, untidy room anything. The day Alex left A.J. threw him down a fight of stairs broke his cheekbone and four ribs. He took off to a friends place for the night, the next day he came back gathered his stuff while we were at school and I haven't seen him since. The only thing he left us was a letter to say he was sorry and that he would send as much money as he could directly to Trey. He would call occasionally, letters once a month but as soon as mom found out about the cash we never got to see them again."

Now it was Sandy's turn to check his emotions, to hear what Ryan had been through before he became his child was traumatic. The fact that A.J could throw an eighteen year old boy down stairs made him afraid to contemplate what he could have done to nine year old Ryan.

"Oh ...so what happened today?" Sandy couldn't deal with the other parts of Ryan's speech right now. Being abused was something he had no knowledge of and he felt under qualified to counsel Ryan on his past.

"I lost my temper; shouted at him, blamed him for the things that happened to me. It wasn't right Sandy he put up with so much; I can't blame him for leaving..."

"...but you do?"

For the first time since Alex left home, Ryan dissolved into tears losing all his vision, burying his head deep into Sandy's chest. Sandy felt like crying as he held his new son in his arms, rocking slightly back and forth unconsciously mimicking Alex's movements trying to calm the boy who was racked with guilt.

"Shh...it's ok Ryan you have a right to feel this way...you went through so much as a kid ...shh it'll be ok Alex will understand...shh..."

After sitting locked in each other arms for what seemed an eternity Ryan's sobs had faded and he was now merely breathing deeply enjoying the safety Sandy was providing him. Sandy was continually rubbing soothing circles on Ryan's back while the other hand cupped his head softly stroking his hair.

Sandy's attention was caught by his wife's form coming toward the pool house, hoping not to have to break his new found connection with his son he gripped slightly harder in anticipation. Thankfully Ryan didn't even lift his head when Kirsten knocked gently and entered.

Clearing her throat warily Kirsten spoke to the two unsure of what had happened in the time they had spent together.

"Umm Ryan, Alex is here he's catching a plane home tonight and thought maybe you'd like to say goodbye."

Once again Ryan didn't move so Sandy leaned down and whispered into his ear so only he could hear, "Hey why don't you grab a shower, freshen up a bit. Let me talk to Alex for a while then when you're ready you can come say goodbye."

This time Sandy was given a silent reply as Ryan simply nodded, got up and headed toward the bathroom. Sighing Sandy hauled himself up off the floor, stretching from the position he had been in for so long, gently laying his hand around his wife's waist he guided her toward the main house.

Alex was perched on one of the seats near the pool he looked as broken as Ryan and Sandy wondered if he had someone to hold him, or if he ever had.

Sandy could see so much of Alex in Ryan, it struck him that it was Alex not Dawn who moulded and nurtured Ryan that's why he had turned out they was he did He was uncertain how his conversation with Alex would go but he felt he owed it to both Alex and Ryan to sort this mess.

"Hey kid...um Ryan's just grabbing a shower he'll be out in a minute. He told me what happened today and what he said. You know that he didn't mean it he's just trying to make sense of what happened when he was younger."

"I know he blames me for everything, I guess I deserve it. I don't expect him or you to understand but I couldn't stay I just couldn't. Leaving Trey and Ryan there with that monster was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I feel guilty I know I'm to blame for putting them through so much pain but I wouldn't change what I did. Ryan has been given this great opportunity I had to make my own choices, my own life."

"You are not to blame for the way Trey and Ryan were treated. You put up with a lot more than any one else I know would, you protected them from the hurt for so many years. You deserved a break a new start and no one should blame you for wanting that."

"Ryan does, he means the world to me, I never wanted to leave him he was so innocent and naïve. I couldn't see any other way I couldn't take him with me so I did the next best thing. I actually thought that if I left maybe A.J would lay off a bit I should have know he'd just project his rage on to the boys."

"Alex can I be honest with you, in the short time you've been here I've seen just how much you mean to Ryan. He completely adores you, you're his idol. He isn't angry with you for leaving he's angry at A.J for making you leave. For hurting you and him so badly, your relationship was destroyed by A.J. nothing else."

Both paused for a moment contemplating Sandy's seemingly innate knowledge of there feelings toward their tormentor. Seeing movement from within the pool house Sandy brought their exchange to a halt knowing the two brothers had a lot to sort through.

"I think you and Ryan need to talk. I'll go call the airport and cancel your flight then we'll set up the guest room for you."

Just like Ryan had done all those months before Alex was about to speak out in protest but Sandy was anticipating this and beat him to the punch.

"You're part of the family now kid, so you better get used to it."