Disclaimer: I'm running out of ways to say it: I DON'T own Red Dwarf. I DON'T own Arnold Judas Rimmer. I DON'T own David Lister. I DON'T own the Cat. I DON'T own Kryten 2x4b 523p. I DON'T own Holly. I DON'T own Kristine Z. Kochanski. I DON'T own Captain Frank Hollister. I DO, however, own Nicole Adler, Judith Adler, Lizzie, Kelly, the carol singers etc. Happy now? 'Cos I've just been made about 400 percent more depressed.

Author's note: OK, enough whinging. This is where the story kicks in (at chapter 14. yeah.) But yeah, I do like this chapter. Maybe could have been better. I did write the last paragraph after a few Bacardi Breezers but I decided to transmit it anyway.

Lister sat up in bed as Rimmer entered.
"How'd it go?" he asked before he'd even stepped in the door. Rimmer looked at him.
"Fine," he responded simply. This antagonized Lister. Why did Rimmer always have to be so vague?
"What d'ya do?" he persisted. Rimmer shrugged.
"Just...stuff." He looked at himself in the mirror and barely recognized the hologram staring back. He was a new man. He was less uptight, more carefree, and he sort of glowed. He pulled back his shoulders and smiled. Nicole was right. His whole face did light up when he smiled.
"What're you smiling at?" Lister said almost snappily. Rimmer looked at him again.
"Nothing," He stated and turned away, "Holly? Soft-light form and pyjamas, please." He faded a little and reappeared in his 'Home sweet home' jammies. He clambered into bed, avoiding Lister's overpowering stare. Both of them lay still for half an hour. They hardly dared to breathe.
Finally Lister cracked: "WHAT HAPPENED!?" Rimmer gave a start as he was brought hurtling back from his daydream about Nicole.
"What?"
"What happened? I need to know!" Lister whinged.
"What?" Rimmer repeated, "What are you, fifteen?"
"No, I just want to know if you...if she...if you did...well, because you were in hard-light form...you...y-you know."
"No, Lister, I don't know." Rimmer said, honestly not knowing what Lister meant.
"Did you two...erm..." he struggled for words that would be both challenging and tasteful, "did you..."
"What, Lister?"
Lister gave up on the subtle route, "Did you have sex? Did you make love? Sleep together, hit the springs, rock the casbah, hump, screw, bang--"
"STOP, Lister!" Rimmer interjected forcefully, amazed at the lexicon Lister had for 'sex', "Look," he continued with the air of one bringing a conversation to a close, "What happened between Nicole and I tonight will remain between Nicole and I..."

"They went to the cinema," Holly told Lister the next morning whilst Rimmer was out on his early morning jog at two thirty in the afternoon, "to see 'The Secret Garden'," Lister grinned. He had tried to do the same thing a week ago, and he knew Rimmer would have had all the success that he had.
"Then what?" he pressed Holly on.
"Did Rimmer really give you permission to ask me all this?" Holly asked skeptically. Lister nodded fervently.
"Yeah. Course."
Holly pursed her lips in suspicion, but continued anyway - even if Rimmer hadn't given him permission, well, it was only Rimmer.
"So then they went to Parrot's Bar..."

Knock, knock.
Lister took one last look at himself in the mirror. He licked one of his thumbs and smoothed down his eyebrows.
"What're you doing that for?" Rimmer's nasal voice came from the bottom bunk. Lister shrugged. He didn't see the need of doing it either, but he had seen it in a sexy film once so decided to try it out. He walked to the door and took a deep breath. He tapped the light-sensitive panel and the door slip open to reveal Nicole standing there in an elegant yet casual jeans-silver top combo. Lister smiled. Rimmer scowled.
"Ready?" she asked.
No, thought Rimmer, I'll never be ready to see you go off with him
"Yes," Lister replied and held out his arm, indicating for her to go.
"Bye, Rimmer," she quickly shot at the hologram. He contorted his frown into what he hoped was a warm smile. But she didn't see it. She was too busy looking at Lister. Rimmer covered his soft-light face with his soft-light hands and sighed heavily.

Nicole cupped her hands over Lister's. Lister looked down in shock.
"Stop fidgeting!" she said playfully. Lister forced a small laugh. He had never been so nervous in his entire life.
"Is there something wrong?" Nicole asked, genuinely concerned. Lister shook his head which would have convinced Nicole if he hadn't have been tapping on the table, jiggling his leg and toying with his dreadlocks. She grasped the hand she had seized and looked into his eyes, which was hard and actually quite painful considering Lister was changing his focus of vision to every direction but hers.
"Lister?" He warily turned to face her, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," he said to the floor.
"Lister?" her famous patience was wearing thin, "Please just tell me."
If only I could, he thought, That would make both our lives a smeg of a lot easier.
"It's nothing." He repeated, this time to her face.
"Clearly it's not! Clearly it's something so major you've barely spoken to me all night!"
"It's nothing, really!"
Stop talking, please stop talking.
"If something's happened I want to know. If you won't tell me then I'll guess," she persevered.
"You won't guess it," he said plaintively.
"Aha! So, something is wrong!" she triumphed.
Smeg.
"Yeah but...it's nothing." He concluded feebly.
"Tell me!" she really wasn't going to let this go, "tell me!" she sang, "tell me!" she started lightheartedly nudging and poking him, "tell me!"
"Kiss me."
She opened her mouth to say 'tell me' once more, but froze.
"Wha--"
Her words were smothered by a kiss. It was a shock to say the least. Neither of them could really believe what was happening. Lister tentatively placed his hand on the back of her head and pulled her closer to him. For a long time she didn't respond, but eventually, to his delight, she kissed him back.

A/n: Poor Rimsy. He thought it was bad when she looked at him.... I think I'm gonna have a lot of fun writing the next chapter! Please R&R. They're kinda runnig dry again.