Title: Oink
Author: A. A. Aaron
It was inescapably true. Mason Verger had captured Dr. Lecter and was planning a horrible revenge, with the tacit approval of the F.B.I. Clarice Starling vowed that this would not be permitted within reach of her arm. She set out in her faithful Mustang to rescue the Good Doctor and arrest him. She resisted the urge to speed; this would be the worst time to be stopped for a traffic violation. However, a traffic jam caused by an accident on the expressway resulted in her being delayed by about a quarter hour. Would this quarter hour delay significantly affect subsequent events? Let us see.
Meanwhile, ahead at Muskrat Farms, Mason Verger completed supervising his arrangements for the demise of Hannibal Lecter. Dr. Lecter remained bound to the singletree with his bare feet projecting into the arena. He remained impassive, unlike Mason who was exhilarated. The lighting had been checked, both cameras were focused and operating, and the sound system that had been playing tapes of long past torture sessions was now silent, ready to record Hannibal's screams. Mason mouthed a nursery tune between breaths:
"Mason Verger had a farm, E I E I O
And on this farm he had some pigs, E I E I O
With an oink oink here, and an oink oink there..."
The wild pigs that had been attracted by the recorded screams, were milling about the closed gate. The tapping of their tiny hooves and their soft grunting formed a disturbing background rumble. On Verger's order, a dummy made of old clothing stuffed with chickens and salad was tossed into the arena. That would serve as an appetizer. Verger then announced, "It's show time!" the Sardinian brothers opened the gate, and the pigs trotted into the arena. They crowded around the dummy and began tearing it apart. The pregnant sow was shoved aside by the boars. She looked around for more accessible prey and approached Dr. Lecter's bare feet. She sniffed and licked them, then getting no scent of fear she returned to the dummy.
Mason Verger was becoming considerably pissed as he observed his wild pigs behaving like tame Guinea pigs. "Carlo! What's the matter with those pigs? They're supposed to be killers, not pussy cats!"
"I will see to it, Padrone" Carlo placated his employer. He turned to Tommaso and gave him some instructions. Tommaso, carrying a cattle prod, climbed over the fence surrounding the arena. The voltage and duration of the prod discharge was carefully limited as pigs are prone to fatal coronary fibrillation. Tommaso stayed a cautious distance from the pigs, ready to leap to the top of the fence and over before a charging pig could reach him. He applied the prod to one of the pigs and got a satisfactory reaction; the pig shied away from the prod and allowed itself to be guided toward Dr. Lecter's feet. Tommaso was a bit more careless with the next pig. This pig turned on him and charged. Tommaso stumbled, then gave a startled yelp and started screaming as the pig tore at his face. Tommaso's brother, Piero, started shooting at the pig with a tranquilizer gun. Mason Verger began yelling, "Stop him – we need those pigs!" Piero shouted obscenities and turned the tranquilizer gun toward Deputy Mogli. Mogli shot Piero in the thigh, then approached him and in one swift motion heaved him over the fence into the arena. By this time, Tommaso had stopped screaming and Piero took over that department.
Hannibal called out helpfully, "Your swine seem to prefer behaving according to their own free wills, Mason. Quite pig-headed, one might say." Mason's reply was interrupted by the sound of a gunshot and a voice calling out, "F.B.I. Everyone freeze." Mogli turned his gun on the new intruder and was awarded with a bullet through his badge and into his heart. The ensuing silence was broken by Hannibal. "Well, hello Clarice."
Clarice called out, "Are you hurt, Dr. Lecter? Can you walk?"
"'No' and 'Yes.'" said Hannibal.
"I'll get you loose, but you'd better not fuck with me or I'll bust a cap up your ass."
"I understand, Clarice."
"Good. Cooperate and I'll get both of us out here intact."
"I appreciate that," said Hannibal, "but perhaps you haven't noticed that the swine are now occupying the regions between us. We've seen that they will not harm me but they would be fatal to anyone else. Therefore, you can't come to me. On the other hand, I can't come to you without your help first in cutting my bonds. Each of us needs the other's help first. Do you see any way out of this dilemma?"
Clarice was pensive for several minutes, then said, "I have an idea. I'm not sure it will work but I'm willing to give it a try." As Hannibal looked at her expectantly she opened her mouth and emitted a sound that would make a homicidal monster shudder. It was a drawn-out high-pitched warbling wail followed by a rapid rat-tat-tat:
"Soooooooooooooooey...pig pig pig! Soooooooooooooooey...pig pig pig!"
The pigs perked up their ears. As the calls continued, they trotted over to the fence
where Clarice was standing. She began grunting softly, a gentle soothing, "Oink oink oink." The pigs stood by bemused as she climbed over to their side of the fence, still grunting. Once on the pigs' side, she tickled them behind the ears, told them, "You are good little piggies, yes you are," and led them over to where Hannibal was bound. He gazed at her admiringly. "You never cease to surprise me. How did you come up with those awful sounds?"
She took out her boot dagger and began cutting his bonds. "I'm surprised you're not familiar with Hog Calling. I guess I've gotten used to your being knowledgeable in all fields."
"I don't recall seeing Hog Calling listed as a required course at the University of Virginia."
She laughed. "It was strictly extracurricular. I got pretty good at it...pulled a bronze at the World Championship one year. Of course, you have to know what you're doing; hog calls serve different purposes that are not interchangeable. The screams of a young hog in distress are quite different from the sounds of fighting boars, although either set of calls could be used by a hunter to attract his game. For the present purpose, I wanted to attract the pigs peacefully. I used the grunting sounds of wild hogs that appeal to their pack instinct, with overtones suggesting that food was plentiful and the company convivial."
"I see," said Hannibal. "Evidently I've stumbled upon another area of your expertise."
Clarice finished freeing his right hand. He flexed his fingers and said, "If you give me your knife I can take care of the rest of my bonds." Clarice gazed at him for a moment; then silently handed over the knife. He maintained his emotionless expression as he drowned blissfully in the significance of that gesture.
Hannibal finished freeing himself. The pigs had all returned to feasting on the dead bodies, except for the largest boar who desired having his ears scratched a bit more. Hannibal started to ask Clarice, "Where did you...?" when she gave a startled gasp as she was struck in the thigh by a tranquilizer dart. She managed to get off one shot in the general direction from which the dart had come before she collapsed.
"Bother!" exclaimed Hannibal as he scooped up her dropped gun and fired off two shots. Carlo, who was responsible for the tranquilizer dart, beat a hasty retreat.
Hannibal put on the sedated Clarice's shoes. They were slightly tight. Carrying her in his arms, he set off down the auxiliary road accompanied by the largest pig. Carlo, keeping behind the trees that bordered the road, trailed along behind looking for an opportunity to use the tranquilizer gun.
They reached Clarice's car where she had left it about a mile down the service road. Hannibal placed her on the back seat and arranged the seat belts to support her unconscious body. While he was arranging things in back, the pig climbed onto the front seat.
Carlo had been looking forward with enthusiasm to the planned extermination of Dr. Hannibal Lecter. It would be a well-deserved revenge on the monster who had murdered his brother, Matteo, in Florence. It came as something of a shock when the pigs refused to follow the script and instead treated Dr.Lecter as untouchable. Still, he was prepared to do the job by himself, if necessary. The first dart had taken the F.B.I. bitch out of the picture. With God's blessing, the next dart would incapacitate the monster. Then he, Carlo, would take his revenge.
Carlo, hiding behind the trees, was surprised to see his prey walking along the service road accompanied by one of the pigs. What was its function – bodyguard, policeman? He must not falter in his task to destroy the monster, even though there was much he failed to understand. They arrived at the car and then something unbelievable occurred. Dr. Lecter and Clarice Starling got in the back of the car while the pig got in the front. The goddam pig was their chauffeur.
It was a disheartened Carlo who returned to the Verger mansion and reported to Margot. He felt obliged to caution her. "You know that I am not one who fears man or monster, but I say to you that you must not chase the Dottore any more. For he is neither man nor monster but Satan himself. The wild pigs, they eat Piero and Tommaso alive, but they allow Dr. Lecter to walk among them unharmed. They worship him. When he walks away carrying the woman, one of the pigs accompanies them to their car. It is the pig that then sits in the driver's seat and drives away with them."
So it was that Carlo told his story, and if it grew a little in the telling who can blame him. Now that he and his family were wealthy beyond the grasp of their neighbors, he was listened to with rapt attention. Many years later he was still telling his story, but by this time he was saying that the pig side-swiped a police car, and gave the cops the finger as it left them in a cloud of dust.
If Carlo had remained watching a few minutes more he would have seen Dr. Lecter move to the front of the car and ease the pig out. The pig watched Lecter drive off. It then grunted resignedly and headed back to see if there was anything left of the Sards to munch on.
After dropping the pig off, Hannibal drove down the service road and onto the expressway. He drove at the speed limit. There was no need to rush as Clarice's dose of tranquilizer was large but not life threatening. He would take her to the house he had leased from the German lobbyist. There he had all that he needed to begin Clarice's hypno-therapy that would free her to embrace the life she deserved. The future looked bright. The day had started off with some storm clouds but had cleared up nicely. Hannibal began humming Gilbert and Sullivan's Major General's song as he drove on; then burst out in unrestrained song:
"I am the very model of an eminent psychiatrist,
A connoisseur of vintage wine, a virtuoso pianist,
But when I'm in a peckish mood
I'm apt to dine on free-range rude,
I'm Hannibal the Cannibal, the psychopath psychiatrist."
Fin