Disclaimer: I do not own Red Dwarf or any of it's awe-inspiring characters, plots, situations etc.
Author's note: I had a lot of trouble writing this chapter - I don't like hurting Lister so much! Anyway, please R&R, let me know what you think.
"You know what this means, don't you?" Rimmer said as he held Nicole close to him. Nicole jolted with a start. They had been lying in bed for just under an hour, and listening to the dull buzz of his light-bee had almost sent her to sleep.
"What?"
"We have to tell him," he said after a diffident pause. Nicole didn't need telling twice what he was talking about. Now they knew they were in love with each other, he wanted to tell Lister.
"I don't know..."
"Oh, come on. We love each other; this relationship can barely get any more serious. I think it's time."
Nicole sighed heavily. He was right. No matter how much she would hate it, she had to tell Dave she had been cheating on him with the man he detests.....that would be fun.
"Dave?"
Lister looked up from his lager to see Nicole and Rimmer standing together. They both had the same solemn expression on their faces and it worried him.
"W-what? Has something happened? Is it the Cat? Is it Kryten? Is Holly OK?" his voice got higher and higher pitched.
"No, everyone's OK," Nicole said soothingly, "but...there's something we need to tell you."
Lister's eyes flicked back and forth between the pair standing in front of him. Nicole took a deep breath.
"Dave? Over the last few weeks...um, the, er...what's been happening is...um," she cleared her throat loudly and deliberately. Twice. Rimmer subtly nudged her in the back - a signal that she should stop blabbering, get on with it and tell him. Nicole didn't care for this added pressure.
"Arn?" she said in a mock-sweet tone, "Would you care to fill Dave in on the situation?"
Rimmer stood stock-still for a moment.
"No, that's OK. You can tell him."
"Oh, gee, thanks," Nicole replied sardonically, "I feel honoured now."
"Guys?" Lister interrupted, "Is this going somewhere, 'cos I promised Kryten I'd meet him for lunch."
"OK, I'm just gonna say it," Nicole said. After a very long pause she finally blurted it all out in one breath, "I've been seeing Arn for the last two days."
Lister looked shocked and confused.
"Sexually," She added for good measure.
"Oh," Lister said, minimally.
"Are you...OK with it?" Nicole asked. Lister nodded mundanely.
"Just one question," Lister said, almost too brightly, "how far does this...go?"
"We...we're in love with each other," Rimmer said, then turned his attention to his shoes.
"Oh," he said again.
There was a long, lingering silence. Rimmer and Nicole looked at each other; Rimmer shrugged. Neither of them had an inkling of what to do. So they just stood there. They stood there until Lister looked at his watch and rose from Nicole's bunk.
"Gotta go. I promised Kryten I'd meet him for lunch."
He left without a glance in their direction.
Lister had never been so angry. He couldn't get over it. No matter how many times he repeated it in his head, 'Nikki and Rimmer are in love,' he couldn't quite believe it. At first he tried to kid himself: it was all some horrible nightmare; he'd wake up any second. But deep down, he knew. Rimmer had won. It was so unfair: Rimmer was dead and he was getting laid more than Lister was.
It explained a lot, too. Nikki had lost her panicky nervousness and now sort of radiated with an invisible glow. Rimmer had been much happier over the last couple of weeks as well; brighter, more sprightly, and definately less of a smeghead. This led him to think, maybe it made sense. After all, Rimmer would never neglect her the way he had during the last month or so. They were in love. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew that, ultimately, this would make them both happier than they had ever been. And did they deserve that? Of course they did.
Lister downed his seventh Leopard Lager and scrunched the can in his hand irrevocably; as far as he was concerned, he had been beaten by alcohol, and he wasn't going to touch another drop. He flung the can into the open waste disposal unit and took a deep breath. He wasn't going to let it get to him. If they were happy, then he was damned well going to be happy as well. If he saw them together he would smile and be glad for them. Everything would be fine now. Everything would be fine.
"That was horrible!" Nicole said as she walked through the door to the quarters she had come to know so well.
"I presume you meant months," Rimmer said without explanation. Nicole stared at him.
"What are you talking about?" she said bewildered.
"You said we've been seeing each other for two days. You meant months."
Nicole was astounded, "Is that all you can think about? We've just broken that poor man's heart, and you're worried about some...grammatical mistake I made!?"
Rimmer shrugged.
"I don't really care." He walked over to the shocked Nicole and wrapped his arms around her, "All I care about is that I have you." He kissed her lightly, "I love you."
"I love you too." Rimmer couldn't hear those words enough. He threw his arms around her waist and pulled her off the ground. She wrapped her legs around his body and bombarded him with fanatical kisses. It was at this point that, unbeknownst to them, Lister walked in. He took one look at the couple and felt the anger well up inside him. He turned and left before he did something he regretted to either of them.
"Night."
"Goodnight."
Kiss.
"Sweet dreams."
"You too."
"See you tomorrow."
Kiss.
"I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you more."
Kiss.
"You have to go!"
"OK, OK, goodnight."
Kiss.
Rimmer and Nicole had decided to sleep in separate rooms that night, so as not to pour salt into Lister's wounds. But they were finding it difficult to say goodbye.
When she had finally left, Rimmer jumped into bed on a complete natural high. He did feel bad for Lister - no one deserved to be shot down so cruelly - but he was also so happy that he and Nicole were going to be together forever.
He was woken later that night by a small crash in the corridor outside his room. There was silence for a long time so Rimmer decided to go back to sleep. If he had stayed awake for a few minutes longer he would have known it was Lister who grabbed his light-bee and switched off his projection.
Lister walked briskly down the corridor, Rimmer gripped tightly in his fist. He was muttering to himself in varying tones. His eyes darted around the walls in a drunken state of confusement. Anyone who didn't know him would have thought he was mad. Anyone who did know him would have thought he had regressed into madness.
I thought I could handle it, Rimmer, he mumbled phsycotically, but I can't. So, I'm sorry, but it's not gonna happen. I'm not gonna let it happen. You've beaten me once too often, Rimsy.
At that point Nicole turned a corner and walked into Lister.
"Oh, sorry, I..." she noticed the small, diamond-shaped electronic device that Lister had clenched in his grip, "What's that?"
Lister tried to walk on but Nicole stepped in his way.
"What is it, Lister?"
Lister looked into her eyes, shook his head and tried to get past her again, but she placed a hand on his shoulder.
"If that's Arnie then I'll..."
Lister suddenly grabbed the arm that was restricting him, not hard, but firmly.
"Lister," Nicole said shakily, "You're scaring me. What are you doing?" She could feel his grip tighten ever so slowly. She blinked back the tears.
"That," Lister said in a low voice, "Is none of your smegging business."
He let her go and she ran. He stayed until he was sure she wasn't coming back, then went into his new sleeping quarters. He opened a small cupboard and held Rimmer's light-bee to his face.
You always complained about gettin' held back in life. You thought you had it bad, didn't ya? Well, here ya go, pal, He tossed Rimmer into the hole, Get outta that one.
The door closed with a shuddering bang.
A/n: Good God, that was fun to write. I think I'm gonna say that this story is set in a parallel universe where Lister is darker and more malevolent than the one we know and love. I cannot believe I only have one more chapter to go! This is the last footnote I'm going to write so I just want to say, the last month and a half has been so amazing, and thankyou for all the amazing reviews! I love you all!!! (I'm welling up!)