Disclaimer: For the last time, I don't own Red Dwarf, Arnold Judas Rimmer, David Lister, the Cat, Kryten 2X4B 523P, Holly, Kristine Z. Kochanski, Cptn. Frank Hollister. Aw, memories...

Author's note: This is it. No, really. This is THE last chapter of this story. The last chapter of my first story. This is, like, legendary! OK, let's not go nuts...
Please R&R, and tell me if you cried. 'Cos I did! I tried to put a bit of every character in this one to give it a nice, round finish, but I think it leans towards Holly and Lister. Anyway, look out for my next story - which I have already started! - and, for the last time, ENJOY!

"So let me get this straight," Cat was having difficulty grasping the situation, "You've shut Goalpost-head in the cupboard because he was secretly in love with your ex-girlfriend?"
"Yes!" everyone else yelled in exasperation. There was a pause.
"But wait a minute..." Cat began, before Lister threatened to stick his head in a cupboard.
"There is just one thing I don't understand, sir," Kryten said, "If Miss Adler and Mister Rimmer are truly in love, and I know for a fact that they are, then surely they should be together. Unless my histo-chip is faulty, I am under the illusion that when people are in love, they vow to spend the rest of their years together."
"Yeah, that's what I heard an' all!" Holly joined in.
"Yeah, well, this is different," Lister retorted, "You don't fall in love with people who are already attached; it's gospel; it's an unwritten law."
"Again, my hardware contradicts this. Love is a spontaneous, isolated hormonal imbalance that is problematic to manage."
"Come again?" Lister asked, extremely confused. Holly translated:
"It wasn't their fault."
Lister erupted, "Of course it was their fault! OK, fair enough, they couldn't help but fall in love, but they didn't have to act on it, did they? They could have left well alone, but oh, no! They had to have an affair; develop their relationship!" Cat wiped the spit from his suit in disgust, "And they didn't even have to tell me! Then at least everyone would be happy!"
"Is that really true?" Holly asked.
"Of course!"
"I don't think it is. You dismissed the idea of them being together from the word go, didn't you? You never even gave them a chance!"
"Hey, I gave them a chance, but I couldn't handle it, alright? S'not my fault!"
"And it's not theirs either!" Holly yelled, "You have just split two people that were clearly destined for each other; made them unbearably miserable. And yourself! And us!" She was on a roll, "You have no idea how much upset you've caused, have you?"
Lister stared at the computer in shock. Since her sex-change, Holly had declined in her ability to navigate the Dwarf, to take orders, even to make sense, sometimes. But she was much more philosophically tuned. On some level, Lister knew she was right, but he was stubborn. He shrugged and opened a new can of lager, tossing the old one over his shoulder.

As Kryten waddled over and bent down to pick it up, he noticed a pair of feet standing next to him. He looked up and saw Nicole.
"Kryten? You know that planet we have in range? You said it had an S3 atmosphere, didn't you?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Good."
She walked over to the rest of the gang.
"Is Arn here? I thought Lister took his light-bee in here last night."
"Yeah, he's here," said the Cat.
Nicole looked around.
"Where?"
"He's in the cupboard for reasons not yet clear to me," Cat explained unaccommodatingly.
"He's doin' some thinkin'," Lister filled her in. Nikki walked over to the locked cupboard door and sat next to it.
"Maybe you not being able to speak will make this easier," she started, then she looked at Kryten, "he can hear me, right?"
"Oh, yes, ma'am."
"Arn. I...I've decided to leave. I'm taking the stasis capsule down to that planet. I know you said you wanted to take me there, but that was before...the unpleasantness," she tried to avoid looking at Lister, "Don't follow me. I think it's best that, once Lister let's you out, you forget all about me. I've disrupted this ship and its occupants. I'm sorry." She paused, "I love you."
She sniffed to hold back the tears and went to the door.
"I want to thank you all. I'll never forget any of you. But try and forget me, eh? Try and rebuild your lives."
She left without another word.

Lister felt an unpleasant stab of conscience. He felt like he was on a terraformed planet - his guilt and his immorality became two physical bodies, divided from his.
"What are you doing?" his guilt said, "They love each other, they want to be with each other. Even you can see they're made for each other. Let him out."
"Don't listen to him," a gruff voice interrupted, "he took away your girl! How can you possibly forgive that?"
"Have you ever seen either of them as fractionally happy before as they are now?"
No. Lister admitted.
"Who cares about their happiness?" Lister immorality spat, "What about yours? You couldn't possibly feel happy seeing them together each day, watching their relationship develop. You couldn't, could you? Could you?"
No. Lister admitted.
"Please, Dave," his guilt piped up again, "take a moment and think about what you're doing."
Lister thought, but it was no good; he still couldn't bring himself to a decision. He let each side of his person have one more argument.
"Don't be stupid, Dave! Think of them having sex each night; getting married; having children. And all the time you're just a guy on the sideline. It was her decision to leave. Let her go."
"They are meant to be together! They make each other happy! You're a good man, you know it does no good to tear them apart. Let him out."
Lister had heard enough.

He ripped open the cupboard door and grappled inside for Rimmer's light-bee. He urgently scanned the surface of it until he found the right button. He pressed it and threw the bee in no particular direction. Rimmer formed mid-air and landed on the floor with a soundless thump.
"Go get her." Lister said simply.
"What?"
"Go, quick, you can still catch her."
"Are you serious?"
"Yes!"
"But...what about you? How are you going to--?"
"For smeg's sake, man, you love this woman don't you!?"
"Yes, of course."
"Then smeggin' well go get her!"
Rimmer wanted to go. More than anything. But something told him not to. Not until he found out why Lister was letting him do it.
"Lister--" he started, but the man in question groaned in exasperation and flung his hand into Rimmer's chest once again. He grabbed hold of the light-bee and positioned his finger over the 'off' button.
"Rimmer. Out that door, or the light-bee gets it."
"OK, OK!" Rimmer said in desperation.
"You'll go?"
"Yes, I'll go!"
"You'll tell her you love her?"
"Yes!"
"You'll never let her go?"
"No, I won't, I swear! Let go of my light-bee you gimboid!"
Lister did so and Rimmer immediately sprinted off. A few seconds later he reappeared.
"Dave?"
"Mm?"
There was a long pause.
"Thank you. So much."
"HURRY UP!"
"OK, OK!"
With that, Rimmer ran down the corridor to reclaim the woman he loved.

THE END.....