Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. They belong to their creators.
A/N: Nick needs to get more on screen time, preferably with Sara. This is why I wrote this ficlet, it's Nick's POV.
Pairing: N/S
Feel
It's winter and as the days are getting shorter, the nights are getting longer. More time for horror and misery.
The innocent and the not so innocent, but that doesn't matter, ripped away from their families, their loved ones. It's just too much to comprehend, to comprehend why human beings are able to inflict so much pain to one another.
I don't need this. I don't want this anymore. Not only did I experience how unfair life can be, but I have relive it every single day. I often wonder why all this pain had to be dumped on me. There is only so much a person can take and I have had enough.
I wish I could just turn around and walk away. I know I could never do it, because I feel responsible for all this pain which is surrounding me like a suffocating blanket.
I have to at least try, try to make them, the victims of unnecessary violence and their families, feel better if only because I can't make myself feel better.
At this moment I just want to turn off my feelings. I do not want to feel. I want to ignore the compassionate looks my coworkers, my family, are sending me. They think they know me, but they don't know about the inner conflict which is making me doubt everything I stand for. There is just one who knows and at this moment I don't want her near me.
I don't want her to touch me. I don't want her to make me feel. She makes every one of my feelings a million times more intense and at this moment I want to stay numb.
I feel her arms surrounding me and as I push them away I already know the pain I have caused her. I'm aware of the hurt that is radiating from her innocent brown eyes. It's a miracle how they have stayed so innocent after everything she has been through and everything she has witnessed. At any other moment I would have been so grateful for those eyes, which have looked into my eyes on so many occasions searching for support. Support I'm not able to give her this very moment.
I pray she will leave me alone, because I'm scared that I can't control my own reaction if she doesn't.
It's no surprise. She doesn't. She stays and lifts my chin and she looks straight into my eyes. As expected she makes me feel all those feelings I wanted to repress. The mixture of feelings radiating from my eyes meet one feeling radiating from her eyes, love. It's the one feeling I can't shut out. I don't want to shut out.
And at this moment I'm glad my prayer wasn't answered, because it's just her and me and the feeling I'm feeling is just love. Pure love.