Chapter 18 - Not alone
Ryou sighed softly as he couldn't make himself fall asleep no matter what. He had so much things floating around in his mind at the moment that he wanted to share with someone, but the only person that Ryou knew well enough who wouldn't mind would be Bakura, however, at the same situation he found that it was also difficult that he couldn't allow himself to explain Bakura everything, instead, he was actually hesitant in thinking how he would react. He wanted to have a better converse with Bakura about his own life for once, and also hear Bakura's own in return for that matter. Although he had gotten closer with him, there were so much other things as well that Ryou wanted to know more about him.
Ryou finally found himself standing silently outside Bakura's room, debating whether or not if he should get the chance, but he relunctantly backed away from the door, lowering his fist, but Ryou wasn't expected that Bakura had already caught and sensed his presence standing outside by hearing soft noises that came from Ryou's own soft and shaky breathing.
Bakura wore a lose hooded shirt with jeans, laying silently on top of the bed with his legs strangled out and arms crossed and resting under his head as he stared at the ceiling above him. Ryou wasn't the only one who had been in his own room thinking about thoughts, however, Bakura also had random things on his mind as well ever since his last conversation with the pharaoh on that one day. He had some secrets of his own, which he hadn't told Ryou about it yet. Of course he also had times when he did wanted to confess to Ryou everything about himself, for example, that one night when he was in Ryou's room while he was writing his essay after they both returned back after the meeting with Yami and Yuugi at the ice cream shop. Bakura was more confident in himself to tell him everything on that day, but he now remembered that he lost that one chance while he was talking with Ryou. Bakura wanted to tell him, confess to him, and share with what he wished to tell him.
Now, he worried what would possibly happen if he never told him consequently, which now he realized the fact that he won't probably ever get the last chance to explain himself. Bakura sighed somewhat sadly, finally closing his brown eyes.
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Ryou lingered quietly at Bakura's door, resting his head gently against it. He waited patiently as if he was expecting Bakura to feel his own presence sooner or later and call out to him. Suddenly, several memories came across his mind at the moment as well. Ryou smiled softly at remembering the moments when he had taken Bakura out for him to enjoy having fun with himself. How Bakura experienced with snow for the first time ever, how Bakura enjoyed almost all the things that he also liked. Ryou realized then that Bakura and him both had some things in common after all, even if they were completely different from one another, both in personality and attitude. Ryou thought of him like his own other twin brother at times, although he never had one. He always wanted a sibling, of course he did have a younger sister named Amane long ago when he was much younger, but Ryou knew she was gone now...
"...You can come in you know."
Ryou snapped from his thoughts and suddenly heard a slight muffled voice behind the door he was sitting against. Getting back onto his feet again, he slowly entered the room, to immediately find that Bakura was resting himself on the bed. Bakura allowed himself to give him back a small glance before staring back up at the ceiling like previously. Ryou walked slowly over and sat himself down next to Bakura on the bed, hands resting on top of his own lap. He slightly turned his head to the side and slowly fixed his eyes upon Bakura, who only didn't bother glancing back at him and instead continued to stare above him.
Ryou turned his attention back to the floor, staring quietly.
"...What's on your mind?" Bakura finally asked calmly, breaking the silence that had taken between them.
"...H-How did you know?" Ryou was stunned and surprised. "I know you too well...." Bakura replied simply. "...I guess so." Ryou agreed softly, eyes still glued to the ground. "I'm so obvious, aren't I?" Ryou tore a small pathetic laugh from his throat.
"...About my past." Bakura easily answered his own question, flopping and rolling over to lay on his side. "...Am I right....Ryou?" he stated softly.
Ryou was literally amazed by the way Bakura asked him perfectly on what was exactly on his mind. "...Yes." Ryou admitted quietly. "I'm sorry Bakura... it's really none of my business to be concerned about it so much, but I just can't help it sometimes... it's just that....I really...do care for you...alot...."
"...Ryou....there's nothing wrong with that...." Bakura told him doubtfully, playing with the white sheets with his fingers. "I don't want to cause any more trouble Bakura.... I don't want to be a burden to anyone anymore. I'm so sorry..." Ryou whispered apologetically. "You're not a burden Ryou... trust me on that." Bakura frowned.
"....I just wish....that I could tell you so much more what's really in my heart right now, but I'm only afraid that it would effect you as well." Ryou sighed.
"...About your own past." Bakura answered simply.
"I'm sorry Bakura.... since you've told me once before about your's, I'v wanted to share some with you of mine in return so we would come to understand each other more better. I didn't want you to think you were the only one and be sad..." Bakura then released the blanket from his hand, and sat himself up from the bed. He now faced the boy, looking at him in the eyes.
"I'm not sad...." Bakura denied. "I don't care about the past anymore Ryou...I'v put everything back behind me now. It's not important to me..."
"That's not true Bakura. I know you still think about the conflict from time to time, even now. I know you do, and I can see that your suffering from it..." Ryou frowned sadly.
"I'm not suffering from anything. I'v lost something before in my life that I valued so much, but I don't have the right time to worry about it now as a big problem of my own, because it's the past. I have other important motivations that I must focus on. You know that right...?"
"Bakura...your not the only one who lost something valuable in life, I'v lost something that I kept and treasured in my past before. I know exactly how it feels..." Ryou smiled sadly. "And what would that be Ryou...." Bakura demanded, slight anger rising inside him at the thought.
"....My family." He whispered softly, keeping his head low as his bangs covered and formed odd and dark shadows underneath his eyes. "I'v already known that..." Bakura told him.
"....H-How did you know--" Ryou looked surprised again. "I told you Ryou... I can read your thoughts and dreams you know. I'v seen it once before. Your mother and sister....I know what happened to them." Bakura spoke softly.
"....Yes. Ever since I lost them.... I felt really lonesome living in this house by myself, although my father was always distant from me. I wanted them back again, especially my sister since I was so close with her in the family. My life was never fully complete without them ever since they left me here... I just feel so lonely..." Ryou closed his eyes. "I was there when Amane died...you know what she told me before she left? She told me.... to never change the kind of person who I was."
"...She's right you know." Bakura agreed. "....You are a really good person, Ryou." he admitted softly. "Really?" Ryou asked quietly, finally looking back at Bakura in the eyes.
"....That's why you always cared about me, giving me so many chances even after what I'v done to you and caused you all the suffering and pain in the past. You always thought positively even in the worse situations that would occur, trying your best to overcome it no matter what, even though you were always scarred. I realized....that your not so weak like how I used to call you so much back then, but instead, your a really strong person.... no one is like that Ryou, and having to go through all the horrible pain and pressure.... you were always patient with it, even now. No one has ever done that for me before...and....that's something what I admired about you...." He confessed.
The look of amazement and shock was written across Ryou's face and wide eyes as he only stood silent. He never knew Bakura would ever tell him something flattering like this about himself. "Bakura....." he whispered shakily. "...I never knew you thought of me like that...."
Bakura sighed softly, closing his eyes. "...Isn't it interesting Ryou?"
"What is?" Ryou asked curiously. "Not only one, but instead, how both of us have lost something in the past that we loved so much. It's really interesting how it would all come down to finally realizing that I'v found and stayed with someone who has been through alot as much as I have all this whole entire time...I guess....we really do have things in common with each other....even though... we're completely different...."
Ryou only smiled happily, glad to find that all he ever wanted was Bakura to tell him something like this which he never done before. It was very meaningful for him and Bakura to have a nice conversation for once over a good topic, which both of them can share with one another.
"What did you lose that you loved?" Ryou asked. "....My family. Like yours." Bakura responded quietly. "Your family also? I... I never knew you had one back then...." Ryou's eyes slightly widened in shock.
"They....were murdered...."
"Oh my god...by who?" Ryou's eyes widened more. "Ryou....I can't tell you...it's... something that is forbidden to let anyone know the secrets of the Kura Eruna Village." Bakura kept his head low.
"Kura Eruna Village....was that the name of your hometown?" Ryou asked. "Yes, it was.... the place where they were murdered....the place where the thieves lived....the place where I grew up...." Bakura whispered softly.
"Bakura....I want to know what happened....it's alright..." Ryou comforted softly, wanting him to tell him everything he knew. He gently took Bakura's hand into his, and Bakura looked at him in the eyes with a frown. "....I lied to you Ryou....telling you that I didn't remember much, but you don't even know how much I remembered everything what happened...." Bakura's voice dripped with mild hate and anger. "...I think you deserve to know exactly what happened to me than any one else. I'm sure your ready by now to hear the whole real truth about myself..."
Ryou nodded slowly, gesturing him to ahead.
"...Ever since the day I was a small child back in my past life, I was forced to watch the many people of the Kura Eruna Village get slaughtered and detroyed unmercifully , including the murder of my whole family. They were all killed by the Pharaoh's army on a mission to make 99 human sacrifices in order for creating all the seven millennium items with their own flesh and blood....like the millennium ring right there...." Bakura pointed towards the golden ring hanging from Ryou's neck. "I was there when it all happened....hiding myself behind the wall that I found for myself to be not seen in sight, watching helplessly at the whole gruesome scene in front of me with my own wide eyes as I only couldn't help but instead only watch every single person die and suffer after one another...
The pharaoh was responsible for this? You mean Yami?" Ryou's eyes widened in shock.
"Not necessarily... it was actually the previous pharaoh before Yami became one after following his own father's foot steps, including one of his loyal priests who had ordered the men about the mission to be completed and carried out immediately on the next day... however... I was the only survivor remaining left after everyone died in my village that same exact day, and I realized that I was all alone in the middle of my own destroyed home place....with no one beside me anymore. Do you know how long and how much I experienced with loneliness? Know how much pain I suffered from all the years then?
Finally leaving the painful memories behind me permanently, I soon turned and grew more corrupted with darkness; my own heart filled with both hatred and anger, wanting full revenge on the Pharaoh without giving him any mercy what so ever until I saw the day he suffered and died. But...Ryou....I was a lot like you once before....more innocent.... but that obviously didn't last long enough as I couldn't control my own sanity any longer afterwards...
I immediately decided on planning my new goal to collect all the millennium items for myself and kill the pharaoh for my revenge...which I have been plotting to think of a good plan for a while all this entire time even after my defeat in Duelist Kingdom and Battle City... until I fought with him in the Memory World at the same time when I finally got my true identity back again in that place. I used Diabound against him with our duel. I lost at the end...but...I'm still alive right now. But now....I'm not sure for myself what I'm supposed to accomplish any further... and the memories from the past are still with me as I'm here without my true purpose. But yes, I wasn't evil back then like how I am now...
So yeah....Ryou....I'v finally told you everything there is to know all about me. Are you surprised now by the whole truth?" Bakura finished simply. Ryou was speechless through the whole time Bakura was speaking to him. Ryou finally tilted his head up and looked at him with sorrowful eyes, expressing sadness. "Bakura....I..I..."
"You never knew?" Bakura scoffed softly. "Of course you didn't....because I never told you about it ever before. And one last thing I haven't told you is that.... I also had a younger sister like you did. She was killed along with all of them, and I saw her face in my head on that same exact day when you showed me what snow looked like for the first time at the cliff. I remembered the same moment when I had also made that promise with her.... to someday show her what snow looked like. Ryou... do you know what she said before she died?"
Ryou shook his head slowly.
"....She told me to never change the kind of person who I was... exactly how your own sister told you before she left for her death. She loved me as a good brother to her, and she wanted me to make that promise with her. I did make that promise with her... but I broke it." Bakura spoke softly, looking down. "I didn't. I didn't remain the same person she wanted me to always be....instead.... I changed. But you Ryou.... you never changed, however, you were the one to always keep that same promise with your own sister..."
Ryou finally had tears welling in his eyes after hearing from Bakura's whole story. "Bakura....that's so horrible...why....why did...." he sniffled, wiping his tears away with his hand quickly. "I'm so sorry...." he apologized softly. "You don't have to apologize Ryou... it's not your fault you know." Bakura told him.
"I know.... but Bakura....just all the things you've told me....were the facts I never about this whole entire time. If only... I'v known this earlier...I would come to understand you more better and help out....but I didn't... instead....I always thought negative thoughts about you ever since..." Ryou closed his eyes. "Why didn't you tell me in the beginning....." he whispered softly and shakily at the end.
"....Ryou... come here..." Bakura gestured softly, bringing and reaching his hand foward. Ryou looked down at his hand before glancing back up at Bakura's face. He smiled softly and finally took the response. Bakura gently pulled his body towards him closer, bringing him into an tight embrace. Ryou soon found himself resting his head against Bakura's chest, feeling his heart beat. Bakura moved his hand over to place it on Ryou's back, gently and lightly stroking it with his fingertips. Ryou didn't know why, but it somewhat felt very comforting to him.
"...Bakura....your not alone....you have to know that. I...I know I'v told you once that I wished that you would die so you wouldn't have to cause me pain and suffering....but...now....I don't want you to ever leave....I want you to stay with me...." Ryou stared down below him from the other's chest with half closed eyes.
"Ryou....I....I know that.... but.... I can't....I can't stay here forever. Even though the past is the past, I still haven't found out what my real and true motives are for the future, and I have to find it.... but I promise.... I'll... I'll stay with you as long as I possibly can...." he placed a pale hand on top of Ryou's head, gently rubbing the back of his silky hair.
"I understand......Bakura.....maybe it isn't too late to that make that promise with your own sister....it's never too late....maybe you can start everything new now...." Ryou buried and nuzzled his face into the man's chest. He grabbed onto Bakura's shirt firmly as if he was desperately wanting him to never leave him by his side. Bakura allowed one of his hand to drop to Ryou's back, gently rocking the young teenager. Ryou then suddenly felt the tiredness catching up to him after a while. He sighed softly before finally and slowly closing his eyes, allowing himself to fall asleep on Bakura's chest peacefully and silently. He then fell fast into the slumber awaiting him...
Bakura rested his chin on top of Ryou's head. He softly brushed his long fingers tenderly over the boy's soft face. "...Ryou.....I really do like you......alot....." he whispered softly, burying his face into the teen's white hair. "...You're right... maybe I really can start over and make a difference....but this time with you by my side. You had always needed me back then even at the time when everything was different between you and me....but now.... it's my turn by needing you....
Bakura shut his eyes tightly. After a while of trembling lightly with Ryou sleeping silently in his arms, he finally took a long deep breath from his soft hair. "....I can't lose you too....I just can't....." Bakura eye's slowly closed, also feeling the tiredness getting to him after a while holding Ryou in his arms. "Do you understand....." he whispered softly before allowing himself into a deep sleep.