Chapter 13: Ambushed

I finished my shift at County the following day and headed for the EL finally free of my med student and the flow of patients that had swamped County during my 12-hour shift. I sighed as I sank down into a chair on the El train. Only five more years of this and then I could be something more than just a resident could. Not that I minded it all that much, I just had an annoying little shadow that seemed to not be competent right now able to do anything on his own.

I rode the rest of the way of the way to the stop that I needed for Doug and Carol's house over in Wicker Park. I was fighting to stay awake now, the day had been long and I was tired but I had told them that I would come and I would. I felt the train stop now as I climbed off it. I walked the short distance between the station stop and the house that they lived in. It was cold outside and my hands were shaking by the time I was ready to knock on the door. I raised my hand striking the solid door; behind it was the family that was welcoming me into it, I hoped with open arms, as I really wasn't going to be a member of their family for long. I had said my goodbyes to David when I had left Kentucky and I assumed that would be the last time that I would see him. We were splitting amicable or so I hoped with all my heart, as I did not want more pain to come

from this. I did not know what to expect. Sisters that I had never met, a mother-in-law that I had only seen once or twice, it was a little nerve racking that I was here right now.

"Erica." Doug said as I watched the door swing open, "come in, come in out of the cold."

I step into the warm house. The smells coming from the kitchen are comforting. "Thanks." I say looking at him as I start to take off my coat hanging it up on the coat rack that was there. "It was nice of you to invite me."

"It's nothing Erica, don't think anything of it." I hear him say. "Why don't you come into the kitchen we will get you a cup of coffee you can warm yourself up, you look tired and cold."

I nod know as I start to follow him into the kitchen. Doug points to a chair, which I sit down in, "good evening Carol." I say giving her a smile. I was trying my best to be overly friendly with her, not wanting to make a bad impression, having this feeling that Doug had already told her much about me. Unsure of whether that would be good or bad just knowing that I had probably been a topic of several conversations between them.

"Good evening Erica," she says to me. I can see a warm smile on her face. Knowing now that whatever Doug had said must not have been too bad, either that or she was putting up the façade that I had been.

I happily take the cup of coffee that Doug has now put in front of me. As he sits down with his, own. "How was work?"

"Ah the same old same old," I say knowing that he knew what I meant. "A little hectic but nothing to out of the ordinary, several cases of colic and I could have used a good pediatrician by my side today." With that, I give him a smile.

"Well you are one aren't you?" I hear him ask me.

"Ha no," I reply. "I am far from a pediatrician. I'm just an emergency medicine resident. You dad are the pediatrician."

The look on Carol's face was warm but I know that I needed to be careful with how I addressed her. She didn't seem to keen on the idea that she was now a mother-in-law and stepmother too. Yet she still had that look of compassion on her face, as if she almost understood that we were trying to become a family and was trying to be supportive and understanding of what Doug was going thru right now.

"Well that you could change." He said looking at me.

"Oh, I have no desire to be a pediatrician I am not good with kids." I say looking at him now with a serious expression on my face.

"Now that's not true." I hear a voice say from behind me.

I turn around; there standing behind me was David. I shot a look of near hatred at Doug for this one. "David," I say forcing a smile upon my face, "how nice to see you."

"It's nice to see you too." I hear him say back to me. "Chicago is a nice city; I can see why you like it here so much."

Small talk, something that I didn't want to engage in right now, yet had no choice since I am being forced now into dinner with them. "Yes it is a nice city and I do rather like it here." I say with out warm in my voice. I am tired and not in the mood to deal with this, this wasn't on my terms it was on there. "Doug may I have a word alone with you?" It wasn't a request but more of a demand.

Doug moved to leave the room and I follow behind him into what appears to be his study as he closes the door behind us.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" I ask turning around to look him straight in the eyes.

"David came up from Kentucky this morning and we are having dinner." Doug said looking at me, "he came after I invited you."

"You ambushed me." I say to him now angrily.

"I did not." He said looking at me now trying to keep his composure with me and not get as angry as I am.

"Doug, that's what it looks like to me." I say, "Did David put you up to this?"

"No he didn't, I invited you to dinner because I wanted to spend time with you, when I invited you I had no idea he was going to be in Chicago."

"I'm so sorry but I don't believe you." I say now not looking at him, "I am sure that you knew what you were doing, some fatherly attempt to fix what has gone wrong in your son's life. After everything I told you, you still felt the need to try to fix this."

"Erica I was not trying to fix anything." Doug said to me, "it just happened, and I am not going to take sides or choose one of you over the other one."

"I am not making you choose one of us; I'm just upset that I am being forced to spend an evening with him." I say, "it was hard enough to walk away yesterday from everything and here and now I, damn it Doug I don't know if I can keep doing this."

"I'm not asking you to do anything." He said to me, "if you want to leave you are free to do so."

"Fine then that is exactly what I am going to do." I say now moving towards the door, "he is your son, I understand that, and I understand that you want to make amends with him. You need to leave me out of it; David and I have no amends to make."

"Erica what would having dinner with us hurt?" I hear him ask.

I looked at him for a minute, "what would it hurt?" I say back to him, my eyes showing him more of my soul than I wanted to, "my heart Doug, it would hurt my heart. I fought with myself to get me to be able to walk away from him. To leave a life that I thought that I wanted behind and now you are asking me to sit down and have dinner with him."

"Yeah that is what I am asking." Doug said, "I want to have my family sit down to dinner and eat like families do. Is that to much to ask."

I'm upset and angry now, both with him and with the situation that I have found myself in, "yeah that is just a little too much to ask of me right now. I don't have the will power or the patients to do this right now. I am tired I just worked 12 hours, this whole situation is too much for me to deal with, what do you want from me, cause I am seriously about to have a nervous breakdown."

"Okay that is a little melodramatic there Erica." He said looking at me, "I want you to go out there sit down at the table with my son and my daughters and eat dinner." He spun me around and pushed me out the door. He didn't take his hand off my back until we were actually at the table and there was a chair in front of me. With his hands now firmly on my shoulders he sat me down with hushed tones in my ear, "now you will be civil."

That came across to me more as an order rather than a request. But yet there was something about the authority in his voice that had my head saying, 'don't mess with the boss there.'

And so I sat there quietly not looking anyone in the eyes and trying my damnedest to be civil towards all at the table. I figured that as long as I kept my mouth shut I could cause no harm.

Doug sat down at the table next to him was David, Tess, Carol and Kate was sitting next to me. I was across from David, how convenient that every time I looked up I had to look at him. I suffered silently thru dinner and Carol excused the girls bringing coffee to the table. 'Oh no," I thought to myself, 'I am not going to sit thru coffee and small talk.' There had to be a way out of this, some small, simple yet elegant way to get out of this. "Doug, Carol, thank you for the wonderful evening but I should be getting home, I have rounds in the morning." I say, "It was a pleasure seeing you again David." Oh, it almost hurt to choke that one out but somehow I managed.

I watched Doug as he moved to get up and David's hand shoot to his shoulder, "I'll walk her out Dad." I hear him say. That was definitely not in my plans.

"I think I can manage David." I say as I moved back away from the table.

"I insist." He replies.

I let out a small incoherent growl. "If you must."

There is a small smile on Doug's face, as I am getting ready to exit the room, "I will see you tomorrow."

"Yes you will." I say as I continue on my way.

I watch David get my coat for me, as if I could not have gotten it off the coat rack myself. He holds it as I slip my arms inside the sleeves and get ready to head to back to the EL.

"It was nice to see you tonight." I hear him say.

I look up at him, "I wish I could say the same David."

"Can't we at least be friends Erica?"

"I wish that was possible David, just right now it's not okay." I say looking at him still, "I need some time, time to adjust to all of this, to get resettled before I try to be your friend."

"I don't understand why?"

"There's no way for me to explain this." I find myself saying.

"There's always an explanation for why we do what we do." He says calmly to me, as if it was all that simple.

"Sometimes there's not." I say back.

"It's because you still love me somewhere inside that cold heart of yours."

"Are you trying to pick another fight with me David?"

"No Erica, honestly this time I am not." He says touching the side of my face.

I pull back away from him a little now, not wanting to be that close, not wanting him to touch me like that. "Don't please."

"Don't what? Don't touch you; it's never bothered you before. What are you so afraid of Erica? Of me somehow getting thru those defenses you've put up around you?"

"That's exactly it David," I say looking down away from it, "you are trying to just wiggle your way back into my heart, back into my life as if nothing had ever happened."

"Do you want me to get down on my knees and beg you for forgiveness Erica? Would that help?" He says. I can see the seriousness in his eyes when I looked back up at him.

"No that would not help, don't make a fool of yourself." I found myself saying rather coldly towards him now, "just give me some time and space, is that too much to ask for from you right now?"

"I have given you those things already." He said, "Or does being two states away for four years not count."

"Not really." I say back, "during those four years you didn't give me space, you constantly called me, and you picked fights with me."

"Why can't you believe that I have seen how wrong I was?"

"Did you change for me?" I ask.

"Yes and no." I hear him say, "I changed because I wanted to. I knew what I was doing was wrong and yes, I took you leaving for me to see that. So yes I changed because I wanted to get the one person that I loved and respected back into my life, but I also did it because I didn't like the person that I had become."

I listened to what he was saying and very carefully chose my next words, "I am glad that you saw that you needed to change, but David what happened hurt and I can't just look the other way and pretend that hurt didn't happen. I am trying to believe that you have changed and see it; right now, I can't see it. It's not that I don't' want to see..." I found my words being cut off as his hands grabbed the sides of my cheeks and his lips were down on mine.

My head is spinning now, heart saying one thing my head saying a completely different. I'm shocked and caught off guard now. As much as I want to I can't pull away, my defenses are being broken down the longer that I stand there kissing him. I find myself kissing him back now, my arms moving up to wrap around his neck. I can feel his hands slipping from my face finding there way to the small of my back as he holds me close to him.

This isn't right, my head is screaming at him, don't let him back in. Yet I am not listening to that voice. I am melting into his arms, he rests his forehead against mine now just holding onto me. Then I feel him place a soft kiss against my head, "I love you." I hear him whisper into my ear.

"I know," I say, "I love you too." How could I have just said that, part of me still loved him too but the hurt was too great to let him just come waltzing back into my life after so long.

I feel his hand under my chin pulling my eyes up to look at him. "Let me come home."

"I.. uh.. I don't know about that." I say.

"I won't push you Erica. I just want to spend time with you."

I can feel my will power slipping away, I knew from the onset of all of this that was going to happen. "All right just tonight, we can talk." I say softly. His arm is around my back as he leads me over to the car that he had rented opening the door for me making sure that I have gotten in before he closes the car door and jumps in the other side. I hope that I have not just made the biggest mistake of my life.