A/N Hello! I know this is really bad, starting a new fic type thing when I haven't updated my others in ages ( they will cum I promise!). But I had this idea and it just wouldn't leave me alone. Bascially this fic will be 11 separate song fics, all based on the songs from the fab Evanescence album ' fallen'. Each fic will focus on the Hr/D relationship from a different angle. They may just jump into the situation so don't expect lengthy explanations and details.
Warning: this is my first attempt at song fics and I'm really sorry if I don't interpret the songs perfectly, I'll do my best thou. I'm going to rate this as a PG-13 but I can't say that the rating won't go up when I do the other songs.
Pleeaaaaaaaase review after reading, and put a chessy grin on my face! Cheers!
Now enough of my babble, hope it's alrite!
Disclaimer: Harry potter and friends belong to that clever fox JK Rowling, and the songs, which are quoted in bold and italics, and inspiration come from the equally fab Evanescence album "Fallen"
Everybody's Fool
Nobody took notice of the tall man cloaked in the hooded robes. The heavy black material shielded the telltale strands of fine platinum hair from the gazes of the guests; and besides there was much more to entertain the eyes. The hall had been decorated to perfection; banners of gold and maroon hung proudly on the walls – a reminder of the three heroes' origins, the brilliant glow from the millions of candles that littered the room only highlighted the happy faces of the wizards and witches as they feasted on the wine and food that never seemed to finish. But the piece de resistance had to be the gallery of photographs displayed in one corner. In truth it was more like a shrine. A homage to the 'three greatest wizards of the century', words taken from the one and only daily prophet. This itself was only one description of his former classmates, the words 'saints' and 'saviours' would also often make an appearance in bold black print. It had been five years since their defeat over Voldemort, but nobody forgot. They were legends.
'Perfect by nature'
So much so that children around the world tucked comfortably in bed were told of the thrilling adventures of the magnificent three by their parents. And the next day they would go to school proudly telling their friends 'that they were going to be just like Harry Potter when they grow up', or Hermione Granger or Ron Weasley – everyone had their favourite; even Draco.
No one would mention the hundreds of wizards and witches who had lost their lives in the depths of the English woodland or the grotty alleyways of London. They were pushed to the back of the mind, joining all the other painful and anguishing memories. Nobody wanted to remember the bad times, instead they indulged themselves in recollections of the victories.
' Icons of self-indulgence'
If an outsider were to hear the thoughts that passed in his mind they might come to the conclusion that he was jealous, resentful. Seething at the fame that his former 'enemies' basked in. A glory that his own father had hoped for his son; something that never happened. A long finger emerged from the sleeves, stroking the brown hair of the girl that was at the centre of most of the photographs. The arms of her best friend and her fiancée protectively resting on her shoulder and waist respectively. But as he gazed into her large eyes there wasn't any bitterness being passed from silver eyes to brown. Instead there was understanding, mixed in with pity and regret. He wasn't sure if the emotions running through him were for her or the people that worshipped her.
Probably both he finally reflected. For they were both living on a lie.
'Just what we all need
More lies about a world
Never was an never will be'
One photo exhibited in the compilation grabbed his attention. The models were unchanged but the setting was the school grounds, or more particularly the lake. The three had their lower legs submerged in the cool water as the rays of the summer sun beat down on them. They were laughing, making the most of their last day at Hogwarts. But every now and then the eighteen year old Hermione would tilt her head in the direction of the whomping willow, a sad expression passing briefly on her face before it once again resumed to a picture of happy smiles and giggles. Draco peered closer at the age-old photograph and there in the background he could see the blurry figure of a tall, pale boy stood by the ancient tree, his features marred by an ugly, angry scowl. One blink and he was gone, walking back to the school, out of the picture.
' Have you no shame don't you see me
You know you've got everybody fooled'
The man was brought out of his thoughts as the hall of people suddenly descended into silence before bursting into rapturous applause. So they had arrived. Turning away from the photographs he followed the line of sight that those around him had taken.
'Look here she comes now'
Beautiful was the first word that came to mind. Her wild hair cascaded down her back. It was still as frizzy as the day that she had first stepped into Hogwarts but that only seemed to underline the fact that her beauty was natural, not from layers of glamour charms or from hundreds of galleons splashed on expensive clothing. In addition her face was free of make-up; for her large brown eyes, perfect skin and full lips had no need for such trivialities. He wasn't the only one transfixed. He could hear the whispers that were uttered from mouths to ears within the crowd that had gathered.
"I think I have fallen in love."
"I wish I looked like that."
"That's what an angel would look like."
'Bow down and stare in wonder
Oh how we love you'
And of course she wore maroon. A true Gryffindor. She symbolised everything that was brave, loyal ……good. Nobody would have cause to criticise her. Why? Because there was nothing to say. She was faultless.
.
'No flaws when you're pretending'
But then Draco Malfoy was not like most people. He had had a glimpse at the girl underneath the cloud of perfection, and he had seen a mass of murky swirls, darkened by the lies and pretence that lay within her.
Firstly he knew she hated red. How did he know this? She had told him in their 7th year.
They were in her head girl quarters, his fingers passing through her hair as she rested the heavy potions book on her stomach, her brow furrowed in concentration. It was the start of their mock NEWTS the next day. Draco had finished revising and was confident in his ability to pass with flying colours. Hermione on the other hand had been in a state of panic, although she could recite pages at a time from the textbook in a blink of an eye. At first he had been refused entrance, strands of hair had escaped her bun as she had shaken her head furiously saying that all he would do was distract her. In response Draco had swooped down on her lips silencing her protests with a sweet kiss. How could she refuse him when he had retaliated with such a convincing argument? So he was allowed into her sanctuary of books and learning, but not before taking a vow of silence. He had been in her room several times before of course, when books had been far from their thoughts, when the taste of their flesh and lips had proven to be far more appealing. But sitting here Draco was finally able to have a good look at her room. The traditional maroon and gold decorations had given way to light blue and purple. He could remember how strange he thought her desertion of all things Gryffindor was, she had been so proud of her house and all it stood for. Curiosity had welled up inside him and he could not resist the urge to ask her, prepared to face her wrath.
*******
"What happened to all things Gryffindor?"
She lifted her head of his lap, twisting her curvy body so she was facing him. "What?" Her eyes were narrowed with confusion.
"No vulgar red and gold." To emphasise his point he waved his arm in the air. " I thought you loved those horrendous colours."
"It's not red. It's maroon."
He rolled his eyes. She chose to ignore it.
"I don't know I was just getting sick of seeing just those colours. Seven years of them and you start hating them. What about you, aren't you tired of green and silver?"
"No." His answer was short, he never did like talking about himself.
"Ah a true Slytherin." She was teasing him. He just looked smug, of course he was.
"But you're not quite the Gryffindor everybody things you are," he stated.
A chuckle slipped through her delicious red lips. "Well unless a Gryffindor means: sneaking around with the enemy – a Slytherin and lying to your friends." It was during the latter part of the sentence that he saw the glimmer of sadness flitting in her eyes before she playfully hit him on the shoulder, "Now shut up!"
*********
'But now I know she
Never was and never will be'
From that day he realised that Hermione Granger was not all she was perceived to be. Needless to say she was loyal, until one of her friends begged to see one of her essays and she would slap their eager fingers away from her prized pieces and brave, until faced with a broom and a starless night. Good? Not when she was trapped in a dark corner, sandwiched between the wall and her hated-by-all boyfriend; moaning from the waves of pleasure that were crashing throughout her body. Draco had found it amusing, and he sometimes would boastfully blame himself for her transformation; putting it down to his influence over her.
But that changed when he entered her study that morning, all remnants of amusement vanished into thin air. The portrait guarding her chambers had been carelessly left unhinged and so he had entered meaning to catch her unaware. Putting to use the Malfoy stealth that had been ingrained into him from birth. He had crept to the bedroom door, his hand had pushed it slowly open. And it was then that he saw her. Stuck to her mouth was the gangly Weasley; his hands roving parts of Hermione that were his and only his. He had left as quietly as he came for the pain tearing his heart to shreds had become too much to bear.
'You don't know how you've betrayed me'
The next day she had approached him saying she didn't think things were working out between them. That she couldn't take the lies and secrets anymore. He had scoffed at that remark. He had then proceeded to describe the kiss he had happened upon, hatred and bitterness lacing each word. Her eyes had widened, her breathes had come out laboured as her treachery had been revealed. She had stayed silent for several minutes. He could practically see the cogs in her brain turning frantically, desperate to form a reason for her behaviour.
********
"I don't know why I did it."
That's the best she could do, after everything. Draco could feel his blood boiling under his skin
"Do you love him?" Draco asked. He couldn't bear to look at her. To see her lips form the answer would destroy him. But no words came. His question had remained unanswered.
He turned back round to face her. Her head was downcast, her mass of hair covering her features from his eyes. He slowly reached out to put his hand on her chin, lifting her face up so he could see what she was thinking, what her eyes told him.
The brown orbs glistened with tears, which ran freely down her face, but they could not hide the guilt and regret that shone brightly from their foggy depths.
"Do you love me?" he asked. Again she did not answer but she didn't need to. Her eyes had given her away again. They screamed with a truthful 'Yes.'
"Why are you doing this?" Silence.
"Why are you doing this?" He yelled the words the second time round, hoping that volume would make her respond.
It did, but not in the way he had hoped. She ripped his hand from her chin, her eyes blazing with a fire lit by anger.
"Leave me alone. I don't love you. I never did."
*************
And that was it. He had watched her small figure run haphazardly down the corridor. The sound of her sobs echoing off the stonewalls as he just stood there completely and utterly lost for words.
Six years later and Draco stood watching her. She leaned over, kissing Weasley on the cheek. The action received a chorus of 'Ahhhhs' around the room, for what could be better than two 'good' people in love – a fairytale played out in real life. Except for the fact that it wasn't true, the heroine had more then her fair share of flaws and the love story wasn't quite real.
'And somehow you've got everybody fooled'
In his time away from her he had hoped that the part of his heart that remembered her taste, her kisses and the mind numbing feelings she produced in him would fade away, leaving him free of the memory of her. But it was no use, she remained ever present, haunting him during the lonely nights in the manor; even when the arms of another random woman were wound tightly round him, he still felt empty without her.
There was no other conclusion to be reached other than the fact that he loved her with all of his soul, and that he wouldn't be complete without her in his arms.
He had not planned what he was going to say to her. Two hours ago he didn't know he was going to be here. It had been a sudden decision, a lover's desperate plan – a madman's idea. Nothing was premeditated or definite, except for one detail she loved him as much as he did her. Was he being presumptuous? Could she have actually had fallen in love with the red-haired freak in the time that has passed? Not if what he had seen in her eyes that day had been a figment of his imagination.
*********
The subject of love was never a matter that was discussed much in the Malfoy household, except on one occasion. He had been ten, his mother had entered the room, a bruised cheek glowing bright in the dark room. Draco had sat by her, watching tears roll silently down her face.
"Why do you love papa?"
She had smiled at him, her hand passed into his hair affectionately pushing away the wayward strands from his eyes.
"You can't choose who you fall in love with, Draco. And I love your father with all my heart." Her blue eyes had radiated with unadulterated feelings of love, even when the door had slammed open; an angry Lucius filling the doorway, his hand resting by his side, itching to fly again.
And Hermione's eyes had been replicas of his mother's own that day. Love had been leaking out of every spot of colour that tinted the large orbs. Nothing could have erased something as pure as that.
***********
And the time had come, no more lies. In the corner of his eye he could see her breaking way from her friends, weaving through the crowd, making her way to the toilets at the far end of the hall. He followed the brown head, pushing his way through the throng of people. In a matter of seconds they were both free of the constraints the mass of bodies had presented. He was so close to her. He reached out for her wrist, snatching it from her side. She whipped round to face him, surprise expressed clearly in her perfect features. She peered up at him, trying to look beneath his hood.
"Do I know you?" she asked, a polite smile gracing her lips.
"Well I can never forget you," he stated. Draco lifted the hood, allowing his hair to fall about his face, his fringe collapsing just above his eyes.
"Draco," she gasped. "It's really you." Hesitant fingers were raised upwards, and tentatively placed on his face. They followed the contours of his cheeks, his lips; familiarising them with something that had been touched so often in the distant past. Unconsciously Draco felt himself relaxing into her gentle caresses, leaning into them, wanting more of what he had missed so much that it had hurt.
"What are doing here?" She seemed to suddenly become aware of where she was and whom she was touching as her comforting hand left his face, making it once again feel cold.
"Don't." He grabbed her hand, and placed it back on his cheek. Her eyes furtively glanced from one part of the hall to the other, scared that they would be caught.
"Please don't do this," she whispered to him. Her eyes pleading with his own.
"I love you." It was the first time that he had ever said those words and never had Draco said something and meant it more than now.
Her face transformed before his, her eyes sparkled with joy and her lips curled up in a genuine smile of pleasure. His Hermione was back, and it had taken no more than three words to break the wall of lies that she had constructed around herself. He placed one of his own hands on her cheek. The softness beneath his finger tips, a feeling he would never forget. Around them everything blurred into swirls of colour and distorted shapes; as they became lost in each other, looking beneath the masks that they had become accustomed to wearing.
'Without the mask where will you hide'
Together they read the same lines told in each others souls, lines telling of the mutual desire and love that blazed within them.
Thus shrouded in shadows the two lovers were finally reunited, as their lips came upon one another's and their arms wrapped around each other – never wanting to let go. So sweet. Draco could feel himself pushing onto her harder, craving for something she could only give him- ecstasy. She retaliated likewise, throaty moans bubbling up from her throat, spurring Draco on, for he wanted to hear that noise again and again. It was only until their lungs began to burn with lack of air did they finally part. But they remained mere inches apart. Hot breathe passing through parted, bruised lips.
"Leave him," he whispered.
She purposely ignored the call of his eyes to look up at him. Instead her gaze stayed stubbornly locked on his lips.
"Leave him." A trace of urgency and desperation lingered in his words this time. But he was not ashamed of his show of weakness, love does crazy things to even the strongest of people. He pulled her closer to him, their bodies melding to produce one perfect form. Did she need any more evidence that they were made for each other?
Her fine eyelashes stroked his jaw as her eyes closed. " I can't. I can't leave Ron."
'Can't find yourself lost in your lie'
Her warm skin seemed to turn to ice, freezing his insides. He pushed her away from him for fear of cracking to pieces.
Why was she doing this?
To him?
To them?
Waves of anger began to surge through him melting the coldness her words had generated within. Every cell cried with the indignation her refusal had provoked.
"Fine be a coward, live a lie. But tell me one thing why did you kiss him? Why did you fucking get engaged to him when you were in love with someone else?" He spat the words out in one ugly, rapid spurt
"Because I was pregnant and you were the 'someone else'," she screamed back at him. The sentence struck down Draco's ability to form coherent words whether it be in his head or with his mouth. He just stood there, doing nothing, saying nothing.
"There I've said it. Now please leave I can't go through this again," she urged. Her voice breaking under the emotions that weighed her down. She placed her hands on his chest, trying fruitlessly to push him away. But he refused to give any ground
"Why didn't you tell me? What were you going to do when the baby came. It could never look like a Weasley!"
"What happened to the child?" The questions came left his mouth in a stream flowing with confusion.
"I was desperate, and that made me do stupid things. Anyway the fact that I miscarried solved that tricky situation," stated Hermione bitterly, as rivulets of clear tears cascaded down her cheeks as thoughts of a baby in her arms raced through her mind in one continuous loop.
Draco wanted nothing more than to envelop her in his arms and stop the pain. "But why didn't you tell me? You know I would have done anything for you."
"What gone against your family, your beliefs – marry a mudblood!" Her eyes challenged him to say yes. "Don't play the moral high card it doesn't suit you."
"Ok so I would have been shocked." A puff of disbelieving laughter left her lips. "But I would have done anything you asked."
"Why?" She looked up at him, suspicious of him.
"Because I loved you." He cupped her face in his hands, making sure she could see his eyes, see into him. So she knew that he was telling her the absolute truth. Her eyes widened as they realised that he was, and the tears were temporarily halted.
But at the same time Draco had had the opportunity to look into her.
"It wasn't me you were worried about though was it?" His fingers strengthened the grip they had on her chin, he could see her skin below his fingertips whiten with the pressure. She began to struggle under his touch, but he wasn't going to let her go. "You were worried what they, Potter and bloody Weasley would say weren't you?"
She brought tentative fingers up to his. Stroking him, trying to calm the storm that she could see was brewing in his grey eyes. "It wasn't just them it was everybody else. People looked up to us. There were expectations. I couldn't suddenly declare that I was in love with a son of a death eater, a murderer. That's why I kissed Ron, said yes to his proposal. Having a baby with Ron would have been accepted. But with you………….. I didn't think you would have stayed with me, not with Lucius as your father…………….."
Draco cut her off. His eyes hard enough to cut even the purest of diamonds. "I'm not like my father."
Her eyes widened. "I know that……….. But Harry and Ron they would never have forgiven me, not after everything that had happened in the past."
Clarity hit him like a painful, sharp thump to the stomach "They mean more to you than I ever will, don't they."
'I know the truth now
I know who you are
And I don't love you anymore'
Her silence deafened him, beating against his eardrum, telling him that she could not deny it. To her their relationship was insignificant, a mere speck in the distance to the bond she shared with her two male friends thought Draco angrily. What was flooding their bodies when they touched each other disintegrated to nothingness when compared to the feelings that years of companionship and platonic love that Potter and Weasley transmitted to her in a simple hug.
He would never be number one to her; third place would be all she could give him. She couldn't love him with the whole of her, like he could. There would always be a part of her that belonged to them. A relationship could never survive or never be on foundations like that.
How could he love her?
'It never was and never will be'
They remained motionless, staring into each other's eyes. Before Draco could no longer look at her. He turned away and strode out of the hall, leaving his heart and his soul behind. He had no need for them, for all they did were to remind him of the pain and misery that she had bestowed on him. He wandered into the night a broken man.
'You're not real and you can't save me'
Fresh trails of tears coursed down her cheeks, wetting her robes. But she didn't care. Watching him leave she realised that she had managed to lose the most important thing in life – true love.
'Somehow now you're everybody's fool'
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Fini*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A/N I apologize if they are slightly out of character and it's a wee bit anti – Hermione but it just seemed to fit the song. If uve read till the end I'm going to do the rather sad thing and once more beg for reviews * author pulls puppy dog eyes*. They can be darn right mean and nasty ( tell me why you don't like it) or nice and happy ( obviously preferred but as my mother often says u can't have everything in life * sighs*)
Anyway ta for reading and looking forwards to seeing some messages in my inbox – see that oh so subtle hint hmmmm.
Ooooo forgot sumthin am on the search for a beta (preferably sumone who doesn't mind looking at R-rated fics as well). The job is not for the fainthearted as my spelling and grammer r both rather crap, but if anyones interested please email me!
Ok think that's it….
Luv Cedar1