(07) How Now Brown Cow?

'This is it!' Jack said proudly, holding the door open for Ralph to walk in.

Ralph was slightly taken back by how . . . brown everything was. The little restaurant was fashioned in a '50s sort of style, with brown-and-white checkered tiles on the floor and big, comfy booths for people to sit in. And everything from the disposable cups to the animated posters on the walls had brown cows on them! Jack actually liked this queer café!

'Interesting place,' Ralph muttered sardonically.

'Yeah, me and my friends come here a lot,' Jack said, missing the sarcastic tone in the other teen's voice. 'Um . . . speaking of which . . .'

'Oy, Jack!' someone called to him from a faraway corner.

Ralph turned to see none other than Lee and Terry waving Jack over. With them sat two other people that Ralph didn't know.

'Hey, guys!' Jack replied happily.

Before Ralph could protest, Jack had taken his hand and was practically dragging him over to the table, which was (unsurprisingly) brown.

'I'd like you to meet a few of my friends, Ralph,' Jack said, releasing the other's hand. 'You already know Lee and Terry. This is John, and that over there is Fred.'

'Hi,' Ralph said nervously, well aware of the intense looks the four teens were giving him.

'Here, you guys can sit with us,' Lee said, shifting over to make some room in the large, round booth. 'There's plenty of space.'

'Actually, we just came for a quick bite to eat,' Ralph replied apologetically. 'We still have to finish our math ass—'

'We can stay for a bit,' Jack interrupted smoothly, sitting down beside his friend.

Ralph rolled his eyes and he, too, sat down.

'Hi, guys!' said a happy, bubbly voice, and a redheaded waitress came over to their table. 'Hi, Fred,' she added as she handed a (brown) menu to both Ralph and Jack. 'Er . . . Our specials today are the Brown Cow Milkshake, the Farmer's Burger, and the Po-Po-Potatoes!' She grinned happily. 'Just wave me over when you're ready to order, okay?' She was about to leave, but then she turned back around and added, 'By the way, Fred, your order may take a bit longer to bring over than the others.'

'Okay,' Fred replied. 'No problem. Thanks, Wendy.'

'Just how often do you guys come here?' Ralph asked quietly once the waitress had gone.

'Almost every week,' John responded. 'The food's great, even if the atmosphere looks like crap.' He shrugged and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

Ralph nodded absentmindedly and began to flip through the menu.

-

Meanwhile, Jack and Lee were hunched together behind Jack's menu, having a whispered conversation.

'So how are things going?' Lee asked nervously, thinking this may result in another losing bet for him.

'They're getting better,' Jack replied. 'He no longer hates my guts, anyway.'

'But you're not there yet,' Lee said gleefully, punching his friend in the shoulder. 'You still got some ways to go, man.'

'This is only Day 2 and I'm already on his good side,' Jack reminded him. 'I still have 5 days left man.' He didn't mention to Lee why Ralph was suddenly warming up to him. He didn't care to repeat his dream about the island to anyone, especially not Lee.

'Sure, you're on his good side,' Lee echoed. 'And you can probably win him over completely in another day or two, but how long will it take you to get into his trousers, boy?'

Yes, how long indeed. Suddenly, 5 days didn't seem like half as much time as Jack would need to "get into his trousers".

'I'll manage it,' Jack said in a would-be confident voice. '5 days left, remember, buddy?'

Lee smirked.

'You can't fool me, Jack. This kid ain't like the others, who would probably run naked through the parking lot if you ask them to. They know you're a good fuck because of your reputation. But Ralph, he's different. It isn't just a good fuck he wants. He's a hard nut to crack, man.'

'Just give me time, Lee,' Jack said. 'I'll manage it. I have to. My reputation is at stake.'

'One that I would very much like to see destroyed.' Lee grinned wickedly.

'Ha!' Jack scoffed. 'Like that would ever happen! One look at any of the guys I slept with and they'll just come running back to me, begging me for more. You know that's true.'

'Yeah, I know, slut.'

'Loser.'

'Whore.'

'Bastard.'

'Trollop.'

'Asshole.'

'Hooker.'

'Fag.'

'Bitch.'

'Jackass.'

'Fucker.'

The two teens smiled and finally stopped their playful insults, knowing that they could go on forever. Although they didn't act like it, they were the best of friends and had known each other longer than they had known the others. Their friendship was very . . . unique, and nothing had ever broken them apart thus far because of its uniqueness.

'Okay, guys, here's your food,' Wendy said in her high-pitched voice, snapping the bubblegum in her mouth. She set her tray down on the table and distributed the orders to John, Lee, and Terry (who had two), before she turned to Ralph and Jack. 'Are y'all ready to order?' she asked, taking out a small pad of paper and a pencil.

'I think I'll try a Farmer Burger,' Ralph replied.

'Same here,' Jack said.

'Okay, do you want any fries with that? Or any drinks?'

'I'll have some Coke,' Ralph said, 'but no fries for me, thanks.'

'I'll have fries,' Jack responded, 'and a Sprite.'

'Gotcha,' Wendy said, adding the new items with a flourish. 'I'll be right back.' Then she happily skipped away.

'Now there's one chick who really likes her job,' Fred muttered under his breath.

Lee rolled his eyes dramatically.

'Fred, just ask her out already. You've practically been stalking her since she started work here a few months ago, so just go for it!'

'But what if she rejects me?' Fred asked quietly.

'Then oh well,' Lee replied unsympathetically.

'Don't listen to Lee, Fred,' John said. 'She's got the hots for you, too. You have nothing to worry about.'

'Fine, fine,' Lee said in a bored tone. 'But even if she doesn't, then I'm sure Jacko here can find you a hot date.'

'But I'm straight!' Fred protested. 'All the people Jack goes after are guys, and they only like him because—'

'Ahem!' Jack cleared his throat loudly, glaring at Fred and glancing pointedly at Ralph.

'—because he's fun to be with,' Fred said, obviously changing from his original sentence of "because they want a good fuck". 'I mean, I'm pretty boring compared to Jack over here,' he added.

The last phrase seemed unnecessary and slightly hinted towards Jack's reputation, but Ralph seemed unperturbed.

"Maybe he hasn't heard of my reputation yet," Jack thought, relieved. "Yes! That will make my job a lot easier! Hehehe . . ."

-

Ralph sat nervously with Jack and his friends, feeling like an outcast.

'So . . .' he said, fidgeting with a button on his shirt. 'What do you guys do around here for fun?'

The teens smiled and all of them looked expectedly at Jack.

'What?' the latter asked, for he evidently hadn't heard Ralph.

'Well, Jack, Ralph here wants to know what you do for fun,' Lee informed him with an evil glint in his eye.

'Yes, Jack,' Fred said. 'Do tell.'

'Am I missing something here?' Ralph inquired, glancing at each of their faces. They all looked like they were on the verge of laughing.

'Well, we . . . sometimes . . . go to the . . . movies!' Jack replied, keeping his face stony and avoiding the others' gazes. 'Or sometimes we just . . . hang out at . . . the mall . . . or something . . . um . . . or we . . . go clubbing if we can get a few partners.'

Ralph mentally noted how Jack said "partners" and not "girls", meaning his partner could be either or. For some reason, he felt slightly queasy imagining his companion with other guys.

'Hey, you should come clubbing with us one day!' Fred suggested unexpectedly. 'It's loads of fun, and the place we go to rocks!'

'Maybe,' Ralph shrugged. 'I'm not really into dancing and stuff though.'

'Hell, that place has tons of other stuff to do,' John reassured him. 'It is more of a large bar than a club. You can play pool or sit by the bar, where they'll serve you alcoholic drinks even if you're underage.'

So Ralph would be stuck with five drunken, underage teenagers. Some reassurance that was!

'Come on, Ralph,' Jack put in. 'You have to come with us. You'll have fun!'

"Well, I only live once."

'Sure,' Ralph replied. 'Count me in. When's the next time you're going to this place?'

'Um . . . I think we're scheduled to go to Pubsy's—' (Pubsy's? This so-called "cool" place was called Pubsy's!) '—tomorrow!' John responded.

'Tomorrow?' Ralph echoed.

'Why? Is it a bad time?'

'I don't know, actually,' Ralph replied. 'I'll have to get back to you later on that.'

'Whatever,' Lee shrugged. 'Just tell one of us at school or something so we'll know.'

'No problem.'

'I'm back!' Wendy said, suddenly appearing out of nowhere.

The six teens jumped in shock, but they quickly settled down once more.

'Your hair is very nice today, Wendy,' Fred said. 'I like it when you put it up.'

Wendy absentmindedly twisted the end of her ponytail around her finger.

'Th-thank you,' she stuttered. Regaining her composure, she one-handedly set her tray down on the table and gave Fred, Ralph, and Jack their meals.

'Thanks,' the two boys responded in unison.

'You're welcome,' she said, looking at Fred. 'Well, I . . . I think I have to go now.' She started to skip away.

'Wait!' Fred called after her.

Wendy turned around.

'Yeah?'

'I was wondering, Wendy . . . would you like to come with me to Pubsy's tomorrow night?'

'You?' she inquired.

'Of course, it will be okay if you don't,' Fred said quickly, feeling extremely flustered now.

'Oh, no, no, it's not that . . . I was just wondering when you were finally going to ask me out.'

Fred's face turned crimson, and his friends gave him lopsided grins.

'Sure I'll go with you, Fred,' Wendy said. 'But I have to work tomorrow after school. So would you mind picking me up from here . . . um, alone?'

'Wh-what time?' Fred stammered, as if this were too good to be true.

'Around 7:00, I guess,' she shrugged.

'No problem.'

'Okay,' she said, smiling, 'see you then.' Then she walked away, ponytail bouncing happily.

'I told you that you had nothing to worry about,' John whispered to Fred.

'Gosh, Fred,' Terry said, 'your face looks like the setting sun.'

'Yeah, well, yours probably would too if you had to ask somebody out in front of all your friends,' Fred replied.

'You've got a point there, Fred,' Lee said. Then he put on a high-pitched voice. 'Oh, Fred, I was wondering when you were finally going to ask me out . . . Can you pick me up here tomorrow . . . alone?' As he said that, Lee added a sensual tone to his voice and his hand crept onto Fred's.

'Shut up, Lee!' Fred snapped, snatching his hand away.

The other teens (including Ralph) burst out into fits of hysterical laughter.

'Shut up!' Fred said again, his face deepening a shade.

'Sorry, Fred,' Ralph said, between giggles.

His companion just scowled and crossed his arms over his chest.

-

An hour later, Jack and Ralph returned to the latter's house. They had stayed at Brown Cow longer than they originally intended, but they had a blast!

'So, what do you think of my friends?' Jack asked once they had entered the house.

'They're funny,' Ralph replied shortly, and he said nothing else.

The two teens quickly relieved themselves of their coats and shoes. Then they hurried back to the kitchen table to continue with their work.

'Here,' Ralph said, dropping a small pile of papers in front of Jack. 'These are yours.'

Jack let out a whistle of faint disbelief.

'Odd. It seems much smaller than when we left. Did I really do so little work?'

'Don't call it a little work,' Ralph snapped, sorting through the books for his own assignment. 'The answers end up being pretty short, but it takes a lot of effort to figure them out.'

They took out their pencils and began to write.

The two boys had only been working for a short while when Ralph suddenly put his pencil down.

'What? Don't tell me your hand's tired already!' Jack exclaimed, evidently surprised.

'No, it's just . . . Jack, are you gay?'

The question stunned Jack, for it had been the last thing he expected Ralph to say . . . at least at that present moment.

'No,' he replied truthfully.

'What about all that stuff your friends were saying?' Ralph asked, obviously taken back by Jack's response.

'I'm not gay, I'm bi,' Jack said, furiously erasing something on his sheet. 'Why? You got a problem with that, Macpherson!'

'No!' Ralph said quickly. 'It's just . . . I haven't seen you in so long and you've . . . changed a lot, that's all.'

'No kidding,' Jack muttered. 'It's been a lot of friggin' years since we last met.'

'Yeah,' his companion replied. 'I just realized how little I know about you now, and I want to get to know you better.'

Jack's hand paused.

'What do you want to know?'

'I dunno,' Ralph shrugged, taking up his pencil and continuing with his work. 'What's your family like? Do you have any brothers or sisters?'

'You don't want to know about my family,' Jack murmured confidently, keeping his head down.

'Why not?'

'You just . . . don't, okay!' Jack snapped, blood boiling.

'Sorry,' Ralph whispered, knowing that this was a touchy topic for Jack.

'No, wait, I should be the one who's sorry, Ralph,' Jack responded sincerely, suddenly remembering the bet and how he was supposed to seduce Ralph. Arguing with him wasn't exactly helping. 'I'll tell you whatever the fuck you want, but I don't think you're going to like it. I know I don't.'

'You don't have to tell me just because I asked.'

'But I want to now,' Jack replied, thinking maybe he could win Ralph's sympathy.

Ralph looked upon him with rapt attention.

'Well, my mom . . .' Jack began, 'she's very . . . she doesn't like it when I get into trouble. She's a fucking control freak or something! She's always yelling and screaming, saying that I'm not doing good enough in school or whatever and that I could do better. My dad hardly even knows I exist. He's always fucked up from drinking too much beer and shit. When I go home, he usually has the tendency to . . . beat me,' Jack said quietly.

Ralph looked shock, but he kept his opinions of that to himself, and Jack vaguely wondered if his plan was working, if he had Ralph's sympathy.

'Do you have any siblings?' Ralph asked him.

'I had a brother.'

'Had?'

'He died . . . in a motorbike accident.' All the stuff Jack was telling was actually the truth, so he needn't have worried about his bluff being called.

'Well, my dad,' Ralph began, 'you saw how he is. He's always so busy, too busy to spend some time with me. My mum tries to make it up to me, but she can't . . . not really. Her and my dad argue a lot about his job, you know. She's so pissed off by the fact that we have to keep moving. She's tried to tell him to just leave us in one place and he can come visit us, but he doesn't want to leave us behind. It doesn't make sense, really, because he never spends any time with us anyway.'

'Maybe after what happened on the island, he wants to make sure you'll be all right,' Jack suggested. 'Maybe he's just comforted by the fact that you're near to him, that he can try to prevent bad things from happening to you.'

'Maybe. It fucking his family's life up, but hey, who cares? We're near him!' Ralph said sarcastically.

Jack look quite put down, and there was a very awkward silence, in which both boys tried to gather their thoughts.

'Well,' Ralph said, clearing his throat. 'We better get working.'

Their conversation was soon forgotten, locked away in the back of their minds for future contemplation. At the present, however, they got back to work.