Different Paths
By Cedar1
A/N Have not updated this in ages – sorry bout that! So i won't babble too much just to say thanx to mesmer and trinity marquise who reviewed last time and a couple of disclaimers...
1) Jk Rowling's characters from the harry potter universe
2) Evanescence for lyrics and inspiration (in bold and italic)
3) And the quote from the fab Ian McEwan book 'Atonement' which is in plain italics
Finally HUGE thanx to me beta Jewel for making my writing make sense!
Haunted
"I'll wait for you. Come back to me."
'Long lost words whisper slowly to me'
The wind filtered through the wayward strands of platinum-blonde, whispering the words of distant memories. Syllables floated through the twisted canal of his ear, reaching the eardrum, vibrating the tiny hairs present, imprinting their sentiments on the back of his skull. His eyes were no longer the intense pools that he had once been so proud of. Their perfection had been tainted by the years of fighting and bloody battles that they had had to bear witness to. Flashes of bright silver had dulled to a relatively boring grey; were they no longer special. That did not mean, however, that they had altered in their function, for right now their gaze was trained on the finger that lay a breath away from the plastic square that formed the door bell. Every so often a moment of bravery would run through him, and he would actually bring himself to touch the button. But too soon it would jolt away almost as if it had been burned. This had happened several times in the last few minutes, and although he had resigned himself to the fact that he couldn't go through with this, his feet refused to follow that train of thought and remained stubbornly planted on the stone slabs outside her front door.
'Still can't find what keeps me here'
What could he offer her? This question had plagued him all the way through the sparse corridors of the new Ministry of Magic when he had gone in search for Potter. He had not wanted to seek out his previous adversary. However he had no choice. He could no longer wander the manor, be it in the day or the night, thinking of her, suffering from the onslaught of emotions her memory bestowed upon him. The pleasantness that a full night's sleep brought was something he could no longer recall, and the action of picking up a knife and fork and delving into a plate of food was rusty from lack of practice. Her words and her image had propelled him to keep fighting, even when he wanted nothing more than to curl up and die. She gave him something to live for and the want to survive quelled his desire for defeat. Yet now that he was free of the constraints of war and espionage, her words and memory brought nothing but torment. He could not be saved until he was with her. His arms craved to wrap themselves around her.
It had taken a long time before he had made that step through the door that was marked by a gold plaque to be the office of Harry Potter. The man behind the desk, which was covered by sheets of loose paperwork, had not been able to hide his shock at seeing the pale faced figure from his childhood. Of course, there had been rare occasions when they had passed by one another in the secret head office of the order during the war. But they had simply ignored each other, the years of childish bickering still not forgotten.
"What do you want, Malfoy?" The green eyes had narrowed in suspicion. The lips tilted into an expression that could be at best described as a scowl.
Draco had not been able to stop the annoyance that his appearance had generated within him. Despite all the information he had provided, the great Harry Potter still regarded him as a foe, a snake which had some how managed to slip their condemning grasps.
"Nice office, Potter," the sarcasm had been evident. "The ministry obviously couldn't afford to splash out on the 'Saviour of the wizarding world.'"
The scowl had wavered before collapsing into a slight frown, a whisper of a sigh escaping the lips.
"I don't have time to trade insults with you. Say what you want to say, and then leave." He had not even looked at Draco when he had given his orders. His eyes had returned to the typed piece of paper that was grasped in the fingers of his right hand. No doubt trying to show how busy he was.
"I want to know where she is."
There had been no need to put a name to the 'she,' the way the fingers had instantly released that all important paper was evidence enough that he had understood exactly who Draco was talking about.
"Why should I tell you? You have nothing to offer her."
And there it was. That question again. Hitting his hopes like a sledgehammer. What did he have to offer her? Five years of war had tired him. With each body that had collapsed dead at his feet from his doing, it felt as if one more portion of his soul had seeped out of him. He had killed so many that he doubted whether there was anything left within him to give to her.
'When all this time I've been so hollow inside'
If that was true what was the point of going to see her. But then he realised she was still there, interweaved within the intricacies of his heart, keeping it pumping. The part of him that belonged to her provided more life within him than his damaged soul ever could.
'I know you're still here'
So what if it was purely for selfish reasons. The need to fulfil his own desire.
"He loved her, and he couldn't live without her any longer."
That was what he had told Potter, and it was that thought that drove the last spurt of bravery through his system as he finally pressed the door bell. The high pitched noise could be heard from his position outside the house, as too the shuffling of feet towards the door. Each click of the locks opening caused Draco's heart to start beating just that little bit faster. He watched in nervous anticipation as the door was opened millimetre by millimetre, until at last she stood before him. Her curly hair had been drawn into a hastily placed ponytail, the drips of water from the wet strands taking a tortuous course from the curve of her neck to the area covered by her dressing robe. Both were unable to form the words that were bursting to be released, as all their muscles seemed to be frozen in ecstatic shock.
"I've been waiting for so long," she finally stated.
"Well, I'm back now,"he replied.
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000Start flashback
'Watching me'
Her gaze felt like a thousand pin pricks continuously biting at his flesh from the top of his head to the tips of his fingers. He picked at the scrambled eggs that lay uneaten on his plate; her constant attention had made him lose his appetite as soon as he had stepped into the great hall. With two large, brown eyes she had been able to generate waves of sickness that rippled through the lining of his stomach, making the ability to keep any food down longer than a few seconds non existent. Her weird obsession with him had started a couple of months back. At first there had only been a few subtle glances from the corner of her eye that only he had caught. But now it appeared that she had thrown caution to the wind and was obviously staring at him, with no attempt to hide it. Even Pansy, a girl whose observational skills were second to none had noticed Granger's behaviour.
"The mudblood's staring at you again," she had remarked loudly and bluntly. She had looked at him, expecting him to solve the riddle.
Draco had simply shrugged. He had no idea what was going on under that bushy hair, and truthfully he hadn't cared.
"Maybe she fancies you," she had squealed, clapping her hands excitedly, mockingly. Her actions had produced a burst of laughter from the other Slytherins that were dining on the table. For how could such an ugly, pristine, pure Gryffindor mudblood fall in love with an arrogant, cold hearted Pureblood? And they had yet to touch on the well known hatred between the two characters. Any conceivable notion that there could be feelings of love shared by either party were seen as impossible, an idea so unbelievable that it was laughed at. Of course Draco had taken part in the moment of hilarity, believing it to be just as ridiculous as the rest of them.
But then the odd look had transformed to a stalker status that could rival even that of Creevey to his beloved Potter. Maybe she did want him. And why not? He had slowly lost the sharp, pointy features that had been the frequent butt of insults in his younger years. Instead they had been replaced with classic lines and forms, giving a face fit for an angel- or that's what many of his past lovers had said. So who was to say the mudblood wasn't immune to his obvious charms?
'Wanting me'
At first Draco could not deny that he had felt flattered. His ego enjoying the stroking that her thorough assessments of him in classes and in hallways would give him. She may be the only girl to hit him, and the only girl that he wanted to hit back, but she was still a girl, and he was still a boy, and attraction was attraction. However what came as a shock to the system was when he caught himself sneaking glances at her. It was one thing being admired. But to be admiring was an action that was unforgivable. Despite the internal voice telling him it was wrong, his eyes would still draw their gaze up to her tiny form as she strode in front of him in her distinct purposeful stride. He had been careful to not watch her when she was watching him. At times he had felt like he was playing a game, but the reality of his actions would flatten that idea as soon as it formed in his head.
What he was doing was bad. Wrong. He had started to notice how she would bite her lip when she encountered a particularly hard problem in Arithmacy, two sharp teeth feasting on the deep red flesh of her mouth. The way her eyes would wrinkle in the corners when someone near her cracked a joke, the sparkle of amusement bringing her eyes to life. Or how she would rub the middle finger of her right hand during the exams, trying to soothe the heat that her relentless scribbling had caused. She was by no means beautiful in a conventional sense: her nose too flat, her figure fuller than the other girls in her house, her posture hunched from the constant pull on her shoulders by the heavy bag she was determined to drag around school.
'I can feel you pull me down'
And yet Draco couldn't stop the softening of his harsh grey eyes as they glanced at her. It was fruitless in his fight to put an end to the flutters of a million tiny butterflies that flapped mercilessly in his insides as she walked past him. Her delicate perfume bathing him in a scent that brought his mind spiralling to a standstill. Minutes after she had left he could still smell her, and instead of finding it revolting as he should, he found it strangely comforting.
Perhaps that's why at this precise moment he wanted nothing more than to vomit all over the squeaky clean hall floor. He needed to wretch these feelings out of him. Whatever they were, whatever they meant. It had to end, and today was the best day for it. Determined he stabbed a piece of cold scrambled eggs on his fork and shoved it into his mouth. Chewing and swallowing quickly before his body had the chance to gag.
One.
Two.
Three seconds, and the food was still inside. He was cured, he thought proudly.
That was before the disobedient voice in his head whispered that one more look wouldn't hurt. One last glance. He cautiously flicked his gaze around the table making sure that all his classmates were too caught up in their own business to catch his slip-up. Convinced that all was clear his eyes darted straight to the brown haired witch at the far end of the hall. His grey eyes drank her in, taking their fill before the ban was in place. Her mouth was parted ever so slightly, her lips wet from the pumpkin juice she had just sipped. He could feel his next breath catch in his throat. His mind commencing on a train of thoughts that he hoped his mother would never be privy to.
She suddenly tilted her head, bringing her eyes in line with his own. Everything around him blurred, melding into a series of unimportant swirls, while she remained the only sharp object in his view. He felt himself flying through the air, being sucked straight into wide, honest, brown eyes. His arms flailed widely as he swam in the emotions that were held within their depths, trying desperately to see what they were. His heart was pounding so much. He could hear its rhythm as if it were a drum being banged relentlessly next to his ear. And as soon as she smiled revealing a row of perfect teeth his heart burst inside his chest. She was smiling at him. Genuinely smiling at him. Happiness radiated from her. It was then that Draco forced himself to look away.
His fork clatteredonto his plate as his trembling hand lost its grip on the metal handle. Why did she have to do this to him? Especially today.
His life had always been so uncomplicated, difficult emotions were cast aside and were replaced by obedience and duty. Malfoys weren't meant to feel anything apart from their need to pursue a world free of mudbloods and muggles. That was how Draco had been brought up, and he had never found a need to question it. But over the past months she had been hammering away at the barrier that was that belief, and with one shared look today she had created a crack that could see it crumbling before his eyes. It was obvious in her eyes and in her manner she cared for him…loved him? Draco found great difficulty thinking those words in his head. He had never known anyone who loved him. There had been lust of course, rushed and passionate, but it lacked the pureness that love had in abundance. As for his parents, he was merely a person who served to continue the Malfoy line and ways. Love was never an issue.
She presented him with something that was completely new and unnatural to him, and in truth it scared him.
'Fearing you loving me'
But then, perhaps, the greater fear was the possibility that those feelings he got whenever she was near was due to the fact that he cared for her in return.
He pushed the plate of food away from him, smashing it into Pansy's plate who sat opposite him. The clunk of the cutlery brought those around him to a standstill, as forks going into mouths stopped mid-air and eyes turn to stare at the source of the noise. He could feel Pansy's wide eyed gaze boring into him, but that didn't matter.
How could he care for her?
He needed to get out of here. Out of anywhere where she was present. Maybe if he did then it would all go away.
'I won't let you pull me down'
Draco stood up quickly, his chair banging to the floor. He now had the attention of the whole hall, faces looking up wondering what he would do next. And they watched as the tall, blonde Slytherin exited the dining room in his usual grand style.
0000000000000
Hermione watched as Draco practically ran from the hall, his black robes bellowing behind him. In a blink of an eye she was out of the door, following his hasty footsteps through the windy corridors of Hogwarts.Despite the sound of his clicking heels becoming more and more distant, so much so that she had to strain to hear them she knew she was on the right track. She was like a trained hunter, completely in tuned to her chosen prey. She could practically taste the aura he gave off on the tip of her tongue; the sharp taste tingling her taste buds, his cologne filling her senses.
'Hunting you I can smell you ....
Alive'
She couldn't explain why this had all started. When he managed to wheedle his way into her mind, into the gaps of her heart. But it was all she could think about in lessons, in the library. Everywhere she shouldn't be. There was no reason for it. She had no need to seek him out for refuge; she had plenty of friends for that. She was not the victim of abuse able to identify with another sufferer. Nor had she suddenly fallen for his good looks, personally she had always thought his skin gave him the appearance of being extremely ill and his chin still too pointy.
And yet she loved him, so much it was tearing her apart not being able to touch him, be close to him.
He was able to produce a buzz in her that nobody else could. When he was near shivers would run madly up and down her spine, and the skin of her arms would tingle with nervous anticipation at the possibility of an innocent brush against his in a crowded hall way. And when her wish came true her heart would beat frantically in her chest, its violent rhythm pounding in her head. At times she found herself wondering whether his did the same. And if it was in sync with her own?
'Your heart pounding in my head'
00000000000000
She was coming. He could hear the dull thump of her sensible flat, black shoes echoing off the walls. It was getting louder and louder. What the hell was the password? His brain was undergoing the now traditional slowing down of activities as her scent was beginning to creep upon him like a poison.
"Just let me in will you. You know who I am!" Draco yelled. The force of his voice was enough to rustle the chiffon shawl that lay on the shoulders of young, annoying woman in the portrait. She gasped in indignation, and in an exaggerated movement moved her head to one side, her nose up in the air. Draco looked round anxiously. Beads of sweat were beginning to form on his brow. He turned back to the painting. Desperate times.....
"Please, Winifred." His voice oozing with charm, teeth on full display, his grey eyes shining with a tempting mix of mischief and amusement. Her head tilted slightly, her stony composure faltering slightly as the heat from his gaze was bringing a rosy-red blush to her cheeks.
"Now open up!" Draco screamed in her face. Her eyes widened in fear, but she soon returned to her previous resolute position; however her lips were quivering ever so slightly. The ugly voice and the glinting eyes sending tremors through her.
"Crap."
He would have to go elsewhere. His left foot was just about to step in front of his rightwhen he felt the touch of a pale hand on his sleeve.
He spoke before she had chance to open her mouth." Why are you doing this? Everywhere I look you're there."
'Watching me'
His tone had startled her and her eyes enlarged in shock, making them look even more beautiful than they already were. Her cheeks were tinted with a vibrant red, and her wild hair tumbled in messy waves down her shoulders. Despite the thick layer of wool separating them he could feel his skin beneath her hand warming from her touch. He could feel himself losing the ability to think, and the train of thoughts that whizzed in his head had all but disappeared.
"Why do you love me?" he whispered before speech was completely lost to him.
'Wanting me'
She looked up at him, a small smile tilting her lips. In tentative movements she brought her hand up to his hair and began running her fingers along a single strand that had caught her attention. Unconsciously, he leaned into her touch, enjoying the calming effect it had on his nerves.
"I can't explain it," she started saying, her eyes glazing over in thought. "Words can't describe it, probably because it was never meant to be." She smiled slightly.
"Everything and everybody sets of alarms in my head telling me this is not real. That it's purely a mistake. Trust me, I've tried to ignore it." A puff of laughter punctuated her speech.
"Tried to blame it on away on stupidness on my part. But nothing can stop my heart pounding in my chest or my fingers from shaking at my side when you walk past me. I thought it was just attraction, a case of teenage hormones. But even when the most spiteful words were being uttered by your lips, the abusive terms cutting into me, I wanted nothing more than to be insulted by you forever, just so I could be close to you. Near enough to love you."
There it was. That weight that had been crushing her for the past few tortuous months had finally disintegrated away with the confession. She suddenly felt giddy. Happy that it was all out. The fact that he had not said a word, or that his face had gone a shade lighter did not affect her in the slightest.
"You feel it too, don't you?" she questioned. Her curious finger had left his hair and was now skimming along his jaw, teasing his sensitive skin.
"Sometimes I can feel your eyes on the back of my neck in potions. Or how you glaze over when I walk past you in the corridor. And just now when you looked at me in the hall."
She looked into his eyes, trying to see something, anything. She pushed it one step further.
"You understand how I feel don't you?"
Her whole palm was now resting on his cheek. Who knew his skin was so soft, she wondered inwardly. She stepped closer towards him, lifting herself off the balls of her heels. Her lips were now separated from his by only a millimetre of air. Her throat was getting dry, and her breathing was getting heavy. She was so close.
"You know what it's like to have the blood boiling in your veins."
Her words stroked the smooth slopes of his mouth, hinting to the sensation her lips would produce if given the chance to touch his own. And in truth Draco wanted nothing more than to find out.
'I can feel you pull me down'
Somehow during the time she was speaking his right hand had taken up a position on the curve of her hip, latching her small body next to his own. In the seconds that passed he slowly began pulling her closer towards him, pressing the curves of her figure against him, delighting in the ripples of pleasure that flooded through him with the action. If it was possible the lips that had taken up so much of his attention in the past few months were even closer. There was now the briefest glimmer of contact; he could taste the sweetness of her pumpkin juice. Or was that just her? He was gradually leaning in..........
"I love you."
Her words came out as a whisper but he heard it like three separate, harsh gun shots. They deafened him, bringing back that fear that filled him in the great hall ten fold.
What was he doing?
"Shut up," he murmured the thought in his head coming to form on his lips. Her eyes flicked opened, her pupils dilated with the emotion that Draco dreaded. Even if she was lying with her mouth, her eyes always told the truth.
"Don't touch me with your filthy hands." He shoved her away from him. He had expected her to fall, but he was surprised. She possessed strength that he would never had guessed she had. She merely took a couple of fairy steps backwards, meaning she was still too close for comfort. It made things harder. It made a task he had never found difficult in the past the hardest thing he had ever done in his life.
"I have no idea what you're talking about." He couldn't look at her as he lied.
"There is no way I could ever sink to a level that would see me dirty myself with a foolish mudblood. So fuck off to Potter and Weasley, or anyone else who can spare time to listen to you because frankly, I don't give a shit." The last part had come out in a rush of sentences, the words running into one another. He had hoped to hurt her. To make her leave. But he could still see the Gryffindor badge that was stitched on her black robes in his line of vision. If she wouldn't leave he would have to be the one to go. His feet began to move when she called out to him.
"You're scared. You don't have to be. Dumbledore will protect you from your parents. There's no need to be afraid of them."
Draco stopped in his tracks.
Why was she always assuming things?
But more importantly why was she always right?
He was scared. He was afraid of his father, of the future that he had seemed so certain of before but now dreaded. Was she right? Did she have the answer to all the problems that he couldn't solve and didn't want to face? Could he be saved?
'Saving me'
Of course not. Life wasn't that simple. It wasn't just his parents he would be betraying. He turned round, facing her face that was slick with wet tears and looking into her eyes that held nothing but hope. But he was going to shatter that. He had no hope in his life and she needed to know that.
"What about Voldemort, how can he protect me from him?"
She looked surprise for a second before replying in the same sincere tone that had marked her previous statement. "He can. I promise you."
Draco let out a bitter laugh. It was amazing how she always saw the silver lining under the storm clouds. She seemed to live in a world where good would always triumph over evil. Well that wasn't always true.
"Tell that to the Diggorys."
She seemed to ignore him as she quickly jumped in before his lips had time to sound the 's' on diggorys. "Just tell him, and you'll be safe. Any way why would Voldemort want you? You're only a boy.'
"I'm not a boy, Hermione, and the sooner you realise that the better. We're not going to be in school any longer. Hogwarts and Dumbledore cannot protect us forever. I'm a man, and I have already sworn my allegiance to the Dark Lord. Tonight is to be my initiation ceremony."
He watched as her mouth fell open into a 'o'. Her eyes losing the hope that had caused them to shine so brightly only moments ago. It was time for the kill, to bury this into the past for both of them. He stepped closer towards her, at the same time her right foot raised off the floor as if to step back. He smiled in victory.
"So, do you still love me? Knowing that one day it will be me killing your friends. Perhaps even your family." He added the last bit to knock the final nail into the coffin that housed her feelings. In truth, he doubted he could ever do that. He was probably always the failure his father had declared he was.
Assuming that the end had come, he waited for her to leave. But he was frustrated to see her right foot come stubbornly back to the floor.
"You won't. I know you won't. You're not like any of them."
She was shouting at him. The stupid girl was actually shouting at him.
"How do you know?" He was yelling back.
"I just know."
Her hand was back on his face, smoothing out the wrinkles of confusion. Her eyes peeling the layers that protected him, until she was finally looking straight into his soul.
'Raping me'
He could feel her probing within him.
Seeing the love that was hidden there.
The goodness that was battling with the evil.
And what's more he could see it too.
"I have to go." He said quietly.
'Watching me'
With the password still deluding him he had no choice but to stalk down one of the corridors, her eyes on him. While her final words followed him down his path....
"I'll wait for you. Come back to me."
00000000000000000000000000000000000000000End Flashback
Fini
If u've read till here do us a favour and review, cheers!
A/N Only got two reviews 4 my last chapter = v.v. sad author. It does take time to type these, so it would really be nice to know that people are reading my story, and whether or not they enjoy it. So please cud u review, it'll make my day. (I've had really horrible exams this term so i definitely need the cheering up violins playing in the background)
Thanx luv cedar1