Part 3
"I'm not saying no, I'm just saying not now." Joseph wandered from the kitchen into the lounge carrying blankets beneath his arm. "It's late, it's cold and I'm tired." He explained dropping the blankets onto the old couch and fussing with the fire.
He turned his head sensing her behind him and regarded her as she sulked by the door. Arms folded, eyes downcast, forehead resting on the doorframe.
"And don't pout."
"Why not?" She teased.
"Clarisse...it's almost midnight."
"I'm wide awake."
"I'm not, we've been driving all day, I was up early and I just need to rest." He fell back onto the couch.
"But we could just take a short walk, down to the lake," she moved to stand in front of him, resting her hands on his knees. "And look at the stars and get some air." She leant forward rubbing her hands along his legs. "Wouldn't that be good?"
"It would. You always get what you want?"
"Don't say it like that."
He laughed and circled her waist with his hands. "Spoilt."
"Hey!" She struggled to pull free from his grasp.
He laughed even harder and pulled her into his lap. "Tomorrow my dear I will walk with you down to the lake as many times as you want but right now, right now I just want to close my eyes and rest."
She ran a finger along the side of his face, under his jaw. "I'm sorry, you rest. I'm going to wander around for a while."
"Not too far?"
"No, not too far."
"You're sure?"
"Yes. I'm sure." She drew herself up from his lap, and watched as he almost fell back onto the couch with exhaustion.
"Here let me help." She whispered, gently arranging cushions for his head and pulling a blanket over his body.
"Thank you." He murmured.
She kissed his head, "you're very welcome."
Clarisse pulled a sweater on over her dress and slipped her shoes back on. It had been years since she was here, too long, yet it remained so familiar. She used to come here when she was young, when she and Rupert had first married, it was her escapism. Rupert would be off on some political trip and she would spend a couple of days here, just reading and having some quiet time. That was until she became Queen of course, no time for relaxing then.
She took the path at the back of the cottage, through the woods until she came out at the lakeside. Joseph was right it had turned cold, yet somehow it felt good.
She couldn't recall the last time she'd walked alone, absolutely alone, no guard watching over her, no security trained and armed and ready to defend. She couldn't quite remember how to feel; afraid perhaps because here she was vulnerable, right now anybody had access to her. Yet despite that she felt relieved, free.
The duty that she had clung to so severely over the past 35 years hadn't slipped nor dissipated but gradually it was shifting as the top priority. There was a window opening up that offered some kind of future to her, a future where she remembered who she really was.
She turned and walked right down to the water's edge, bent forward and trailed a finger over the water. "Oh dear..." she whispered into the air then quickly wiped at her face and stood up straight and tall. "Not the way to spend your honeymoon Clarisse, not at all." She laughed at herself. "And now you're talking to yourself which is always a bad sign."
"Ohhh..." She took a deep shuddering breath and looked up at the night sky. "So this is some kind of life changing moment then I expect." She snuffled back her tears and wiped angrily at her face again, it wasn't like her to cry let alone to cry about nothing in particular. She ran a hand through her hair and turned back to look up the hill.
The faint lights of the cottage slanted through the trees down towards her, she thought of Joseph sleeping on the couch, no, no he wouldn't be sleeping. He'd be wondering where she was, in fact he was probably pacing around waiting for her to return safe and sound. She took another deep steadying breath of the cool air and set off back up the path.
Joseph folded his fingers together and glanced again at the clock, wondering just how much longer he should give her. She needed time alone at some point, real time alone but after fifteen years of watching her every move like a hawk it was with some difficulty that he simply sat there and waited for her return – no matter how tired he felt.
His heart steadied as he heard her footsteps outside and the door open.
"Hello." She called.
"Hi" he replied calmly. "Nice walk?" He arched his neck up to look at her.
Her face looked red, flushed but she smiled warmly at him. "Very nice, thank you. I'm going to change, and then..." she bent and kissed him. "I'm going to spoil you. So stay there and just, well, relax."
"I thought I was the one spoiling you."
"You've done that for quite long enough."
"Alright." He got up from the couch anyway as she disappeared upstairs and checked the windows and doors were secure before placing a brief call through to the Castle to confirm their safe arrival. He knew Clarisse would wish to call Mia tomorrow, but it was late now, gone 1a.m. ... God he was tired.
He folded the blanket up that had been covering him and started to straighten the cushions on the couch.
"Now didn't I tell you to relax?" Clarisse moved up behind him. "Hmm."
"You did, I didn't think it was an order."
"It wasn't, but this is, go change."
"Yes boss." He smiled insolently and clipped his heels.
"Oh charming..." she turned on her heel and headed for the kitchen. "Simply charming."
When Joseph made his way back downstairs he found cushions and blankets laid out in front of the fire, candles lit.
"Do sit." Clarisse instructed as she glided into the room, elegant even in pyjamas Joseph thought wryly.
She placed two large brandy glasses down on the hearth and handed him the bottle. "Do pour."
"So we're resorting to drink, at this time in the morning aswell."
"I thought it might help loosen my tongue."
He raised an eyebrow. "You have things to say?"
"There are things I suspect you need to hear."
She returned to the kitchen then reappeared with a tray bearing fine chocolates and strawberries, biscuits and sugared almonds.
"I see you found my goodies."
"I thought we might aswell spoil ourselves."
"I agree. But you missed one thing." He jumped up and dashed into the kitchen returning with a small bowl of sugar cubes. "If we're having Brandy, then we really need to do it right."
He sat down across from her arranging cushions behind him and watching as she sipped the deep silky liquid.
"I thought you didn't like 'strong' alcohol." He teased taking her glass from her and moving closer. "Now, this is spoiling yourself."
"A-ha..." she smiled timidly.
"You take your Brandy in this hand."
"Okay."
"And a sugar cube in this one."
"So I see."
"And then slowly submerge it in the liquid and then..." He put the glass down and lifted her chin with his finger indicating for her to open her mouth. "And then you place it lightly on the tongue and enjoy."
She closed her eyes and smile broadly. "It's still not caviar and salmon."
He rested his hands on her shoulders moving his face closer to hers.
"But I suppose under the circumstances it will have to do."
He kissed her, slowly, tasting her and dragging his hand down her spine until she shivered against him.
"But it tastes so good on your lips."
She laid a hand on his face and kissed him again. "After waiting so long for this I still can't believe how good it feels to kiss you."
"And all these years I wondered if the attraction was one-sided." He commented.
"Oh never, never." She dropped her hand to the tray and chose a chocolate for him, lovingly repeating his gesture and feeding him. "I just never quite knew how to show you, truth be told I'm still not sure."
He swallowed, somewhat surprised. "Is this the alcohol loosening your tongue?"
"Perhaps to some extent but I had quite a thoughtful walk this evening."
"I thought you might have. Are there things you want to tell me?"
"Partly, partly things I want to know."
"Ask away..." He smiled resting back on the cushions.
"What time is it?"
"Almost three, are you giving up?"
"Never... though my head is starting to feel heavy." Clarisse turned onto her stomach and closed her eyes. They had been continuing their Quiz Questions that had started on the car journey earlier in the day. The candles had long since faded but the firelight still glowed. Joseph traced a hand down her smooth back, taking in each freckle and curve. Each inch that appeared to him perfect and unique.
"I'm fairly ticklish you know." She whispered.
"I didn't know that."
"I hide it well. One learns how too. So tell me something I don't know about you."
"Something you don't know... erm, I like to dance."
Clarisse laughed into her pillow. "You think I hadn't noticed that!" She exclaimed.
"Ahh but I hadn't finished. I like to dance in my room to the Rolling Stones."
At this she laughed heartily and lifted her head up to look at him. "Are you teasing me?"
"Only if you want me to."
She smiled and placed a hand on his chest. "You see that's what I mean... I'm not sure I know how to do that."
"I don't understand." He lowered himself back down to the pillows and pulled her body closer to him.
"Joseph I'm not very, I mean I never have been... I was a, I hate doing this."
"You don't have to explain, I understand. You were a virgin when you married."
"Yes, I mean, obviously, it was expected, demanded even – back then. And I never... I never really considered passion and lust until you."
"And you think that bothers me? Clarisse I'm flattered, more than flattered." He smiled broadly.
"That was hardly what I meant." She playfully tugged on his hand. "What I meant was you are an attractive man, you know that so don't look at me that way. You're charming and you admitted yourself, you've hardly been a monk."
"True, is this leading somewhere?" He shifted uncomfortably under her steady gaze.
"Yes, what I'm trying to say is that I'm worried that somehow along the way you've ..." she waved a hand in mid-air embarrassed. "Had all these experiences and I well, plainly haven't. And I don't wish to disappoint."
"Oh god Clarisse never," he gripped her hands in his. "Never, never." He kissed her fingers. "Being with you is a thousand, a million times more meaningful than anybody else."
"I just don't want you to think – I mean I've never done this. When you're young you're supposed to do the whole days in bed thing, I'm old."
"Not that old, and so you missed out on it in your twenties, so do it now. Besides Clarisse this isn't just sex."
She sat up directly reaching for her glass. "Girls like me don't discuss sex."
He laughed as she drained her glass.
"Then we won't discuss it – though I must point out you brought the subject up, so to speak."
She swallowed her drink and threw her head back. "I do believe I'm drunk."
"I believe you are too, or at least partly." He reached for her hand and threaded his fingers with hers. "You are the most beautiful and sexy..."
"Oh don't." She dropped his hand and turned her head away but he sat up and gripped her arms.
"Yes you are, the most amazing woman I have ever known and I've never loved anybody but you."
"Joseph, you embarrass me."
"Then enjoy it, I've wanted to say these things to you for so long now. So let me."
"Alright." She said gently.
Her eyes sparkled in the firelight as she dropped her head to kiss him and the clock struck four.
"Do you think perhaps we should try to sleep?" Joseph asked, a sudden wave of exhaustion rushing over him. "I've been up almost twenty four hours straight."
Clarisse laughed. "And I haven't seen this hour for many years so yes, we should. There were so many other things I wanted to say though..."
"We have the rest of the week."
"We do."
Joseph lay down and she rested next to him, pulling his arm over her waist and folding his hand in hers.
She was silent for a few minutes before speaking up. "Quiz question."
"Go on..." He murmured, eyes closed but a smile playing upon his lips.
"Which Rolling Stones song was also covered by Aretha Franklin?"
"Easy – Jumpin' Jack Flash."
"I'll never win." She shrugged closing her eyes.
"You'll always win."