Part 6
"Do you ever regret it?"
"Regret what?" Joseph mumbled sleepily.
"Not having children."
"That's a fairly deep question for this time of the morning." He answered shifting his head slightly.
Clarisse's hand rested on his shoulder, stroking the back of his neck, he lay with his head tucked beneath her chin on her chest. They'd been like that for the last couple of hours, after an earlier night they both woke relatively early, though for a change it was Clarisse who was reluctant to get out of bed and instead continued the question and answer session she'd begun the night before.
"I just wondered, after what you said yesterday, and I see you with Mia and I wonder that's all..."
"I suppose it would have been... nice in retrospect, but I shirked nothing, right now I have no regrets. Are you sure you're comfortable enough there?" He asked keenly aware of his weight resting on her body.
"Yes, yes I'm fine. I rather like it." She looked down at him snuggled up against her and felt oddly reassured by the scene.
"I'd like it even better if you didn't have buttons on your shirt." He said dryly, "They dig in my skin like crazy."
"Oh never satisfied." She smiled as he turned his head to kiss her neck then slowly unfastened each button and opened her shirt, resting his head on her warm breasts.
"Better?" She questioned resting her head back on the pillow and closing her eyes.
"Much."
They were silent for a while, Joseph dozing and Clarisse mulling things over, her fingers never ceased running up and down his back, she was becoming aware of just how much she was going to miss having him next to her when circumstance forced them to spend a night apart.
"I would have had children with you." She said out loud.
He didn't respond.
She tipped her face down towards him. "Joseph, are you still awake?"
"I am. I heard you."
"Oh, why silence?"
"Because it's not something I like to think about."
"Why ever not?"
"Because the truth is that if I wasn't your security the likelihood is we would never have met. We're from two very different worlds."
She opened her mouth to come back with a response but it dawned on her that he was right, absolutely right, and that not only hurt but it also embarrassed her.
"I never think about that."
"I try not to either, but we have to admit up until the day I moved to the castle we've had very different experiences in life. And if I ever bumped into you at the theatre or even in a restaurant, you probably wouldn't have looked twice at me..."
"Oh but I would..."
"Let me finish, I wouldn't have looked twice at you, I would have only known how you dressed and the way you spoke."
"You would have assumed I was 'stuck up'!"
"I guess I would have, but then honestly, truthfully would you have not walked by me."
She thought on it for a second before responding. "Yes, I suppose I would have. But I would have looked twice at your face." She added hopefully.
He finally looked up at her and smiled. "Differences are good." He said.
"I suppose, it's the fact you can be so laid back and approachable that allows me to open up to you so easily."
"Exactly."
"So in some bizarre way it's good that we both led the lives we did because now we..."
"Fit together so nicely." He finished kissing her hand.
"You always have to be so very right..." She snuggled down into the bed next to him. "It annoys the hell out of me."
"That was a very American saying, you're picking up Mia's idioms."
"As long as I don't start terming everything as 'cool' we'll be alright."
He laughed as she fussed with her nightclothes.
"Look at this, it's all scrunched up around me and I can't move. Your fault." She complained pulling at the shirt and trying to fasten it again.
"Here let me." He took hold of the silky material then reached around her back pulling it off and throwing it to the floor. "Much better."
"I hate the fact you can do that so easily and then look at me serenely with this kind, honest face." She laid a hand on his cheek. "It's another thing I'll have to get used to, like facial hair."
"What?" He exclaimed.
"Well I have to say it was a little strange the first time you kissed me with it; I'd forgotten how itchy it could be. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to hurt your feelings and,"
"Hurt my feelings!"
"Oh don't look so put out, besides now I never even notice." To emphasise her point she kissed him again. "Have I upset you?"
"Well I'm a little more self conscious that's for sure."
"Well you can pick something out about me that you don't like... within reason." She warned pointing a finger at him.
"Nothing." He sulked laying his head down.
"Oh come on, there must be something, anything, make it up."
"Your boobs are bigger than I expected."
"WHAT?!"
"They are, those dresses must hide them well."
"And that's bad?" She queried and he laughed.
"No, no it's not a bad thing, you did say make it up."
"I guess I did."
She switched to lying on her back. "Well I never, my boobs..." She absently stared down at her chest. "They were smaller when I was younger, that's childbirth and weight gain."
At this he laughed again. "Oh Clarisse, you see, I told you, comic genius."
"I was being serious."
"That's what makes it so funny." He rested above her. "Your boobs are perfect, your face is perfect, every inch of your skin is perfect. And I love every bit." He kissed her forehead, her closed eyes, her nose, her cheeks, her mouth – oh that mouth. Then stopped and looked at her smiling. "Did it tickle too much?"
This time she laughed. "No, not one bit. When do I get my treat?" She said knowingly, linking her arms around his back.
"It should be ready and waiting."
Her eyes lit up as he face broke into a broad smile. "Where?"
"Outside." She almost jumped up from the bed and pulled the top sheet around her body before drawing back the curtains and scanning the area.
"I don't see anything."
"I think you should probably try the other window." He pointed towards the room that backed onto theirs.
Satisfied he collapsed back on the bed and folded his arms beneath his head waiting for her delighted response.
The air was as clear as Joseph had ever known it, cool yes but so fresh and vibrant, it was good to be alive. He raced along the beach with the wind forcing against his face, splashing through the water and then slowing and turning around to look for his wife.
"Slow down there girl," he said patting the dark glossy mane of his horse. "Come on..." he teased as Clarisse cantered up the beach to join him.
"I was enjoying the view for your information." She quipped as she slowed next to him. "What I want to know is how you got them here."
"I'm not going to reveal all my secrets to you."
"They're fine animals." She said appreciatively. "I haven't had the chance to ride in so long."
"I know, and I know you miss it."
"Not only is it fun but it's a chance to take some exercise, fun and exercise don't usually go together in the same sentence for me."
"I did offer to teach you Basketball."
"I hardly think I'm made for it." She said removing a glove and flashing her polished nails at him.
"Perhaps you're right."
"I think I'm a more one on one sport type person." She said smiling wickedly and set off again. "Top of the hill, last one there cooks this evening." She called racing off.
"Okay so tell me again."
"I've told you three times already."
"I know, I know but I'm old, my memory is getting bad."
"Te amo."
"Te amo." She repeated, with a slightly less convincing accent.
"Te amo mucho." He added reaching for his shot glass.
"Te amo mucho..." she flopped down onto the floor. "I love you very much."
"I bet you love me even more now with all that alcohol in your blood."
"Hmm, I'm rather tipsy wipsy." She giggled playfully stretching her arms out above her head. "Pour me another one."
"You haven't had enough?"
"You only live once... besides it tastes so good."
"You can't take your drink your Majesty." He said handing her another shot. "We really should drink this in larger glasses with ice."
"Seems fine to me."
"I think anything would seem fine to you right now."
She fell about laughing. "Most probably." She took another sip of the rich creamy liquid and then settled her head back on the floor. "Look at my hands Joseph, age is horrible, horrible nasty thing." She held her arms up in front of her and studied her hands.
"I know." Joseph got up from his spot on the couch and placed a pillow beneath her head. "But your hands are beautiful."
He moved back to the couch.
"Another one." She said holding her glass towards him.
"Should I just leave you the bottle with a straw?"
"That would suit me fine, I've found a new joy..."
He moved back toward her. "I think you've found many this week."
"I think I have." She sat up again. "The Irish must be happy people because Irish cream is a delight. Like alcoholic ice cream."
"In a bottle." He added teasing her. "I like you in this mood."
She sat up and kissed her firmly, then took the bottle from his hand. He sat back and watched amused as she attempted to refill her glass, most of it ended up on the floor before he took it from her hand. "Let me honey bunch."
"Oh I'm sorry." She flopped back onto the floor closing her eyes. "Te amo."
"Te amo indeed." He returned to the kitchen replacing the top on the bottle and hiding it in the cupboard then finding a cloth to wipe up her spillage, as he did so he heard a clattering in the lounge.
"Clarisse..."
"Just finding music."
He quickly went back to her. "Music?"
"I want to dance with you."
He shook his head bending down and attempting to wipe clean the carpet, he didn't have the heart to tell her that he didn't think she could stand for very long let alone dance.
When he turned around she'd disappeared again.
"Joseph..." She called.
"No more drinks for you." He said to himself as he followed the sound of her voice outside.
"Look at the moon." She pointed. "Isn't it beautiful."
"Sweetheart it's cold out here." He tiptoed over the grass to her noting she had no shoes on her feet.
"Let's dance." She threw her arms around his neck.
"We will, later."
"Then let's take a walk."
"Now?"
"Now." Before he could respond she was moving through the garden toward the hidden path.
"Clarisse you have nothing on your feet."
He chased after her catching her hand but she was determined and practically dragged him down the hill. At the bottom she dropped his hand and moved toward the lake, black in the night air, smooth and flat, and to his shock waded in until the water reached her knees.
"Bloody hell." He stammered, quickly throwing his shoes off, one ruined pair in a week was quite enough, and went in after her.
Gently he placed his hands on her shoulders not wanting to startle her but surprisingly when she spoke again she seemed a little more sober.
"I came down here on the first night."
"I know." The night air must have been good for clearing her head. He stepped back and watched as her dress swirled around her in the water.
"It made me cry."
"Being here?" He whispered.
"Being here with you, being here alone, I'm not sure. Facing up to certain things, accepting my mistakes, finding a new place inside of me."
She turned to look at him. "Does that all sound contrived and self-centred?"
"No."
"Hearing my own voice and no response, looking over my shoulder and no guard waiting to protect, no maid waiting to fetch. Beck and call." She added thoughtfully. "Simplicity of making breakfast, isn't that ridiculous. Aren't I ridiculous."
"Honey I think you're just finding a way to move on with life. We both have to." He moved up behind her again, this time taking hold of her waist and bringing her body to his. "I don't recall a day when I woke up and thought I have nothing to do today, I'm not used to not working. I've certainly never been married before and that scares the hell out of me."
"Really? You always seem so certain about everything."
"Never, I'm scared to death that I might screw this up and lose you." He rested his chin on her shoulder. "What if a situation comes up that I can't talk my way out of?"
She smiled. "I doubt that very much. You'd have to do something seriously awful to lose me now."
"Are your feet cold?"
"Absolutely freezing." She turned her head slightly to look at him.
"Feeling better?"
"Hmm, a little." She shrugged.
"You know this won't happen over night don't you."
"Yes, I also know tonight is our last night here."
"Yes, so do you want to go dance or remain standing in the lake?"
She laughed. "I like the lake."
"I kinda noticed." He kissed her forehead. "How are the feet?"
"Ice, at least I can't feel the pebbles."
"Want me to carry you?"
"It's becoming a regular occurrence, people will talk."
"Let them." He replied turning her in his arms. "At least it's sobered you up." He hoisted her up and, once again, carried her back to the cottage.
Joseph lit candles and Clarisse chose the music; she'd changed her dress, handed him a fresh pair of trousers and once clean and dry they danced.
Slow gentle swaying was just what they needed, something sensual and understated. No twirls, no fancy steps, her arms linked around his neck, his around her waist and back. It didn't matter that the room was small and minimal, that there were no gold edged walls or rare vases filled with flowers. Neither noticed, neither cared, the way she felt right then an orchestra could have been in the room with them. They flowed together in one solitary fluid movement. The words of the song etching upon their minds to be recalled for years to come.
"You're my thrill, you do something to me, you send chills right through me, when I look at you, cos you're my thrill.
You're my thrill, how my pulse increases, I just go to pieces every time I look at you, I can't keep still.
Nothing seems to matter. Here's my heart on a silver platter. Where's my will? Why this strange desire? That keeps mounting higher. When I look at you I can't keep still, you're my thrill."
The song ended and another flowed straight into it, she lifted her head from his shoulder. "Tell me more." She whispered kissing his face; his eyes were closed yet he was glowing with affection.
He needed no more instruction. "Usted es el que adoro." He kissed her mouth, along her jaw line, down to her neck, breathing in her scent like he never needed oxygen again. "Usted está en mi corazón como ningún otro" he ran his hands down the side of her body.
"Tell me what it means." She said breathlessly.
"You are the one I adore."
She smiled. "And the rest."
"You are in my heart like no other."
"I must learn that," he was kissing the base of her neck, the dance had slowed, their bodies simply swayed together now, no turning, no steps to the movement. She dropped her head back, "It sounds so good when you say it."
"Deseo hacerle amor."
"What does that mean?" She asked as he lifted his mouth to hers.
"I won't tell you that one."
"I can probably guess." She pressed her lower body into his as he kissed her, let her tongue enjoy the taste of his mouth, let her hands wander wherever they felt the need.
By the time the third song had started the pretence of dancing had vanished and they simply stood pressed together kissing, long slow kisses that seemed to halt time, the air swung around their bodies, fragments of dust played in the firelight.
"I need you so much." Clarisse finally said. "I love you."
He backed his face away from hers just far enough so he could see her eyes, she seemed shaky and unsure.
"Te amo." She smiled.
"You remembered that one." His voice was thick with emotion.
"That one was easy."
She manoeuvred him backwards until the back of his legs met with the edge of the large comfy chair that stood in the corner of the room. Her fingers tangled in the bottom of his shirt before she lifted it over his head and dropped it to one side.
He made a move to open her dress but she stepped back, it was her turn to lead the dance. Instead she unbuckled his trousers and pushed them down his legs, watching as he stepped out of them. She wasn't sure about the look on his face, joy, amusement, relief... She continued nevertheless, tenderly instructing him to sit, she leant over him and kissed his open mouth before standing again and, to his disbelief, moving across the room and turning the CD off.
When she swayed back towards him he wondered if it was the alcohol directing her movements or the headiness of the moment but he was sure he'd never seen her hips move in quite that way before. He almost groaned out loud when she unzipped her dress and allowed it to pool at her feet.
She noticed his look and a sudden wave of her former self-consciousness swept over her.
He read her face quickly, "Stockings... and firelight." He murmured quickly.
She smiled relived and moved into his arms, resting in his lap. He brushed her hair as she settled against him. The kiss began again, more intense, more directed.
The fire was fading, the moon became the predominant light in the room, Clarisse heard her name like it was some distant memory, a lullaby soothing her as he whispered it over again. She was losing grip on what his mouth was doing to her, where his hands were, where hers were, as all her senses forged together in one dull ache that seemed to start up in her heart and spread throughout her body.
"You love me?" she managed to voice.
"Oh very, very much." He answered, his hands slipping her stockings off. "More than I have words to say."
"I never knew it could be like this. If I'd known I don't think I could have stayed away from you for so many years."
"I don't think I could have either."
Suddenly serious she took hold of his face, staring deep into his warm kind eyes. "Never let it stop."