Title: Broken
Author: Shakia
Spoilers: Everything in season four up to While the Time
Disclaimer: I don't own Andromeda or get money from making this fic, I'm just doing it for fun!
Summary: Harper thinks deeply about everything after they all ended up on Seefra -right after While the Time
Authors Notes: Ok, I was had a problem with While the Time when no one seemed to care as Harper got the snot beaten out of him, and so I wrote this X.x Also I don't have any refrences to the poem below because I wrote it -.- I know you probably could guess 'cause of the not so goodness of it, but...-shrugs- Anyways, PLEASE review!
Core of all darkness, heart of my hearts
My life so fragile, falling apart.
Piece at a time, crumble and fall
Piece of myself, nothing at all
Nothing left of this empty corpse
So unreal is this soul, so empty and dead
My heart of souls has too long bled
Nothing left of this heart once held so deer
Now nothing remains but crystal tears
Darkness, the core of my heart
Tearing me limb from limb, tearing me apart.
Always on this road of darkness, always on this path of despair.
Always where life is cruel, where life's never fair.
Where no one cares for the helpless soul.
Where I will never agian be whole.
Core of darkness, heart of my hearts
Core of all darkness, alone from the start.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
They think I don't remember. They all think I've forgotten everything. They're wrong. Dead wrong. When those gunes had attacked me for my Cryo Neck Cooler they just sat there. Two big guys were trying to beat the crap out of me and they sat there. They think I didn't see the bored expression on Beka's face as she set a card down on the table. They think I don't realize the fact she barley glanced in my dirrection. They think I didn't see how Dylan would rather be talking to someone for the heck of it than saving me. They all had guns that could have help. They chose not to. Only when they finally pinned me down and I was taking a rain of fists from the guys did Rhade break it up. Mostly 'cause I'm the bartender than anything. Beka thinks I don't remember the promise she once gave me. I had never forgotten it. Not for one second.
"Don't ever doubt that I'll always be there for you Seamus. Promise." Out of every promise she's ever made, why does this one have to be the one she breaks? It hurts how much she doesn't care. It hurts how much she doesn't understand and it hurts that she doesn't want to understand. She should though. She was here for six months, you'd think she'd understand what I did. They all don't seem to realize I've been here for three years. Of course, I've lived in hell before. Most of my life, in fact. But, this was different. On Earth I wasn't alone. That had always been one of my worst fears. Being completley alone. And there I was spat out on this rock, alone. I don't see why they can't try to understand. Rommie was dead. To say I was broken would be an understatment. I was back in hell and this time there was no Beka to my rescue. If I had Beka to lean on than maybe I wouldn't have done the things I'd done. Maybe if Beka had been there for me I would've had a chance to heal. But she wasn't and so I broke. I thought my old self was destroyed, and I guess it is in some ways. But when I saw her face for the first time in three years I was shocked to feel a small piece of my old self leak through. I had missed her so much I had just wanted more than anything to throw my arms around her or to cry or something...But that all changed at the first words out of her mouth.
"Seamus, what have you done?" I closed back up. Of course she didn't realize it. She thinks I don't care. She thinks I don't remember. I do. I remember the day she saved me from earth. I remember when she used to sit beside my bed when I was sick till I got better. She thinks I don't remember how she used to always be there beside me when no one else was. She was my hero, my sister, my family. She was. When Dylan told me she was here on the Maru some part of me believed everything would be ok. Everything I had been through would be better now that Beka was here. She would save me from this hell, just like before. But I was wrong. Again. Like I said, it's horrible to be alone, but I still am. Every day.
They all think I'm crazy. Guess I am in some ways. But they don't understand why I did what I did. Of course I did it to survive, but they don't try to understand why I wouldn't let Rommie go. Those last moments of her life are permanantly printed into my mind. I can remember everything so vividly. The smell of the room, the Magog, and even the movements of my steady breath. I remember every detail of it. I remember the look she gave me, and how she ushered the words from her mouth.
"Harper. Stay safe." Then she was gone. The relation ship I had with Rommie was one that no one could understand. I built her, created her. I loved her like a daughter, like a friend...I had lost so many people in my life and I couldn't handle losing Rommie. She was the one person I expected to never leave. 'Cause Androids could live for thousands of years, right? But she left and I just couldn't handle it. No one on Andromeda could understand though. They think I'm crazy 'cause I wouldn't let her go. Sometimes I wonder if they're the ones that don't remember. In some ways I'm angry at them. I'm angry at them for not being here when I needed them. I'm angry at them for not caring and I'm angry at them for not realizing that I'm seriously trying to get them to care again. Doyle and I went out of our way to save them when the androids revolted and they were outnumbered. I've been helping Dylan, and unlike anyone else I'm doing it without him paying me. I've been repairing the Andromeda. But of course no one realizes. Like before they take me for granet. They think I don't care. I care. I care about them even if they don't care about me anymore. I care about them because I do remember and it hurts to realize that they don't. Dylan would always brag about how he after the Common Wealth fell and three hundred years past got up and brushed off while everyone else fell with it. He tried to restore good in a universe that's just the opisite of it. I don't see why he's not trying to do that here. Heck, he was only stuck here two ficken' weaks! I'm angry at him specifically. How come he, Captain Terrific, gets two weeks while I get three whole years?! He hasn't changed while everyone else has. He should be the one trying to help. But he doesn't. Sometimes I wonder if they really remember. Remember all the times we had together, everything we went through together. When those gunes were beating the crap out of me and I saw how they could care less I wondered if they remembered. When Rhade said I had gone crazy I wondered if he was right. When I think back I wonder if it's worth it. If I'm worth it. I'm certain that if I were to die I wouldn't be missed. If I were to be killed no one would care. Of course they don't. They think I don't remember. They think I don't care. They don't know that I remember every day. They don't know that I care about them. They don't know how much I wish they cared. No. I remember. I care. I still feel. But I wish they remembered. I wish they cared. But if there's anything I've learned, it's that in this life wishes don't come true.
The End
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So, how'd you guys like it? O.o Please review so I can know! :3
Author: Shakia
Spoilers: Everything in season four up to While the Time
Disclaimer: I don't own Andromeda or get money from making this fic, I'm just doing it for fun!
Summary: Harper thinks deeply about everything after they all ended up on Seefra -right after While the Time
Authors Notes: Ok, I was had a problem with While the Time when no one seemed to care as Harper got the snot beaten out of him, and so I wrote this X.x Also I don't have any refrences to the poem below because I wrote it -.- I know you probably could guess 'cause of the not so goodness of it, but...-shrugs- Anyways, PLEASE review!
Core of all darkness, heart of my hearts
My life so fragile, falling apart.
Piece at a time, crumble and fall
Piece of myself, nothing at all
Nothing left of this empty corpse
So unreal is this soul, so empty and dead
My heart of souls has too long bled
Nothing left of this heart once held so deer
Now nothing remains but crystal tears
Darkness, the core of my heart
Tearing me limb from limb, tearing me apart.
Always on this road of darkness, always on this path of despair.
Always where life is cruel, where life's never fair.
Where no one cares for the helpless soul.
Where I will never agian be whole.
Core of darkness, heart of my hearts
Core of all darkness, alone from the start.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
They think I don't remember. They all think I've forgotten everything. They're wrong. Dead wrong. When those gunes had attacked me for my Cryo Neck Cooler they just sat there. Two big guys were trying to beat the crap out of me and they sat there. They think I didn't see the bored expression on Beka's face as she set a card down on the table. They think I don't realize the fact she barley glanced in my dirrection. They think I didn't see how Dylan would rather be talking to someone for the heck of it than saving me. They all had guns that could have help. They chose not to. Only when they finally pinned me down and I was taking a rain of fists from the guys did Rhade break it up. Mostly 'cause I'm the bartender than anything. Beka thinks I don't remember the promise she once gave me. I had never forgotten it. Not for one second.
"Don't ever doubt that I'll always be there for you Seamus. Promise." Out of every promise she's ever made, why does this one have to be the one she breaks? It hurts how much she doesn't care. It hurts how much she doesn't understand and it hurts that she doesn't want to understand. She should though. She was here for six months, you'd think she'd understand what I did. They all don't seem to realize I've been here for three years. Of course, I've lived in hell before. Most of my life, in fact. But, this was different. On Earth I wasn't alone. That had always been one of my worst fears. Being completley alone. And there I was spat out on this rock, alone. I don't see why they can't try to understand. Rommie was dead. To say I was broken would be an understatment. I was back in hell and this time there was no Beka to my rescue. If I had Beka to lean on than maybe I wouldn't have done the things I'd done. Maybe if Beka had been there for me I would've had a chance to heal. But she wasn't and so I broke. I thought my old self was destroyed, and I guess it is in some ways. But when I saw her face for the first time in three years I was shocked to feel a small piece of my old self leak through. I had missed her so much I had just wanted more than anything to throw my arms around her or to cry or something...But that all changed at the first words out of her mouth.
"Seamus, what have you done?" I closed back up. Of course she didn't realize it. She thinks I don't care. She thinks I don't remember. I do. I remember the day she saved me from earth. I remember when she used to sit beside my bed when I was sick till I got better. She thinks I don't remember how she used to always be there beside me when no one else was. She was my hero, my sister, my family. She was. When Dylan told me she was here on the Maru some part of me believed everything would be ok. Everything I had been through would be better now that Beka was here. She would save me from this hell, just like before. But I was wrong. Again. Like I said, it's horrible to be alone, but I still am. Every day.
They all think I'm crazy. Guess I am in some ways. But they don't understand why I did what I did. Of course I did it to survive, but they don't try to understand why I wouldn't let Rommie go. Those last moments of her life are permanantly printed into my mind. I can remember everything so vividly. The smell of the room, the Magog, and even the movements of my steady breath. I remember every detail of it. I remember the look she gave me, and how she ushered the words from her mouth.
"Harper. Stay safe." Then she was gone. The relation ship I had with Rommie was one that no one could understand. I built her, created her. I loved her like a daughter, like a friend...I had lost so many people in my life and I couldn't handle losing Rommie. She was the one person I expected to never leave. 'Cause Androids could live for thousands of years, right? But she left and I just couldn't handle it. No one on Andromeda could understand though. They think I'm crazy 'cause I wouldn't let her go. Sometimes I wonder if they're the ones that don't remember. In some ways I'm angry at them. I'm angry at them for not being here when I needed them. I'm angry at them for not caring and I'm angry at them for not realizing that I'm seriously trying to get them to care again. Doyle and I went out of our way to save them when the androids revolted and they were outnumbered. I've been helping Dylan, and unlike anyone else I'm doing it without him paying me. I've been repairing the Andromeda. But of course no one realizes. Like before they take me for granet. They think I don't care. I care. I care about them even if they don't care about me anymore. I care about them because I do remember and it hurts to realize that they don't. Dylan would always brag about how he after the Common Wealth fell and three hundred years past got up and brushed off while everyone else fell with it. He tried to restore good in a universe that's just the opisite of it. I don't see why he's not trying to do that here. Heck, he was only stuck here two ficken' weaks! I'm angry at him specifically. How come he, Captain Terrific, gets two weeks while I get three whole years?! He hasn't changed while everyone else has. He should be the one trying to help. But he doesn't. Sometimes I wonder if they really remember. Remember all the times we had together, everything we went through together. When those gunes were beating the crap out of me and I saw how they could care less I wondered if they remembered. When Rhade said I had gone crazy I wondered if he was right. When I think back I wonder if it's worth it. If I'm worth it. I'm certain that if I were to die I wouldn't be missed. If I were to be killed no one would care. Of course they don't. They think I don't remember. They think I don't care. They don't know that I remember every day. They don't know that I care about them. They don't know how much I wish they cared. No. I remember. I care. I still feel. But I wish they remembered. I wish they cared. But if there's anything I've learned, it's that in this life wishes don't come true.
The End
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So, how'd you guys like it? O.o Please review so I can know! :3