(19) Deception, Disloyalty, Disgrace!

'I don't get it, Ray, I just don't get it,' Ralph said, burying his face in his friend's shoulder. 'I was having doubts, but I was sure that he wasn't. For fuck's sake, he said he was mine!'

Ray had enveloped him in a hug the moment Ralph had told him what happened. Now, however, he stepped away to allow his friend some space to breathe.

'Blimey, that's the dumps, mate,' he said. 'I think I know what might cheer you up, though. You remember how I wanted to show you something in the forest? Well, I found it! We can go as soon as you're willing.'

"Now," Ralph wanted to say. However, memories from what happened the last time they went on the same excursion returned to his mind and he decided otherwise.

'After school,' he said. 'I don't want to be late for class again.'

'Well, we couldn't have gone now anyway,' Ray said. 'The bell is about to ring.'

As if on cue, the familiar RIIING rang throughout the corridors.

'After school,' Ray repeated. 'It's a date then. I'll meet you here at 3 o'clock.'

In a blank daze, Ralph made his way to gym class, hoping against hope that a certain "someone" would be there . . . or wouldn't be there . . . Argh! He was so confused!

-

After making his phone call, Jack had returned to the cafeteria in anticipation of finding JD or Greg there. He just hoped that Lyori and/or Penting weren't still hanging around or he would probably get detention for a week for being in there after the bell rang . . . SUCCESS! Finally, something was going right. Jack breathed a sigh of relief upon finding Greg piling the CDs into a box.

'Hey,' he greeted the other teen.

'I know why you're here,' Greg responded, not bothering to acknowledge the other's presence visually. 'You want to know if the judgment was fair.'

'Was it?'

'What do you think?'

Jack thought about this for a moment.

'Usually, I would suspect Lee had something to do with this, but he's been a bit too . . . distracted lately to tamper with this stupid competition.'

"Stupid? That's not what you thought it was ten minutes ago, before you found out you lost," his conscience reminded him.

'But there's no way he'd be able to bribe teachers,' Jack said, mentally crossing out the possibility. 'Then there's Lyori and Penting, who both hate my guts, so they might have voted against me just for spite.'

'Why is this so important to you?' Greg questioned, tossing the last CD into the box.

'I don't want to have to finish my high school career as being known as nothing but the school slut,' Jack replied. 'I don't want this stupid reputation to follow me for the rest of my life. I'm better than that; I know I am. Why can't other people see it?'

'What does it matter what other people think of you, Jack? The people you care about know the truth about you, so what more do you want?'

'I want to be able to look into a mirror and not be ashamed of who I am, but that's the problem.'

'What is?'

'Even I can't face the truth about myself.'

'How so?' Greg inquired.

Jack shrugged.

'Today, I . . .' He sighed. '. . . I scheduled a . . . meeting with someone.'

From the expression on his face, Greg immediately knew what he meant.

'When?'

'After school?'

'Are you going?'

'Most likely . . . This competition tied up my nerves, man. How else am I supposed to loosen them?'

The elder teen looked angry now.

'So despite all your wishes of wanting to be more than a slut, you can't even conquer your own physical desires? Fuck, Merridew, I thought you were stronger than that.'

'So did I.' Jack turned to leave. 'Anyway, I have to go. Thanks for your help, Greg. You told me what I needed to know. I'm not meant to be anything but what I am.'

'But that's not who you are!' Greg insisted. 'Think about that this afternoon during your "meeting".'

Jack grimaced.

'That was dry, man.'

Then he left.

-

Jack didn't go to gym class and neither of his friends knew where he went. He still had not reappeared by the end of the school day. That did not bode well.

"What do I care?" Ralph asked himself, angrily stuffing his books into his bag. "He has proved time and time again that his promises are empty, that all he is capable of is hurting me. But . . . but that look in his eyes is something no actor can accomplish. His sincerity, his thoughts . . . Argh! Fuck you, Merridew!"

Ralph slammed the locker door shut and went downstairs to the cafeteria to meet Ray.

'I was starting to worry about you,' Ray said. 'You okay, man?'

'Fine. Let's just get this over with,' Ralph replied haughtily, unaware that somewhere else, not too far away, Jack was saying the same thing . . .

'Whatever suits your fancy, mate.'

They made their way to the forest, and Ralph noticed something rather peculiar.

'Uh . . . Isn't the forest the other way?'

'Yeah, about that,' Ray said rather uncomfortably. 'I found out why we couldn't find "it". Last time, we were wandering around in the wrong forest. The one we are heading towards now is the one on the other side of the school.'

Ralph rolled his eyes in exasperation.

'Whatever. Let's just go.'

-

Had he known what to expect, Ralph knew that he wouldn't have been in such a big hurry. After trudging (seemingly aimlessly) through the forest, haunting memories of his time on the island returned to his mind. He saw himself as he had in the dream, a scared young boy seeking shelter from those he considered friends. The stench of burning wood, the unforgettable sound of hurried footsteps behind him, his feeling of fear upon being found . . .

Without realizing it, Ralph had sped on ahead of Ray, leaving the Aussie behind. He did not see the forest as it was . . . Rather, he saw burning trees closing in around him. He saw painted faces watching him through the leaves. He stumbled through the dense foliage, eager to get away from his memories. But how could one escape one's own mind?

Suddenly, he tripped on a stray root. Hot tears leaked from his eyes, whether from gratitude or pain, he did not know. Caught between past and present, Ralph almost expected to see the confused face of a man standing before him, his rescuer. Fearfully, he glanced up and saw not one, but two faces. Both persons were too engaged in their . . . actions to notice his abrupt presence.

Pain gripped his heart when he realized who it was. Jack, embraced in the arms of another. Jack, shirtless, filling the other teen's mouth with his eager tongue. Jack, conquered by his dark passion. Jack, his Jack.

"Oh, why did you stop loving me, Jack Merridew?"

'Jack . . .' Ralph called out weakly. The other froze suddenly, and Ralph knew that his cry was heard.

Jack immediately jumped out of his partner's arms and stared at Ralph, who had now found the strength to lift himself from the ground and stand to face his lover.

'Ralph . . .' Jack said, just as weakly. His hair was tousled and his lips were swollen from the harsh kissing he had endured.

The third teen just looked between the two, as if torn whether he should stay or leave. Eventually, the decision was made for him by a very livid Ralph.

'Get the fuck out of here!' he screamed; he could almost hear a flock of birds take off in the distance.

'Ralph, relax,' Jack soothed.

'NO! Not until he leaves!' Ralph said, pointing an accusing finger at their companion.

The teen stared at him with wide eyes before hastily scurrying away through the shrubbery.

'Ralph! Get a hold of yourself!' Jack said, tightly grasping Ralph's shoulders. (Although the latter fought back, he knew that he would never find it in his heart to hit Jack.)

'I could say the same for you, Merridew,' Ralph whispered coldly. He slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. Then he threw said object at Jack's feet. 'There,' he said, his eyes filling with tears. 'I've paid my whore. You've never been anything but that, have you, Jack?'

Jack leaned down to pick up the wallet. Then he slowly approached Ralph and pressed it into his hand.

'I don't want your money,' he said. 'I've never wanted your money.'

'No, only Lee's, right?' His words were like ice, and he knew that they went straight to Jack's heart. 'I know that you desire me, Jack.' He brazenly stepped forwards, pressing his chest against Jack's and thereby pinning the other teen up against a tree. 'Does it excite you, feeling you and I together like this?' He moved closer, emitting a small cry of pain from his companion. 'Is this what you want, Jack?' Ralph roughly pressed his lips against Jack's a shoved his tongue inside the other's mouth. 'You like it rough, don't you, Merridew?' he asked, his bruised lips slowly inching away.

Jack moaned softly at the loss and tried to kiss Ralph again, but the latter stubbornly held his distance. Jack impatiently thrust his hips forwards, allowing Ralph to feel his desire.

'But I want more,' Ralph finished. He teasingly allowed his hand to brush against Jack's backside before pulling away completely.

'You once asked me if I find you attractive,' Jack said, his voice slightly husky with passion. 'Well, now I'll answer you truthfully—I don't.'

Ralph stiffened.

'This isn't helping your situation, Merridew,' he said.

'Just let me finish, baby . . . I don't think you're attractive, I think you're beautiful. You aren't in my heart, you are my heart. And I wouldn't cry if you walked away forever. No, I would die!'

'And do you like me?'

'No. I love you. (1) I love you even more than my reputation, Ralph, even more than my own pleasures, and you know how much they mean to me . . . or how much they used to, anyway.' Jack sighed. 'When you saw me . . . just now . . . well, I'm not going to lie—I did enjoy it. But then I had one look at your face and I . . . I realized that I wanted more from life than a body to warm my bed. I wanted warmth in my mind, my heart, my soul; I wanted something that only you could give me.'

'I've already given you everything, Jack—my pride, my heart . . . What more would you ask of me?'

'Your love.'

'You already have that,' Ralph whispered brokenly. 'You have everything.'

'I know. I just never realized it before . . .'

'Before what?'

'Before this,' Jack said. 'Even after what I did, you're here with me . . . and you're not walking away.'

'I can't walk away from you, Jack, and I would never want to,' Ralph said softly. 'Just the thought of walking away from what we have is . . . devastating, to say the least.'

Jack smiled and slowly closed the distance between them. The kiss they now shared couldn't have been more different from their previous one. This one was all about feeling, of the warm sensations they felt when their lips were locked.

Through the kiss, Ralph could feel the love pouring out of Jack's very soul, and he could hardly believe that he had ever doubted it.

"I don't want to lose this," he thought. "I never want to lose this."

Ever so slowly, they descended to the ground, still locked in each other's embrace. Jack gently rolled over until he was on top of Ralph. Then he straddled the other teen and allowed his palms to map out the hard planes of Ralph's body.

'Don't . . .' Ralph gasped, his eyes closed with ecstasy. '. . . stop . . .'

Jack froze and Ralph's eyes immediately flew open.

'Don't stop,' he said again.

Jack smiled and continued his exploration of his lover's body. The latter, in turn, rested his hands on Jack's waist, his grip alternately tightening and loosening when Jack found his pleasure spots. Jack's hands moved downwards ever so slowly, until they came to rest just above the waistline of Ralph's trousers. The other teen suddenly stiffened with discomfort.

'I've never done this before, Jack,' he said. 'Help me.'

As if he had just realized what they were about to do, Jack abruptly rolled off of Ralph and stared at him with wide eyes.

'What's wrong?' Ralph asked.

'Everything,' Jack said. 'I can't do this, Ralph. I don't want to treat you like everybody else. You're different and you deserve better than a quick fling in the forest. You should do it right the first time. You know, with flowers, candlelight . . . a bed!'

'I don't care, Jack, I don't,' Ralph responded, crawling towards the other until their faces were mere inches apart. 'I want you more than I want a bed right now.' He was about to close the distance between them, but Jack pulled away once again.

'It's not just that,' Jack said, as if it took all his willpower to resist the other teen. 'The bet . . . There's still one more day left.'

'And you're willing to lose?' Ralph inquired, sitting down on his legs.

Jack nodded slowly.

'For you, anything.' He sighed. 'Just wait until tomorrow, Ralph, then our lives can be our own again. I don't want you to do something you'll regret, and if losing is the only way to go, then I'll go all the way.

Ralph bit his lip to stop it from quivering. Jack was a person born to win. And now he was sacrificing everything—his pride, his reputation . . .—just to make Ralph happy.

'You don't know how much that means to me, Jack Merridew.' Filled with emotion, he flung his arms around Jack's neck and drew the other teen close. 'I love you so much. Whatever you have to face tomorrow, we will face together.'

-

As he walked through the corridors the next day in his pink showercap, bathrobe, and fluffy purple slippers, Jack was vaguely wondering if he should have feigned illness to avoid school for the day.

"But that would have been the pussy's way out, and I'm no pussy."

For the entire time he had been in school—which, truthfully, had only been a few minutes—his face remained the same colour as his showercap. His friends, including Lee, laughed hysterically over the whole fiasco for a while, but their humour soon passed and they loyally escorted him to Lyori's classroom. (If you (the reader) recalls, Jack was to ask Mr. Lyori where his mother was because they had a date.)

Losing the bet had ruined his reputation, but Jack decided that that wasn't such a bad thing. At least, not when he had the one he wanted—the only one he wanted. As he roamed the halls with his friends, Jack expected random mocks (from smirks to full out laughter) to follow him, but none occurred. Other students watched him with a mixture of admiration and fear as he walked by with his posse.

Why though?

Eventually, he could stand it no longer an asked the nearest kid.

'We all think you're really brave, Jack,' the young boy replied.

'Yeah, and your devotion to Ralph is very admirable,' an elder student added. 'I mean, you're fucking willing to risk everything for him.'

'And now you know how we feel,' one of Jack's ex-flames said. 'It's not just about the sex, Jack.'

'I know,' Jack found himself saying. 'And with Ralph, it's never been about the sex. Just about the heart.'

Just then, the topic of their conversation emerged from around the corner.

'I heard what you said, Jack,' Ralph said, slipping his hand into the other teen's. 'Come on, babe. Let's get this over with.'

Jack nervously nodded and allowed Ralph to lead him to Lyori's classroom, which—unfortunately—was much too near for comfort. However, things suddenly didn't seem so bad, not when Ralph was there by his side, offering him sympathy and support. With Ralph there, Jack was no longer the least bit humiliated . . . Okay, maybe a little bit, but hey, you can't win them all! At least he got to wear the bathrobe.

'Wish me luck,' he said, crossing his fingers anxiously.

'I'll do better than that,' Ralph replied, and he kissed Jack full out on the lips, there, in front of everybody!

A few moments passed; Jack vaguely heard John asking them, 'Uh . . . Can you guys really go that long without oxygen? Hello? Guys?'

Eventually, the broke apart.

'Here it goes.' He sighed deeply and knocked on the door.

'Come in,' called Mr. Lyori's irritable voice.

Jack stepped into the classroom.

'Sorry about the intrusion, sir. I just wanted to ask you something.'

-

(1) Mini-Disclaimer: Okay, folks, here's the rest of the disclaimer from the email. You didn't really think I'd let Jack break Ralph's heart now, did you?