Disclaimer: Well...let's see. I need to come up with a humorous way of saying that none of the characters I'm writing about are mine. How to do it though, that's the question.
Have Harry's crazy voices explain it.
That's a stupid idea. They're in the story and characters from the story can't talk in the disclaimer.
Other people have done it.
Hmmmm....
Oh well. I can't think of a good way. None of this is mine. J.K.Rowling came up with it first. I don't hear voices.
Harry's crazy inner voice #1
Harry's crazy inner voice #2
Harry's crazy inner voice #3
Chapter 3 – So, what's it gonna be?
Harry looked on in amusement as those gathered took in his words. The announcement that the first duel would be between Bellatrix Lestrange and Neville Longbottom was creating quite a stir as those who were unaware of the grudge between the two were enlightened to the situation by others.
Neville had been raised by his grandmother after his parents were placed in St. Mungos. They had been there since Neville was one year old. They were in a long term care ward due to the fact that they were both crazy. Crazy because they had been tortured with the Cruciatus curse by Bellatrix Lestrange.
You know, being crazy isn't that bad. I don't know why the Longbottoms mind it so much.
It's kind of a different sort of crazy. They can't really do anything but lie in bed and stare at the ceiling.
Yeah that doesn't really sound like its as much fun as messing with the two most powerful groups of witches and wizards in the world.
No, it really doesn't.
The two crowds parted and both champions came to the middle of the field to stand before Harry. Bellatrix stood up straight and looked quite pleased at the chance of going up against a Longbottom again. The gleam in her eyes and the smirk on her face was that of someone who enjoyed causing pain so much that they could not be altogether sane.
You know, it seems like a lot of people around here are crazy. Us, the Longbottoms, Bella, Voldie, we both know Dumbledore is a little odd, throw in our ex-friends who actually thought we were guilty... and the worst part is they all got to become crazy first.
You're weird you know that.
Spluprt!
What on earth was that?
That was me trying to make a sound that would be the equivalent of sticking my tongue out at you.
Right...
Neville had undergone a transformation during the years Harry had been imprisoned and he was no longer the slightly chubby boy who had been melting cauldrons in first year. The war had hardened him and the well muscled body and look of determination on his face told the story of a man who had been changed by the war. He also looked like a man ready to avenge a wrong.
Is that really Neville? When we paired him with Bella I never actually expected him to look like he could put up a fight. This is gonna be fun.
Yes it will.
"Bella, Nev, it's good to see you both. Been awhile eh?" Harry smiled at the pair. "I'm expecting a good fight out of you two. Lots of history between you guys isn't there."
"Let's get on with this Potter." Bellatrix tone was of one who was supremely bored but Harry could see the excitement in her eyes.
"Your wish is of course never my command but, as it happens to coincide with my desires on this occasion I'll get this started." Harry winked at the pair before rising into the air and addressed the crowd.
"Now before we can get this underway we need a scoreboard of some type." With a wave of his hand a giant scoreboard appeared behind him. One side labeled "The O.R.D.E.R.S." and the other side labeled "Team D.E.A.T.H." both with big zero's underneath of them.
"I've taken the liberty of coming up with fun names which describe each team. Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix will be known as The O.R.D.E.R.S. which stands for "The Order Really Does Exhibit Remarkable Stupidity" accurate don't you think? Tommy and his Death Eaters will be Team D.E.A.T.H. or "Team Death Eaters Are Truly Hopeless". I know the names are pretty childish but it was fun trying to come up with names while sitting in a cell in Azkaban and these were my favorites." Harry smiled cheekily at the scowls apparent on many faces.
"Oh stop being so grumpy. It's all in good fun. Now that that's settled we need to figure out who gets to pick the first competition. Please wait while I determine who gets to go first."
Alright, I'm going to flip the coin and you call it okay?
You flip, I call. Got it.
Here goes then. I'm flipping...its flying into the air...
Why are you giving me a commentary about it?
Because since we're voices inside our head we can't actually flip a coin so I'm helping you visualize it happening. Shouldn't you be calling "Heads" or "Tails"? The coin is about to hit the ground.
If this isn't a real coin then don't I have as much time as I want?
...Just call it!
Heads then.
Thanks. It's falling and...its heads!
Yes! I won!
Um... I think I messed up. We didn't assign Heads or Tails to either team.
We really aren't that bright are we.
Doesn't look like it. Why don't we just let Lestrange pick first.
Sure, why not.
Harry quickly shook his head as if clearing his thoughts. "There we go. Bella, you get to pick the type of competition."
Bellatrix smiled "I'll take wee baby Longbottom in a wand duel. No spell restrictions."
Harry was a little surprised to see Neville smile at this as well.
"Fair enough. Not really surprised you'd pick that. Neville, you get to choose winning conditions. Would you like it to be till first blood, first disarmed, unconscious?" Harry was mildly curious as to which he'd pick.
Neville still had the smile on his face but it did not reach his eyes. "Death." His tone was cool and deadly.
Well, didn't see that coming.
We really should have though. Not much love lost between those two.
I just didn't think Neville had the guts.
People have changed while we've been gone.
Good point.
It seemed that Harry wasn't the only one surprised by Neville's choice. Bellatrix seemed momentarily taken aback before a smile came to her face. Shocked cries came from the side of the Order as they realized that Neville could very well die.
"Then the terms are set. In one hour Bellatrix Lestrange and Neville Longbottom will battle in a magical duel, wands only with no spell restrictions. The duel will be to the death and will commence in one hour. Until then both champions will prepare themselves and may gain advice only from anyone on their side. Have fun." Harry clapped his hands and with a flash Neville and Bellatrix found themselves by amongst their allies.
Harry waved his hand again and a reclining chair appeared in the middle of the field with a small table beside it. A bottle of butterbeer then appeared on the table. Harry floated down and came to a rest in the chair before opening the bottle and taking a sip.
It's been way too long since we last had butterbeer.
It sure has. Don't know why we waited so long though. We could have conjured some in Azkaban at any time.
...Lets just pretend that's not true.
That would probably be best.
Oh look. I think Hermione is trying to convince dear old Ron to come over and apologize to us.
Have they tried fixing his mouth yet?
I think so. His face has turned bright green.
Good. That was supposed to happen if anyone tried to fix it.
You know, if you aren't careful I may just start to like you.
Now don't go getting all mushy on me.
Here they come. This is going to be fun.
Harry calmly watched as his former best friends approached him, Ron being dragged by Hermione. They finally came to a stop in front of Harry and while Ron simply glared at him Hermione was looking decidedly uncomfortable. Both seemed to expect Harry to begin talking first but instead he closed his eyes, leaned back in is chair and let out a sigh of relaxation.
Hermione was the first to speak. "Harry we're so sorry. Can you ever forgive us?" her voice was pleading and tears began to from in her eyes. Harry simply continued to lie back and began whistling a little tune.
Hermione seemed taken aback but pressed on. "We really are sorry Harry. We know we should have believed you please let us make it up to you." No response.
She began to get frustrated. "It's not like it was all our fault. Dumbledore told us you were guilty and all the evidence pointed towards you."
Harry shot up and turned to look at her and both Ron and Hermione cringed at the fury with which he looked at them. "The evidence? Screw the evidence. All they had was a wand signature similar to mine. No witnesses, no traces of the spells on my wand, no reason to believe that I would kill so many people. They had nothing! Even if they did it shouldn't have mattered. You two were my best friends! You above all people should have known I wouldn't do something like that. We were best friends damn it. You both said you'd always stand by me and you betrayed me!" Harry had now risen from his chair and was in their faces yelling at them. "I would have died for either of you! You were my family and you sent me to Azkaban knowing what the Dementor's would do to me! You both make me sick."
Hermione had collapsed to the ground in tears and Ron was finally looking ashamed as he tried to keep his crying wife between him and Harry.
Bloody coward. Who uses his wife as a shield? Honestly.
I think we were too easy on him before. What say we show dear Ronald a couple more of our spells?
Do it.
Harry spoke but had regained his calm, almost cheery tone of voice.
"Now why don't the two of you hop along back to the rest of your pathetic group of do-gooders and stay away from me for good."
With the now familiar wave of his hand Ron slowly began to change until his lower body had become that of a frog.
"Hop along now Ron." Harry said with a smile.
Hermione looked at Ron in horror and quickly ran back to the members of the Order as she began to change as well. Ron hopped along behind her leaving Harry to collapse back into his chair with laughter.
Oh that was brilliant. "Hop along now Ron." Just brilliant.
I try.
No, don't be modest that was good. Did you see the look on their faces? Maybe we should give Ron his mouth back but have every word he says come out as "Ribbit".
I bow to your brilliance. A perfect touch I must say. You know, you aren't so bad either.
Thanks. It really isn't so bad sharing this head with you.
The same goes to you. We make a pretty good team.
We sure do.
Hey guys how's it going?
...
...
Guys?
Who are you?
Oh, I should have introduced myself. I'm the new inner voice.
You have got to be kidding me?
Nope.
...Shall we?
Yes, let's.
(sounds of fighting and screams of pain) Harry shakes his head.
And stay out! And stay out!
Imagine, just popping in like that. We showed him who was boss.
Sure did. Two voices is definitely the limit. I mean honestly, how crazy does he think we are?
Right. Well, we took care of him we'll do the same to anymore that pop up. I may have come to grips with you but that's it.
Agreed.
Maybe we should have sent him into Ron. Then he would have voices arguing in his head.
I don't think he's good enough to have voices like us in his head.
Yeah, but that last voice seemed a little wimpy. It probably would have suited Ron's personality.
Oh well, too late now.
I guess so. Oh shoot, look at the time.
"Time's up ladies and gentlemen. It's time to get started." Harry rose to his feet and clapped his hands causing the chair and table to disappear. "Would our champions please come forward?"
Bellatrix and Neville quickly came to the centre of the field, both with equally determined looks on their faces. Harry looked at them both, frowning as he looked at Bellatrix.
"The duel will begin after a count to three. Before I can do that though it looks like it's necessary for me to remove some spells laid on Bella here. Pre-set spells aren't allowed especially when they are cast by other members of your team." Harry caught Voldemort's gaze. "Now I hope there won't be anymore cheating from your side Tom. I'd hate for you to have to forfeit the game. It would ruin all my fun."
Harry waved his hand and Bellatrix began to glow for a moment before returning to normal.
"That's better. No more interruptions. Duelers ready?"
He received two nods from the champions.
"1..." Two pairs of eyes glared at each other.
"2..." Two wands were drawn and pointed.
"3!" And the spells began to fly.
A/N: You all hate me now don't you? Admit it; you're mad I didn't get to the duel aren't you? Never fear cause it's coming soon. In an effort to get updates out more quickly I'm posting this first and the duel itself will come in three or four days. By Thursday at least because I'm going away Thursday night and if I left before posting the duel I'm sure you would all kill me.
Thanks to everyone who reviewed. Wow, the response I got after the last chapter was amazing and has spurred me into trying to update quicker. You have no idea how good it feels for me to know you guys are enjoying it. Well, I guess those of you who are writing your own fics know what it's like.
kraeg001: Glad you like the voices. They like you too.
Strange Truth: When I read your idea for the Snape/Percy face painting duel I laughed for a good five minutes. Unfortunately I have other plans for those two. I was very close to changing my mind though.
Emma-Lizzy-Black: "Bye bye Nevil"? We'll just have to see. Neville has grown up a bit and isn't going down easy. If at all.
Chelso: Glad you and your sister like it. Harry sounds like me sometimes too.
Blackrose: I wish Sirius wasn't gone either but I just couldn't come up with a plausible way for him to come back. If Harry just waved his hand and brought back Sirius than why not just bring his parents back? If I let him do too much it will just get ridiculous. As for Harry sticking with the light side...they have a chance to get him if they win.
Merenwen: Sorry, I didn't want to type your whole name cause it's so long. I'm really glad that you decided to give my fic a chance and even more glad that you like it. I'll try to do long chapters quickly so you can get the best of both worlds but I can't promise anything.
Cassy: I like the idea of Mr. Weasley against Malfoy Sr. my problem is that I already have a couple other Weasley's lined up and I don't want it to be a Weasley's against the Death Eaters thing. I had originally planned to have them fight but I had to scrap the idea.
Calen: Ummm...no promises. As you can see by my bio I like the H/G pairing. I don't really see Ginny getting hit by wayward spells or being attacked by evil bunnies. Sorry. Hope you keep reading though.
Thanks again to Ceinlinh for beta reading for me. I really don't know how I make so many mistakes but she assures me they are there before she fixes them.
Thanks to everyone else who reviewed as well. Without you guys I wouldn't have the drive to keep writing. Hope you enjoyed the chapter and stay tuned for Lestrange vs Longbottom.