Chapter 7 – Ginny
It was Christmas Eve. Ginny sat in her empty dormitory (all her room mates had gone home this year) thinking.
Fuck.
She knew she shouldn't be thinking again, this would lead to bad things, she was sure of it.
Nothing had happened on the Harry front, well, nothing good worth reporting. – She didn't like the way she did this; every so often she would sit on her own and relive recent events, considering the consequences, and whether they would have anything to do with her and Harry.
She decided to be honest with herself.
She had seen those sideways looks he gave the girl, the way the girl's thin lips would curl into a malevolent smile when she saw him. She saw Harry's palms get sweaty; she saw the blood rush to his cheeks, and she saw him loosen his tie every time the girl neared.
Ginny sighed. She knew there was something going on between them; it was all too obvious, why hadn't anyone else noticed?
Inwardly Ginny knew the answer to that question; no one studied him as close as she did. She had to admit she was good at it though. The way their timetables were written meant that they passed each other in the corridors rather a lot. Ginny had these small times mapped out in her head; if she hadn't seen Harry she would bend down to tie her shoelace, or pretend she had forgotten a book, so that she could wait for him to walk past. Ginny knew this was obsessive behaviour, and that she had to try and stop, but she just couldn't. It was all worth it when he would brush past her and throw her an amused look whilst Ron and Hermione bickered incessantly behind him.
That, however, was only when he noticed her. Harry was looking subdued more often these days, and so occasionally didn't notice her. She was sure it were crucial for him to acknowledge her; if he saw her a lot then maybe he would think about her more often.
It was so hard for Ginny to think of Harry and Cho as an item; she had had suspicions about them getting together for what seemed like an age. It was when she started noticing the oh so obvious signs that she started tearing herself apart on the inside.
A few weeks or so ago Harry had revealed to Hermione the truth about his sordid affairs with Cho. The day after she heard, Hermione had told Ginny. Ginny recalled the day well. She had tried to look nonchalant about the whole thing, smiling slightly when Hermione told her. It hadn't come as that much of a surprise, though, because she was a perceptive girl.
Hermione also told her about seeing Ron getting off with some Ravenclaw. It didn't surprise Ginny; Ron had obviously given up hope of being with Hermione many years ago. Ginny knew they had o get it together sometime. When, however, was completely beyond her. All she knew was that Hermione had had the same reaction to Ron and Padma as Ron had had to Hermione and Krum.
When she thought about it, Hermione and Ron were obviously meant to be together; they were made for each other. Whether they got together was an entirely different matter, though.
Up until now Ginny had completely convinced herself that she and Harry were destined for each other; she was sure that someday they should be together. After all, how could she love him this much for no reason? The glitch to her idea was evident: he didn't love her. Ron and Hermione both loved each other, that was for sure, but Harry had never shown the slightest sign of being physically attracted to Ginny. But she didn't believe she could stop loving him; a person cannot do that at the drop of a hat. If Harry wasn't there, there would be no point in living, she was sure of it.
As she lay there, she considered how good it would have been if Harry had grown up to be either a complete prick, or devastatingly hideous. Surely then she wouldn't love him?
Fuck.
Not again. Ginny couldn't think of things like this; there would be no more 'What if's in her life. Something her mother had once told her rang in the back of her head:
"Ginny Weasley, the more time you spend with your head in the clouds, the more painful the fall back to the ground will be."
Ginny knew this statement was completely true. Once again her fingers ran up and down the scarred inside of her left forearm. This was what The Boy Who Lived had reduced her to; this was what he did to her.
The most puzzling thing about it was that she didn't know why. Sure, he was good looking, he was kind hearted, he was passionate; he was pretty much ideal, but then why didn't everyone else feel the same as her? She was sure no one felt the way she did about him; she knew for a fact that Cho felt very little of what she herself felt. Cho was just a girl using a boy with whom she had flirted for years. Cho couldn't know how it felt to need Harry as much as Ginny did, yet she was the one with him. After careful consideration of the problem, a memory came hurtling through her brain, and she remembered waking up in the Chamber of Secrets to Harry's worried yet beautiful face. Of course, he had saved her life; that had to be it, that had to be the reason why she loved him. Or did it? Ginny distinctly remembered having an infatuation with Harry before she came to Hogwarts; in fact, she recalled loving the idea of him before she had even met him. Him being a household name, she had grown up hearing about how Voldemort had been defeated by this wonder-boy when he had been just a baby. Ginny had worked out a good few years before meeting the scrawny, nervous boy at Kings Cross that he would be in the same year as Ron at Hogwarts. It had been she, she who had always loved him, she who had vowed to stand by him, and she whom he deserved to love; not that fucking Cho.
Ginny wondered if they had had sex yet; she hoped to god they hadn't, and she was right. She figured that if Harry had had sex he would have told either Ron or Hermione, both of whom would have told her, so it was alright... for the moment, anyway.
Sitting there, she wondered what it would be like to be able to tell someone else about her feelings for Harry (someone real, that is). Ginny was sure Tom didn't count as a confidant, seeing as it had never really been him, just a shadow of him.
Ginny still found it odd how people tended to forget about Tom; she had been possessed by The Dark Lord on and off for a year, and it was never mentioned. Sometimes when references were made to Tom Ginny's chest would start to tighten, and her breathing would become sharp, but no one ever noticed. When he was mentioned it reminded her that a glimmer of him would live in her forever. Ginny felt tainted because of this, like somehow she wasn't worthy anymore. How could Harry ever love a girl who had a part of his one true enemy inside her?
----
What Ginny had never thought of, though, was that Harry had a part of Voldemort inside himself as well, and when two people contain a sparkle of a wizard as powerful as Voldemort's magic, they become the same in a small way. Ginny, however, never even considered this; she was always too wrapped up in thinking about how different she and Harry were, and how they could never be together to consider how very similar they had become. She had displayed the fact that she had been possessed by Tom once to Harry in her fourth year, just before they left for the Ministry of Magic. She remembered how it had surprised him, how he had obviously never thought of going to Ginny for advice, but then why would he?
---
Unfortunately, Ginny was right. Harry barely ever did notice her; when he did, she would make him smile. Harry had always liked the fact that little Ginny had grown up to be a clever, beautiful girl; he had always liked the fact that when she was younger she loved him, it had amused him somewhat. A little girl blushing and breaking things whenever he neared, a slightly older girl sending him Valentines, and now a young woman who, when he saw her, would raise her eyebrows to him in a jokingly disgusted fashion, and then laugh.
For Ginny was fully able to act normal around Harry; no one could ever tell how she felt. Although she didn't realise it, this was exactly the problem. If someone else had only realised what she was going through, they would have been able to help her, but Ginny was too clever. Ginny hid behind a mask of false smiles and sarcastic remarks, her friends thought her quirky and sometimes said she was too detached, but no one sensed anything.
With a sigh, Ginny stood up slowly and walked over to her dressing table. She sat down on an oak chair and picked up a hairbrush. People teased her about being vain, but really it was just a habit; she would look in the mirror and hate what she saw, but there was never any way of changing it, so why bother? She slid the brush down her auburn locks; all the way down to her elbows, until there would be no more hair to brush.
Finally she decided she had better get some sleep, she suspected tomorrow would be a long day, and so would need her rest. And, as she lay on her four poster in her empty dormitory, her eyes closed, and a small, silent tear rolled down her cheek. She didn't notice. She never noticed anymore.
~~**~~
Wow, were you impressed with the speed of that chapter? I bloody well was, I'll tell you that much. Just Ginny waffling, but it will have a point later, and I'll have a new and hopefully better chapter up soon.
Once again, endless thanks to those of you reviewing; seriously, if you read the fic, please review. You wouldn't think so, but it really brightens up my evening (please don't laugh at my misfortune of having been reduced to this...)
Nat – Yeah, I very much agree, I have a feeling this story may become rather biased towards Cho, oh well... Hermione Gardiner – Short and sweet, cheers. Neptunestar – To get more of vat you requested you vill just haff to read on and vait and see. (Sorry about the German accent there, no idea what I did that for) Mithrandir – And why shouldn't you say anything? Teenage boys fascinate me. Thank you for the review, it made me laugh. Dementorchic – thank youuuuu
Thank you so much,
Nine Alternatives
It was Christmas Eve. Ginny sat in her empty dormitory (all her room mates had gone home this year) thinking.
Fuck.
She knew she shouldn't be thinking again, this would lead to bad things, she was sure of it.
Nothing had happened on the Harry front, well, nothing good worth reporting. – She didn't like the way she did this; every so often she would sit on her own and relive recent events, considering the consequences, and whether they would have anything to do with her and Harry.
She decided to be honest with herself.
She had seen those sideways looks he gave the girl, the way the girl's thin lips would curl into a malevolent smile when she saw him. She saw Harry's palms get sweaty; she saw the blood rush to his cheeks, and she saw him loosen his tie every time the girl neared.
Ginny sighed. She knew there was something going on between them; it was all too obvious, why hadn't anyone else noticed?
Inwardly Ginny knew the answer to that question; no one studied him as close as she did. She had to admit she was good at it though. The way their timetables were written meant that they passed each other in the corridors rather a lot. Ginny had these small times mapped out in her head; if she hadn't seen Harry she would bend down to tie her shoelace, or pretend she had forgotten a book, so that she could wait for him to walk past. Ginny knew this was obsessive behaviour, and that she had to try and stop, but she just couldn't. It was all worth it when he would brush past her and throw her an amused look whilst Ron and Hermione bickered incessantly behind him.
That, however, was only when he noticed her. Harry was looking subdued more often these days, and so occasionally didn't notice her. She was sure it were crucial for him to acknowledge her; if he saw her a lot then maybe he would think about her more often.
It was so hard for Ginny to think of Harry and Cho as an item; she had had suspicions about them getting together for what seemed like an age. It was when she started noticing the oh so obvious signs that she started tearing herself apart on the inside.
A few weeks or so ago Harry had revealed to Hermione the truth about his sordid affairs with Cho. The day after she heard, Hermione had told Ginny. Ginny recalled the day well. She had tried to look nonchalant about the whole thing, smiling slightly when Hermione told her. It hadn't come as that much of a surprise, though, because she was a perceptive girl.
Hermione also told her about seeing Ron getting off with some Ravenclaw. It didn't surprise Ginny; Ron had obviously given up hope of being with Hermione many years ago. Ginny knew they had o get it together sometime. When, however, was completely beyond her. All she knew was that Hermione had had the same reaction to Ron and Padma as Ron had had to Hermione and Krum.
When she thought about it, Hermione and Ron were obviously meant to be together; they were made for each other. Whether they got together was an entirely different matter, though.
Up until now Ginny had completely convinced herself that she and Harry were destined for each other; she was sure that someday they should be together. After all, how could she love him this much for no reason? The glitch to her idea was evident: he didn't love her. Ron and Hermione both loved each other, that was for sure, but Harry had never shown the slightest sign of being physically attracted to Ginny. But she didn't believe she could stop loving him; a person cannot do that at the drop of a hat. If Harry wasn't there, there would be no point in living, she was sure of it.
As she lay there, she considered how good it would have been if Harry had grown up to be either a complete prick, or devastatingly hideous. Surely then she wouldn't love him?
Fuck.
Not again. Ginny couldn't think of things like this; there would be no more 'What if's in her life. Something her mother had once told her rang in the back of her head:
"Ginny Weasley, the more time you spend with your head in the clouds, the more painful the fall back to the ground will be."
Ginny knew this statement was completely true. Once again her fingers ran up and down the scarred inside of her left forearm. This was what The Boy Who Lived had reduced her to; this was what he did to her.
The most puzzling thing about it was that she didn't know why. Sure, he was good looking, he was kind hearted, he was passionate; he was pretty much ideal, but then why didn't everyone else feel the same as her? She was sure no one felt the way she did about him; she knew for a fact that Cho felt very little of what she herself felt. Cho was just a girl using a boy with whom she had flirted for years. Cho couldn't know how it felt to need Harry as much as Ginny did, yet she was the one with him. After careful consideration of the problem, a memory came hurtling through her brain, and she remembered waking up in the Chamber of Secrets to Harry's worried yet beautiful face. Of course, he had saved her life; that had to be it, that had to be the reason why she loved him. Or did it? Ginny distinctly remembered having an infatuation with Harry before she came to Hogwarts; in fact, she recalled loving the idea of him before she had even met him. Him being a household name, she had grown up hearing about how Voldemort had been defeated by this wonder-boy when he had been just a baby. Ginny had worked out a good few years before meeting the scrawny, nervous boy at Kings Cross that he would be in the same year as Ron at Hogwarts. It had been she, she who had always loved him, she who had vowed to stand by him, and she whom he deserved to love; not that fucking Cho.
Ginny wondered if they had had sex yet; she hoped to god they hadn't, and she was right. She figured that if Harry had had sex he would have told either Ron or Hermione, both of whom would have told her, so it was alright... for the moment, anyway.
Sitting there, she wondered what it would be like to be able to tell someone else about her feelings for Harry (someone real, that is). Ginny was sure Tom didn't count as a confidant, seeing as it had never really been him, just a shadow of him.
Ginny still found it odd how people tended to forget about Tom; she had been possessed by The Dark Lord on and off for a year, and it was never mentioned. Sometimes when references were made to Tom Ginny's chest would start to tighten, and her breathing would become sharp, but no one ever noticed. When he was mentioned it reminded her that a glimmer of him would live in her forever. Ginny felt tainted because of this, like somehow she wasn't worthy anymore. How could Harry ever love a girl who had a part of his one true enemy inside her?
----
What Ginny had never thought of, though, was that Harry had a part of Voldemort inside himself as well, and when two people contain a sparkle of a wizard as powerful as Voldemort's magic, they become the same in a small way. Ginny, however, never even considered this; she was always too wrapped up in thinking about how different she and Harry were, and how they could never be together to consider how very similar they had become. She had displayed the fact that she had been possessed by Tom once to Harry in her fourth year, just before they left for the Ministry of Magic. She remembered how it had surprised him, how he had obviously never thought of going to Ginny for advice, but then why would he?
---
Unfortunately, Ginny was right. Harry barely ever did notice her; when he did, she would make him smile. Harry had always liked the fact that little Ginny had grown up to be a clever, beautiful girl; he had always liked the fact that when she was younger she loved him, it had amused him somewhat. A little girl blushing and breaking things whenever he neared, a slightly older girl sending him Valentines, and now a young woman who, when he saw her, would raise her eyebrows to him in a jokingly disgusted fashion, and then laugh.
For Ginny was fully able to act normal around Harry; no one could ever tell how she felt. Although she didn't realise it, this was exactly the problem. If someone else had only realised what she was going through, they would have been able to help her, but Ginny was too clever. Ginny hid behind a mask of false smiles and sarcastic remarks, her friends thought her quirky and sometimes said she was too detached, but no one sensed anything.
With a sigh, Ginny stood up slowly and walked over to her dressing table. She sat down on an oak chair and picked up a hairbrush. People teased her about being vain, but really it was just a habit; she would look in the mirror and hate what she saw, but there was never any way of changing it, so why bother? She slid the brush down her auburn locks; all the way down to her elbows, until there would be no more hair to brush.
Finally she decided she had better get some sleep, she suspected tomorrow would be a long day, and so would need her rest. And, as she lay on her four poster in her empty dormitory, her eyes closed, and a small, silent tear rolled down her cheek. She didn't notice. She never noticed anymore.
~~**~~
Wow, were you impressed with the speed of that chapter? I bloody well was, I'll tell you that much. Just Ginny waffling, but it will have a point later, and I'll have a new and hopefully better chapter up soon.
Once again, endless thanks to those of you reviewing; seriously, if you read the fic, please review. You wouldn't think so, but it really brightens up my evening (please don't laugh at my misfortune of having been reduced to this...)
Nat – Yeah, I very much agree, I have a feeling this story may become rather biased towards Cho, oh well... Hermione Gardiner – Short and sweet, cheers. Neptunestar – To get more of vat you requested you vill just haff to read on and vait and see. (Sorry about the German accent there, no idea what I did that for) Mithrandir – And why shouldn't you say anything? Teenage boys fascinate me. Thank you for the review, it made me laugh. Dementorchic – thank youuuuu
Thank you so much,
Nine Alternatives