I'll Save Myself

Chapter 4: When I Pretend

Authoresses Note: Okaaayyy…when you click to this chapter, if you notice the length of it your face will probably look like a combination of: O.O   T.T  -;;   .  =( and =# eheheh…if you reach my expectations. =P  Yes, this must be my shortest chapter in like…forever! (but Transformations chapter 6 was barely 1000 -- check it out! ) Chapter 1 was 3102 words, chapter 2 2036, chapter 3 2203 words!  And this one is currently 1550 words, including my blabbing.  ::gasp:: Yeah, I'm rubbing it in… TT.TT I just wanted to get a new chapter out, and by the end of this one, I said all I wanted to say in this chapter.  This chapter is just about our two sacred characters and barely anything else…simple.  And I'm having humor block.  I find my chapters having less and less humor in them!  Nooooo….and it's summer break, shouldn't that spark funny stuff?  O wellz…it'll come back…maybe.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything except plot.  All hail CLAMP, ppl who do own CCS and stuff. =P

This chapter is dedicated to Koko, my cat.  She passed away this Friday morning.  We all love her =) and she'll be flying around in cat heaven with our other two cats.  She's so sweet…

"Really, you two are going out?"

Sakura glanced downward, directing her interest in the dirt.  By this time, she had at least reached a level where she didn't kick Syaoran, smack his head, or punch his shoulder because of his blabbing.  At least not until the conversation was over.

"Yeah, we are," Syaoran agreed, and grinned at Sakura.  To only Sakura's eyes did it read: Right? In a mocking sense.

The girl Syaoran was talking to continued, "I always knew there was something about you two.  You're close friends too, aren't you?" Sakura bit her lip, but nodded.  The girl wasn't waiting for an answer either way.  "It's like a perfect match," she drifted off.

Syaoran laughed.  "Maybe," That answer was more decent than the others he could have possibly said.  No Of course or did you only realize that now? Came, and Sakura was thankful for that.  Syaoran's pet peeve was definitely being conceited.  "Well I'll see you around," Syaoran finally ended the conversation, dragging Sakura with him.

As soon as they were further away, Sakura stepped on Syaoran's shoe 'accidentally'.  "Die you." she flatly said.

Syaoran winced a little, but shrugged.  "Only for money."

Rolling her eyes a little, Sakura let it go.  It was morning, and she didn't feel like much arguing.  Syaoran had dropped by her house in the morning to escort her to school, so the terror had begun way before homeroom.

"Wanna hold hands?"

Sakura blushed.  "Fingers."

"Huh?" Syaoran blinked.  Sakura always confused him like this.

"Lets just…link fingers, okay?" Sakura muttered.  It sounded stupid even to her own ears, but she had already said it.  "You might get to hold my hand eventually though," she added, for no sane reason in her mind.  I just wasn't in the mood to argue against Syaoran. Sakura tried to silently explain to herself.

Syaoran nodded in agreement.  "Okay then," and their index fingers loosely wrapped against each other.  They continued walking down the path to the school building.

Next afternoon (after school)

Again, Syaoran walked with Sakura.  These days it seemed like he was everywhere.  In the morning he would stand outside and wait to go to school with her.  All day he was in her classes.  Lunch they were in a big group, Sakura and Syaoran both sucked into it.  Afternoons he walked her home.  So this was where they were now, afternoon.  "I don't wanna go home yet," Sakura remarked.  She nodded Syaoran to turn to their right instead of continuing on straight.

Syaoran turned, and looked at Sakura.  "How come?"

"I just don't feel like it." Sakura sighed a little.  I don't want you to leave yet. Her mind suggested.  No, why would that be if she saw him all day?

"That's fine.  I know what that's like sometimes." Syaoran added.  They found themselves standing in the old Penguin Park.

Sakura walked straight to the big Penguin slide, and climbed up it.  She disappeared into the little compartment on the top that connected the slide and steps, like a tunnel.  Then came out through the slide.  Then she went up the slide again, but didn't reappear on the slide.  Instead her head poked out from the compartment.  She inquired, "Do you?"

Syaoran raised and eyebrow.  "What?" he stood by the steps going to the top of the slide.

"Do you really feel like that?" Sakura repeated.

Syaoran climbed halfway up the steps, so he was almost at the height of Sakura.  "You don't think I feel like that every once in a while?"

Getting a little uncomfortable now, Sakura shifted.  "Actually, no I don't.  How could you feel that way when you're the type who runs around with a new girl all the time?" she glared a little.  "I just can't see how that type of person could understand anything else, or feel anything else." The words slid out slowly.

Syaoran drew in his breath.  "Well I can't give you the explanation you want then.  All I know is that what I do doesn't make a happy person."

"Then why do you do it?"

Now it was Syaoran's turn to be uncomfortable.  "I don't know.  But I just…feel like being alone from everything sometimes." He muttered.

Sakura looked away, with nothing left to say.  It was like something was broken though, and at the same time something made.  This was the first time in a while that Sakura had seen anthing about Syaoran deeper.  The first time in a while she saw something she could really still like him for.

"Maybe I should go then." Sakura decided.  "I guess you can feel that way,"

"Nah, don't go.  Besides, you don't want to go home yet, right?" Syaoran raised an eyebrow.

Sakura shrugged.  "I guess not." She moved over for Syaoran to sit on the edge of the tunnel, while she moved further down, in front of the slide entrance.  "Do you remember here?"

Syaoran nodded, "Yeah, kinda.  I don't go here much anymore,"

"What did we do in this park?"

"Pop quiz, eh?" Syaoran grinned.  "Uh…you fell off the swings once." He smirked.

Sakura pouted.  "That hurt," she added.  "But you also climbed up this slide, to go to the top.  Remember your soccer ball somehow got suck in the crown."

Syaoran laughed.  "What, I had good aim."

"Suuure," Sakura sarcastically agreed.  She laughed.  "You had said you were aiming for the see saws-"

Syaoran pushed Sakura, knocking her into the slide, and down she went.  "Phweeee!" Sakura screamed, sent down the slide sideways.  She glared back up at the top of the side.  "You're going to die Li Syaoran!" she yelled to him.

And then a calm reply came back from the darkness in the tunnel: "Only for money."

Sakura practically started a hot springs with her fuming.  "Li Syaoran!"

And then from the tunnel Syaoran emerged, headed straight down the slide, right into Sakura.  "You called?"

"Hoeeee!" Sakura bugged out.  Syaoran was right behind her, and… "Get offa me!" she squealed.

Syaoran laughed, and rubbed his head.  His messy hair folded over on different sides, without a care.  "Don't scare the little kids,"

"Syaoran, that's it exactly!  Don't sit in…a chuchu train…" she mumbled and poked her fingers together, "kids are gonna get freaked out…" she mumbled more, the drifted off.  "Oh, come on Syaoran, get up," She pulled him up with more strength than what she looked she had.

"Where to now?" Syaoran linked fingers with Sakura again, and they left the park.

They walked along the sidewalk, filtered with the 4:00 sun.  "I'm going home.  I'm tired now."

Syaoran nodded.  "Okay."

They mostly walked in silence, but then Sakura broke it.  "Uh, why do you keep gloating to people that we're 'going out'?"

Syaoran smirked and simply said, "Cause I feel like it."

Sakura laughed.  "Greeaat.  But then when it's over, then you're gonna be the one to clear it up again."

"Aww…" Syaoran put his other hand in his pocket casually, "who says it's going to end?"

"Me." Sakura stated at once.  "As soon as you get out of that problem with Masami." She confirmed.  "Promise me you'll leave me alone after that?"

Syaoran shrugged.  "I…guess." Then tried to add, "Only for mone-"

"Shutup."

"Only fo-"

Punch

Went Sakura's fist on Syaoran's arm.

"Oww…" Syaoran rubbed his arm, and held it up to inspect damage.  "Where'd you get so strong?"

"You know, cheerleading does take good physical skills." Sakura remarked.  She grinned, flexing her arm.

They now reached Sakura's house.  It looked brighter than the rest of the world that day, after so many things Sakura was thinking about.  "See you tomorrow," she waved.

Syaoran winked, before leaving her.  Conceited.  Her mind printed.  Sakura rolled her eyes again, and turned the key in the door.  As she went inside, she thought, We're going out. She ran the idea over in her mind again, then smiled.  Me and Li Syaoran are going out. It felt good.