I'll Save Myself

Chapter 5: Scribbles in the Margin

By AutumnIllusion

Authoress' Note: Alright, it's finally here! I never thought it'd take so long to update this...TT.TT I've been busy and un-motivated, haha. But I think this came out decently, in result. I went into hibernation ::took 2-3 hour naps everyday after school:: but now...I'm trying. Happy Halloween! (I'd like to point out that 2 of my teachers gave us this homework: bring them back a piece of out trick or treating candy)

DISCLAIMER: I dun own CCS cause CLAMP does...yeah. And there's a tiny snippet of a song called When I'm with You by Simple Plan, so credits to them. Oooh, trick or treaters!

Trick or treaters: Trick or treat!

Me: Yay, lets get sugar high! P ::tosses everyone lil mini Syaoran candies::

Somehow, the next few days seemed brighter than before. Each step Sakura took sprung into the next, without doubt that life was okay. Just okay, but that was all she needed. Finally Sakura had lifted the burden of Syaoran off her back. Maybe this wasn't so bad. Even if it would fleet the next moment, she took what was here now, and that was Syaoran.

"Kura, you seem relaxed today,"

Resting her palms behind her head, the emerald eyed girl slipped on a smile. "Mhhmm."

Next to her, Tomoyo laughed a little, relieved to see her friend more spirited. She looked back down at the book seated before her. A second later though, she turned her attention to Sakura again. "Is there something I don't know?"

Replying to this, Sakura sat up, shrugging. "Not in particular." She paused, thinking it over. "What'd you want to know?"

"You seem...happier today."

"Well," Sakura scratched her head sleepily, then continued, "Syaoran doesn't seem so bad right now..." with that idea, she trailed off.

Tomoyo stuck out her tongue playfully. Sakura really couldn't hold a grudge against anything for very long. At least she seemed at peace with the situation now. "Okay...?"

"Yeah, so—"Sakura took a glance at her watch. Her eyes swirled, noticing she was— "Late!"

Tomoyo tried to cover her giggles as she watched Sakura scramble up, only to grab her bag which was open, making her possessions tumble out onto the ground. She then quickly pivoted back, dumping it back together. "I'm late! I gotta get to work!"

Tomoyo was about to get up and help her friend, when Syaoran stepped in unnoticeably.

"You're late?" he held a genuine grin.

"Yeah, yeah," Sakura zipped her bag, then tossed it over her shoulder, only paying half of her attention. "Oh, hey Syaoran."

"Back to the first name basis?" Tomoyo couldn't help but mention, in a voice soft enough only for herself to hear. "So much for relaxed," she sweatdropped, seeing Sakura dash off. "See you tomorrow Sakura!" she waved.

Syaoran stood, also watching the cloud of dust pile up on the fire blazed trail Sakura had created in her sprint. "Eheheheh..." he ran a hand through his hair, letting the breeze settle it for him.

Tomoyo smiled, watching the scene. Things didn't seem bad at all.

...Later...

Syaoran was enjoying the neighborhood.

At this point, he simply walked down the sidewalks, listening to the rustling of the trees that lined up beside him. Hands stuffed in pockets, headphones buzzing at his neck, gum in the mouth, he was quite satisfied with himself.

Pop

He pressed his gum into a bubble, then snatched it back into his mouth. At least things seemed to be under control. Masami seemed to have fallen for his lies, and Sakura wasn't going through her daily routine of using him as her substituted punching bag. With all of this finally moving to the back of his thoughts, he pushed forward the words foaming through his headphones.

I'm taking my time

I'm trying to leave the memories of you behind

I'm gonna be fine

As soon as I get your picture right out of my mind

"OOF!"

Too bad that when he turned the corner, he didn't see a Sakura-like blur headed straight for him at a quick pace.

It would have saved him his CD player.

"Oh, gomen..." Sakura sat on her behind, hands in fists on the ground. In one of them, she tightly clenched a piece of looseleaf, now wrinkled from her grip. She looked up in search of the object she had collided with, to find herself parallel with Syaoran, who also sat on the ground. "Syaoran!"

Biting his lip in disbelief of his silenced CD player, Syaoran looked up only when his name was called...in a typically frustrated tone.

"You bumped into me, ne?"

"Oh," Syaoran pushed himself up to full length, then extended a hand to Sakura. "Sorry."

"..." one blink...two blinks...Sakura looked away and gently pushed Syaoran's gesture back. "That's alright." She stood up, hand still holding the paper behind her back. "Oh! I broke your CD pla-"

"No, it's fine."

Sakura's face fell unnoticeably, Syaoran shrugging as he looked over the broken electronic in his hands. "No, really...I can get you another one!" she blurted out suddenly, although as soon as the words came out, her thoughts bit back at her angrily.

"Oh?" The two started walking again, Syaoran a few steps ahead of Sakura. They stopped by a crosswalk, waiting for the cars to pass in front of them. In the tattered shade that the trees provided, Syaoran ruffled his hair in relief for the coolness. "Nah, don't." He turned, shining a grin towards Sakura, where she stood with hands clasped around the paper, still. "I've caused you enough trouble already, haven't I?"

Before waiting for an answer, Syaoran looked back at the crossing light, now beaming the signal for them to continue walking. Behind him, Sakura fought down her thoughts. A...second chance? Was this invevitable? To fall in love with him all over again, even when he was just so good at leading people on?

"I—I had been looking for you." Sakura said, hoping to sound calm. "When we bumped into each other."

"Hmm?" was the reply from Syaoran's back. The sun shone overhead, threatening to beam down even harder if Sakura did not continue what she had started.

"I wanted to...talk." Now the two stood side by side, passing through the main street of the neighborhood. Sakura tugged at Syaoran's arm, leading him inside an ice cream parlor.

"Oh, sure Sakura."

Seating themselves at a table for two by the front window, Sakura slipped the piece of paper in front of her. "I—"It was a list Sakura had made the night before. In a confused rage of emotion focused on the whole situation with Syaoran unraveling, she had restlessly sat down before her desk and written. The result had been a list of rules for the whole deal. She thought that it might have handled this better than what had already happened.

I wanna feel the way you make me feel when I'm with you

I wanna be the only hand, you need to hold on to

But everytime I call you don't have time

I guess I'll never get to call you mine

The paper was littered with statements such as "No bragging—since it's a lie" and "Don't come by my house without warning" Now Sakura felt quite foolish at these little bullets.

"I—wanted to set down some 'rules' for this whole thing." She poked at a chunk of ice cream in her glass. It slowly dripped downward, waiting. "But...I guess...just forget it."

There was a passing silence, neither enjoyable or uncomfortable. Then Syaoran nodded. "Uh, okay Sakura...thanks, or whatever that means." He set down his can of soda, the faint splish of it's contents responding. "Listen, am I that...bad?" Syaoran inquired.

"Oh..." emerald eyes looked down, concentrating on the food before her instead. "It's just..."

"If it's really-"Syaoran smiled a little, looking out the window. In it's reflection, he still kept an eye on Sakura's lingering eyes. "-bothering you that much, then you don't have to—"

"No, Syaoran, it's okay. Really." Syaoran's words were interrupted by Sakura's rushed voice. She paused, correcting herself to a slower pace. "You're not too boring to hang around with. For now." She found herself meeting Syaoran's eyes in the window. "Just forget this whole list thing, okay?" she lifted the paper off the table and out of sight. She placed it over her lap, crumbling it in her fists delicately.

Syaoran also crumpled up something, his offer. His offer to set Sakura free of the whole deal he had engaged her in. The one he had thought she looked at so bitterly. But now it seemed different. "Yeah, alright Sakura."

... School ...

"Hey, give it back!"

Syaoran smirked, his eyes shining in triumph. "Nope." He simply responded to Sakura's pleads.

"But I gotta do my homework!" Came Sakura's pout again, as she extended her hand above her head for the umpteenth time. She had been attempting to take back the notebook that Syaoran had picked up from in front of her.

They had been sitting in the cafeteria, and Sakura was working on the task of everyone's favorite pastime: math homework.

"Gimme back my book, I need it!" Sakura stuck out her tongue.

"Sure," Syaoran said sarcastically. "Your book," he shook his head as if he was a disapproving grown up, "yes, your book with my name all over it."

"Pheee..." Sakura twitched, holding back a major sweatdrop. Yes, that was just an expression... Lucky for him he didn't actually know all her notebooks did have his name all over it, literally...

Syaoran Li with a heart dotting the "i"

That is, up until the mad rage she had stampeded through. Yes, the one when she took the kitchen matches and burned her notebooks. Too bad she had lost all her notes and had to copy them all again from Tomoyo.

"Oh, come on...please?" Sakura gave up on trying to outreach Syaoran, setting her focus to the sandwich on her tray. "Just a minute?"

"Nope, Sakura, you gotta figure it out on your own." Slipping his notebook back into his bag, Syaoran sat down beside her and Eriol. For a minute or two, they went back and forth in conversation, Sakura finally working on her homework. Still, time after time she would stop and listen to his voice.

"Remember back in the days, when we were in elementary school?" Sakura inquired slowly, joining conversation again. "We used help each other out with our homew—"

"Hmm?" Syaoran's voice broke trough Sakura's stroll down memory lane. He turned his head to face Sakura again. "I don't remember really..."

Back to Eriol it was. Sakura nodded in neutral response, her head bobbing in echoes, dull and pretending. "Yeah..." she murmured to herself... "You don't remember..." she agreed in repetition, mostly to herself. Good thing she hadn't said more, about really how close and how long they had been such good friends. Had he moved so far ahead?

"Hmph..." Sakura shrugged. She stood up from her bench, taking her tray and notebook with her. "Fine then, I'll go to another table. I can't figure out anything with all you guys around," she joked. She held a sweet smile, but her eyes longed to stay beside her friends, beside Syaoran. Quickly turning on her heel, she searched for an empty table...

Finding one, Sakura placed her tray in front of her, notebook to her side. She flipped to the newest page in her notebook, writing her name at the top absentmindedly.

Syaoran had forgotten those days, long ago.

Yet, I haven't. How could I?

Is it that the whole world and everyone else is spinning around me in a blur, while I stand still? Maybe so...

Finding herself overwhelmed in depressing thoughts, she regained full conscience only to find her notebook page reading:

Sakura Li

"What the hell?" Sakura blankly stared at the formation her pen ink had spotted over her notebook. Her blank, dazed look wheeled into a frown, and she crossed out her name furiously. This time she would get it right, for sure...

Sakura Kino—

"Hey Kinomoto-san."

Sakura looked up from her book to see a faintly familiar face glaring right at her.

"Oh...hi..." Sakura paused, trying to remember the girl's name. She had seen her before...she wasn't in most of her classes though...oh yeah! That was right. She was one of Syaoran's groupies, of the sort. In the similarity that she seemed to get every ounce of Li Syaoran that she could get, tracking him down at all possible times.

"Toki-chan." The girl finished for Sakura, spitting out the words bitterly. Her hands slammed down on the cafeteria table, side by side. She leaned forward in an intimidating fashion, towards Sakura, who still sat in her relaxed position, legs folded.

"Oh, that's right..." Sakura agreed, sweatdropping at her flaw. "My bad; I'm not very good with remembering nam—"

"Listen Kinomoto. I'm going to warn you." Toki's eyes glittered a dark blue, contrasting Sakura's calming green orbs. "Who do you think you are? Hanging out with Syaoran-sama all the time."

Sakura held back a laugh, hearing the sama at the end of Syaoran's name. And how she would love to tell Toki that she was rather the one being hung around with, that Syaoran had been the one to suggest this engagement of sorts. She settled on rolling her eyes. "So what's it to you who I hang out with?"

"You're a nobody. So what if you're a cheerleader,"

Oh, yeah, she had also been on the cheer squad...

"you're not suitable for Syaoran-sama. Don't go around with him like you mean anything. He's way better than your likes." Toki went on, inching forward with every burning sentence. "You could never be anything worthwhile to him. He's gonna move on. He doesn't give a damn about you, so stop acting like he does."

Sakura calmed her nerves, just barely able to contain herself from bubbling over and starting the ideal 'cat fight'. She put down her pen and lifted her hand, sticking out her index and middle finger...and poked Toki in the eyes.

Jerking away, Toki cringed, closing her eyes. "You little bi—"

"And so I'm to assume that you're better than me?" Sakura placed her chin in her palm. "I'm sorry, but I'm not going to listen to you." she shrugged easily. "But thank you, Toki-chan, for the advice." She put on a polite smile. Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta finish this stuff up before class starts again. She gestured to her notes. "See ya at cheer practice."

Seeing Toki-chan snarl and walk away quickly, Sakura was left with her thoughts again. Just when things had finally started to come together again...she thought she could forgive Syaoran. And it wasn't his fault this time. It was hers, wasn't it? For believing this whole thing was in reach. She desperately tried to fight the urge to run away and cry.

Authoress' Notes: Hmm...I actually really liked writing this chappy...or should I say, writing each little snippet. I like each part individually, but then I hope it doesn't jump around in the overall topic of this installment. I just wanted to get across the feeling that Sakura was starting to get closer to Syaoran, kinda forgiving him and stuff...but then all these small problems keep snipping away at her certainty about doing so. Anyways, review as always, won't you? ::hint hint::