11. November Rain

Harry held his breath as Mrs Weasley placed the white woollen bundle in his arms. He was holding Sirius's child for the first time. His godson. Harry had never seen anything so small and vulnerable, and so infinitely amazing, in his life. James's tiny hands were bunched into determined fists, and his dark downy hair fuzzed in all directions. He regarded Harry solemnly with enormous smoky eyes. Harry's throat constricted and he blinked back tears. James whimpered and Harry jostled the wriggling, powder-scented infant awkwardly in his arms, petrified that he might drop him. He beamed proudly as baby James settled quietly against his chest, contentment resting on his dimpled cheeks. Jade watched with a little smile dancing over her pale, exhausted face.

In the early hours of that morning, Harry eventually drifted off to sleep to the pattering of soft November rain against his window...He was in a garden, outside a cottage with a blue door. It was a clear azure autumn day. Leaves fluttered down from an oak tree, falling in golden drifts over the lawn. He smelled coffee brewing, and heard a chuckle of barking laughter. 'Put him down!' a woman's voice insisted, mock-severely.

'But he likes it...' protested Sirius, spinning a black-haired bundle in the air, then clasping it against his chest, tickling its little tummy. 'Don't you, Harry?' Baby Harry scrunched his eyes and chortled in response. 'See?' Sirius insisted, grinning mischievously.

Lily tossed her red hair, her eyes sparkling with giggles. 'But if you drop him...' she brandished her wand menacingly.

A shadow crossed Sirius's metallic eyes suddenly. 'You know I'd die before I let anyone hurt him, don't you?'

Lily regarded him just as seriously. 'I know. Me too.'

It was still raining when Harry woke up, the dream vivid in his mind – the smell of coffee, the flutter of falling leaves, the steel determination in Sirius's voice. Pulling on jeans and a sweater, he went in search of Jade, to make sure she knew he, too, would do anything to protect James – his godson.

Harry hesitated at the nursery door, which was slightly ajar. Pearly rainy-morning light gleamed off the baby blue walls. Maybe Jade was sleeping. He pushed the door softly, and was surprised to see Ginny beside the cradle, rain streaking the window behind her. Unaware of his presence, she was absorbed in watching the sleeping baby, a serene smile on her lips. The tender expression in her eyes was not that of a little girl, but a woman. Her burnished copper hair was swept around the nape of her neck, and tumbled tousled over her shoulder.

Awkwardly, Harry cleared his throat, stuffing his hands in his pockets. 'Hey...'

'Harry,' she smiled. 'James is finally asleep. Jade just went to have a bath. See how sweet he looks with his eyes all scrunched up.'

Harry sat down opposite her on the edge of the bed, regarding his slumbering godson. James's hands were bunched into sleepy fists, and the blanket cocooning him shifted delicately to the rhythm of his breathing. 'He's so...little,' Harry said eventually, unable to think of another word.

'I know,' Ginny said softly, still gazing transfixed at the sleeping child. 'So...fragile,' she added, more seriously.

Harry nodded. 'I couldn't stand it if anything...happened to him,' he said fiercely, thinking of the pleading echoes of his mother's voice he had heard when the Dementors came too close.

'Me neither,' whispered Ginny, looking up and meeting Harry's glance intensely. Tears glinted in her brown eyes, reflecting her own memory of a journey to hell and back. 'I think I'd want to kill anyone who tried to hurt him.'

'Me too,' said Harry gruffly. He suddenly felt very conscious of those profound dark eyes locked in his. A single tear beaded Ginny's auburn eyelashes. Before he thought about it, Harry reached across to gently brush it away with his finger tip. He caught his breath as his touch glanced across her skin, and he saw her eyes widen in surprise. Confused, he broke eye contact, dropping his hand to his side and muttering something inane about wishing they didn't have to return to school that afternoon.

Ginny nodded fervently. 'Ugh, I hate Mondays. Double potions first thing in the morning.'

'Ugh,' agreed Harry. 'At least it's Quidditch tomorrow night though.'

'Yeah,' Ginny's expression brightened. 'That'll be good.'

'If only we could find decent Beaters,' Harry lamented. 'You make a good Chaser, though.'

'Really?' Ginny reddened slightly. 'Thanks.'

'Yeah, really,' said Harry. 'That last goal in the Ravenclaw match. Brilliant.'

Ginny smiled, looking thoughtful. Harry cast about for something else to say.

'Is he still asleep?' asked Jade, wandering into the room in her nightdress looking drained. She was followed by Mrs Weasley, bearing a tottering pile of nappies.

Ginny nodded. 'He's been asleep the whole time.

'Good,' said Molly. 'Jade, sweetheart, you should try and rest while he's sleeping.' Jade looked relieved about this. Harry stood up and moved towards the door as she climbed wearily into bed.

'Uh oh,' said Ginny, observing James a moment before he opened both his eyes and his mouth and commenced yelling.

Jade looked as though she might burst into tears herself. 'Does he need feeding, do you think?' she asked Molly uncertainly.

Mrs Weasley shook her head. 'No, he had a feed just before he went down. Perhaps it's time for his bath. Get some sleep, we'll take care of it,' she added kindly. 'Harry, could you carry that tub downstairs for me?' She gestured towards a porcelain basin standing on top of the dressing table. 'I brought that from The Burrow for little James. I used to bathe you in it.' She regarded Ginny fondly.

Ginny grimaced, and scooped James from his mother's arms before following Harry down the stairs.

Harry almost bumped into Lupin, who was hurrying up the stairs, two at a time. 'Molly!' he exclaimed. 'Arthur just called. He needs you to go to The Burrow immediately and collect some documents on the new penalties for infringement of the Muggle Protection Act. There's been an incident with an enchanted ice cream truck...'

'Oh bother! I was just going to give James his bath. I don't think Ginny...' Mrs Weasley said doubtfully, as Ginny fumed, tossing her red hair and glaring at her mother, as if to say, 'what can't I do this time?'

'I can supervise his bath,' Remus offered.

Molly regarded him apprehensively.

'I have bathed a baby before, 'Remus pointed out, chuckling. 'In fact, I believe I gave Harry here his first bath.'

It was Harry's turn to grimace, while Ginny laughed at him.

'Very well,' Mrs Weasley conceded reluctantly. 'Just don't make the water too hot, and don't let him get cold...I won't be long.' She scurried off towards the fireplace, while Remus took the basin from Harry, filled it with warm water, and set it at the corner of the kitchen table. Knowing that Ginny had been dismayed by her mother's lack of confidence in her childcare skills, Lupin let her take charge, while keeping a watchful eye on the proceedings.

James started crying with dismay as soon his warm clothes were removed. 'Here, you hold him, and make sure you support his neck,' Ginny instructed Harry as she lowered the squirming baby into the tepid water. James seemed to be soothed by the warm water. His tears ceased and he splashed floppily with his tiny arms.

Harry's task was more difficult than he anticipated. The baby was so very wriggly and slippery. His hands always seemed to be in the way of Ginny's soapy cloth, yet he was terrified of letting James go in case he slipped under the water. He was very conscious of Ginny's arm against his as she stood beside him, her apple-scented hair fluttering against his cheek, their soapy hands touching. She seemed oblivious to his proximity, biting her lip lightly in concentration, completely absorbed in what she was doing.

The bathing completed, Ginny took James from Harry's hands, and lifted him out of the water, holding him against her chest while she waited for Remus to pass her a towel. Harry watched, spellbound by her innate competence as she gently dried the baby; applied nappy cream and lotion and baby powder. Remus showed her how to fold and fasten the nappy. James did not take kindly to this, and wailed miserably. Ginny cradled and soothed him to no avail.

'He'll be wanting his mother,' Remus explained consolingly.

Ginny nodded. 'I'll take him upstairs...and change,' she added, ruefully surveying her damp, clinging sweater.

Harry stared at the floor for a moment, then looked back at Remus. Sorrow lurked behind the smile in his blue eyes. 'If only Sirius could have seen him,' he said softly, almost to himself.

Harry nodded sadly. The pain etched into Remus's tired face reminded him once again that he was not the only one to lose his best friend. 'I'm glad he knew, though...Did Sirius tell you,' Harry asked hesitantly, 'about him and Jade...and the baby?'

Remus shook his head slowly. 'I guessed they were together...but he never told me. I'm sorry he didn't,' he admitted, 'but I knew it was hard for him to talk to me. Sirius hated that I was working for the Order while he was locked up here. At least Jade was in the same position as him, in a way. And I'm glad he found some happiness.'

Harry nodded sadly. Brief, bittersweet happiness.

'And Sirius's love life and me don't exactly have a history of going well together,' Lupin added ruefully.

Harry's eyebrows peaked in surprise. He had no idea what Lupin meant.

'Did Sirius never tell you about Persia?' Remus asked, uncertainly.

Harry shook his head, infinitely regretting the opportunities he had missed to learn more about his godfather.

'She was his first girlfriend at Hogwarts. A real tomboy and just as big a rebel as Sirius. They were always trying to outdo each other with pranks and escapades. She was incredibly daring, and stunning too. Sirius fell for her hard...but I don't think he ever knew whether she felt the same way about him. It seemed to be a kind of game for her...so he never admitted that he loved her. I think it was the only risk he never took...'

'Anyway – it sounds horrible, she was my best friend's girl – but I thought she was manipulative, and I was afraid she'd hurt him. I didn't trust her. When your father and Sirius realised...what I was, I begged them not to tell anybody. Sirius was true to his word, but Persia realised we had a secret. She insisted that Sirius had to tell her, and he refused. Sirius told her that if she couldn't trust him, his friends came first...and that was the end of it. He never said anything, but I knew it broke his heart, and I felt terrible about it. So...' Remus trailed off, shrugging.

He lit a cigarette, and exhaled slowly, watching the smoke drift towards the ceiling, lost in thought.

Harry was visualising the scene in his mind, Sirius impatiently sweeping his dark hair from his eyes, glaring at a girl who reminded Harry of Cho, only she wasn't crying. Harry took the drag Lupin offered him, liking the sense of companionship it gave him. 'Maybe it was better though,' Harry reflected. 'If she didn't really love him, then she would have just hurt him more if they stayed together.'

'That's true,' Remus nodded. 'But...' he regarded Harry intently as he took the cigarette from him, 'if you do truly care about someone, you should tell them how you feel. Better to risk your pride than risk losing them forever.'

Harry had the distinct impression they were no longer discussing Sirius and Persia. He watched the rain falling against the window. 'I know,' he said eventually.

--The title November Rain is borrowed from Guns 'n Roses again

--The blue door is courtesy of BlackDogstar, Immeritus, in 'Home'