Survivors: A Parallel Story
PG-13
This isn't a second chapter. It's a companion piece telling the tale from Summer's POV. I thought it would be interesting to write the same story from her perspective.
I don't know. Part of me is saying I should have let the original story stand on its own and if you feel this counterpart is crappy or extraneous, just stop reading it and pretend there is only the original one.
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Summer's mind was finally made up. After weeks of wavering back and forth she was going to do it. She was going to break up with Seth today.
It was for his good as much as hers. It wasn't fair to let him keep believing that she still felt the same.
She would do it soon.
Maybe right after school. She'd go over to his house and have The Talk.
Her heart started pounding just thinking about it, and she rehearsed the words in her head again because the last thing she wanted to do was start the break-up process and then choke. This was the hardest thing she'd ever had to do in her life and it reminded her of why she had kept her previous relationships light.
She spotted Ryan at one of the lunch tables and went over to plunk her tray down beside his.
"Where's Seth?" she asked.
"He had a migraine or something. His mom picked him up," Ryan said, swiping a french fry through the blob of ketchup on his plate and stuffing it in his mouth.
"Again? He just had one a few days ago."
His tongue darted out to lick a trace of red from his lip. "Well, he's got another one."
"Either that or he didn't study for the psych test," she said, watching his tongue with interest.
"I don't think he was faking it. He looked kinda pale when I saw him after third period."
Summer felt a mixture of relief and annoyance at having to delay The Talk. She couldn't break up with Seth when he was sick. She was so ready to get it over with and stop worrying about it but now she'd have to wait at least another day.
She sat down next to Ryan and opened the lid of her yogurt. "So, did you happen to take notes for Mr. Kachevski's class?"
"What day?"
"Uh, the whole marking period. I need to study for the exam."
"You haven't taken any notes all semester?" He painted ketchup sun rays coming from the ketchup blob with one of the french fries.
"No." She swallowed a spoonful of yogurt. "Come on. You know you take way better notes than I do.'
He frowned. "You're not going to learn anything if you just cram at the last minute."
"I don't want to learn anything. I just want to pass the stupid class."
"Okay." With a sigh he caved like she knew he would. "I'm busy tonight, but we can study after school tomorrow."
"Good."
Ryan wasn't going to want to study with her after she dumped his best friend, so it looked like she wouldn't be able to have The Talk with Seth until the weekend now.
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Sitting in the middle of the plush cushions on her bed, Summer held Princess Sparkle, gazing into the plastic horse's eyes and addressing her with grave sincerity.
"Seth, there's something we need to talk about. ... No. ... Seth, I need to tell you something."
She clicked her tongue and started again. "Seth, you're the sweetest guy I've ever met, er, known...." She sighed loudly. "Seth, I think you're great and you're, like, my best friend, but there's something I have to tell you."
She gave up, throwing herself back on the bed and tossing Princess Sparkle to the ground with casual disregard.
Why'd stupid Seth have to have a stupid headache today? She had psyched herself up to say what needed to be said, but the longer she waited the more she felt the words slipping away.
And really, was there any good way to tell a guy that you still loved him very much as a friend but that you weren't really physically attracted to him after all?
What made it worse was the fear that she would lose his friendship ... or more accurately, the inevitability that she would lose his friendship. No matter how amicable the split, former lovers couldn't really go back to being friends. And Seth was her best friend. Closer to her than Marissa had ever been. That's why she had delayed this breakup for so long, she couldn't bear the thought of losing him completely. She knew how lonely Newport had been without him last summer.
And Ryan too. She wouldn't be able to hang with either of them any more. It would leave a huge, gaping hole in her social life and her heart.
The phone rang and Summer followed the sound until she found the phone where it had fallen between the mattress and the bed frame.
She checked caller ID. Seth.
Kirsten had told her he was sleeping when she tried to call him earlier. Summer was starting to wonder if he had mono or something with his recurring headaches and general sluggishess lately.
"Hey," she said. "What's up?"
"I feel like crap. How about you?"
"Just doing my math. Did your mom take you to the doctor?"
"Yeah. It's so stupid. He made us schedule, like, all these tests just because of a few headaches. I don't know why he couldn't give me some extra strength something-or-other to get rid of them."
"Do you want me to come over?"
"Well, actually..." Seth sounded embarrassed, "my mom said I have to rest some more. If you can believe it, I'm only allowed to talk to you for ten minutes then she's giving me chicken soup, which I hate, and making me go back to bed."
Summer thought about the last time she was sick and how she had to take her own temperature, make her own chicken soup and then drive to the drugstore for cold medicine because there wasn't any in the house. It must be nice to have a mother who actually took care of you.
"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow at school then ... if you're well enough to come in."
"I love you," Seth responded. "Bye."
"Uh, me too," she answered, sidestepping the words. "Take care of yourself and do what your mom says, get some sleep."
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A few days later, Seth went in for an MRI. After they found the tumor, performed a biopsy and identified it as malignant, the window of opportunity for The Talk had slammed shut. There was obviously no way Summer could or would desert Seth now. She was in this relationship for as long as he needed her, even when he was being a rude, evil-tempered bastard.
Summer had never really seen Seth in a bad mood, at least not one that lasted longer than a brief thunderstorm on a summer day. Extended brooding was more Ryan's thing. But the day Seth found out his tumor was inoperable and he would have to undergo a course of combined chemo and radiation, he fell into a black pit of depression and didn't emerge for weeks. You couldn't talk to him without him snapping his response. Offer to do something for him or with him and he would glance up with such rage etched on his face that all you could do was say, "Okay. Maybe later then." and back out of the room quickly.
"I don't know why my mom and dad still have you guys hauling home books and homework assignments. What the hell is the point?" he complained one day.
"Seth, you won't be sick forever, you know. You don't want to fall so far behind you have to repeat senior year," Ryan said.
If Seth was in the anger stage, Summer thought, then Ryan was definitely still in denial. Personally, she agreed that it was a stupid waste of time and that Seth would be better off playing video games and having fun in whatever way he could, but Sandy and Kirsten had decided he needed some structure to keep his spirits up so Summer pushed their agenda.
"Look," she said, "you can't just lie around watching South Park dvds all day. You might as well try and read some of this stuff."
"Whatever," Seth snapped, pushing the pile of textbooks and binders off the edge of the bed. Loose papers fluttered out as they fell, then the books hit the floor with a bang.
Ryan bent and began picking them up.
"Stop sulking!" Summer crossed her arms and matched Seth's glare. "Lots of people get cancer, and Ryan's right, lots of them get better. Acting like a little bitch isn't helping."
"It helps me!" he said sullenly.
"Maybe you'd feel better if you went outside for a while," Ryan suggested, straightening up with an armload of books. "Do you want to go sit by the pool or maybe take a walk?"
Summer saw Seth's face visibly soften as his gaze shifted from her to Ryan. He could bitch and moan at Summer because he knew she could take it and give it right back, but it was hard to strike out at Ryan, whose constantly worried expression was reminiscent of a loyal dog.
"Ryan, I'm not quite an invalid yet. I don't need to be walked." He heaved a sigh, evidently finished with his mini tantrum. "Let's go downstairs and play a video game."
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Ironically it was after Seth started his treatments and his body began to fail under the assault of harsh chemicals and radiation that he began to cheer up again. The return to his trademark teasing sarcasm was such a relief that Summer almost fell in love with him all over again.
"Hey Summer, what's white and hairless and glows in the dark two times a week?"
"Would you stop those stupid cancer patient jokes? They're sick not funny."
"Okay. But you've gotta hear this next one. You'll laugh, I promise. I heard it at the hospital today. What do you call a...."
"Seth! Cut it out!"
He was suddenly quiet. She looked up from straightening his bedside table. "Are you going to throw up again?" she asked. "Should I get the pan?"
His hand was pressed to his lips. There was a long pause. He blinked his eyes slowly once then focused them on her. "No. It's okay. I'm cool."
"Okay. Just let me know if...."
He nodded then leaned back against the pillows. He watched her clear away used Kleenex, a dirty bowl and spoon, yesterday's newspaper. "Are you done with these?" she asked, holding up some back issues of Games and Spin.
"Yeah. Throw 'em out."
As she bustled around the room tidying up, his voice stopped her. "Summer?"
"Mm-hm." She turned to look at him.
"Why are you ... still here?"
"What?"
"Most girls would have had enough by now. Let's face it we haven't been boyfriend and girlfriend for a while. And I get the feeling that even if I was well, we wouldn't be together ... like that ... anymore."
He had caught her totally off guard and she was not a good liar. "What are you talking about? Seth, you know I love you."
"Why?" he scoffed. "I mean, really Summer, why? There's nothing romantic about ministering to the sick. It's actually pretty disgusting."
"Who cares about romance? I love you because you're ... Seth, my best friend."
There was a long pause as he nodded, assimilating the new status of their relationship.
She continued, "Do you not want me here? Do you want me to leave?"
"No," he said quickly. "Friendship ... is good."
"Sometimes friendship is the best thing there is." She had read something like that on a Hallmark card once, but he didn't need to know that.
She began straightening his covers, leaning him forward to plump up his pillows. As he relaxed back against them once more, she stood beside him, one hand brushing through the patchy remnants of his once-wild hair. "You're going to make it through this," she said. "You'll see."
"You think?"
She leaned over and kissed his lips lightly. "Yes."
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The sicker Seth got the quieter Ryan became. Sometimes Summer wanted to kick him to jumpstart him into talking; his melancholy wasn't helping Seth any. But then she remembered some of the patients' family members she used to see at the hospital when she was a candy striper and realized that not everyone was cut out to cope with serious illnesses. She started assigning Ryan tasks to do so he could feel useful and start to relax and lighten up around Seth.
"Ryan, why don't you run downstairs and fetch Seth's lunch tray."
"Ryan, can you lift Seth up while I pull the wrinkles out of his sheets? He hates wrinkles."
He seemed marginally happier when he had something concrete to do and eventually got over his reticence enough to hold Seth's pan as he vomited without looking uncomfortable and even to smile at some of Seth's morbid jokes.
Still, he was very tense and edgy. It came to a head one day as Summer and Ryan walked across the parking lot to her car after school.
"Shit."
Summer looked to see what had drawn Ryan's attention. A row of vehicles away three upper classmen were harassing a scrawny freshman, who stood small and stoic in their midst while they verbally abused him and confiscated his backpack.
"Hey!" Ryan called. "Leave him alone."
Three heads snapped up in unison and Summer, who was really getting into her psych class, realized that this was exactly what was meant by 'pack mentality.' Ethan, Chris and that new kid, what was his name? oh yeah, Jay seemed barely evolved above wild dogs as they circled their victim and pawed over his possessions.
"Not your business, Atwood. Back off," Ethan said, turning away dismissively.
Ryan let his backpack slide from his shoulder, dropped it onto the pavement and began stalking toward them.
"Uh...." Summer said, trailing after him.
"Leave him alone," Ryan repeated in a low, even tone as he drew closer.
"Jeeessus," Ethan drawled as he swung around to face Ryan once more. "What the fuck do you care?"
"Whoa!" Summer let out a startled cry as Ryan, wasting no more words, charged Ethan and plowed his shoulder into the taller boy's chest knocking him backward several feet. Ethan ended up sprawled on the trunk of Vickie Carmichael's Lexus and without a pause Ryan started driving his fists into Ethan's torso and face.
The rest of them stood shocked into inaction for a moment by the savagery of the attack then Ethan's friends seemed to wake up, moved in and hauled Ryan off their buddy.
The scrawny freshman took the opportunity to grab his backpack and scurry off. Meanwhile Ryan twisted in Chris' and Jay's grasp and flailed at them. When he elbowed Jay in the ribs, the new kid, obviously not much of a fighter backed away from the fray, but Chris matched Ryan's blows. They traded punches while Ethan rose from Vickie's now dented Lexus, cursing and wiping blood from his mouth.
"Fucking asshole!" he yelled coming up behind Ryan. "I think you broke my nose." He drove a fist into Ryan's kidney, which made him drop his guard long enough for Chris to land a solid punch to his stomach. Ryan staggered, the breath knocked out of him.
"Guys, stop it!" Summer shrieked. "Dr. Kim is coming!"
Of course it wasn't true but all of the boys stopped for a moment and looked up.
"Some kid went to get her," she invented quickly. "We've got to get out of here."
"I'm not finished with you." Ethan pointed threateningly at Ryan but turned and ran for his car along with his flunkies.
"Come on." Summer grabbed Ryan by the arm and hauled him along with her.
Ryan was still breathing heavily as he climbed in the passenger side of Summer's jeep. She slid behind the wheel, looked back at the school to see if any authority figures were on their way then started the car and drove away.
"You idiot! What is your problem? You're going to get yourself suspended again and the last thing Sandy and Kirsten need is to have to deal with you and your violence issues." She glanced over at him. He was shaking out his hand and blood trickled from the knuckles. He put his hand to his mouth and licked it off.
"What was I supposed to do? Let that kid get beat up?"
"You could have broken it up without getting into a fight." Summer turned left out of the school parking lot, her heart still beating rapidly.
"They deserved it," he muttered.
Summer was going to add a lot of other stuff about how it seemed like he had enjoyed the hitting and that she understood the freshman geek was a stand in for Seth in Ryan's mind. She even opened her mouth to say it, but when she glanced over Ryan was leaning back in his seat, eyes half closed and looking more relaxed than she'd seen him in weeks. Her mouth shut with a snap and her eyes turned back to the road.
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Sandy drew Summer aside one day as she was headed toward Seth's room.
"I wonder if you could do something for me."
"Sure. Anything."
"Kirsten needs to get out. She's hardly left the house in days and she's barely eating. Maybe you could convince her to go out to lunch with you or shopping or something."
Summer thought Sandy looked like he could do with a day out too. His face was haggard, creased with new lines and his hair was flecked with gray. "Of course, Mr. Cohen. I'll give her a girls' day out. I promise."
She made the promise easily but it was much harder to put into practice. Kirsten took some persuading before she finally agreed to go to a spa and lunch with Summer.
They sat at a café table following a full treatment of facials, pedicures, massage and hair care. Kirsten sipped her latte then turned her face up to bask in the warm, afternoon sun.
"I'm glad we did this," she said.
"Me too." Summer was beginning to think that Sandy's idea had been intended to benefit both of them because she felt a lot better herself.
"Where are you planning on going to school next year, Summer?"
"I'm not sure yet, but somewhere small. I don't think a big university is for me. At least not right away."
"What do you want to study?"
Summer never knew how to answer that so she replied with the usual, "I don't know yet."
"Are there some subjects you're more interested in than others?"
She hesitated. Secretly she was very interested in science and fascinated by medical shows. Her work as a candy striper had confirmed that she was good with sick people, much more patient than even she would have expected. But for some reason it embarrassed her to admit that she would like to become a doctor or maybe a medical technician or a nurse. Maybe because everyone had a perception of her as shallow, it was easier to fall in line with that than to admit to having goals. And no one but no one would ever hear her most private fantasy in which she starred as Summer Roberts, Neural Surgeon.
"What is it?" Kirsten leaned forward, a gleam of curiosity in her eye.
"Well ... I haven't really told anybody this, not even Daddy, but I'm kind of thinking of taking some pre-med classes."
"You want to be a doctor?" Thankfully Kirsten managed not to sound too surprised but Summer still blushed.
"Maybe."
"If that's what you're interested in, then that's what you should study. I think it's great!"
"Really?"
"Of course." Kirsten leaned across the table and touched Summer's hand. Her blue eyes crinkled at the corners as she smiled. "You can become whatever you want to be, you just have to believe in yourself.
"You know," she added, sitting back in her seat, "my dad was very negative about me working at the Newport Group at the beginning. He kept finding jobs for me where I wouldn't have to do any actual work. He still saw me as just his little girl, I guess. I finally designed a whole development on my own time and presented it as someone else's work to make him take a serious look at it. Well, he thought it was great, wanted to meet the designer and move forward on the project. And even then, when he found out it was mine he started to retract his endorsement, to find flaws and make corrections. It wasn't until much later that he finally admitted I'd done a good job, and that was only because he wasn't aware I was nearby when he praised my work in a conversation with someone else."
"Wow!" Summer was amazed by the story. She had assumed Kirsten had always been the confident woman she admired. It never occurred to her that someone like Kirsten might have had to struggle to gain her dad's respect.
"Fathers and daughters," Kirsten said with a shrug, "A complex relationship."
Summer sipped her coffee and thought about it. She figured mother/daughter relationships were pretty complicated too, but damn, if you could have a mother like Kirsten it would sure help.
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When Seth slipped into a coma, the doctor warned them that he might stay in that condition for weeks or even months and it was probably time to hire a practical nurse to come in and help take care of him.
He only lasted four more days.
One of the last times Summer sat with Seth she came in to relieve Ryan but he stayed there for a while in his chair on the other side of the bed keeping her company. She held Seth's cool hand and thought how strange it was that he used to move that hand across her body when they made love. It seemed so long ago. The past few months were the longest she had ever endured in her whole life and she felt completely drained by the ordeal.
Finally she glanced up and caught Ryan watching her. He smiled slightly then looked away.
She wondered what he was thinking.
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Standing by the graveside Summer almost wished she had let her father come with her after all. When he had asked, she told him no, to go ahead to whatever meeting he had scheduled. She knew he never liked Seth anyway and it seemed wrong for him to be there. But now, standing in a cool spring breeze that seemed to cut right through her light jacket, she felt so cold and alone.
She stared at the coffin and at the ugly green Astroturf carpet that covered the hole into which it would soon be lowered. She wondered why they had to use something so ugly and fake looking. It really pissed her off.
Then abruptly she felt her anger transfer to Seth. To her surprise she was really, really angry at him for leaving them all like this. It didn't matter that he couldn't help it. She wanted to whack him in the ribs the way she always did when she was mad and yell, "Damn you, Seth! Cut it out. Quit messing around. This isn't funny."
She felt Ryan's arm bump against hers and looked over at him. Outdoors like this his eyes reflected the sky and looked bluer than ever. It seemed like he was trying to communicate something, but after several seconds he let his gaze slip away back toward the grave.
After another couple of seconds, Summer pressed her fingers into the shelter of his palm. He wrapped his hand around hers and held it tightly. Her freezing hand began to warm.
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And then everything changed.
She had become so used to the routine of going over to the Cohens after school to help out with Seth that she didn't know what to do with herself now that those hours were free. Her own house was so empty and quiet. Daddy and the stepmonster were always off doing something, and Summer soon realized she'd rather be sad with the Cohens and Ryan than sad by herself at home.
They accepted her continued presence without question and for the first time Summer really knew what it felt like to be part of a family.
But her feelings for Ryan weren't exactly sisterly. She had been attracted to him since she first met him, but had banked those feelings down deep inside her like coals in a hearth. One Friday night in early June the coals flared to life.
In a truly spectacular display of temper Sandy had finally gotten through to Ryan about applying to college and allowing the Cohens to pay for it. Ryan was dutifully filling out forms while Summer sat on the couch next to him watching E.T.
She should have known better than to watch that movie. It had always made her tear up at the end when E.T. said goodbye to Elliot, but it was one of those shows it was impossible to flip past without watching. The beautiful score swelled and E.T.'s lifesource throbbed. He pointed to Elliot's forehead and said, "I'll be right here" and Summer absolutely lost it. The pent up emotions she had managed to contain for months burst through and she began to whimper then sob loudly. She dug the heels of her hands into her eyes and tried to control herself but it was useless.
"Hey." She heard Ryan's husky voice. "You okay?"
She turned blindly toward the sound, took her hands from her face and threw her arms around his neck then cried and cried against his shoulder while he held her and rubbed her back and said vague, comforting things.
When she had finally cried herself out, she pulled away, running the back of her hand under her nose because she didn't have a Kleenex. She felt like an idiot. She felt weak and empty and washed clean. She felt ... Ryan's eyes looking at her.
Summer looked up into them and in that instant she knew that something had changed, flipped on like a breaker switch allowing a flow of electricity powerful enough to light up a whole city block. She had time to swallow once and then his lips were touching hers and he was kissing her, slowly and politely at first then deeper and more fiercely, his tongue sliding between her lips and flirting with hers.
She kissed him back, threading her hands through that shaggy hair she had always wanted to touch and pulling him to her. She felt her heart rate rocket like a race car going from neutral to two hundred in seconds flat. They shifted until he was on top of her, his body weight pressing her into the cushions and it felt good and heavy and solid.
Ryan kissed with such intensity and hunger it brought out a matching desperation in Summer. She wanted his kisses all over her; she wanted him in her, so badly that she was about ready to strip off her panties right there on the Cohens' living room couch. Instead she gasped as he licked the pulse point in her throat and pushed against his chest.
He moved off of her quickly as if he'd been waiting for a signal.
She sat up, breathing heavily and reached out to take his hand. "Come on."
Then she stood up and he followed her as she led him out to the pool house.
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"We didn't do anything wrong," she assured him afterward, lying pressed against his side, her words muffled against his hot skin. She could almost pinpoint the moment Ryan's guilt kicked in by the sudden stiffness of his body.
It wasn't like she didn't have her own share of guilty feelings, but Summer was a pragmatist and refused to let her life be ruled by 'could haves' and 'should haves.' Seth was gone, had been for a month now. She had cared for him very much and still missed him every day, but life had to move forward and she refused to feel bad about hooking up with Ryan. He had played a part in her most private sex fantasies for quite some time, a fact she would never, EVER share, and she was astounded-relieved-shocked-elated to have those fantasies actualized.
The sex had been amazing, no surprise, but even more wonderful was the sense of bonding and shared comfort. Summer hadn't felt this content for a long time and she was damned if she would let the shadow of guilt ruin it for either of them.
"I loved Seth. You know that. But he would understand. He'd want us to try to be happy any way we could." Saying the words aloud made Summer realize the truth contained in them. Although she knew Ryan wasn't really convinced, he did concede to put aside his doubts for this one evening and just be in the moment.
As they snuggled in his bed, Summer listened to Ryan's breathing even out and slow down. He was asleep, curved around her back, one arm slung across her. She felt her own eyes drifting closed, but before she slept she made a vow. She would not lose this budding relationship because of Ryan Atwood's misplaced sense of loyalty.
Of course she should have known that nothing involving Ryan and his rigid code of honor would go easily.
To be continued....
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Already Summer's version of events is running longer. I thought it might be interesting to spend some time exploring how the relationship develops from here so I guess I'm breaking it into two parts. Don't know exactly when (or if) I'll finish.
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