Authors Note: Quick update, oh yeah. Don't expect it too often though. Sorry guys, but I had a shot of inspiration so I had to get it down. I have an idea for my next chapter of existent so expect updates on that in the next week if you are reading that. And I will have to think about what I am going to do with this fic, I'll try to let you know in my next existent update. Phew, lots to say. Anyway here goes chapter five part two. I kinda went out here on my own, taking it a bit of a different route...

Matching with: Chapter 5 Changes... Of searching for the truth. This is the second part to changing.

Disclaimer: Again the song Tim McGraw and Nelly. (Oh and I was thinking it more pertained to the whole story rather than just this chapter.)

I can't wait to see you
Wanna see if you still got that
Look in your eye

That one you had for me
Before we said our goodbyes
And it's a shame that we

Gotta spend our time
Being mad about the same things

Over and over again
About the same thing
Over and over again

I clutch the table, gripping at my chest. This can't be happening, I take good care of myself, I exercise everyday... I have kids, five kids, they need me... Not now, not yet, I'm not ready. I need another chance, I need to fix things, I need to make everything okay. God, please don't make this it. I'm not ready... I don't know if I'll ever be, but I know I am not right now. Give me a chance, let me fix things. I can, I will.

I feel my body go numb tingles of pain running through my veins, as I fall helplessly against the floor. My eyes closing involuntarily. Please, no, god, no, no, no...

"No, no, no..." I hear a voice sputter... "No..."

Then... "Carter." Me? My name. "Carter." Someone gently shakes my shoulders, then another shake, much more violent this time.

"Mmm..."

"John, wake up." Her voice harsher, this time. I pry my eyes open against the bright lights.

"Hi." I smile a bit, as she rolls her eyes at me.

"Don't hi me." She smacks me on the arm, pushing herself off the gurney. I watch as she stands above me, hands on hips, pout on lips. That's the Abby I know, I wouldn't have her any other way. God I love her.

"What?" Her tone indignant, I shake my head a little laughing at her. "I was just thinking about how much I love you." She gives me the signature eye roll.

"What?" I ask playfully.

"You're such an ass." I grab her by the waist pulling her down on top of me.

"Ugh, John don't." She pushes herself off of me, clearly annoyed, although I'm not sure why. Things have been... amazing. More than amazing, just the best, since we got back together and now she's acting weird. I give her a quizzical look, that just gets me an eye roll.

"Abby what's wrong?" I ask, grabbing for her hand.

"Nothing, I just don't want you touching me all the time... Jesus Christ, you can be such a horny bastard." Well, I do admit I can be horny at times, but I wouldn't consider myself a bastard. "Now get up, there's a trauma rolling in." She orders before disappearing through the doors. I pry myself off of the gurney, taking a moment to adjust to being awake, before standing up and following my annoyed girlfriend out of the room.

Oh but I think she's leaving on
And she's leaving here
And I don't know what else to do
(Can't go on not loving you)

The trauma takes a few hours until the man is stabilized and ready for surgery. I drop my gloves into the garbage searching around the hospital for my girlfriend. The halls are scattered with people, non-of which are the one I am looking for.


I scan the rooms quickly, heading straight for the drug lock up. There she stands searching for her desired drugs. I watch her for a moment, leaning up against the cage. Her hair flowing, eyes tired, but she looks beautiful none the less. I've been enamoured by her since I got back... Well mentally at least. I've been back from Africa for a while now, but things stood in my way... our way. Now I've seen things clearly. I needed to work on things that she had figured out while I was gone. She had become the person I had always wanted her to be... But she was different, she wasn't perfect, she wasn't the woman I had pictured myself with. She was Abby...Cynical, sarcastic, everything she had ever been, with a few minor improvements. Somehow I feel like I am not good enough for her. If she wasn't good enough for me before, why suddenly, when she is the same person, just dropped the vices, do I suddenly feel as though I deserve her?

I don't.

But she'll have me none the less. Together we work, we have managed to push past the bad stuff, at least I hope we have, now we are working on being together, because I want her forever.

"Are you just gonna stand there and stare at me, or are you gonna say something?"

"I was thinking the former." I charm, I hear a distinctive scoff at that. I push off the wall and join her in the lock up. I take a container of drugs out of her hand, pulling her around to look at me.

"Everything okay?" She nods, before turning back to her task at hand. "Abby..." I try again.

"We're doing okay right?" I look at her for a moment as she continues grabbing her drugs.


"What?" I ask taken aback.

"You. Me. We're okay? We're going to be okay right." She is facing me now, eyes pleading with me to give her the answer she is longing to hear.

"Yeah, we're okay. We're more than okay." I say grabbing her face with my hands, I lean in for a kiss, trying to push any fears she may have away.

"I'm pregnant." The words fall out of her lips against mine, freezing me in that spot. I pull away slowly, before my lips even met hers. I look at her for one long moment, then down to her stomach, then back to her lips.

"Pr-Pre-Pregnant?" I stutter. She nods slowly, carefully, almost as though she's testing to see my reaction before she gives me the whole truth.

"Yeah." Her head falls towards the floor, just as my fingers reach for her chin, tipping it upwards.

"Really?" I can feel the smile on my lips. She nods again, as tears gather in her eyes, for a moment I think she may be crying out of joy, but when I take a second look I notice this is not the case.

"Abby, baby." I say, pulling her into my arms. "What's wrong?" I hold her face into my chest while she gathers herself.

"I don't know if I can do it John. I'm not meant to be a mother. What if I can't give this baby everything it needs." I pull away a bit, my hands fall to her forearms.

"Abby, all you have to do is love this baby and have its best interest in mind, which I know you'll do. You're going to be a great mother." She looks at me again, I place a gentle kiss on her lops, holding her again. I can feel her sigh a bit, before holding me tighter.

"We're going to be parents." She sighs, "We're going to be parents."

Cause it's all in my head
I think about it
Over and over again

And I can't keep
Picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad

Yeah, cause it's all in my head
I think about it

Over and over again

I replay it
Over and over again
And I can't take it
I can't shake it, no

I can hear the whirs of noise around me, I'm not sure where I am, I can barely open my eyes. I try again, seeing the room swirl around me. I try to grasp something, I can't move my arms, a tube is down my throat and Susan is staring at me.

"Abby." I try to mouth the words, but I can't. Abby... Where is she... Abby... She would be here, they would call her. Despite everything that has happened, they would call her. She has to be here. She has to know I love her. I can't let go, not this easily I won't. I feel my eyes falling heavy again, as Susan calls my name, her voice gets more distant by the second.

I remember the day you left
I remember the last breath
You took right in front of me

When you said that you would leave
I was too damn stubborn to try to stop you
Or say anything

But I see clearly now
And this choice I made keeps
Playing in my head

Over and over again
It play in my head
Over and over again

Thanks To: Froggiezaz, Carby-Always, and Tracey- Thank you, I always wait to see what you have to say lol, and I tried to sorta take this chapter my own way... And of course Liby... You liked this chapter... Thanks dude! Thanks to everyone who has ever reviewed! You rock!!!!

And if you want you can always review too:)