Survivors: A Parallel Story – Part 2
PG-13
Thanks for all your reviews. They are MUCH appreciated!
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Summer lay on her bed listening to John Mayer sing about swimming in a deep sea of blankets and wishing that she could dive in with Ryan right now. She sighed in annoyance at his pigheadedness, yawned and stretched luxuriantly then got up because she was running late to her kickboxing class.
Kickboxing was her new passion. She had never been much of an athlete. Anything that required discipline got boring too quickly and over the years she had dropped softball, volleyball, swimming and yoga after a brief dabble in each. But she thought she was going to stick with kickboxing. There was just enough violence to keep it entertaining. And right now this release valve for her boiling cauldron of emotions was essential.
It had been almost two weeks since the night Summer and Ryan had hooked up, and there hadn't been any physical contact since, but even worse there hadn't been any of the usual hanging out. After sex that night, when they woke and dressed and she was ready to leave, Ryan had given her one of those shifty sideways looks of his and said, "Summer, it was really nice..."
"Nice?" her ego had screamed, as she remained silent, arms folded, mouth drawn into a petulant pout.
"...but I don't think we can do this again."
"What are you afraid of?" she had snapped, "That Seth is looking down from heaven judging us? Or that Kirsten or Sandy will disapprove?"
"Neither," his voice took on an edge. "It's just ... wrong."
"Why?"
"Because...."
She wouldn't let him get away with trailing off but regarded him with a steely stare until he continued.
"It feels like...."
"Cheating?" Summer supplied. "Disloyalty?"
"Yeah." He turned away from her. "Look, I'm just not interested in continuing this, okay?"
"Sure. Whatever." She grabbed her purse and headed for the door.
"Don't be pissed," he called after her. "We can still hang out."
"Sure," she said again then quickly closed the pool house door behind her before she started sniffling in front of him.
But they hadn't continued to hang out. That was the worst part. Every time Summer went over to the Cohens she ended up spending time with Kirsten because Ryan was always gone or about to leave on some bogus, invented errand.
Summer hadn't realized how much she relied on Ryan's company to fill her days, especially now with graduation over and college still a vague shape at the end of summer vacation. And that was how she got involved in kickboxing. She signed up for a class at the health club and was soon going there for extra sessions, sweating out her despair over Seth's death, her anger over Ryan's withdrawal and her fears about going off to college.
For the first time in her life Summer understood what was meant by an endorphin rush.
One afternoon she was returning from a session, sweaty, sore but exhilarated, when she found Ryan waiting on her front door step.
"Hey," he said.
"What do you want?" she asked coolly, brushing past him to fit the key to the lock.
"I'm sorry." She looked at him and he was watching her from under those shaggy bangs. "I'm an ass."
"Yes. You are." She entered the front door but left it open so he could follow her inside.
"I said we should still hang out but...."
"We don't. Yeah. Kinda noticed that," she said crisply.
"There's no reason we can't keep on being friends," he said. "What happened was ... a mistake. We can move past it."
"Uh-huh. Definitely." Summer put her purse on the hall table and kicked off her shoes. Ryan trailed after her as she walked to the kitchen and began rummaging in the fridge.
"We're okay then?" Ryan leaned against the counter and watched her pour two glasses of juice.
"Of course." She handed him a glass. "I love getting the brush off from a guy after sex. Makes me feel all warm and cozy inside."
"Sorry," he repeated sheepishly.
She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Forget it. We're cool now. Just friends like before."
"Good." He sounded relieved and added after a pause, "So, do you want to hang out tonight? Maybe go to a movie or something? We haven't gone since...."
"That time we saw The Grudge just before Seth got sick."
"Yeah."
"Actually Ryan, I'm a little tired from my workout. Maybe another time." Summer couldn't believe she was saying it, after waiting all these days for him to call or show up on her doorstep like this, ready to talk. But having the power to shoot him down was too irresistible.
"Okay." He nodded and set down the glass of juice, untouched. "I should probably go then...."
She instantly relented. "I didn't say I didn't want to hang out. I just don't feel like going to the movies. We could rent a video or play X-Box."
"Cool." One of those quiet smiles quirked his lips and lighted his eyes and Summer felt her heart melt a little more. His self-deprecating charm was undeniable and she couldn't stay pissed at him even though he deserved it.
Soon they were in the living room, battling away at Summer's new game, Naki Ultimate Kickboxing Arena.
For a short while things returned to pre-sex normal between them. Again they were simply friends who hung out together.
For about six days.
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Another month, another fundraiser, Summer thought as she chose her outfit for the evening's soiree. This particular black tie affair was non-negotiable as far as her father was concerned. One of his associate's sons, a sophomore at Cornell, was home on vacation and Summer was to be partnered with him for the event. It was more of a demand than a request and since her father rarely asked anything of her and she had nothing better to do this Saturday evening, Summer had agreed.
Sparkly or slinky? Colorful or classic black? Long or short? High heels or even higher heels? There were so many fashion decisions to be made. Summer suddenly realized she was having fun. It had been a long time since she'd paid this much attention to her wardrobe or had taken the time to really dress up and go out.
Her phone rang. She checked caller ID. It was Ryan.
"Hey. What's up?" he asked.
"Getting ready for tonight."
"You're going to the fundraiser?"
"Yeah. You're not?"
"Kirsten and Sandy are but I weaseled out of it. I was wondering if you wanted to go shoot some pool or something, but I guess not."
"No. I have a date." The silence which followed her announcement was pretty gratifying. She didn't bother to add that it was a mandatory set up by her father, letting Ryan draw his own conclusions.
"A date?" He finally said sort of breathlessly.
"Yeah. Well. I have to go now."
She added casually, "Maybe I'll see you later this weekend," then hung up with a big smile on her face. It wasn't like she was actively trying to make him jealous, but that long, shocked pause had felt really good.
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Richard Allen Clark III turned out to be a really nice guy. He was pre-med at Cornell so Summer had a lot of questions for him about the program. And besides being interesting he was also extremely easy on the eyes; he had that chiseled, perfectly coiffed, Ken doll look which Summer used to really go for before she fell for emo-Seth and then scruffy-Ryan.
It felt good to be swept along on the arm of a tuxedo-garbed escort into the glittering interior of the banquet hall. He held her chair as she sat down at the table then sat beside her.
"It's been a little challenging but so far the workload hasn't been too outrageous," he finished his assessment of his college courses
Summer wondered by whose standards. She wasn't by nature a hard worker and she considered again that her dreams of entering the medical field might be just that – dreams.
Across the room she caught sight of Kirsten in a simple, white gown entering the room. Summer thought white was a mistake, making Kirsten look even paler and thinner than she normally did these days. Flanking her on either side were Sandy and Ryan, both looking well-tailored and handsome in their tuxes.
Summer suppressed a smile. She had never known Ryan to attend willingly an event like this. If he had managed to talk Kirsten into letting him stay home, there was no reason he would have changed his mind and decided to come except one – he was here to check out her date.
In the same moment that she took pleasure in that fact, Summer's heart ached for the missing member of the Cohen family. Seeing them like this, at a distance, as a family, she was struck anew by the gaping hole where Seth should be. It was like having a drawing of something in which one of the elements had been erased leaving behind a faint trace of pencil and the feeling that the picture was now incomplete.
"Is something the matter?" Richard asked, looking from Summer to the Cohens and back again.
"No. I...uh...lost a friend recently and was just thinking about him."
"I'm sorry." He repeated the rote response given to the grieving probably since the beginning of time.
"Thank you," she replied absently, fingering the stem of her water glass.
For a moment Ryan glanced up and caught her eye then looked away again, following Sandy and Kirsten to one of the tables. When he sat down Summer could no longer see him for all the people in the way. She turned her attention back to her dinner date.
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After dinner, there was dancing.
Richard III was a good dancer, who elegantly guided Summer across the floor instead of performing the usual awkward schoolboy shuffle. She was surprised at how much easier it was to dance formally when your partner knew what he was doing.
Looking past his shoulder, she saw Ryan again, sitting with the Cohens and staring at her. When he saw her seeing him, he quickly turned his attention back to Sandy, said something then stood up from the table.
Summer half expected Ryan to head toward her, to cut in and ask for a dance. She should have known better. She tilted her face up to reply to something Richard had said and when she glanced back over at the Cohens' table, Ryan was gone.
She didn't see him again until much later that evening.
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She was dressed in her fleecy cloud pajama bottoms and a tank top, pulling back the covers to climb into bed when the phone rang.
She checked caller ID before answering, "Ryan?"
"Hi."
"What's up?"
"I just wondered ... uh ... what you were doing."
"I'm getting ready for bed. Why?"
"Oh."
"What is it?" she pressed.
"I wondered if you wanted to ... talk for a while ... or something."
"About...?"
"I don't know." He cleared his throat. "Never mind. I was.... Forget it. I should probably go home."
"Go home? Where are you?"
"Uh ... in your driveway."
Summer leaped off the edge of her bed and ran to the window to pull back the curtain. Sure enough, the Cohens' Range Rover was parked halfway up her drive.
"Did you... Did you want to come up or something?" she asked.
"Well...."
"Daddy's home. I don't think it would be a good idea." She paused. "Wait a minute. I'll be right down."
Before he could say no, she hung up and ran downstairs and out the front door. Her bare feet padded across the cold concrete of the driveway.
She opened the passenger side door and slid into the seat next to Ryan. He was still dressed in formal clothes but with the tie off and the jacket removed. He looked really good in just a white dress shirt and vest. Summer was suddenly aware of her lack of attire. She hadn't even bothered to throw on a sweater and her nipples were peaked against the thin fabric of her top. She crossed her arms over her breasts so he wouldn't notice.
"So what's up?" she asked again.
He shrugged and Summer thought that if he got any more eloquent she would smack him upside the head.
"Look, is there something you want to say to me or...."
"Who was that guy?" he blurted out simultaneously.
"Does it matter?"
He stared at her; the light glinted off the whites of his eyes. She sighed, gave in and quickly explained her arranged date for the evening.
"Oh." He visibly relaxed, leaning his shoulders back against the seat and his head on the headrest.
They sat in silence a few moments then Summer made a decision and plunged in. "Ryan, did you stop to think why it bothered you to see me out with someone?"
Again he only mustered silence and a sideways look.
She waited a couple of seconds more then let out a cry of frustration and reached for the door handle. "Forget it!"
"Wait!" He reached out and touched her arm. "Don't go."
"Why should I stay?" she demanded, returning his stare.
"I think ... maybe I was wrong the other night. About not seeing each other except as friends..."
Summer out-waited him.
"I want ... more than that." He paused. "If...if you do."
She continued waiting, forcing the silence back at him for a change.
"I still don't know if it's right or not but...." He searched her face. "Do you?"
"Do I what now?" Summer asked, deliberately making him work for it.
"Do you ... want more?" he stammered. "Do you want to ... be together?"
Summer paused, sniffed, smoothed an imaginary wrinkle out of her shirt then glanced over at him. "Maybe," she said ungraciously. "It depends."
"On what?"
"On whether you're planning on sneaking around because you're afraid of what Sandy and Kirsten might think of us being a couple. I'm not sneaking. We either do this or...." She didn't know what to add as an ultimatum because of course she wasn't going to quit hanging around with Ryan even if they never had a romantic relationship.
He nodded slowly. "Okay. I get that."
"All right then," she agreed.
In the darkness, he reached over and found her hand. He held it and rubbed his thumb up and down her palm sending shivers through her. "There's not much time left before fall," he said quietly, staring intently at their joined hands. "It's kind of bad timing to start a relationship."
"Great, Ryan, way to kill the moment! You're so romantic." Summer scooted across the seat and leaned toward him, guiding his face to hers with her hand on his jaw. "You'd better shut up and kiss me before you say something else stupid."
He pressed his lips against hers then and his hand slid from holding hers all the way up her arm to cup her shoulder. She felt streaks of fire trailing from his fingers as they passed over her skin.
After several long, slow kisses, Summer pulled away to add, "Besides, it doesn't matter if we have two months or only two minutes to spend together, it's still worth it. You know that." She was thinking of Seth when she said it. The way he looked - so still and white in his coffin, devoid of movement, energy, life force. There really was no time to waste in this world.
Then she quit thinking of Seth and concentrated on Ryan, here and now and very much alive under her roaming hands.
His arms went around her, drawing her as close as he could in the awkward confines of the vehicle. They kissed some more and one of his hands moved up to tangle in her hair, cradling her neck and pulling her even deeper into the kiss. Summer was breathless when he finally let her go and more than a little ready to move into the relatively spacious back seat of the Rover.
She glanced at her house. "I should go in," she said reluctantly. "My dad is probably going to come out here any minute."
Ryan nodded, but his hand kept stroking up and down her pajama-clad thigh and he dropped his head to lay light kisses on her naked shoulder. "Yeah. You should," he murmured.
"Or..." Summer wiggled a little under his touch as his hand crept toward her inner thigh and just a little higher up with each stroke. "I could run back in, put on some clothes and we could take a drive to the beach or something."
"That'd be good." His voice was muffled against her skin. She felt his tongue lick her upper arm and shivered.
With an effort Summer extricated herself from his grasp and got out of the vehicle. "Be right back."
"Hurry," he called after her.
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They drove to the beach and stayed there rocking the Range Rover until the sun rose behind them, casting the blue shadow of the vehicle across the sand and delineating the breakers with a pinkish hue.
It was the beginning of a good day.
A good week.
Two very good months together.
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On Summer's birthday in August the Cohens and Ryan had a picnic to celebrate. Sandy exercised his little used grilling skills and seared some steaks. Summer was glad she'd given up her vegetarian diet after Marissa moved away. She really did enjoy a juicy hunk of meat.Speaking of which.... She looked over at her boyfriend who was laughing at one of Sandy's goofy lawyer jokes. Ryan seemed so relaxed it was almost difficult to think of him as the same person she had met two years ago the night of that stupid fashion show. But then she realized he wasn't and neither was she, thank god. Life had happened and death had happened and a hundred little changes happened every day which forged you into something new until you suddenly realized you weren't remotely the person you used to be.
She was eighteen now, legally an adult. Legally Ryan could no longer be accused of statutory rape. Summer grinned at the ludicrous notion.
Ryan caught her smile and returned it and they exchanged one of those long, meaningful looks which got Summer's underwear wet as she pictured where that look would lead them later in the evening.
After eating a salad and Sandy's delicious steaks and blowing out the candles on her birthday cake, Summer opened her presents. She received a lovely gold watch from Kirsten and Sandy and smiled at them both as she put it on her wrist.
"It's beautiful," she said. "Thank you."
Summer was still amazed at how graciously the Cohens had accepted her changed relationship with Ryan and how almost unsurprised they were by it. She was seriously grateful for their warmth and generosity in treating her as an almost-daughter. She looked at Kirsten's lined face and thought that if she could one day be even a quarter the mother that Kirsten was then her future kids would be very, very lucky. Somehow Summer doubted that she could pull off motherhood without fireworks and lots of yelling.
Ryan pushed his present toward her across the table and Summer thought he seemed nervous. She broke the suspense by seizing the package and opening it quickly.
"Oh," was all she could manage on seeing the framed snapshot of the old gang. She was hit by a barrage of memories, overlapping and spilling over until her vision was blurry with tears.
"Sorry." Now Ryan not only looked worried but sounded it too. "I thought it would be.... I guess it's not."
Summer rushed to reassure him. "It's perfect."
"When you're away, I just thought you might want to remember ... how it used to be."
"God, that night sucked." Summer laughed as she recalled it, Ryan admitted that he hated Rooney and soon both of them were throwing out memories of Seth, Marissa, Luke and Anna.
After a while Summer and Kirsten went inside to clean up the kitchen while Sandy and Ryan took care of the grill
Summer was wiping off the counter when, unexpectedly, Kirsten came up beside her and hugged her shoulders. "It's so nice having you around. I didn't realize what I missed not having had a daughter."
Summer was so pleased and embarrassed all she could do was blush and awkwardly return the hug. "Love you too, Mrs. Cohen."
"We'll miss you so much when you leave for school," Kirsten said. "Are you nervous?"
"Kinda. I've never really been away from home, except for summer camp one year and Marissa was with me there."
"It's quite an experience, going off to college. A big change."
Summer thought about that. She wondered if Kirsten was trying to tell her something. She shrugged. "It's only a couple of months then we'll be home for Thanksgiving break and Christmas only a month after that."
"A lot can happen in a short time when you're someplace new."
"Well, I've already been through enough changes this year. I don't think I'll have any more, thank you."
Kirsten smiled but Summer thought her eyes looked sad. "I understand." She nodded. "But don't limit yourself. Don't be afraid to grow."
"I won't." Summer turned her attention to rinsing out the sink and Kirsten put the pitcher of lemonade in the fridge.
"Mrs. Cohen," Summer said, as she turned from the sink, wiping her hands on a dish towel, "Growing up doesn't have to mean growing apart."
"No. Of course not."
Kirsten didn't sound like she really meant it so Summer added emphatically, "I have a five year plan, you know, and you might not think it, but once I really make up my mind about something I don't let it go."
Kirsten only smiled. Summer still didn't think she really believed her and why would she? All the woman really knew of Summer was that she had loved Seth and then switched her love over to Ryan. It wasn't the greatest track record.
But Summer knew how she felt and she was confident that nothing would change her course now.
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The day she left for school both Ryan and her father took her to the airport. That was one awkward ride. If her dad had been condescending about Seth, at least there had been the Nichols' fortune to make him more palatable. For 'that kid from Chino' her father could barely spare a polite word.
After they had checked in her luggage and Summer had hugged and kissed her dad, he was tactful enough to stand at a distance while she said her goodbye to Ryan.
Ryan looked intently at her face as though trying to memorize her. She couldn't take the intensity of his gaze and broke the mood by rising up on her toes and kissing him.
"See you at Thanksgiving," she promised lightly. "It's not so far away."
"No. I guess not."
"'Trust,' remember?" She touched his cheek. "We'll be fine."
He nodded once then kissed her again, wrapping her tightly in his arms.
She clung to him, pressing herself against him so she could take away a sense memory of what his body felt like. Then she pulled away. "O-kay. We'd better cool it before we give Daddy a coronary."
He grinned down at her, "Would that be so bad?"
Summer was relieved to see his mood lighten. "Shut up!" She slapped his chest. "You'd better find a way to get along with him. You may be related some day."
"Oh, you think?" he said, raising his eyebrows.
"I know," she replied smugly.
"You're presuming a lot," he teased.
"No. Just planning ahead." She kissed him once more then picked up her carry-on bag, "I'll call you when I get there."
She waved goodbye to her disgusted looking father and headed for the gate.
"Summer..."
She stopped and turned. Ryan was giving her the sad eyes and melancholy smile again. She wished there was something more she could do or say to allay his fears.
"I love you," he said.
"I love you, too." There was nothing for it but to walk over and throw her arms around him one last time after an exchange like that.
"I'll see you soon," he said firmly as they separated again.
"Just a couple of months."
She started for the gate again and this time she didn't look behind her until she had passed beyond it and it was too late to turn back otherwise she wasn't sure she would ever be able to leave.
Ryan gave her a little wave and she gave him an air kiss then she turned and joined the queue waiting to board the plane.
The End
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I matched Summer's story up to Ryan's as closely as I could. Any discrepancies between the tales are intentional. No one sees facts or motivations exactly like someone else. For example, while Ryan is melancholy about the future at Summer's birthday, she is much more confident that they will have a future together and kind of oblivious to Ryan's more pessimistic view.
Now, on with the real show. Only four more days 'til we get to see Ryan in all his scruffy, construction-worker glory!
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