Hey you guys! I AM BACK! I promise that you guys will love this story. I hated my last stories so if you liked those and I hated those and I love this one then you will worship this one! LOL JK It's up to you on what you think of this story but I absolutely love this story! Many thanks to my old reviewers I MISSED YOU!
IcyAsh
Searching All Your Life
Chapter One
I sat there just murmuring to myself. 'Please don't let this be true. You can't do this to me! No, no, please don't leave me here...' I sit here as I rock back and forth and you are no longer with me. I find myself hiding in the very tree you used to love so much. I remove myself from this sight. I don't know why I am still here. Why have I not returned to the other side? I can't bear to face my family. This was to be my new home. To be there with them, that was my only wish. That was a wish that could never be granted. I wobble around. I eye them closely. That was the first thing I felt I should do. I pushed the pain aside and I did the proper thing to do.
After that was all finished, I just walked back. I couldn't bear to stay. I look at the edge of the well. I hesitated. Something is keeping me here. I still do not know what. But I would be damned if I did not stay. I still have not cried. Not since then... My tear stained cheeks. They would not be able to handle if I broke down again. So not since then have I cried. I also refuse to cry either. Either way, even if I tried, I have run out of tears. Though my tears have disappeared, my grief still stays here with me. They are not leaving me alone.
The only thing that had decided to stay with me was my memories. 'Why? Why did you have to leave me alone with these memories of the moments we shared? The times we have laid in each other's embrace just seeking comfort from each other! WHY????' I stop these thoughts. No, I can't think like this. It would be pain all over again. So I just walk aimlessly around. If anyone saw me they would think I am a zombie. I couldn't care less if a youkai came and killed me on the spot. I had no more reasons to live. Well, just one, but that reason was the thing that kept me here and not with them.
I don't want to think anymore. I find a nice tree that seems to be the only thing that is being nice to me today. I lay against it and I try to let sleep consume me. I am almost scared though. Did I truly wish to sleep? Would I want to sleep knowing that those nightmares will catch me? Do I want to sleep knowing that this was my fault? I try my best to just stare at the stars only to feel more pain. The twinkling lights that used to comfort me are now the ones who are causing me the pain. I used to love to look up at the clear night sky with you. It took all of our troubles away. But now they just remind me of you and the past.
I feel my eyes slowly becoming tired of being opened. I panic. I pray that I will not be haunted by my fears. To think that now I am my own enemy, it makes me laugh. I hate this feeling. I feel so weak. My emotions, are these the reasons for my weakness? If so, do I want to get rid of them? Would that be my true desire? I fiddle with the Shikon no Tama around my neck. I hold up it up to the moonlight. I have to keep it pure and not taint it. My hands tighten around it. It is possible. I smiled sadly. I could see them smiling at me. They are watching me. I feel tears prick teasingly at my eyes. I push them back despite their protest. Sleep was slowly beckoning me to succumb to her spells. No matter how hard I tried to resist, even I couldn't hold out forever.
The moment morning came, I snapped open my eyes. I shot straight up as my slowed my breathing. Beads of sweat rolled down my face as I panted. It wasn't as bad as I had thought it was going to be but the memories still plagued my mind. My breathing was still ragged but more calmed. I clutched my head as all the thoughts came rushing back. It hurt so badly. I slowly limped my way over to the site. I just prayed that I had just been dreaming. When I reached there it felt as if my world was shattered all over again. The graves where there just as I had left them the other day. They truly were gone. They were truly gone as I was now truly alone.
I took their bodies and I let them rest the other day. I return again today. They deserve it so much. I close my eyes in pain. It should have been me, not them. Though my tears threaten to fall, I refuse to give in. That would only lead to prove that I am weak. In the end I guess they all did leave me. I fall on his grave, unable to move. I sob and fall upon the dirt. I close my eyes, the pain was so much. I pound the ground as I scream to the world. When anyone heard that, whether they be human or demon, they knew that blood had been shed. I break down but still the tears, they do not yet fall. Who knew it would end this way?
I struggled off of the floor. I was still covered in your blood as well as my own. I had finished the burial but still I stay. I still grieve. I didn't even notice his presence behind my own. I didn't notice until I saw his cold face of indifference. I felt my anger flare but then cool down. Why would he care for his death anyways? He was just Sesshomaru. He walked up to the grave where I was currently kneeling on. There was an awkward silence. We stood acknowledging each others presence. The wind blew past us. I didn't want to turn around. To look at his face...the face that reminded me so much of my dead love. I inwardly laugh. So this was how he had felt. To be constantly reminded by one who looks so alike but is so different. I frown. But did he feel this much pain??? Did he feel this much desire??? Does he know how it feels like???? After searching all your life, finally finding it, grasping it, and then losing it??
I weakly smile and I turn to him. His eyes cold with indifference. I want him to care so much. To maybe prove that he has some emotion. This was his own flesh and blood's grave. Does he not care? He turns to leave when I scream out. It was an unintentional thing to do. I hadn't really noticed my wounds. The pain in my heart was too strong. Even now, as I bleed, I will not bandage these wounds. I miss him so much. I want so badly just to be with him...with them. My vision becomes blurry. I feel myself falling. I brace myself for the impact of me and the ground. It never came.
I LOVE YOU, YOU GUYS! Please READ AND REVIEW! PLEASE??????????? I LIVE for my reviews! I LOVE YOU ALL! Oh I am TERRIBLY SORRY ABOUT THE SHORTNESS OF THIS CHAPTER!!! DO NOT WORRY I WILL BE MAKING THEM LONGER GRADUALLY! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!
IcyAsh