Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII © SquareSoft. …or SquareEnix. Whatever. ::mutters::
Rating: R; Alternate Universe; Yaoi, language, situations, idiocy (on Zack's behalf), whatever…
Pairings: Sephiroth/Cloud, Sephiroth/Zack, Cloud/Zack
Notes: …Sephiroth is so fucking obsessed it's not even funny. You freak. FREAK.
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It's truly maddening when you realize how completely clueless the people around you are. Even the plainest things are hard for some people to see, and let's just say… I'm not quite tolerant with those sorts of people.
Normally.
My friends are two of those incredibly dense people you feel like hitting in the head with something very blunt and very hard in vain attempts for them to realize anything not told to them outright.
I know that Cloud likes Zack. Or lusts after Zack… which one it truly is, I can't tell… but it is rather obvious that either way, Cloud wants him… at least to me. How Zack himself doesn't realize this, I haven't the faintest. Cloud - my Cloud…! - fawns over him like a girl with her favorite Yuffie™ Doll. At this point, I'm even slightly surprised Cloud hasn't offered to do up Zack's dreadfully unruly hair or put him into a pretty, frilly purple dress.
…actually, that would be rather amusing… I think I'd actually like to see that. But that's besides the point.
It's hard for me to admit, but… Zack is an idiot.
Alright, perhaps 'idiot' is too strong of a word. Instead, let's use… 'vapid'.
His mind is never… there. I don't think he can perceive anything not shoved into his face - not to say I want Cloud… well… shoved in Zack's face. But Cloud's… crush… is anything but hidden, and, I reiterate, Zack does not see it. Though, fortunately for me, he would most likely act - and by 'act' I truly mean the 'pretending' definition of the word - uninterested anyway.
Which, of course, brings me to something else… the issue of Zack's… alleged… 'preference'.
I have to be perfectly honest. I completely believe Zack lies about where his true attractions lay. I can't remember the last time he has had a steady girlfriend in all the years I've known him, if he ever has in his entire life. He doesn't usually fare too well in platonic relationships, either. True, he does have several other friends who are male, but… he usually spends the majority of his time with Cloud and me. And I mean a good 2/3 of his time.
When he's not with us, 99.9% of the time he's out looking for his next potential lay.
Perhaps his loyalty to us is due to the fact that, obviously, Zack doesn't sleep with us. …of course, there was that time he and I… well… which led to my… gods, that was stupid of me… but he has broken up with 'girlfriends' for less than my admission!
And quicker, I might add.
I was set to come to terms with the fact that our friendship was over after I left that day, but Zack obviously wasn't. Zack called me a few days later. Zack apologized to me. Zack wanted to stay friends with me. And so, here I am, still in his life. But where are those girls? Exactly.
Of course, I could be wrong. He is rather fickle with many things, perhaps he keeps Cloud and me around to keep him stable? The gods know he is definitely one who could benefit from stability. If he isn't content to stay in one bed, then he has to at least have someone who will stay with him.
I just can't deny, though, this… look… he gets in his eyes when the three of us are together sometimes. He seems almost… hungry. Predatory. And even so far as horny.
Then again, Zack's always horny. He has the libido of a rabbit. But that still doesn't explain why he would look at us in that way, unless there was a spark of attraction, as I assume. I wonder if Zack could possibly be getting bored with women. I, myself, find the 'fairer sex' quite maddening, and hardly 'fairer' at all. I'm glad that I rarely have to deal with them…
Yes, I say rarely. Vincent does have a girlfriend, who is at our house quite often, but believe me, Lucrecia is not a woman. She is merely a beast with the ability to speak and walk upright… most of the time. Rotten… no good… whore… hate you, you vile wench…
…but, as much as I would love to rant on about my brother's poor choice in lovers, now isn't the time.
Allow me to be rather frank with you. When Zack finally realizes he was not meant to be with women - which I'm assuming-slash-hoping he will - I would most certainly step in and prove him right. Very right. I believe you know what I'm getting at.
To borrow a Zack-ism, 'wink, wink, nudge, nudge'.
Hm. This monologue makes me sound terribly untrue to my as-of-yet unrequited love for Cloud, doesn't it?
Truth be told, my feelings for Zack are far less serious than I make them out to be. Yes, I am greatly attracted to him, even after all this time. Yes, had I the chance, I would sleep with him in a heartbeat. And I do love Zack, but it isn't romantic love. The two of us together… I couldn't see us having an actual, emotionally attached relationship. As petty as it sounds, he would be a 'friend with benefits' to me, and, judging Zack's nature, I to him.
But Cloud… Cloud, I could see myself with, and for a long time.
As much as I enjoy being in Cloud's presence, I feel more comfortable all-around with Zack. I don't have to worry about resisting the urge to paw at him when we're alone in his room, and there's rarely awkward silence between us. And Zack would be the first to admit that the rare times I allow myself to act even remotely foolish are around him. A man's resolve has to break sometimes, you know. One can only be the emotionless bastard for so long before release is necessary.
But, with Cloud, it's different. I feel the need to protect him, to keep myself the older, wiser one. It must make me come off as a stiff, but there's nothing I can do about it. I suppose I'm a decent friend, if anything, but as a lover… I'm not quite sure Cloud could - or would want to - handle the constant pressure I'd keep him under.
…mental pressure. Physical pressure is a whole different story. I highly doubt he would complain about that aspect…
I do understand I am overly protective of him, but… Cloud is a beautiful person. He's kind, pleasant to be around, gorgeous, with the most alluring air of innocence about him, even after being thoroughly debauched by that ass Reno.
Gods, I want Cloud… I want him. Even so far as to own him. How disturbing is that? One could say I'm obsessed with the boy, and… I don't deny that accusation at all. I'm not obsessed as in 'take-pictures-and-pin-them-to-the-wall-in-a-secret-room' stalker obsessed, just… 'I-can't-stop-thinking-about-you' obsessed. The most romantic type of obsession. Or pure and simple love, either way describes it accurately… but it isn't normal to… need… someone so badly… is it?
But, unfortunately for me, no matter the hints I drop… Cloud is as thick as the other spiky-head.
I wish I could just tell him outright, it would be so much easier than pining away for him like this, but I can't. If it was a simple crush I had on the boy, maybe then it wouldn't be so… terrifying. Yes, I am terrified to tell him. It's not the words themselves I'm scared of, not at all.
It's the Planet-shattering, potentially cataclysmic result of being denied which is the factor I don't want to face.
My psyche is rather fragile. And supposedly, I'm prone to fits of hysteria.
But that's yet to be proven.
Hmm… I should stop referring to Cloud as 'the boy'. It makes me sound like a pedophile. Though I have to admit, Cloud is rather young. I'm not that much older, though, am I? Only… seven years… hmm. I wonder if that's why he can't pick up on how I feel for him…?
Either that, or Zack's idiocy is rubbing off on him.
I try to keep them both on the straight-and-narrow, but they always stray. Neither of them think before they do things. For example, how Zack has a different girl every night, not worrying about consequences. He has no morals, it seems, and as I myself am… ahem… a morally upstanding individual, it makes me mad.
…because he's passing it onto Cloud!!
Alright, perhaps Cloud isn't so bad so far as the promiscuity aspect goes… he definitely isn't Zack-caliber with it - i.e.: cannot keep it in his pants for five bloody minutes - but he has been with his fair share of men since Zack introduced us all. I am, though, completely blaming Zack for Cloud's budding sex drive.
Firstly, for befriending him. Since then, Cloud has taken quite a dip in Zack's rather expansive pool of acquaintances.
Secondly, for allowing his friends to go after Cloud in the first place.
And thirdly… for not telling Cloud that I want to take advantage of that wealth!! Honestly, what do I have to do, take a goddamn Nail Bat to Zack's skull!?
…not that I would.
Because I am not insane.
…despite what Lucrecia says…
…that bitch…
But I digress.
As far as Cloud's age goes, I know it seems sick that I can be so… attracted to someone as young as he is. But I can't help it. The boy - …there I go again… - does strange things to me. I hate it. I hate being weak, and that's what I am around him. Gods, I haven't even had a fling since I met him. Two years, celibate! All because I'm still waiting for Cloud!!
What the hell is wrong with me?! How can I be devoted to someone I don't have!?
I've asked Vincent how I should get that… so very tempting… blonde out of my brain. He advised I stop complaining and go ahead and tell Cloud how I feel. Ha! As if it could be that easy. Next time he angsts to me about his bloody girlfriend I'm going to tell him to shove it.
I would ask my father about it, but… he is a very creepy man. And, also not so accepting of my sexuality as my brother is. If I asked, he wouldn't listen and give advice to that sort of question so much as stare at me mutely, as if I'm some sort of experiment which 'bears further study'. Fucking inept scientists…
Needless to say, I don't enjoy talking to him much.
At all.
And my mother… well, Mother is mad. She is legally insane, locked away somewhere in Midgar. I don't believe she would be of much help when it comes to my sex life - or lack thereof… - and this judgment is based solely on the fact that she's taken to calling me 'puppet' instead of my given name, for some strange reason. I bet it's some sort of twisted sentiment…
As I'm sure you can tell by now, Mother is also… quite creepy.
And so, since I'm not the approachable type and lack people who could possibly help me with my situation, my only other resource is… Zack.
But, naturally, Zack being Zack, and Zack being a pig, he tells me - day after day - that I need to get laid.
And I do. Badly.
…but I want CLOUD. I just want to… throw him down whenever I see him, to say these little words of affection into his ear as I fuck him relentlessly. That is, if he could hear me above all of his pleasured screaming… he seems like a screamer…
Mmm… I enjoy screamers… that loud, eagerly expressive, writhing type… with a very select vocabulary during sex… with blonde hair I can grasp onto as he's going down on me… and blue eyes I could drown in… who are petite with a gorgeous little body I can't stop running my hands over… and still so much naïve innocence in his face…
…I want a screamer with the name CLOUD STRIFE!
Honestly, he is just begging for me to ravish him by simply looking the way he does.
Again, I'm getting off-track… and hard. Gods, do you see what he does to me?! Lusting after him non-stop… it's painful.
Cliché as it may be, it's difficult to have these sorts of feelings for a friend. And I don't want to just fuck Cloud - and all the time, having more sex than Zack ever had, though I do, I really… really do - but… I want to be with him. I want to… be sappy with him. It makes me gag that I would be the type to go so saccharine, but what else can I do?
He must've noticed me gazing - longingly, I might add - at him, I tend to do it all the time; mainly when Zack drones on about whatever inane tale he's decided to tell us. I just sit and daydream about the beautiful little blonde and how it would feel to be with him… in both senses of the word. Surely it makes him wonder…
…no, no, scratch that. Because he is just as dense as Zack.
I know I will have to take Vincent's advice and tell Cloud one of these days. Though, I am reluctant about it, the last time I tried making the first move - Zack of all people, I still can't believe I did that! - it ended up badly. Then again, Cloud… definitely isn't straight, so I probably don't have to worry much about it going that wrong…
Anyway, I'm almost positive that right now, all Cloud sees me is as more of a father figure than anything else. I'll be the first to admit that I'm overprotective of him. But can I truly be blamed? He's like a deer in the headlights, he needs someone to look after him. Namely… me.
And besides, Reno needed a good ass-kicking. He's been practically asking for it since the day I met him.
I think it's all that fucking red hair.
I knew that rotten bastard would do something like that to my Cloud.
Yes, I said my Cloud.
…see, Reno is a playboy. He's even worse than Zack - as hard as that is to believe - because whether it be guys, girls… mogs… it doesn't matter to him. As long as there's a willing party and an orifice to be filled, Reno will be there, eventually.
I know this. I, like so, so many others, have, unfortunately, 'ridden the Reno' - his term, not mine. Not quite my finest hour - …alright, five minutes, he's rather quick - but I was beguiled by his… something or other. Maybe it was a Fascination spell, who knows…
What makes me wonder, though, is how my brother knew him, since Vincent was the one to introduce me to Reno in the first place. As far back as I can remember, Vincent's only brought home a few friends of his, other than… her… Come to think of it, Vincent's only had a few friends, and none of them I particularly cared for. All of them had the same characteristics Reno has, too. Bad mouths, bad habits. One of them especially… Cid… had worse language than the sailors at Junon Harbor.
Not to perpetuate the cliché of sailors swearing incessantly. I'm just mentioning it because the people at that port use more profanities than the bums in Wall Market.
I wanted so badly to keep Cloud from that asshole Reno, but of course, I couldn't. I know Cloud was fresh meat to him, nothing more. Every new face is fresh to him. Reno took Cloud's virginity without a second thought, and the part I loathe the most is that Cloud allowed it to happen. Yes, Reno is attractive, if grunge is your thing, and he does have a certain charisma, but for Cloud to give himself over to him so quickly…
Barely a month into it and they were sleeping together. Cloud was too young, then…
The worst thing is, I found Reno had been sleeping around on him the day before I knew about what Cloud had been doing. How did I know about Reno?
Well… I followed him around.
…I told you I was protective of Cloud.
It was fantastic to beat the hell out of Reno, I can't lie about that. Violence is quite the source of relief when you're sexually frustrated. I'm surprised I haven't abused more people up to this point. …maybe I'll seek out Reno again and 'check up' on those scars I gave him.
I didn't cut him or anything cruel like that, if you're wondering. I have an aversion to weapons, actually, with the exception of my sword collection, and trust, those are strictly for show. Those scars were given to him by my bare hands… it's odd how much damage fists can do to sharp cheekbones - hit with a few precise punches, of course.
How those cuts ended up completely symmetrical, though, is beyond me.
He hadn't even tried to defend himself! I thought he would've done at least that much. After all he is in a supposed 'gang'. Ha. Maybe they're simply non-violent. Or Reno is a wimp, either one, though I'm leaning more towards the latter.
I believe he was cheating on Cloud with one of his fellow 'Turks' as well. Hell, he could have been cheating on Cloud with all of the Turks. Surprising, though, that Reno actually confessed that he had been sleeping around, given that my evidence was rather inadequate… and, if you're a law-abiding citizen, quite illegal in the way I found it.
In my defense I hadn't followed him into the house he went to, I didn't think it was all that necessary. The simple stalking worked. Just seeing him pay attention to someone other than Cloud is proof enough for me.
Okay, yes, I tend to fly off the handle once in a while, but again I have to say that Reno truly deserved a beating. I love Cloud… and I loathe Reno…
I loathe a great deal of the human race, though, except for Cloud, Zack and Vincent. And there are a few exceptions to my general 'humans suck' rule, one or two who are in my good graces, but I don't necessarily like them. But most of all, I hate the people who have hurt Cloud. Those are the ones who go on my shit-list.
My Cloud.
MINE!
…
…maybe I do have some insanity issues after all…
-E-N-D---S-E-P-H-I-R-O-T-H-S---S-I-D-E---E-N-D-
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A/N: ACK. I can't believe I took so long to update this!!
Sephiroth: And I can't believe you had me uke it to RENO!
Reno: ::grins:: What can I say, she's a smart girl.
Err… ::sweatdrops:: Yeah, unlikely situation. Maybe even more unlikely than Seph hooking up with Aeris.
Sephiroth: That's right. I'm gay. Besides, I killed that wench.
Yes, yes you did. And you're prettier than her, anyway. ::pets Sephiroth::
Sephiroth (growling): I repeat, do not touch me. …and stop making me so whiny! Gods, I'm worse than Cloud!!
Cloud: …hey… ::frowns:: That was low…
Sephiroth: Not to mention I sound as if I'm two steps away from carving 'I LOVE CLOUD' into my forearm… gods, give me an even WORSE characterization, why don't you!
Eh heh…
Sephiroth: Hell, why don't you just change my name to ObsesSephiroth or StalkyRoth! THEY WOULD BLOODY WELL WORK!!!
Heh… sorry, Seph, but you were pretty obsessed in the game… and I… figured…
::watches Sephiroth stalk off, muttering::
Hmm… should I have Zack's side up next, or write a third-person chapter before going back into POV? ::ponders:: Which sounds better?
Zack: More me!
…freakin' egotist…