Now we're on the edge of hell
Dear my love, sweet morning light
Wait for me, you've much farther, too far."
.hack/SIGN: "Fake Wings"
Recommended Music:
Dreams and reality—"Fake Wings," Fiction version
Battle—"Cyber-slum"
Guilt/Insight—"Valley of Mist"
Fiction
Track 03: "Fake Wings"
IceDevimon's dome held both Takuya and Koji captive as they pounded on the walls in a desperate attempt to escape. It wasn't like that was going to do any good; their D-Tectors were frozen and incapable of evolution. It was up to Koichi and the others to fight despite the looming probability that they didn't stand a chance. And yet, even though he could hear the enemy and his friends, Koichi could not see anyone other than Koji with him. It was such a strange and unusual concept for most people, but Koichi was entirely used to it in his nightmares, though he didn't know what it was supposed to mean.
Black ice sprouted from the ground in the dome. Koji shoved the unseen Takuya out of the way so that only one of them could be captured further. Both of them couldn't be taken or else everything they'd fought for would be in vain. Takuya had the best chance of fighting Cherubimon if they got out of this; better that Koji give himself up. The black ice wound itself around him, causing him to scream in agony. Koichi could recite this event while hanging upside down by his ankles and swinging as a pendulum over a pit of hungry crocodiles. He knew it by heart. But this was so much more different in a way—not so much that he could see than as he could feel. It was that strange connection between the twins that let them feel the other's pain. Koichi could feel what was going on with his brother almost as if it had happened to himself but without the physical ramifications. The dark ice binding was draining Koji somehow, and the elder brother could feel a fading sense within his mind that was slowly disappearing altogether. That hadn't happened in the real battle before.
Koichi suddenly wasn't in Digimon form. In the midst of an invisible battle, he walked over to the dome to check his brother's condition. Koji was unconscious, and his face was pale. The sounds of combat continued beyond his realm of understanding, playing out his memories on a stage with no actors. He was the lone one in the audience, and he was not there to be entertained.
Somehow, he found the ability to speak. Air moved past his vocal cords, generating sound—weak, dry, pathetic sound, but still sound nonetheless. "Koji?" His voice cracked like he hadn't had water for months. His entire mouth felt that way. Clearing his throat, he tried harder. "Koji?" Still not that great, but it was louder, and it was enough to cause his brother to stir. The captive in the ice bindings cracked open his eyes for an instant—just long enough to see Koichi standing just outside the dome. He then closed his eyes and vanished entirely into disintegrating Fractal Code.
The sound of incessant ringing from the alarm clock beside his bed woke Koichi out of his slumber. Where he'd normally hit the snooze button and place the pillow over his head for a few precious minutes of extra sleep, he sat up and turned it off before getting up to dress. After that dream, he did not want to return to his subconscious.
It wasn't unusual for Koichi to have nightmares. Given his former life as Duskmon, it was completely reasonable that he had them pretty frequently, each dream with its own intensity of fear or sorrow. It was perfectly normal for him to wake up and wipe the tears from his eyes as he did now. It was a little too often that he dreamed of something having gone wrong in the Digital World, resulting in Koji's death instead of his own. He never believed in these dreams or for once had to remind himself of reality; he was far too realistic for that. But these dreams, despite being only figments of his subconscious guilt and fear, were always very disturbing for him.
He yawned and stretched after changing out of his pajamas. It took only a second for him to run a comb through his tangled mess of black hair—why bother taking too much pride in it if it was just going to look windswept anyway? His brother cared a little more when it came to his own, but his hair was long and he kept a bandana over it anyway to prevent it from looking as bad as Koichi's. Once he was finished, he placed on a pair of socks and walked out into the kitchen to help his mom make a quick breakfast before school and work.
Most families had the traditional miso soup, steamed rice, dried nori seaweed, and pickles for breakfast. The Kimuras, however, seemed to be almost always short on money, so breakfast varied from white rice and an egg to chicken or beef ramen when money was really tight. This happened to be one of those days.
Koichi placed hot water into a cup of beef ramen while his mother did the same. She next added water to a cup of green tea leaves and, as always, asked her son if he'd like any. Most of the time, Koichi refused; green tea was not supposed to be sweetened, although his mother overlooked that custom, and his attempts to sweeten the tea resulted in a concoction that was mostly sugar, as though the overlooked tradition had exacted vengeance. But this morning, he wasn't feeling like his usual self after that nightmare, so he accepted and let his mother show him the correct ratio of sugar to tea that would keep him from tasting anything too bitter or too sweet.
No one ever said I had a normal family, he reflected, thinking about how some of the other Legendary Warriors or even Alice McCoy might react to his morning. "Mom, if it's okay, after school can I go visit somewhere?" "Somewhere" was the proper way to refer to the Digital World around Tomoko Kimura.
"Are you sure you'll be okay?"
He nodded. "Koji called last night to say that the trains there are open for us again, and he knows how to find me if I'm in trouble." That was one of the benefits to the twins' emotional connection, balancing out the slight invasion of privacy: If one of the two was in trouble, the other knew where to look.
"Then I guess it's okay if you go. But don't be gone too long."
"I won't." Even if I'm needed there for something, no one would hold me back, he reasoned. My mission's in the Human World, not the Digital World this time.
They finished their ramen and tea before gathering everything to go their separate ways. Koichi grabbed his backpack and walked off to school while waving goodbye to his mom, who drove off to work in the old station wagon she managed to keep after the divorce. The smiles they wore were false, painted on so that the other could not see the hidden worry. It was like this each day. But Koichi smiled on the inside as he watched his mother drive off; she would be so much happier after seeing the gift her sons had bought. It would remind her that she had both children to make her smile when she needed it.
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There was very little Koichi could say about school that day other than it being the same old bore. As far as he could tell, both the students and teachers were looking forward to the three-day holiday New Year's would bring them the next month. Of course, with holidays so close, teachers piled on homework like the sun wasn't going to rise the next day. So knowing that he'd probably forget to do his work if he went to the Digital World first, he quickly went home and finished it before heading to the Shibuya station.
The elevator closed on him before he could get to it, but he knew this time to wait rather than take the stairs. He still shivered when he remembered his spill months before that had landed him in the hospital. He was just lucky to have survived without any physical ramifications—psychological ones were another story. He'd kill himself before admitting that the event caused him to have somewhat of a fear of heights.
By some all too convenient twist of fate, Koichi got on the elevator without anyone else accompanying him. The descent was slow at first, but it soon picked up speed in order to get him to the weakest point of the barrier between the Human and Digital Worlds. He gripped the rail tightly, having not expected the drop to affect his acrophobia like this. He was lucky that the ride didn't last very long, so when he got to the Trailmon, he had time to gather himself and think.
It's strange that nobody tried to get on with me, he reflected. Every other time we've tried to see if we could get here, someone's been around to keep us from getting on the elevator unnoticed. Does it mean that there's something I'm needed for?
When he arrived at Flame Terminal, he saw that his fears were right. He was needed: to help Alice and Koji fend off Jeri Katou. Alice had her knife out, and Koji was defending himself with a broken pole-turned-bokken.
He literally jumped out of the train immediately and ran over to help them. "Why didn't you guys call me?" he asked.
"Didn't have time," Alice replied.
"We weren't exactly planning on coming here," Koji added. "She somehow pulled us out of the Human World."
Temporary fear gripped Koichi as he tried to recall what it was that had been said about the D-Reaper's effect on data. She deletes it, he remembered in a sudden insane clarity of mind, and Crusadermon said that I hadn't been real data, so anything like this wouldn't have hurt me.
"To let you know," Koji informed as if he'd heard Koichi's thoughts, "the chaos in her is hurting us. You may want to help."
"Sorry," he apologized, grabbing one of the electrodes he'd been supplied with. Koji's had spilled all over the ground, uselessly emitting the algorithm meant to free Jeri from the D-Reaper's grip.
The brothers knew what to do as if they'd rehearsed it time and time again. Alice waited behind them, recognizing that if she tried to help them, she'd only be an inhibition. Koji's makeshift bokken struck Jeri quickly and repeatedly, but never hard enough to hurt her. Koichi assisted with punches and kicks that left an uncomfortable burning sensation on his skin. Their attacks progressively grew more and more violent until Koji made a high swing with the improvised sword. As they expected, Jeri lifted her arms to defend herself, giving Koichi the perfect opportunity to attach the electrode to her wrist. Energy coursed through her, forcing her to scream as two halves of her consciousness were torn apart. The sound sent a cold shiver through the three, and they had to make themselves look at her.
"Takato, please help me," the still human part of Jeri pleaded.
"Takato's not here," Alice informed. "He couldn't come. I had to come in his place. I don't think you remember me too well. I'm Alice, the Messenger? The Tamers sent me a message to give to you. They just want you to go back to being yourself. They don't want you to be hurt—I had to promise Suzie that I wouldn't let you get hurt. They know you can't go home, but they want you to be able to make a new life, a happy life, here in this world. They miss you."
The message was just beginning to go through to Jeri when the D-Reaper half of her mind began to violently attack her psyche. Tears streamed down Jeri's face as her body acted against her will, tearing the painful electrode off of her arm and detonating another chaos bomb. The explosion threw the twins off the platform and onto the tracks just as a Trailmon was speeding their way.
"I'll lose them both, but that does not matter," Jeri thought aloud in the D-Reaper's emotionless voice. "Destiny will take care of them from here."
"How can you believe that?" Alice demanded, angry tears threatening to escape her eyes. "The Jeri Katou the Tamers knew would never believe that. You shame your mother by taking her name like this!"
"If you wish to save them, you had better choose which one to help," Jeri informed. Alice threw her knife in emotional rage, but it missed and fell with a clang to the floor.
On the tracks, Koichi was just managing to open his eyes. His entire body was racked with pain, an unwelcome reminder that he was still alive. But across from him, Koji was still unconscious, his Fractal Code debating whether or not to betray his condition. Koichi had a feeling his own data was fighting the same argument. He could hear the sounds of a Trailmon racing toward them, and helplessness nagged at him as he realized there was no way either he or Koji would be able to get out of the way in time.
"Alice, forget her!" Dolphin's familiar voice called from above. "Help me get the twins!"
Alice jumped down to the tracks, neglected tears staining her face. She held a rope that her grandfather had rigged to allow him to pull the children up.
"Koji's still out," Koichi warned, his consciousness beginning to slip.
"I know," she answered, tying the rope around his waist. She then hurried to Koji and lifted him away from the tracks while Dolphin quickly pulled Koichi to the platform. They were just in time; barely a second later, the Trailmon flew past without ever having suspected that there had been near-victims on the tracks.
Koichi could barely remember what happened next. He just knew somehow he'd ended up lying on his back, watching Jeri's human figure leap past from building to building. Somewhere in his muddled thoughts, he wondered how it was possible to fly without wings…
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Jeri was breathing hard when she escaped Flame Terminal. The D-Reaper side of her and the human side of her were once again at war, and the D-Reaper was again using her greatest weapon against human-Jeri: the mind rape. Jeri found herself reliving her memories again, only now she was seeing her actions against other people and the consequences:
The blast Leomon released was incredible, wiping out Orochimon. She felt relieved at seeing what her partner could do, but then again, wasn't she the one that started the trouble in the first place? Orochimon had only been so powerful due to the data-filled milkshakes she kept feeding him…
"No! I didn't mean it!" she cried.
"Do it. Do it! I order you! Digivolve to Mega!" Takato ordered, all out of rage from Leomon's death.
Fire encircled Guilmon in a warped evolution, transforming him into the deadly Megidramon. Both the innocent Guilmon and Takato were gone forever all because Jeri was too weak a Tamer to protect Leomon…
"That's not true!" she denied.
Her father jumped on top of the D-Reaper's tentacle, desperate to try and save his daughter, even if it meant his own death…
"I didn't want to hurt anybody!" she screamed.
Takato, Rika, Henry, Ryo, and Calumon all put their lives on the line to save her—not necessarily their world. They nearly died, and it was all her fault.
And now, she had just thrown two young boys into the path of an oncoming train, knowing full well what the consequences would be.
Jeri sank to her knees as tears ultimately broke free from her. The Messenger was wrong. How could the others not want to hurt her if she had been hurting them so often?
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Koichi opened his eyes to bright daylight and a warm sun. Someone had been kind enough to let him and Koji rest in a spare bedroom. He sat up to find that his pain had been greatly relieved and no permanent damage had befallen him. Nearby, his brother was just opening his eyes too.
"You're awake too," he observed without asking. "You feeling better?"
Koichi stood up and now felt the pain returning. He felt extremely dizzy as blood flowed away from his brain. "Depends on what you mean by better. What about you?"
"Mostly okay. Just incredibly tired. I keep falling asleep when I try to wake up."
"It's probably the medicine we had to give you to keep you both alive," Alice pointed out, walking into the room. She had tried to draw an expressionless mask over her face as Jeri did, but it didn't work as Koichi had seen the tears on her cheeks before. Now she just provided them each with a glass of water to combat the dehydration that was sure to come from being in the hot Flame Terminal.
"If you're tired, get some more rest," Koichi advised Koji. "It might help you feel better in time for Mom's birthday." Koji made a bit of a disgusted face at the reminder of his not feeling well, but he closed his eyes nonetheless. Koichi decided to take the opportunity to walk around and thank Dolphin for showing up in time.
The one-time Monster Maker was sitting in his wheelchair, examining the area of the chaos bomb. When he saw Koichi coming, he waved him over. "I've never seen anything like this," he admitted. "Chaos usually completely deletes any data it touches, but Jeri had such a firm hold over it that even a small amount could be deadly without deleting anything."
"It was still draining," Koichi informed, looking at his hands as if expecting to see the burns he'd felt. "Koji and I are still exhausted from the explosion, and when I had to hit Jeri, her skin was hot like an oven."
"The widespread chaos back home was too," Dolphin recollected. "After fighting it, I remember Ryo joking to Takato's cousin Kai that he didn't envy him for going back home to Okinawa, where he'd only experience more heat. I'd never seen so many kids willingly take off their jackets in the middle of a cold October just to feel the chilling air."
"Dolphin, if you don't mind my asking, why was Alice so upset when she saved us?" Koichi questioned. "Was it just her promise not to let anyone die?"
He sighed. "You know why she made that promise?" Koichi shook his head. "When Alice was little, both her mom and dad passed away. I've been raising her since she was ten. Her mother died from complications in childbirth, and her father died in a plane crash years later. The only people she'd known all her life were me and her dad; when he died, she was completely lost."
"That explains why she wears black," Koichi realized.
Dolphin nodded. "She took up the Gothic style soon after her father's death. Then, when she was twelve, the 'gods' of our Digital World, the Digimon Sovereign, called her as a Messenger to the Tamers. She was to accompany Dobermon, a Messenger who carried the power of biomerge digivolution—almost Spirit Evolution, but a combination of a human and Digimon rather than a human and Spirit—to allow the Tamers to fight the D-Reaper. Unfortunately, the only way to give the power to them was for Dobermon to sacrifice his body. Parts of his remaining data used to linger and follow Alice, but that all stopped a year ago, after the gates to the Digital World were temporarily sealed."
Koichi nodded his understanding, but there was still something that was bothering him. "I don't mean to sound rude or anything, but how did you end up in a wheelchair? And why hasn't the Digital World repaired your legs? I thought it would be able to do that."
"Traveling between disconnected worlds like yours and ours is even harder than it is to travel between connected ones like the Human and Digital Worlds. You need an anchor to make sure you can cross safely. Our veteran dimension-hopper, Ryo Akiyama, had firsthand knowledge about the dangers of traveling without help. He'd temporarily lost his memory once. When I volunteered to act as an anchor for Alice so she could safely pass over into this world, I was prepared for any psychological dangers, but I didn't think of any physical ones. I suffered extensive nerve damage to my legs, forcing me to be confined to a wheelchair. As for what the Digital World could do, I don't know. Some people have speculated that damaged data would repair itself, but that's certainly not true here. I think the only reason you had a false data form was because you had a purpose to fulfill. Either that or your brother provided enough of his own data for you to have a body."
"Is that why Koji kept getting extremely tired after battles?" he found himself asking. "He was always winded or hurt in places where he hadn't been hit, like something was tearing him apart inside. Could it have been that?"
"I don't know," Dolphin confessed. "Whatever was wrong may have a connection to you, but I don't think that's it. But we'll probably learn with time."
Unintentionally, Koichi shivered. "With time" typically wasn't a good omen. In his experience, it meant that a something terrible was coming very soon.
Bokken: a wooden sword (not a bamboo one) used for kendo. Rurouni Kenshin fans may notice that Kaoru Kamiya uses a bokken.
Thanks to Lord Archive's "War Diaries—Adventures Zero-Three," I finally figured out what the names are for the wooden and bamboo kendo swords (bokken and shinnai respectively). Before anyone jumps up and screams, "CCS!" the idea of the dreams isn't from that. It's just something that I love to write. Also, to those people screaming, "Half of My Soul!" you can tell that these dreams aren't copied from that. Kouichi in "Half of My Soul" by Raven Nightstrider believed that his dreams were some kind of omen. In this fic, he doesn't. They're just dreams he's always going to have because of his guilt. The idea of the Kimuras being short on money a lot just stems from the situations I've seen in the show: Koichi didn't have a cell phone, his mom was always overworked, and it seemed that there was some kind of jealousy Koichi had over Koji. I'm one of those fanfiction authors that writes Koichi in as being less economically privileged than Koji, but not exactly poor. The ramen thing? It was actually a way of describing what happens when you're down on the last bit of the paycheck before the next one. My family ends up eating leftovers for dinner. Leftovers really aren't something to be expected in Japan, so I described it by using ramen. And New Year's is a big holiday in Japan, so it does end up being a three-day holiday. I apologize if this chapter and its preceding ones were a bit boring, but they're building up to action later on. Things will get better, I promise. Anyway, you all know what to do now and how to do it. Till the next!