"With only the twilight in their embrace,
The waves of days past are already deep at the ocean's bottom
Knowing no sadness, dreaming blue dreams, fast asleep."
.hack/Liminality: "Tasogare no Umi"
(Translated by Graywords)
(Not on the Fiction CD)
Recommended Music:
Brothers—"Tasogare no Umi"
Playing tourist—"Morgana," tolerance version
Chinatown—"Zodiacal Sign"
Koichi—"Broken Wings"
Fiction
Track 07: "Zodiacal Sign"
It was the second time in two days that Koichi had run like a man possessed through Japan's streets. But this time, he wore a duffel bag of his clothes and personal items over his shoulder. The situation was so distressing that he wished it was only part of another of his nightmares, but it could not be so. Whatever cruel deity there was had decided that this scenario would be real instead of imaginary.
Koichi only ran because he didn't want to have to risk having his mother and father meet. Even in this catastrophe, he didn't want to take any chances of finding out the hard way that there was some resentment between them still. To ease Tomoko's fears over Koji's condition, the two families had had a conversation over the phone for the first time in many years, giving Koji the chance to tell his birth mother that he was all right aside from being confined to his bed until further notice. But to everyone's general surprise, he'd asked if Koichi could sleep over for a few nights until his father and stepmother said he was well enough to return to his normal life. The elder twin agreed immediately.
And now he stopped short at the front door. His hand had frozen just as he was about to knock. He had not wanted his parents to meet, but he had neglected the fact that he was still unsure if he wanted to meet his father. The paralyzing fear held him in place, a statue planted in front of the house. All that moved were his shaking legs and the nervous perspiration that slipped down his face.
It was a real wonder he hadn't messed himself yet.
The door suddenly opened on him with Koji on the other side. The patient in question wore a T-shirt and sweatpants for comfort, and his bandana was tied in its usual place in order to conceal the white cap of bandages he was cursed with. He blinked once at the sight of his brother's immobile form, but he pulled him inside while whispering, "Quick, up to my room!"
Koichi wasn't sure as to the reason behind the secrecy, but he slipped quietly up the stairs and to the room he and his brother were to share for the next few days. There, Koji got back under the covers of his bed, revealing the answer: He wasn't allowed to get out of bed yet.
"You should stay in bed," Koichi advised. "After that fall…"
"The MRI said I'm fine," he argued. "No damage to my brain when I hit the ground. I was lucky that I hit the grass. I was lucky…" His voice was low as he said this, as though he'd just realized how lucky he'd been. Koichi couldn't think of anything to say.
"Koji, when's your brother going to…" Satomi started, walking into the room to see the twins. "Hello, Koichi, I didn't hear you knock. How did you get in?" As she asked this, she watched Koji suspiciously for any reaction. He kept his expression neutral. Koichi fought very hard not to laugh at this.
"Never mind," she finally replied. "It was a stupid question. I already know who let you in. And I'm debating whether or not I should treat that person to the surprise I bought for dinner." She then turned to Koichi. "You'll let me know if he disobeys doctor's orders again, won't you?" He nodded. It was just too good an offer to pass up. For some reason he didn't understand, he enjoyed watching Koji put up with this. It was…well, fun. "Thank you. Depending on how he acts, I'll decide whether I should share this surprise."
Once she left, Koji muttered, "Traitor," in his brother's direction. The elder twin merely laughed.
"For someone who swears he has no sense of humor, you manage to get yourself into some funny situations." After a moment of silence, he questioned softly, "I noticed that Satomi is a little protective of you—not too overprotective, but... She worries about you, maybe even more than I do."
"She can't have kids," Koji explained. "Nothing she's tried has worked. So she's attached to me. I guess I replace the kids she can't have herself."
"Oh." It was a stupid response, but it was all he could think of. This was a new concept to him.
"She's okay with it, I think. But she knows that she can't even trick herself into thinking she's my mom. That's why—"
"That's why you call her by her name," he realized, the images he'd scanned from Koji's memory so long ago now returning to him. "She was upset about it when Dad made you promise…"
"Yeah," Koji answered. "She talked to me about it later when we came home." He placed his hands behind his head and lay back on the pillow, slipping into a thoughtful quiet while Koichi unpacked his clothes and sat on the futon across from Koji's bed. He wasn't sure what his twin was thinking, and he'd given up guessing long ago.
"Koji, something wrong?" he asked.
"Yeah, actually." Koichi, feeling this was only right, got up and sat at the edge of Koji's bed. It wasn't often the younger confessed a problem to the elder; this had to be important.
"What is it?"
"When I woke up in the hospital, everyone staring at me and running tests, I was scared. I've never really been afraid of anything before, and after the Digital World, there's not a lot that can scare me anymore. But this time, I was."
"How…how did you fall?" It was something he'd been afraid of asking, but he had to know.
Koji shrugged. "I was having trouble breathing, and for some reason, I leaned over the balcony rail to try and breathe—don't ask me why I did; I myself don't even know why. But I must have lost consciousness and fell. Dad and Satomi heard and called for an ambulance."
Koichi fought the urge to shiver. He'd developed climacophobia—the fear of falling down stairs—and acrophobia—the fear of heights—after his spill at the Shibuya train station. His acrophobia had heightened drastically after his near-accident the day before. Though the fall from the second-story balcony was nowhere near as bad as a fall from an office building, it still terrified him to no end.
"What else is bothering you?" he managed to question. "It can't just be the fall."
"No," he replied. "Koichi, the day we met Alice, I ran into Jeri."
"What? You never told me that."
"There wasn't much to tell. She just kept asking me a lot of questions about why I would give up my life to help you."
"Why would she want to know that?"
"I don't know. But I know that she also had the same problems as me when it came to her family. And then…"
"Then what?"
"Koichi, doesn't it seem weird that the D-Reaper didn't just kill the Tamers and rid herself of that problem? They defeated her once, so they could figure out how to do it again. Why did she just come here instead?"
"I don't know," he confessed. "But you're right. It does seem weird."
"It is weird. So I think that it means Jeri has some influence in the D-Reaper's decisions. I've said it before, but this time I really believe it. Those people were her closest friends; she couldn't hurt them. So she came here, where she has no emotional connection to people."
"But she does to you!" Koichi exclaimed. "She hasn't attacked you at all since you came off this. She can sympathize with you…" He trailed off for a minute before staring at the floor. "Makes me wish that we'd figured it all out sooner. We might have had an answer to all of this now."
"It doesn't matter anyway," Koji answered, turning over to his side. "I wouldn't be able to help anyway."
In their temporary silence, they could hear the front door open downstairs and their father enter the house. He was normally the one that stayed home to take care of Koji so Satomi didn't have to miss class, but he was finishing up a case and couldn't afford to take a day off yet. Koichi felt a chill in the room and went to close the balcony window only to see that it wasn't open. The coldness was the fear inside his soul. He would soon have to face his greatest fear. It was the consequence of finally being allowed to spend time with his brother; the not-quite joint custody gave both boys the chance to visit each other and the opposite parents for longer periods of time, but it meant that Koichi would have to finally confront his father after these months of nervous wondering.
"Koichi?" his brother questioned, sitting up in concern. "Are you okay?"
Before he could answer, Satomi entered the room with two steaming boxes of food. "Dinner time. I'm letting you both eat up here tonight, but I hope you can join us at the table this week." She handed each boy a box and a bamboo skewer.
The twins had identical expressions of half-confusion, half-suspicion. Almost in unison, they opened the red paperboard cartons to find round balls of fried batter and boiled octopus.
"Takoyaki?" they exclaimed in utter surprise, glancing up to ask Satomi why she'd bought a street vendor food for dinner. But the woman had left, wishing more for them to enjoy their treat than to let it get cold by asking many questions. Realizing the futility, they stuck their skewers through their takoyaki and began to eat.
Koichi had gotten halfway through his dinner when he noticed that Koji was staring into space, leaving his takoyaki mostly uneaten. Concerned, he asked, "Is something wrong?"
"Huh?" Koji responded, wakening to reality. "Oh. Yeah. There is."
Koichi put his skewer inside his carton, trying to show his twin that he was not going to be distracted while they talked. "What is it?"
"I feel stupid for asking this, and I know that it's wrong to make you remember it, but…but I was so afraid that I was going to die. Nobody in the hospital knew what was wrong with me. I had to go through CT scans and MRIs… I wasn't sure what was going to happen to me. It got me wondering."
"Wondering what?"
"Koichi, what's it like when you die?"
There was a very sickening feeling in his stomach. It wasn't so much as that it had no bottom as much as it felt like he was falling again, gravity trying to pull him down while momentum was forcing his food up. Suddenly, he didn't want to eat the rest of his takoyaki.
"I'm sorry. Just forget it," Koji informed.
"It's okay," he assured. "Just not a subject I'm used to talking about. Even now, I'm still a little scared by what happened. There are a lot of things I'm scared of: heights, dogs, falling again, death—"
"Dad?" Koji supplied. Koichi pretended to take interest in his food again and ate a few pieces of takoyaki. "It's no secret that you are. He's scared too. But you have to face each other sooner or later. That's what I want you to promise me: that you'll finally talk to each other over everything, even if it's just once. Please."
Koichi had to fight back a shiver. This promise was eerily like the one he'd had Koji make to meet their mother. "Is it because you're afraid you'll die? Koji, you're fine—"
"No. It's because I hate seeing what I've been seeing lately: both of you turning away before you can meet eyes, a hundred excuses on why I can't invite you over, or you freezing outside the door like that. I saw the look on your face. You were scared."
He blushed a little as he swallowed his food. "Shitless."
"It scares me when you're like that. I've only seen that a handful of times in the Digital World, and that was when we were closest to dying. I'm afraid that the family we worked so hard to find will just shatter in front of us because of this. I…I don't want to let it go."
"You won't," Koichi replied. "I won't promise anything other than that I'll try. I'll try what I can. Maybe just that alone will be enough. Okay?" He smiled with hope, receiving a small one of relief in return from Koji.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome. It's what brothers are for, at least, that's what I think."
-------
Across town, in the Minato district, Alice and Dolphin were playing tourist. It had been the quietest day they'd experienced in many weeks, so they'd taken advantage of it, visiting Palette Town in Odaiba, the Shinagawa Aquarium, and now the Tokyo Tower in Minato. And while it had been hard for him to get up there in his wheelchair, Dolphin watched the majesty of Tokyo from the 250-meter height.
Alice looked out over the edge, feeling the cold wind float past her, through her. She could just manage to see the distant Mt. Fuji and Mt. Tsukuba. While she had faced heights quite often in her mission to stop Jeri, she had never really gotten the chance to enjoy the splendor around her in the air. And she was glad that she had her grandfather up here to see it as well. Koji might have tried, but he was to stay far away from even staircases until his mysterious fall could be solved. And Koichi wasn't going to go anywhere near even a stepstool after his near accident the day before.
"Where should we go next?" Dolphin asked her. "Do you want to try dinner down at the Tower restaurant?"
She considered this and shook her head. While the Tokyo Tower was breathtaking and she'd enjoyed its "Mysterious Walking Zone" 3D hologram exhibit on the third floor, she'd really had her fill of it today. It was something that had to be explored slowly at a time.
"Should we just go home?" she questioned.
"Not unless you want to. And frankly, I'm hoping dinner will be more exciting than soba noodles. You think of something this time. I had the aquarium and Tower exhibit. Your turn."
If Koji and Koichi had heard this, they would have been very surprised. Alice didn't seem to be the kind of person for carnivals or adventures, but she was. There was a part of her that had loved Ferris wheels and roller coasters, buried somewhere deep inside of her when her father had died. Palette Town's MEGA Web had the first roller coaster she'd been on in years. It was good to feel the adrenaline rush that came with the speed of the coaster, just as good as it felt to have the wind tug at her clothes playfully rather than dangerously.
"Why don't we try Chinatown?" she suggested, receiving a raised eyebrow from her grandfather. She normally didn't like Chinese food, and when she did eat it, she only ate vegetables. When she was little, someone had told her that dog and cat meat made up the beef, chicken, pork, and shrimp in all Chinese recipes. And while she didn't believe that anymore, she had lost her taste for the food almost entirely.
"Chinatown's in Yokohama," he pointed out. "Is this some kind of hidden agenda to visit Koichi and Koji to see how they're doing?"
"No, Grandfather," she answered. He wanted to believe her, but she had a faint blush across her face. He knew as well as she did that she thought of the boys as friends only. So what was causing this? "It's just that…I don't know how to explain it. I feel like I'm being called there or something. It feels like I'm supposed to be at a certain restaurant in Yokohama's Chinatown right now or else all of Fate is going to be thrown out of alignment."
"Well, I would hate to see the entire universe thrown into complete chaos, so I suppose we might as well go," he replied. "Besides, I've been having a craving for General Tso's Chicken for three years now." She smiled softly at his humor. Only during the D-Reaper had he ever been truly worried. For the most part, he looked on the bright side of things, the only true optimist of the odd little group of people that had recently come together. Koichi could try, but his nature as the former Warrior of Darkness held him back; Koji had been living a long time in the dark before learning his destiny was the Spirit of Light, so he was very much a realist. And their families were accustomed to finding the worst possible outcomes to problems. It was nice to see that Rob McCoy could crack a joke every now and then, forcing even the strictest realists to observe how life worked: bad brought good brought bad brought good. It was a cycle. Yes, when something good happened, something bad was bound to follow. But the dark times could never last forever. Light and Darkness needed each other to survive, to keep the world in check. Sometimes, he was the only one who could understand that.
They took the train to Yokohama before taking a bus to Chinatown. It was a relief for them to find a bus that did have wheelchair accessibility; despite the new handicapped-accessibility laws, it was still very hard for the physically and mentally handicapped to get around in Japan. But they made it fine and entered the city.
Chinatown. A city within a city. While buildings and décor were based on traditional Chinese architecture and imagery, the bustling crowds of people informed everyone that it was still Japan. It was all a façade—from the Chinese temple to the blasphemous robot ushering people into a restaurant, the Chinese-Japanese within the city within the city were only pretending to be in the homeland, the god-land that was China, the China that was out of their reach.
Alice's strange calling ended at one restaurant, one that seemed just as auspicious as the rest. It was just as much of an anatopism as any other there. But something—perhaps destiny—pulled her to that one facility, where she and her grandfather were seated and given menus (in Japanese so visitors could understand) and ordered. Dolphin took his General Tso's Chicken while Alice took a chance with pai ko han, or beef ribs and spinach on rice.
Now, Alice was never one for omens. She believed in them a little more than she believed that there was true evil in the world, but she did not honestly make much of the prickling on the back of her neck, the tickling shiver in her spine, or the goose bumps that raised the hair on her arms. To her, there was very little problem. First of all, it was winter, and she was cold. Goose bumps were expected when she was cold. Second, she was eating meat in a Chinese restaurant for the first time since that kid had duped her when she was small. She didn't know if there was the slight possibility that her beef wasn't actually beef.
So maybe she believed it a little bit. Who could blame her, really? She and her grandfather usually cooked for themselves. In fact, the last people other than her family who had cooked for her in the past few years were the Katous, the Matsukis, and Ms. Kimura. They were people she knew and trusted. These cooks were complete strangers. And there was the whole "calling" sensation she had. What if it indicated danger?
In a way, it did. She didn't notice it right away, but as she examined a rib before eating it, another waitress caught her eye. She was dressed in a red qipao dress, silk slippers, and jade bracelets, and her light brown hair was tied in two buns on the sides of her head with small braids trailing out of them. She was smiling and laughing with the customers, acting completely unlike the way she did around Alice and Koichi. But there was no doubt about it. She was Jeri Katou.
"Something wrong?" Dolphin questioned, noticing that his granddaughter had paused in the middle of biting her beef rib. He turned to her line of vision to see the object of her distress before he turned back around solemnly. "That explains a lot then."
"Grandfather…"
"No, Alice. Don't get involved in this. Jeri needs this time to be herself. I think it's all that keeps her sane, especially considering what she's done. And working in a restaurant is something familiar to her in this foreign world. She worked in her parents' restaurant before all this started, remember? I guess this is one way she can feel like she's home."
Alice finally ate her beef. It was not unpleasant on its own, but her guilt made it taste bitter as she swallowed. Jeri finally saw her and waved while smiling, as if she didn't know that she had done terrible things and was being hunted by this blonde girl at the table. She suddenly felt very small.
"Just remember this restaurant, Alice," Dolphin advised. "Shao Pai Long. Little White Dragon."
They had no contact with Jeri the rest for the rest of their meal. They paid the bill and exited, buying a few Chinese pastries from a local bakery. From there on, it was back to playing tourist, all memories of Shao Pai Long pushed aside. Alice examined different trinkets and gifts in the shops before surrendering and buying a pair of slippers. Next up were the temples, where varied amounts of people entered and exited to pay their respects. It was at one of these temples where a familiar voice called, "Wait!"
The McCoys turned in surprise to see Jeri, her hair slightly disheveled as she tried to catch her breath. She had run instead of leaping across buildings with the abilities the D-Reaper allowed her, not having wanted to expose her identity.
"I was afraid I'd miss you before you left," she admitted, handing over a red envelope. "This is for you." Confused, Alice accepted it and opened to find a street address and keys. "It's where I'm staying. The D-Reaper doesn't know what happens when I'm awake—I make sure of it. If I don't show up for work or class at a small school near here, investigate my apartment. She or I might leave some kind of clue behind." She turned to leave.
"Why are you doing this?" Alice asked, stopping her in her tracks. Jeri turned, her eyes serious but still her own.
"I want the D-Reaper gone as much as you do. And I want all of this to end. I've done so many things I hate. I want it all to stop. Find some way, please." She then ran back to Shao Pai Long, unable to extend her visit any longer.
"We will, Jeri," she promised softly.
-------
That night, Koichi lay awake in his futon. Koji had managed to sleep, propped up on two pillows when he began to have trouble breathing, but the elder twin couldn't. So many things were going wrong in his life. Why was it?
Destiny just hates me, I guess, he mused before looking up at his brother. Koji had removed his bandana when he went to sleep, so all the bandages were visible. He realized how close he had come to dying or being brain damaged. He had fallen just like Koichi, but he was lucky enough to have survived. Koichi only lay in bed awake and alive because of Koji's tears, whatever regenerative power existed in his emotions. Was that why he used to keep everything inside? Had he known from the start that he was capable of miracles and perhaps tragedies?
Finally, Koichi just closed his eyes, soothed to sleep by the comforting sounds of his twin's breathing. As long as one of them still breathed, the other would be kept alive.
Takoyaki is an inside-joke between me and my sister Winter Night Phantom. It was Kero and Suppi's obsession in the Leave it to Kero-chan special of Cardcaptor Sakura: The Sealed Card. Shao Pai Long came from Macross—Minmei and her cousin Kyle starred in a movie called Little White Dragon. In the Japanese version, she wrote a song for it called "Shao Pai Long" or "Little White Dragon." Minmei also inspired the restaurant's uniforms; they're the same as the uniform she wears for her aunt and uncle's restaurant on the SDF-1. Information on Tokyo Tower comes from the official Tokyo Tower website, Chinatown mostly from Captain Japan's Sake-Drenched Postcards, and the other sites Alice stopped at from random tourist sites. This chapter is sort-of dedicated to my eleventh grade English teacher for trying to help me find the word "anatopism" for two days. This one is more of an aftermath chapter, giving the characters time to relax before something awful happens. Till the next!