"Hear the chorus of pain
Taking you back to proper ways
It's so easy to find
If you could remind me."
.hack/SIGN: "A Stray Child"
(Not on the Fiction CD)

Recommended Music:
Brother's support/"Poor kids"—"Grandpa's Violin"
Reading—"Echo" (from Fiction Japanese release)
Kousei/Shopping—"Awaking"
Jeri's destiny/Koji's fear—"A Stray Child"

Fiction
Track 08: "Awaking"

Koichi was excused from school for as long as it took for the family crisis to settle itself. That gave him time to check out Shao Pai Long with Dolphin and keep an eye on Jeri while at the same time making sure Koji was okay.

His brother's condition changed from different extremes on random days. Some days, he was halfway pleading to be let out of the house, while on others, he couldn't even get out of bed. He was restless in two senses of the word: anxious and vying to get better, or tired to the point that he didn't even wake up in the morning. In addition to his coughing fits at night, he'd found that his heart was sometimes palpitating during the day, as if he was living in a nightmare he couldn't wake from. Sometimes he thought he was.

And so he sat at the kitchen table, trying not to poke the last dregs of egg drop soup with his spoon. Dolphin had brought it for him on one of his excursions to Shao Pai Long, hoping that the thick broth would help him feel better. It did, but he was having a hard time finishing it.

"Koji, you okay?" Koichi checked, watching him uncharacteristically play with his food.

"Yeah. My stomach's just a little upset right now. Can't finish this. I feel full."

Koichi frowned. "But you haven't eaten anything all day."

"I know. For some reason, I just don't feel hungry today."

This was very odd. It was one thing for Koji not to eat, but for his body to refuse food… It made no sense. How could an empty stomach insist that it was full? It went against all the common sense of an eleven-year-old boy. Koichi was left with only one piece of advice:

"Save what's left in the fridge. Maybe later you'll be hungry." Koji nodded. Neither believed that he would be feeling better later that day, but it was the only logic they could come to: It's wrong to waste food, so save it in case your appetite returns.

Koichi watched in relative worry as his brother put the cover back on the Styrofoam cup of soup and placed it in the refrigerator. Something was definitely wrong with Koji today. He seemed depressed and lethargic, and his body was not agreeing to do what his brain told it to do. This was most evident when he began to go upstairs and slipped on a step, falling on his knee.

"Koji!"

"I'm okay," he assured, standing up. But he wasn't placing any weight on the leg he'd hurt. "I'm just going to go up to my room to read." Koichi stood at the bottom of the stairs, keeping a close eye on his twin as he turned the corner and entered his bedroom. It was scaring him so much to see this. When was the last time Koji had shown a weak side—barring the times he was injured in battle or facing an emotionally scarring situation? He couldn't think of any examples.

Koji, please get well, he begged silently. This isn't you, this constant anxiety. It's me. I'm Darkness, you're Light. You're not supposed to take both. He clenched his fists and looked down at them, now blaming his own weakness. Perhaps if he hadn't heeded Death's call and given up his Spirits of Darkness, Koji wouldn't be…

That's ridiculous! shouted a voice in his head that sounded remarkably like Koji. He fell out of a window and hit his head! He came close to dying; that's a lot to think about for someone. You just have to be there for him.

He took a deep breath and exhaled. He did have to be there to support his brother. After all, Koji had always done the same for him. It was only right. With that incentive, he slowly climbed up the steps to join his twin.

-------
Keyboard music played in a sad imitation of a piano once Dolphin opened the door to the apartment and wheeled himself in. Though the synthetic piano sounded just awful in comparison to the real thing, the melody was still sweet as Alice lightly brushed each key, swaying ever so often in the beat. She had been playing for a while when she heard him come in, and now she changed to the violin, which sounded at least a little better. It would be much more preferable if they had the real instruments, but the keyboard was all they had room for in that small apartment.

"Did you find anything at Shao Pai Long?" she asked.

"No, but I did stop by to drop off some soup for Koji. If you ask me, they're both getting worse."

"Both?"

"Koji may be weak in body, but Koichi's weak in spirit. I can tell that it's taxing on him to deal with. No matter how long it may seem to them, they've only just met, and now they were just faced with saying goodbye. The poor kids are losing the fight against this depression."

"Grandfather, Koji Minamoto and Koichi Kimura are the last people on Earth that can be called 'poor kids.'"

Dolphin raised an eyebrow. Alice kept her back to him as she kept playing softly and gently. "How so?"

"They fought against the complete destruction of their home and continue to fight against a young girl whose alter is trying to place the world in mass chaos. Their family was ripped apart in front of their eyes at an early age, and they're only just now sewing the pieces back together."

"In other words, they're just like you?" She didn't answer. She kept playing her song, but she didn't speak. "Alice, you're right. It's wrong to call them 'poor kids.' They're certainly not. But it's not for the same reasons you see it as. It's not just because they're determined to keep everything together; it's because they have friends and family who can get them through it all. And if you ask me, Alice, Koichi's probably the luckier of the two. He knows more deeply than Koji that he can depend on you."

He wheeled toward his bedroom, leaving Alice in the living room with her keyboard. One of her rare and delicate smiles graced her lips, softening her face and warming her soul. It was good to know that she was doing some good, good to know she was still needed. She would visit Koichi and Koji soon to see how they were doing. In the meantime, she continued playing her tune, that soft and comforting melody that always reminded her of her grandfather.

-------
Koichi sat on the futon in Koji's room, reading a book he'd borrowed from his brother. It was the first Harry Potter—a title that surprised him. Koji didn't seem to be the kind of person who'd enjoy the fantasy genre at all. Then again, he didn't seem like the religious type either, but he was.

It was so hard to concentrate on this book. He'd read it a few times before and, like just about every Potter fan, was anticipating the fifth in the saga. But he just couldn't get into the storyline as much as he usually could. He was still somewhere in the part where Hagrid first explained to Harry about his parents and his being a wizard when Koji looked at him from over the pages of his own book.

"You don't have to keep this up, you know," he commented.

"What?"

"How you're just trying to keep me company."

"What makes you say that?"

"The fact that you haven't turned the page for fifteen minutes."

Koichi was about to retort to that, but he had nothing in his defense. Koji's comment wasn't even an exaggeration; he had been on the same page, reading the same paragraph for a very long time now. But instead, Satomi suddenly appeared in the doorway to interrupt the uncomfortable moment.

"I'm going grocery shopping," she announced. "I didn't realize we were so low on everything. Koichi, do you want to come with me?"

"Well…" he stammered, unsure how to respond. He didn't want to be rude, but he didn't want to leave Koji alone right now either.

"Go on," Koji urged. "Better that one of us gets out of the house than neither of us. Go." There was an insistence in his voice that implied he wanted a little time to himself.

Yet another thing I've screwed up, Koichi thought. Now Koji's sick of me. Aloud, he said, "All right, Satomi."

She smiled. "Just let me get my purse and then we'll go. Koji, we'll bring something home for dessert."

"All right," he answered flatly, still not happy that he had to stay inside all day. But he closed his book and got up to follow them out. "I'll lock the door for you."

"Thank you," Satomi replied, detouring to get her purse. Once again, the twins were left alone to talk.

"Koji, I…" Koichi hesitated, trying to think of the right thing to say. Koji looked at him, puzzled.

"What is it?"

"Koji, I'm sorry that I've just been managing to piss you off," he whispered. Somehow, it felt a whole lot more comforting to confess if he wasn't even sure the person he was talking to could hear him. "I…I don't know. But after the Digital World, my dreams, your fall…I just want to know that you're going to be okay, that nothing's going to go wrong. You've been scaring me too with the way you're not always acting yourself."

"I know," he answered, also in a whisper. "I don't know what's been going on with me lately. Even before I fell, things have been weird: my sicknesses and all that. A couple of times, I've forgotten things or did them completely wrong. And it's not normal, not the way it should be. When those things happen, it's like I'm lost in a daze or something. So I'm worried too about what's wrong with me."

"I guess that helps somehow," Koichi admitted. "It's comforting to know that we know what each other is thinking or feeling because we're going through the same. I don't really know how to describe it, but it's like we're still connected. What I feel, you feel, and the other way around." Koji nodded his understanding.

"All ready to go?" Satomi checked. How long had it taken her to find her purse? Koichi wondered if she'd purposely done it so they could talk about this problem. He looked at her, and she had that knowing smile again. She was always doing this, helping him out a little at a time. It was confusing but still comforting at the same time. But he just nodded and followed her out of the door while Koji shut it behind them.

-------
For the most part, Kousei Minamoto was a patient man. He had to be, having raised a son alone for about seven or so years before remarrying. He'd put up with a child's fevers, broken bones, chickenpox, and random other afflictions without ever losing his temper. Koji had taken a lot of that patience from him and learned to accept matters as they truly were. That patience in Kousei was usually infallible, but this day, he could only hope that his sons had enough of it. His own reserves were running low.

This was the very last bit of paperwork for a very important case he'd been hard at work on. It was finally over, and he could take some time off to take care of his injured son—no matter how much Koji argued against it. His boss knew of the incident and allowed him to end work early each night just as long as he finished his work. This was just wrap-up, and he could go home soon, just as soon as the clock hit four o'clock. But the clock had not moved in the past twenty minutes, or so it seemed.

Kousei let out a sigh of exasperation as he drummed his fingers against his desk and tried his hardest to finish writing. It was just the same as being in school again, waiting desperately for the day to end so he could be set free. Never once had he felt that way about work. But this was the first time he hadn't been home to watch Koji, so worry turned to anxiety, which turned to temporary adult attention-deficit disorder. He gritted his teeth and cursed lightly under his breath. All of this frustration over a stupid piece of paper that he couldn't seem to concentrate enough to write on.

"Minamoto," a coworker addressed, seeing how close the man was coming to having his gaze transfixed into a permanent glare, "how about you go home now? The boss will probably let you go since your kid's sick."

"Thanks." His voice still carried some anger, but there was definite relief in it.

"Hey, how old is he anyway?"

"Still in sixth grade."

"Hmm, weird. How sick is he? I'd think that an eleven-year-old could handle himself at home."

"He had a bad fall from one of our balconies. He's not supposed to get out of bed."

"Ah. Well, I hope he gets better."

"Thank you." Not wanting to discuss any more, he discreetly informed his boss that he was leaving and headed out the door.

The drive home was relaxing in comparison to the office. Because he'd left before rush hour, he managed to arrive home quickly without having to speed down the roads. He parked the car in the driveway upon coming home and loosened his tie as he fit his key into the lock. One thing he and his family were always careful about was locking the door even when they were home; it didn't feel right otherwise. This fact imbedded in his mind, he was surprised to find the door locked when he tried his key. A sickening dread filled the pit of his stomach as he turned the key again, this time unlocking, and opened the door.

"Koji? Satomi? Koichi?" he called in fear. He could hear the shaking in his voice. If someone unwelcome was in here, there was no way to fool the intruder into thinking the man had unsinkable courage. But the knot in his stomach loosened once he saw Koji come down the stairs, limping somewhat but otherwise fine.

"Dad, is something wrong?" he checked.

"Nothing," Kousei lied. Relief flooded his mind from the knowledge that at least his son was all right. "But you have to remember to lock this door, Koji. Where's—"

"I did."

Kousei blinked. Was it possible he'd made a mistake and turned the key the wrong way? No, he distinctly remembered the sound of what he'd thought was the door unlocking. "No, you left it unlocked. It's okay, but next time be more care—"

"I couldn't have." There was a trace of fearful denial in his voice. "I was right here when Satomi and Koichi left to go shopping, and I closed the door and locked it. I know I did." Kousei gave him a probing look.

"Are you absolutely sure?"

Koji lowered his head. He didn't remember, but he was positive he had done it.

"Koji, it's okay—"

"No it's not. Something's wrong. Something's wrong with me." His father reached out to comfort him, but he turned and ran to his room, lying under the covers of his bed in frustration. He'd never really hidden from the monsters under his bed in that way when he was younger, but now it was all he could do. He tried to ignore the unhealthy palpitating of his heart in his ears as he shut his eyes on the world. If he just continued to ignore it, sooner or later it would all go away.

-------
Koichi and Satomi casually strolled through the grocery store, picking up items they needed and placing them in the cart. Anyone who passed them by saw merely a mother and son, never once realizing that there was something deeper than the outer surface. They never suspected that the woman was the boy's brother's stepmother and that it was an oddity in itself that these two were spending time together. They would never think that the only thing that brought them both here was the fact that the brother was home in bed from head trauma. They never knew.

Satomi picked out some peppers in the produce section while Koichi weighed some onions. He felt nervous somehow, like there was something unsettled between them, but he didn't know what it was. And it really wasn't his place to intrude on her thoughts; Koji had more right to do that, not him.

"Koichi?" she asked. He jumped in surprise and nearly dropped the onions.

"Yes?"

"I've noticed that you've been very worried about Koji lately."

"He is my brother. And I only just met him."

"I know. I can't blame you. In fact, I'm worried myself. I've never seen him so…difficult. Normally he'd just grudgingly put up with everything, but now he's acting so strange. Has he mentioned anything to you?"

"Well, actually, yes. He said that even he's not sure what's wrong. But he doesn't like it."

"Well, at least that's one good thing. He's talking about it, which means that he's not going to hide anything from us. A couple of years ago—even a couple of months ago, he wouldn't have been this open. You've been doing him some good, Koichi. You're doing us all some good."

"It's not enough."

"Maybe it is," she suggested, looking at him directly. "You can't cure his illness, but you're someone he can talk to a lot more easily than with Kousei or me. He's never really had anyone like that before in his life. I'm glad that you two finally met, despite all your hardships and heartbreak."

"So am I," he commented quietly. For all he'd gone through, he could still honestly say the same thing he had when Lucemon scanned his image data: "I have no regrets." It was rather odd though that it took a talk with his stepmother as he was weighing some onions for him to realize that.

-------
Jeri opened the door to her small one-room apartment in Chinatown. All it really consisted of was a single space separated into a kitchen and living/sleeping area with a bathroom and a closet separated from the main room. Once she closed and locked the door, she began to change out of her school uniform and into her single plain yellow dress. She had about half an hour before her shift at Shao Pai Long started, so she could afford to be comfortable.

In the bathroom, she braided her hair and tied it into the two buns on the sides of her head, allowing the rest of the braid to trail out. She then sprayed hairspray to keep it in that style before she sat down on her sad lonely futon in the middle of the seemingly big room. The futon wasn't even in the center; it was pushed against the wall. There was no window, so light came from the fluorescent bulbs on the ceiling. The false white light reflected off the hardwood floors that stretched from her futon wall to the door while water dripped from the faucet in the kitchen-space. This was not home. Home was an apartment above a small traditional Japanese eatery. Home was a five-year-old little brother running around with frequent visitor Calumon while stepmother Shizue smiled and watched. Home was a roof where Leomon once sat and told her of her lion's heart, where she sat months later trying to live as her father silently looked on. Home was a dog sock-puppet, a picture of her mother, and a broken yellow digivice. Home was somewhere she could never return to.

She sighed, the echo from the empty walls making it sound louder than it was. She longed for little Masahiko running around with her puppet, begging her to play with him. She longed for Calumon's insistence, mirroring the little boy's. She longed for her stepmother's kindness and her father's tough love. She didn't have any of that here. What did she have?

Another person inside her mind, wanting to kill everything and everyone that didn't match her logic. A displaced American girl trying to understand her while at the same time trying to stop her. A boy who shared the pain of growing up without a mother and struggling to adjust to a stepmother. His brother, who was trying to make amends for all he had done while he was just trying to grow up. The echoes of her past, haunting her in all her waking moments and possessing her in her sleep.

An empty apartment with a single futon, a long stretch of floor, and high walls that imprisoned her. Fake light, no window. A bathroom and a kitchen. A dwelling, not a home. No family, no friends, nothing.

"Leomon says everyone has their own destiny," she murmured, quoting her own words from the past. "Maybe mine is to be alone…"

-------
Upon arriving back at the Minamoto house, Koichi shuffled past his father in order to reach the room he and Koji shared. There under the comforting safety of the covers of his bed Koji lay hidden. Hiding from what, though?

"Koji, what happened?" Koichi asked. "Is everything okay?"

"I forgot to lock the door."

"What?" That was all? That was all he was upset about?

"I stood right there as you and Satomi left. I closed the door and could have sworn I locked it. But I didn't. I forgot something that stupid."

"It's no big deal."

"Yes, it is. For me. Koichi, I was in that daze again, my thinking confused. Nothing else was on my mind or anything. I just forgot, somehow reasoning that it was all right not to lock the door as long as it was closed. Dad nearly had a heart attack when he came home."

"He did?" There was a movement under the blankets that had to be a nod.

"I guess he thought someone broke in on us. I know, it's not likely, but he was afraid. And it's all my fault."

"Koji…"

"Don't even try to argue. You know just as well as I do that this isn't normal for me. Something's wrong, Koichi. Just face it." His harsh tone stung. Koichi decided that it would be a lot easier to face his father than to cope with his brother right now, so he turned toward the door.

"Koji, I know that wasn't you speaking. It's just stress over whatever's making you act so different. But you have to know that I will deal with it. You have to too." And he left, never once having actually looked at Koji underneath the sheets. It was fortunate that he didn't. It would have been all too disturbing for him to look and see tears once again present on his brother's face.

"Echo" is a short piano piece in the Japanese release of the Fiction CD. The other two songs exclusive to the Japanese release, "Lullaby" and "Red Rose," will be featured in the next chapter. And don't everyone get excited that I included Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's/Philosopher's Stone in this; I didn't really know any Japanese children's novels, so I played it safe with an international title. And the scene with Jeri in her apartment came from random moments in Serial Experiments Lain. Till the next!