Your every emotion
Open your heart
For tears and rejection."
.hack/SIGN: "Open Your Heart"
Recommended Music:
Snow/Father and son—"Open Your Heart"
War game—"Red Rose" (from Fiction Japanese release)
Café encounter—"Lullaby," any version (from Fiction Japanese release)
Distracted questions—"To Nowhere"
Fiction
Track 09: "Open Your Heart"
Koichi kicked off the blankets of his futon as he fought against himself in yet another nightmare. He was Velgemon this time, and he was flying toward a badly injured Koji with the intent of impaling him with his sharp talon. When this had happened in real life, Ophanimon had prevented this from happening by unlocking his memories of the life he'd lived prior to receiving the corrupted Spirits of Darkness. There was no Ophanimon now to save Koji, and Koichi/Velgemon felt his talon plunge into Koji's body. Velgemon rejoiced, Koichi raged, and Koji just died. The evolution broke, dropping Koichi to his feet just a little farther away from his brother. He ran desperately to reach him, where Koji could barely hold onto a few breaths.
"Koji? Koji?" He watched his brother intently, trying to see if there was any hope that he could live any longer. But there was no such hope. Koji tried to say something, but Koichi could not hear him or read his lips. He then closed his eyes and faded from sight…
A sudden kick to his arm woke him up quickly. He jumped off of his pillow to a cold that even rivaled IceDevimon's attacks. In a single instant, he grabbed his blankets from his lap and wrapped them around himself as he looked up at Koji—also wrapped in a thick blanket, but wearing a half-confused expression on his face.
"You're an interesting sleeper," he commented. "You don't notice the cold until you wake up, and then it's like you've just walked into a frozen wasteland."
"You kicked me?" Koichi asked in surprise. And after all the tears he'd been crying in these dreams…
"It was the only way I could wake you up. I tried yelling, I started throwing things, I tried shaking you. Eventually, I just tried the only thing that worked."
"Still, did you have to resort to kicking?"
"Whatever works. Anyway, Dad's trying to get the heater started. It went out last night, so we might need to get it repaired."
"Why's it so cold?"
Koji motioned to the balcony window. "Take a look for yourself."
Koichi blinked once before getting up and staring out the window to a thick layer of white powder all over the suburban area of Yokohama. Young children were already getting out of bed and running outside to play in the cold flakes that had fallen from the sky that night. Frost covered the windows and more snow coated roofs. It was something unlike anything he'd seen in the city limits.
"How did it get so cold that it could snow?" Koichi questioned. "I mean, Tokyo and urban Yokohama don't get like this."
"It happens every winter," Koji explained. "But usually in January or February. It's a lot colder this winter than others."
"And it's a lot colder without the heater," their father added behind them. Both boys turned to see him standing outside the door. "You'd better get dressed. Someone's coming in soon to fix the heat." Without either he or Koichi acknowledging the other, he left. Koji merely sighed and sat down on his bed.
"I might as well be outside than in here," he commented. "It's not like keeping me out of the snow is going to get me better any sooner."
"Are you feeling better than you did yesterday?" Koichi checked.
"Yeah, but just a little restless."
"Again?"
"I want to get out of here. I'm tired of being stuck in the house all day. I need to get out of here. It might be the key to keeping me from getting so depressed and tired again."
Koichi momentarily looked out the window at the children already playing in the snow. All of them were free and happy and had no idea what it was like for the people trapped inside their houses. "Hey, Koji," he called, an idea formulating in his head.
"Yeah?"
"What if you tried to take Akemi for a walk? She is hard to handle, isn't she?"
"It won't work. Dad won't let me out of here for anything. Not until I'm healed."
"But…"
"Forget it. It's just not going to work."
Koji was slipping into that depressive mood again. Koichi could see the deadness in his eyes beginning to set in. The part of him that was a brother took command of his mind and sent him downstairs. Satomi was still asleep under the warm covers in the main bedroom, so only Kousei was in the kitchen to make breakfast.
"Dad?" he asked.
His father turned around from the kitchen window in surprise. That sudden bravery in Koichi faltered and cracked the minute his father's eyes fell on him. He searched desperately for the question he was going to ask, but cowardice wiped his memory clean.
No, he urged himself. I can't let Koji get as bad as he did yesterday. I'm the only one right now who can help him.
"Dad, can Koji and I take Akemi for a walk?" he questioned, keeping his eyes transfixed on the floor. "It won't be for too long, and we'll come back the minute it's too cold." Using a tremendous deal of effort, he lifted his gaze to see his father's face, expecting some degree of anger. What he got was a surprise in itself.
His father was laughing. And somehow, Koichi found himself laughing gently too. They both knew why they were sharing this spontaneous moment of humor: After all these months and years when they'd buried themselves in fear of the other, it was all pointless in the end. It was just that simple to strike up a conversation, to discover any similarities between them. If they'd known it was that easy, they wouldn't have needed for Koji to hurt himself those few weeks ago.
Koji and Satomi stood just outside the kitchen, the laughter having aroused their curiosity. Both wore their warmest blankets as cloaks to try and preserve heat. But the sight of this near miracle, the encounter between father and son that had finally taken place, was enough to chase away some of the winter cold.
-------
Soft snowflakes fell around them from garden trees. Their breath crystallized into vapor as they breathed the cold air. But Koji and Koichi were fine with the weather. It represented a release from that room full of sickness and depression. It was the first stage of healing.
Akemi barked at the blue shadows left behind on the snow as the boys walked her down the block. Gray clouds in the sky broke off white flakes of snow on a landscape of nature's browns and blacks and houses of all sorts of colors. The muted colors were a welcome sight to Koji after his weeks in bed and his close encounter with death. He took a deep breath, smelling the clean scent of the snow. His room had begun to feel and smell stuffy and musty from the spiritual condition of the two boys sharing it. This was all so foreign now; his last trek through a snow-covered field had been in the Digital World. The cold didn't bother him so much now that he'd been in a room that was too warm for so long.
A snowball exploded on his back, waking him from his thoughts and nearly making him choke on the cough drop he sucked to retain moisture in his throat. A second one, badly aimed, flew over his shoulder and landed on Akemi, who barked loudly and shook herself off. He stopped walking and looked back at Koichi, who held another icy projectile in gloved hands.
"That was as easy as hitting Crusadermon back in the Digital World," he commented. "I thought you liked being ready for surprise attacks."
"Oh really?" Koji responded, dropping the leash and scooping up a handful of snow to throw at his brother. His hit Koichi in the face. "And as I recall, your last hit threw her aim off and she ended up shooting you instead of me."
"So that's how you repay me for saving your life?" Koichi joked, throwing yet another fist-sized grenade at him. Koji followed with another snowball.
And so it continued for several minutes. Koichi would throw one or two snowballs, and Koji would retaliate. Or Koji would throw a few, and Koichi did the same in response to the attack. They ignored Akemi's barks and attempts to interrupt the war game while frozen missiles flew through the air between the brothers. All around them, younger and more carefree children dropped their winter toys and began identical wars, fighting for the sole principle of fun. They had no idea that this was in actuality medicine to cure a melancholy that had infected both boys. That disease had driven them to madness, and madness in turn drove them to this. By the time they finally stopped, they were sweating under their thick clothes and panting from lack of breath. Their clothes were soaked, and their faces were red. Koichi had clumps of snow in his hair. Koji's bandana had slipped off his head when another grenade exploded in his face. They both looked absolutely ridiculous.
"Nobody finds out about this," Koji breathed.
"Agreed," Koichi replied.
They were tired from the physical exertion, but neither wanted to return to the house when they knew that someone would eventually come along and fix the broken heater. Instead, they chose to keep walking through the cold winter snow. Akemi jumped and barked excitedly, trying to incite another snowball war. But the twins had had enough of that and were content to just walking around Yokohama for a while before going home.
"Need something to drink?" Koichi checked once they reached a small café. It was a local shop—nothing internationally renowned—but its warm drinks and pastries were perfect for this cold winter day. Koji shook his head just as something caught his eye inside. He blinked and checked again.
"Isn't that Alice?" he asked, pointing to a pale blonde at a table farther from the window. Koichi leaned over to see.
"You're right. Wonder what she's doing here."
"Go find out," Koji suggested. "I'll stay out here with Akemi."
Koichi had no idea if some twisted part of his brother was trying to set him up with Alice, but he didn't care. The less time he had to spend around that dog—especially alone—the better. He entered and stripped off his coat and gloves before walking to Alice's table.
She sat at a table by herself, pouring over several printouts. She held her head in her hands with frustration as she examined every ounce of data she'd located at the library's computer. Frustrated tears threatened to spill from her eyes as all of her evidence proved to be closer and closer to a truth she didn't want to admit.
"Alice?" Koichi called. She jumped and stuffed all of her papers into a backpack.
"Hello, Koichi."
"Is something wrong?" he checked, trying to get a good look at her papers. Even when he did, it proved fruitless—it was all in English, and his grasp of the language was minimal at best.
"Nothing," she replied. "I just had to research something at the library and I decided to stop in here for an espresso."
"All the way here?" he questioned. "It's a long train ride from Shibuya. What are you really doing here?"
"I just needed to look something up," she insisted. "And I wanted to see how you and Koji were doing."
"Koji's outside right now," Koichi informed. "Dad finally let him out of the house."
"Is he well enough to be walking around in this weather?"
"According to him, yes. Plus the heater's broken, so there's no real difference in temperature. And we'd probably be in the repairman's way."
"Oh. So where are you going?"
"Just walking around for a while. Want to come with us?"
"Sure. I'll just get another coffee to bring with me."
She paid for another cup to go and put on her coat and gloves as she and Koichi headed out the door. Koji held carefully onto Akemi's leash as she tried to jump up on the newcomer.
"Be careful," Koichi warned, "she's easily excited." But to his surprise, Alice knelt beside the dog and began petting her gently. Akemi licked her face, making her laugh while the twins stared in absolute wonder.
"I didn't get to see you last time I was at Koji's," she commented to Akemi. "They take very good care of you, I see." When she was finished, she stood up, her face rosy from warmer emotions. "I've always loved dogs, maybe more now since I was partnered to Dobermon for that short time. Akemi somewhat reminded me of him." The boys were silent, afraid of saying anything that might offend her. In this silence, they resumed their walk.
"So, Koji, how are you?" she questioned.
"Better than before. It helps being out of the house. I think the confinement was what was depressing me and making me worse." She nodded distractedly.
"And you, Koichi?" she checked.
He fought off the uncomfortable rush of his hormones as he tried to answer the innocent question. Unfortunately, his voice squeaked at first when he replied, "I'm okay, I guess." She nodded again, and he favored her with a sympathetic look. It was obvious that something dreadful was on her mind, but he didn't feel right about asking what it was. "And, you Alice?" he managed to ask. Koji turned immediately at the highly concerned tone of his voice. But he resolved to remain out of this conversation and act merely as a neutral listener. None of this really concerned him anyway.
"I'm all right."
"What was it you were researching?" he questioned.
"It's nothing important," Alice answered. "It's just something I wanted to look up, and my suspicions are probably wrong."
"Suspicions on what?"
"Nothing." Her voice was becoming increasingly more exasperated.
"Alice, if there's something wrong, I want to help."
"There's nothing you can do. If I'm wrong, there's no problem, but if I'm right… If I'm right, then nothing you can do will be able to change anything."
Koichi stared at her in horror while the words tested Koji's neutrality. "Does this have anything to do with what's on your mind now?" There was an awkward silence. "Well?"
"Yes," she replied finally. "But it's nothing I want to worry you with."
"Is there something wrong with you?"
"No. Not with me."
"Dolphin then?" Koji had finally chosen to voice his concern. Dolphin had proven to be a good friend and confidant. If there was something wrong with that man, it would hurt just as much as if there was a problem with the other Legendary Warriors.
"No, Grandfather's fine," she assured. Her voice was inexplicably softer now, as though she'd forced herself to control her temper. "It's nothing you really need to worry about now. Or ever, if I'm wrong." Needing a quick change of subject, she questioned, "How are things going with your family?"
Koji decided to answer while Koichi sorted through conflicting emotions. "Koichi and Dad finally confronted each other today. It started with a question and ended with them laughing."
"That's great," she answered sincerely. "Are you finally feeling less afraid of your father, Koichi?"
"Yeah," he replied, his emotions finally conquered. "I felt kind of silly, actually, when I stood there trying not to make eye contact. It was just so easy to talk, and we'd been avoiding it for so long."
"I told you," Koji informed. Koichi laughed a little.
"And I should have listened. But I was so scared. And of what? Just a bunch of lies Cherubimon fed me that I still believed."
"It's not easy to erase old fears," Alice philosophized. "All of us have something that still scares us from the past. But sometimes when we confront them, we feel less of the fear."
Koichi shivered suddenly at the memory of his fall at the Shibuya train station and his near repeat on the office building weeks earlier. There was no way he was ever going to conquer his acrophobia and climacophobia; he still hugged the banister tightly when he climbed the stairs to Koji's room. "Not always," he commented. "Some will always be with us." Koji nodded his agreement, having only recently observed his brother's phobias. But soon he covered his mouth and coughed.
"Time to go back," he informed once he could speak. "Dad won't be happy if I stay out any longer like this."
"Sorry for keeping you out longer than you expected," Alice apologized.
"It's all right."
"I'll see you both some other time," she informed. "Bye!"
They waved as they departed for home, Akemi leading them the whole way. But once they were gone from sight, Alice pulled out one of her papers and checked off something with a pen.
"'Coughing that produces white or pink blood-tinged phlegm,'" she read, shaking her head. She then looked in the distance to where they'd gone. Please let me be wrong about this, she thought.
Akino: cheesy grin This chapter was started and finished in two days—a new record for me!
Just like with last chapter, this features recommended music from the Japanese release of the CD. "Lullaby" is from the anime Noir, and any of the three versions is workable: Noir English version, Japanese version, or the Fiction release. "Red Rose" is an up-tempo, almost Middle Eastern musical piece. As seen, there are more lighthearted "Markie and Chinny" moments, and in my style, that means that something terrible is about to take place. Till the next!