All alone before we met
Now you've taught me how to find the light
Even in darkness of winter."
Original: "Winter"
Recommended Music:
Moving day—"Bridge 04"
Confusion/Family/Mission—"Mai"
Search/Emergency—"Limits"
Profiling—"Epitaph"
Learning to heal—"Winter"
Hospital drama—"Obsession," strings version
Fiction
Track 10: "Winter"
A little boy looked sadly at all of the boxes that cluttered his and his sister's room. It hurt him to know that he was leaving forever, forced to take refuge in a strange new world he'd only just heard of before going to bed the previous night. Yes, he could see his sister again, but it wasn't the same. Over there, there was no Calumon to keep him company when Jeri wasn't around to comfort his cries with her sock puppet. Over there, there were no Takato, Rika, and Henry with the hope that everything would work out while Mr. Yamaki shook his head in sadness. Over there, there were no Guilmon, Terriermon, Suzie, and MarineAngemon to play with him and Calumon in the park while Renamon, Guardromon, and Lopmon watched on with the other Tamers—Renamon because she was too mature for such games, Lopmon because she still held some of the dignity she held as a Deva, and Guardromon because there was a chance that he might inadvertently hurt the others. Over there, there was nothing familiar: just a girl named Alice who fought alongside a boy named Koichi in order to help Jeri.
Young Masahiko Katou sighed in depression and sat on a box of his toys. He was never coming back, not until Hypnos managed to figure out a safe way to bring everybody home. And even when they did, would Jeri want to come back? She had been very sad after the first D-Reaper incident; could she really believe that her friends had forgiven her betrayal? He got off the box and walked to the window, looking out over the same city Leomon and Jeri had watched prior to entering the Digital World. It felt only right that he stand there now, seeing the same sites and thinking the same thoughts that they had before they left for a strange new world. He fiddled with something soft in his pocket—Jeri's sock puppet, which he had rescued from being packed away. At first, it had scared him to no end; the creature with those empty button eyes had first been taken over by the D-Reaper and had pulled Jeri to her cruel destiny. But now, it was somehow comforting to run his hands over the felt and string that held it together, just as it had comforted him when Jeri was still there.
"Masahiko, are you ready?" his mother called.
No, he wanted to scream, but he couldn't. His body turned toward the door and began to walk away, but his gaze was still on the scenery outside. Did his new home have such beautiful sunsets as these? He didn't know, but he would soon.
And in the world that was soon to be his new home, in the midst of her shift at Shao Pai Long, Jeri Katou dropped a customer's order and clutched her head while patrons and other waitresses watched in fear.
"It's coming," she gasped before running out the door to avoid losing control in this of all places.
-------
A mild depression and a tormenting suspicion loomed over Alice's head as she walked back home to Shibuya, obfuscating all of her carefully learned Japanese manners. Her saddened thoughts kept her from concentrating, and so she walked into the apartment without removing her shoes, as per the custom. She walked to the refrigerator to remove a can of soda when she noticed her grandfather talking to two adults and a young child. He saw her and observed her surprised expression.
"Alice, the Katous are going to be staying here for the night while the movers finish unloading everything into their new house," he informed. Her mouth was still slightly agape, and her eyes were still wide. "Don't tell me you forgot."
"I'm sorry, but I did, Grandfather. I was so wrapped up in everything that I completely forgot. I have to call Koichi and Koji to let them know."
"Go on ahead," he replied. "In the meantime, I'll finish explaining things to Mr. and Mrs. Katou."
As she walked over to the phone, Alice mentally chided herself for jumping to conclusions so quickly. You just forgot something easily, too, she scolded. Koji's probably going through the same amount of stress, especially since it was so hard for his father and Koichi to meet. By now, everything should start going back to normal with him. "Yeah," she whispered, trying to encourage that belief.
-------
The dinner table at the Minamoto house was a lot livelier than usual that evening. For the first time ever, there were conversations with four participants instead of awkward and uncomfortable silences. There was a feeling of calm and ease in the kitchen that loosened tongues and heartstrings. Emotions were no longer confined, and discussions of every subject came up: politics, current events, the fixed heater, and even the snowball fight the twins had sworn to keep secret.
"…And then all the kids in the neighborhood joined in," Koichi continued, surprising even himself with his ease at talking to his father. "Before long, none of us knew who we were supposed to be fighting."
"That reminds me," Koji interrupted. "Dad, I'm going to need a new pair of boots this winter. When I put mine on, they were tight."
Kousei looked at him in surprise. "I just bought you those last winter. You grew out of them in a year?" Koji nodded. "All right. We'll go shopping next weekend, after we finish paying the repairman."
"Are you feeling okay, Koji?" Satomi checked, seeing him begin to nod off.
"Yeah. I'm just tired—probably from everything we did today. I'm going to go to bed early."
"I don't blame you," Koichi agreed. "That was a very weird day we had. I'll probably turn in early too."
As if to contradict him, Alice's call came through at just that moment, informing him of the arrival of Jeri's family.
"We need to go to Chinatown now," she informed. "Grandfather's convinced that this may be the only way to help her."
"All right," Koichi replied somewhat reluctantly. "I'll be there as soon as I can." He hung up the phone and turned regretfully to his family. "Alice needs me to meet her in Chinatown. She thinks she has a way to help Jeri." That serene feeling in the room vanished to be replaced with unrest. "I…I have to go…"
"Then go," Kousei advised. Koichi uneasily nodded before taking his jacket and borrowing Koji's boots and running out the door.
Had he a moment to think, he would have remembered that he and Koji shared the same clothing and shoe size. The boots he wore, Koji's, fit perfectly on him, though Koji said that they were too tight. And had he a moment to reflect, he would have realized that that indicated that something was out of the ordinary.
Meanwhile, in Shibuya, new worries replaced Alice's fears. She pulled on her own winter things before securing her knife into a pocket. Little Masahiko watched her.
"Are you going to hurt my sister with that?" he asked.
"Not if I can help it, no," she answered.
"Then can you do me a favor?"
"What is it?"
"Can you give her this?" He gave her a crude, handmade yellow sock puppet. "It's Jeri's. She left it behind when she came here." Alice looked up from the toy to the little boy's tear-streaked face. "She always used to play with it for me when I was scared or sad. I know she's sad now, so maybe it will make her feel better like it did for me."
Alice smiled softly and thanked him before placing the puppet in her coat pocket. Then, with a quick goodbye, she ran out the door to Chinatown.
-------
Koichi was nearly out of breath when he reached Shao Pai Long, having run without stopping from the train station. All he wanted to do was finish this quickly so that he could go home and enjoy the rest of the night with his family. The last thing he wanted to see was a scared Chinese-Japanese waitress come up to him, asking, "You're one of Mishio's friends, right?"
It took him a second to remember that Jeri went by that name at work. "Yes. Why? Is something wrong?"
"Yes, she just ran out of here in terror. I was hoping you knew what was bothering her?"
He suddenly felt all of his food violently slosh around in his stomach. If not for his knowledge that he had to act quickly, he would have thrown up right there and then. But he took a deep breath and replied, "I'm not sure, but I'll find out. Where did J—er, Mishio go?"
"I don't know. I saw her run maybe to the right, I'm not sure."
He sighed. It was just his luck that nobody had spotted Jeri. "Okay," he answered. "I'll try and see if I can find her. Listen, if a girl named Alice comes in—blonde, American, dressed all in black—let her know that's where I went."
"Oh, yes, your girlfriend," she remembered while Koichi's face took up a vibrant red hue. He tried desperately to mutter, "She's not my girlfriend," but it wouldn't come out. "Don't worry," the waitress added. "I'll let her know." Koichi managed a flustered bow of thanks and ran like a madman out of the restaurant. Of all the things that he'd faced in his life, that had to be the most embarrassing.
He didn't think to wait for Alice. He just ran to find Jeri. If he had just waited twenty more minutes instead of running around the city, things would have been a lot easier for the American. Upon hearing the waitress's story, she sighed.
"Thank you, Lian," she replied.
"Don't be mad at him or anything," she warned.
"I'm not. I just wish he'd have waited a little longer," Alice explained. "I'll have to look for him later. Right now, I need to check Mishio's apartment. She left me a set of keys just in case anything happened."
"All right. Please find out what's wrong with her."
"I will, don't worry. First, can you show me where I can find a phone?"
Once she got to the telephone, she placed in a call with her grandfather to update him on the situation. Next, she called the Minamoto house, guessing correctly that Koichi hadn't informed his family yet of what was happening.
"…But as soon as I look around Jeri's apartment, I'll try to find Koichi," she assured.
"All right, thank you," Kousei replied, hanging up the phone and walking upstairs to tell Koji. "Koji, are you awake?" His son lay motionless on the bed, his eyes closed. He must have been tired to fall asleep that quickly, but this was something he wouldn't want to have to wait until morning to hear. "Koji, wake up." He tried shaking him gently, then a little more strongly, but still nothing could wake him up. That was the first signal that something was terribly wrong. He quickly checked Koji's pulse and breathing to find both nearly non-existent. "Satomi, call for medics now!" he cried as he pulled his son to the floor.
"What? What's wrong?" she asked, running into the room.
"I don't know, but Koji's not breathing and his heart's not beating. I need to know how to do CPR now."
She quickly grabbed the cell phone off of the desk and dialed for emergency help. The operator on the other end was very insistent on directly instructing Kousei in CPR, so Satomi was forced to hand over the phone and watch helplessly. Finally, after what seemed like endless compressions and breaths, Koji's breathing and heart rate were back to normal. Pain from the forceful chest compressions woke him up, and he stared at his father and stepmother in complete confusion.
"Dad? Satomi?" he asked in a daze. "What happened? Why am I on the floor?"
"Just stay there for now," Satomi instructed, kneeling next to him and propping up his head with a pillow. "An ambulance is on the way."
"What?"
"Koji, don't worry about anything," she warned. "Everything's going to be okay." She wanted to believe it, as did her husband, but looking at the sudden fear conveyed on the boy's pale face completely disproved the assertion.
The ambulance didn't take long in coming. Paramedics bustled up the stairs and stretched out a gurney to place Koji on. It was the second time in a short period he'd had to go to the hospital. But this time, he was awake and alert enough to be in a severely afraid and depressed mood. He knew that this time, there was something extremely wrong with him.
In another part of the city, an unsuspecting Koichi stopped running as he felt the momentary death of something inside of him. For a moment, he felt empty and hurt, like a part of him had just been severed off. But to further complicate matters, cold hands grabbed him and pulled him up into the never-ending dusk sky.
-------
Alice stood alone in Jeri's apartment, half-frustrated and half-horrified by the plainness of it. There were no pictures, no personal artifacts that could deem this place a home. It was as if it was merely a place to settle until she could come home. But frustration came with the lack of content that kept the D-Reaper's intents hidden from the young detective.
What is she up to? Alice asked herself, carefully investigating and scrutinizing every last minute detail. There was a futon placed up against the wall. The bathroom contained hairspray and a brush among the necessities. The closet contained only a yellow dress, some towels, undergarments, and a school uniform. The only light inside came from the white fluorescent bulbs in the ceiling. Very little food was in the refrigerator, only enough to sustain a young girl for a week.
"She asked me to help," she muttered. "Now what could be here that can tell me where she is and what she's planning?"
She sat on the floor and pulled the puppet out of her pocket, looking at it intently as though she expected it to declare Jeri's whereabouts. It was hard for her to believe that such an ugly creature could offer so much comfort to Jeri's little brother. But it was soft and familiar, able to frighten away the nightmares that came for him. Jeri didn't have any of that. The only comfort she could find was in a curled up fetal position on her futon, judging by the indentation, where she probably cried herself to sleep. The D-Reaper was all that was familiar to her, but she didn't want to have to remember that part of her past. Here in this world, nobody understood her. Koji's past was the closest to hers, but that was where the understanding ended. She had essentially cut off all contact with him after she'd scanned through his memories. The only one she was interested in—or the D-Reaper was, for that matter—was Koichi.
And there it was, blaringly obvious in front of her eyes. Never had Koji been the target, but Koichi. Fears combined with theories and served as the explanation to everything.
It had never been a life-granting ability Koji had, or else he would have displayed it for cases other than Koichi. It had been a sacrifice of some of his own life force, aided by Ophanimon. As a result, Koji became more susceptible to illnesses, especially to the one Alice feared. Koichi was the only one with any discernable power, and that was why the D-Reaper had been so intent on targeting only him, less so than Alice or Koji.
"I've got to find him!" she realized, bursting out of the apartment, the puppet clenched in her fist. But still, she had no idea where to go until she looked up in the sky, where the white crescent moon shone over the Shao Pai Long restaurant. She didn't need to see two shadows on top of the roof to know where to look. Everything pieced together perfectly as she stared there and ran.
-------
Koichi's knees shook dangerously as he stood atop the semi-circular building that housed Shao Pai Long. He felt so stupid for not realizing sooner that the best place to hide was the last place he'd look. Jeri stood some feet behind him as he clung to the fence that would hopefully keep him from the fall that could have happened on the last rooftop he'd visited.
"Acrophobia is illogical," Jeri—no, the D-Reaper—commented. "There is nothing to fear from height, only of the effects of the impact of the ground after a fall."
"Why would someone such as you be interested in logic?" he demanded, angry and afraid. "All you want is chaos."
"That may be what you call it." He turned his head in shock to look at her. "Humans and Digimon are so fragile that any change in their lifestyles is chaotic."
"What do you mean?"
"Humans desire order, complete logic, but when they receive it, all they can call it is chaos." The blood drained from his face. "Because of its consequences, I must also call this order 'chaos.'"
"No…" he denied, hearing Lucemon's same arguments in his mind. The past couldn't be repeating itself!
"All living beings desire some kind of structure in their lives to ensure that they will survive and evolve. Someone tried to give them that gift. I intend to do the same."
"We defeated Lucemon and stopped his tyranny!" Koichi shouted, whipping around angrily. "What makes you think you'll succeed when my brother, our friends, and I know how to stop this?"
The D-Reaper's blank, dead eyes connected with his own living ones. He felt cold.
"Initiating memory scan. Subject: Kimura, Koichi."
Everything he'd seen and done during the battles with Lucemon and the Royal Knights filled his skull, forcing him to grab his head in pain and stagger about wildly. He'd never felt anything so painful before in his life; it was as if the D-Reaper had ripped open his cranium and was clawing at his brain as she exorcised his memories. He finally collapsed to his knees at the end, breathing heavily and sweating. The D-Reaper watched him with a mirthless grin.
"What is it?" he questioned once he felt like he could talk again. "What are you smiling about?"
"There is one mistake that Lucemon made that cannot come about again. He failed to destroy the Spirits of Darkness before you gave them to Koji." Koichi's eyes widened with terror. He knew what was coming, and he could not stop it. "You no longer have the Spirits, Messenger Koichi Kimura, so there is no reason for me to fail."
The distance between them shortened into nothing as she grabbed him by the neck and pressed him between the concrete roof and the fence. Her cold fingers tightened around his neck as he felt less and less able to breathe, and darkness swam in front of his eyes—darkness that was pierced only by a light from within his blood.
Both light and darkness in me… he recognized. But I don't understand. Did the Light pass into me from Koji's tears? His windpipe constricted even more this time, quieting his mind in a futile attempt to conserve oxygen. After everything that had happened, this was how it was going to end. He'd failed in everything, in saving Jeri, in protecting Koji, in helping Alice… That knowledge spurred unsolicited tears of regret that slowly made their way down his face. He didn't know that currently, Alice was racing toward him while Koji sat in a hospital room while doctors gave an analysis of his latest X-rays. He didn't know that both of them could see his light and darkness sweeping past them, from the brightly lit stairwell Alice dashed up to the dark and somber room in which Koji brooded. He just knew that he wasn't going to see them ever again and that soon they were going to be completely different people that he would never know even if he could live to see them again. Heavier tears fell and combined with those nearly frozen on his cheeks—one on each side. One was light, the other darkness. These two tears landed on the D-Reaper's hand and burned with all the fury of a firestorm. She tried to maintain her hold on him, but it became too difficult as the Light and Darkness within him turned against her. She was forced to pull away, allowing ample time for Alice to throw her to the ground and attach several electrodes to her body. She convulsed madly, screaming as the D-Reaper and Jeri were agonizingly separated. Koichi tried to catch his breath as he watched the dreadful sight. Finally, the screaming ceased, and the electrodes fell dormant. Jeri sat up in extreme remorse, her hair pulled free from the buns and concealing her face.
"It's over," Alice breathed.
Finally.
-------
It was a long walk back to Shibuya, even with the aid of the train. Koichi was silent almost the entire time, trying to recover from the shock his body, mind, and soul had gone through. Jeri just kept her head down and avoided all conversation. All in all, it was a very uncomfortable trip for Alice, who felt like she needed to break the ice.
"Are you okay?" she checked. Her voice sounded so strange in the veil of silence that surrounded them. Koichi nodded. "What I mean is, are you feeling okay? Not dizzy or sick or—"
"No."
"I see." She settled into the morose quiet for a moment. "What happened with you back there was… I don't know how to describe it. What was it?"
"I don't know."
Silence again. She tried once more. "Are you afraid of something?" He didn't answer, so she turned her attention to Jeri.
"Your brother gave me something to give to you," she informed, taking the puppet out of her pocket while causing the knife to slip out. Koichi reached down to grab the weapon and placed it in his own pocket for safekeeping. "He hoped it would help you feel better." She placed the puppet in Jeri's hands. The dejected girl merely held it and looked at it in silence. Alice sighed. It would do them all some good to get home.
Not much longer later, they arrived at the McCoys' apartment in east Shibuya. Alice and Koichi guided Jeri to the couch, where her father and stepmother held her in a sorrowful embrace. Dolphin, meanwhile, watched sternly from the kitchen, holding the mobile phone.
"Grandfather, is something wrong?" Alice questioned.
"Yes there is, Alice. I need to take you and Koichi to the hospital."
Koichi awoke from his sullen daze. "Is it Koji?"
Dolphin lowered his head. "I can't really say anything yet. But yes, something happened to him while you were gone." Visible signs of rage were building in Koichi, but Dolphin held his hand to keep him from interrupting. "Don't blame yourself; it's nothing you could have helped with. Koji just stopped breathing earlier, so they brought him to the hospital to find out what's the matter. Anything they've learned they'd rather share in person."
"Oh God," Koichi moaned, bringing his hands to his head. Alice drew him into a hug; it was the only thing that felt appropriate. Dolphin remained expressionless, but only to be the strong adult the kids needed right now.
"Mr. Katou, can you handle things for now?" he asked.
"Yes," the man answered gruffly, also trying to keep up the façade of strength. "And thank you."
Dolphin nodded and followed his granddaughter and Koichi outside. Masahiko merely held Jeri's hand and slipped his small hand into the puppet, hoping that this time he could be the one to make the nightmares go away.
-------
Koichi remembered feeling oddly numb when he walked into Koji's room in the hospital. His father and Satomi were holding back tears as best they could while explaining everything to Alice and Dolphin. But he didn't hear their words. He just saw Koji reclined in bed. He didn't see how miserable his brother looked, or if he did, he didn't acknowledge it. He didn't even seem to recognize his surroundings as he simply gave a report on the night's events.
"We finally stopped Jeri," he informed. "Alice managed to get the electrodes on her and burned away the D-Reaper." Koji shrugged impassively. "It's all over now, you know. She's with her family. They'll take care of her."
A sigh. "Koichi…"
"It was strange though," he continued, completely ignoring his brother's attempts to tell the awful truth. "All this time, we thought she stood for chaos, but in reality, she just wanted order as much as Lucemon did. And I guess by killing me, the powers of light and darkness can fuse and I guess destroy the world so someone else can rebuild it."
"Koichi."
"I'm really not sure what it was, but somehow both powers were coming out of me. I can understand if there's still some of Darkness in me because of my Spirit, but there was Light in my bloodstream too. I guess it must have passed over when you were crying that day."
"Koichi!" The older twin flinched as the younger tried to get in a sitting position. "I'm dying."
Once again, Koichi felt cold, drained, hollow. His voice shook as he weakly accused, "You're kidding."
Mirthless laughter. "Koichi, you know I have no sense of humor."
Koichi suddenly began to lose all feeling in his legs. "What happened then?"
"Congestive heart failure, brought on by the stress of evolving I guess. It tore my heart muscle. That's why I've been so sick lately."
"But the coughing…"
"Left-side failure. It built up fluid in my lungs. Then my right side began to fail, and that's why my shoes have felt so tight. Edema—fluid building up in my body. My confusion was from changes in sodium levels, and less blood got to my digestive system, making me feel full or nauseous all the time. My heart kept beating quickly all the time in an effort to keep up pumping capability, but there wasn't enough for all of my muscles, so I kept getting tired all the time." His voice was choked. He'd been crying about this. For how long?
Koichi sank next to him on the bed. "So…what happened while I was gone…"
"Sudden cardiac arrest. A lot like what you had."
"Can't you get a transplant or something? People have survived this before."
"Whatever I put into you was part of my own life. I didn't have enough to keep for myself."
Koichi tightened his fists until his arms shook with the pressure. "Shut up."
"Koichi—"
"I said shut up!" He threw a punch directly at his brother, catching him completely off-guard. "All I asked you that day was to protect our world, and you had to go and screw the whole thing up. I never wanted you to give up your life just to bring me back. Who said I even wanted to come back in the first place? All that's left for me now is just a half-life that I can't live all because I know that I'm only here because of you! I just asked for two simple things: save the world and visit Mom, and you couldn't even do that right!" He stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Alice had been ready to enter when she heard his ranting, but now she watched him in absolute surprise as he ran toward the men's room. Koji staggered out of the room, hunched over, a minute later.
"We have to stop him," he warned. "I'm afraid of what he's going to do."
The scene with Alice in the apartment was mostly inspired by The Pretender with elements of The Profiler. The idea of the D-Reaper standing for order was a suggestion from Lord Archive that managed to fit the theme of this story very well, replacing a rather bland climax. And information on congestive heart disease came from the American Heart Association, which supplied just about all the information in this fic. Supplemental info came from and my anatomy and physiology textbook. One more chapter to go. Till then!