I Hate Reality TV

Where in the World is Kabaji!?

Kiyami: My computer never ceases to amaze me with how much it screws up. Sorry for the errors yesterday. It takes forever for the edited version to replace the original so it should be fixed by now.

The line was supposed to be:

"Ka-I-Doh." Inui playfully whispered and placed a kiss on the back of someone's neck.

"Inui-senpai, could you stop touching me?" Ryoma asked.

Thank you all, reviewers and readers. It made me happy when I checked my e-mail this morning to see all those Review Alert notices.

This was going to be a Halloween Special, but it might be put up too late. Sorry.

Ahead! More yummy streakers (I'm not a pervert...really!) and some more bedtime experiences.

Disclaimer: I do not own Tennis no Oujisama.

Dedications: To those unlucky streakers I include in this chapter.

Tachibana and his sister took a seat in front of the TV. It was the debut of the newest reality TV show, Teni Boys. Both wondered whether the show would be as bad as the title, but watched it for Shinji's sake. Tachibana pressed power and switched the channel onto the one broadcasting the show.

The sight of Ryoma hugging and crying to Tezuka met their eyes. On his head was a hat that visibly confessed Ryoma's love for everyone. They could also see Inui holding pitchers of something that could have easily been obtained at the local sewers or some dump.

Their jaws dropped when the camera turned. Tachibana reacted fast and covered An's eyes from what the camera was showing. Sure, it was mostly blurred, but still. Cap'n Tachibana did NOT want his sister to be scarred by the image of a streaking Sengoku and a chasing Shinji. Quickly he switched the channel to the news. He wanted his sanity to remain intact.

Somewhere else another tennis player was watching the same exact thing. Dan Taichi to be exact. Dan stared wide-eyed at the television screen.

"SENGOKU-SENPAIIII!...Desu."

The shout heard 'round the world.
DAY TWO

All right, Tezuka, smile. Smile like you mean it! Come on! For crying out loud you're supposed to be happy, bouncy, hyperactive! ANYTHING!

Tezuka turned away from the camera and secretly pulled out the only thing telling him what to do. He flinged it and it landed into a blender. Somehow Inui managed to obtain five more blenders. The producers eagerly bought Inui all of the necessary ingredients. This was going to be a long six months.

The six months wouldn't be wasted though. The mansion had several suitable tennis courts in the back, a pool, and a small workout room made for the tennis players. It wasn't the same as their school, but it was usable. Tezuka walked away from the group to go find someplace sane to relax.

Atobe was lounging on a chair by the pool. He had a pair of shades covering his eyes and some beverage in his hands. Occasionally he took a sip.

"I'm hungry. Go fetch me something to eat, Kabaji." He ordered.

When no response came he sat up to look around for his right hand man.

Kabaji was nowhere.

Of course Kabaji hadn't been invited to join the reality TV show so Atobe wasn't allowed to bring the simple tennis player. Atobe always got what he wanted so took out a cell phone.

Sengoku, Kaidoh, and Yuuta stared at the unluckiness they were receiving. While everyone was fully clothed and winning, these three were barely decent and losing. Sengoku almost seemed crushed at his horrible luck. Why was he losing?

Of course the two sadistic bastards had planned this. Inui had a bit of a dirty mind wanting to see Kaidoh naked. The producers wanted the usually lucky Sengoku to be unlucky and Fuji just found it amusing to watch his brother blush as the camera focused in on him.

The group was playing strip poker and Fuji purposely cheated to give the selected victims losing cards. This continued until yet again Sengoku was naked with the two new streakers, Yuuta and Kaidoh. Wanting to get away from the watching camera the three ran for it as Shinji mumbled in the background about indecency.

Oishi sat uncomfortably on a hard wood desk with his legs hanging over the edge. In his hand was the fishing rod from before and they had dressed him in fisherman clothing. Oh the horror.

Next to Oishi was a fish tank with some living fish and some that weren't. Some of the nonliving fish in the tank were the Goldfish crackers that had either sank to the bottom or floated at the top. A variety of other living fish swam left to right.

Oishi really didn't want to do this.

They had his real life fish somehow and were threatening to empty the tank of water if he didn't do this. How did they get all these stuff? Ryoma had told him of how they had gotten a hold of Karupin and Kaidoh said something about his bandana collection.

He stuck a gummy bear to the hook of the fishing rod and lowered it into the tank. His cheeks were red from seeing his pride and reputation slowly die a torturous death.

"Here...Here fishy...fishy...fishy..." Oishi managed to say and pretended as though he was fishing.

The gummy bear was too big for any of the small guppies to fit into their mouths.

Oishi felt really awkward for a while as he sat there fishing until Inui finally came. In his hand was, to Oishi's relief, an empty cup. Inui moved over to the tank and caught several of the fishes with a small net resting next to the tank. He filled the cup with water and placed the fishes into the cup.

"Inui, what are you going to do with them?" Oishi asked frantically.

"Ah well my newest recipe calls for fish." Inui calmly said and left the room.

"Inui!" Oishi called and chased after the intelligent, but cruel Inui.

Taka knew no nervousness or fright as he came charging while waving a tennis racket. Kaidoh's cat had stolen his lunch, which was just a sandwich. The Burning Kawamura ran after the fluffy cat in hopes of saving the half-eaten sandwich.

"Come back! Come here! Kitty!" Taka shouted in English. This only caused the cat to run faster.

As Taka ran by he accidentally pushed Shinji, now in an orange cat suit, into the pool. The mumbling player struggled since the cat costume was weighing him down heavily. A now fully clothed Yuuta came to help although the only clothes he could find were the ones Ryoma was given. His shirt had some sickeningly sweet saying on the front with the color of the shirt a happy, pale yellow.

Dinnertime
Lucky for Momo and Ryoma tonight's dinner was hamburgers. Hamburgers, hamburgers, hamburgers except the bad thing was they couldn't have them.

Momo's new personality was that of a strict, stern, mature, goody-goody guy. He was forced to wear business suits and they told him he had to eat proper. Proper as in all of the food groups plus table manners. For him it would be a salad and perhaps a glass of water.

Ryoma couldn't have any hamburgers either. His character was too caring for animals and was a vegetarian. He had some fried tofu, greens, and rice. Inui sat between Momo and Ryoma today to supervise them.

Ryoma sipped his Ponta and poked furiously at the tofu. He wanted a hamburger, but every time his hand moved towards the hamburgers, Inui would quickly slap it away. Maybe some caring senpai would sneak a hamburger to him.

Taka splashed ounce after ounce of some spicy sauce onto his hamburger. He took it into his hands and bit deep into it. He chewed for a while until his eyes watered.

"BUUURNIIING!" He yelled and dashed off to relieve his burning taste buds.

Fuji was having a blast as he hid the empty bottle of wasabi. There would be a little surprise for everyone as the cheeseburgers turned into wasabi cheeseburgers. It was a good thing Fuji could handle the wasabi and it was even better that tonight Inui had chosen to replace all of the water with Inui juice.

Everyone took a bite of their burger.

Chairs toppled over and plates fell off as nearly everyone rushed to find a drinkable source to drive away the burning sensation. Atobe, Tezuka, and Inui had all noticed the wasabi.

Bedtime
Everyone was aware tonight was Halloween. They thought someone would play a trick on another, but it seemed like they didn't. Everyone piled into bed and Inui wrote something down for the producers.

'I need eleven mattresses for my next recipe.'

Ryoma saw this as he looked over Inui's shoulder. "Inui-senpai, why eleven? Why not twelve?"

Inui only had a smile on his face. He put a finger to his lips and simply replied, "Se-cr-et."

Ryoma sighed at his senpai's behavior and discreetly pushed Shinji over so he was closer to Eiji. Speaking of him, where was Eiji? He hadn't seen much of the acrobatic player all day.

Thunder boomed overhead. A storm had formed and was unleashing its anger just overhead. Ryoma could hear the rain pelting down on them and could see the trees cast eerie shadows onto the floor. Not like he was scared though.

Momo jumped into bed that caused a bit of commotion mainly because they were angry when the huge bed vibrated from his jump. Inui pushed Kaidoh over since Momo would prefer to sleep next to Ryoma instead of Kaidoh, who had a habit of drooling. Taka had a tendency to talk in his sleep too. The other night he was awakened abruptly when a rather creepy laughter came from Taka.

Lightning slashed through the dark skies and the lights went out. An almost animalistic cry followed soon afterwards.

"What was that?!" Kaidoh frantically answered. His eyes were wide with fear.

"What is the mamushi afraid of a little darkness?" Momo teasingly said.

"Hm, who's that?" Fuji asked and pointed towards the window. A silhouette of someone with a large build was at the window. The bedroom was on the first floor.

When lightening struck again the man was gone.

"Where's Eiji!?" Oishi asked when he noticed that Kikumaru was oddly silent and that there was no presence beside him.

BAM!

They heard the giant oak doors slam nearby. The bedroom wasn't that far from the entrance.

"Hmph, I never knew you Seigakus were such wusses." Atobe arrogantly commented.

Then there was a squeaking noise that could only come from shoes.

"I b-bet it's only Eiji p-playing a trick on us." Taka suggested while being fearful like the rest. The tennis racket had been confiscated after Taka brought down a fence, smashed up a garden, broke decorative vines, and nearly killed a chipmunk when he was chasing Kaidoh's cat.

Meeeraaaaaaooooow!

Kaidoh made a sound. Slowly he inched towards the closest person, which was Inui. He was so very afraid of the dark and thunderstorms. He hated Halloween and all the fear it brought.

"Maybe someone's hurt. Maybe Eiji got hurt!"

They heard the sound of something being dragged across the hardwood floor.

"Everyone! Keep your guard up!" Tezuka commanded. They could defend themselves if it was some robber or perhaps serial killer.

The door slid opened. Lightning flashed and they could see the similar silhouette again in the doorway. They couldn't make out the face though.

"Everyone stay calm and quiet. Maybe we'll be lucky and it'll be one of the producers playing a joke on us." Sengoku whispered.

"I really hate this show. I have to sleep in a cat suit now and there's going to be a murderer who could kill us all. Geez this sucks, how come I had to come of all people. Why couldn't someone like Kamio or Tachibana come."

"Shinji!" Everyone hissed.

"Sumimasen."

The sound of something being dragged became louder and louder.

It came closer and closer!

Sengoku clutched the blanket in fear since it seemed as though the sound was coming right next to him!

Then it stopped!

There was a grunt and the sound of someone hitting something wooden.

Then the lights came on.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Nearly everyone screamed at the sight they saw.

"Once upon a time there was a sheep whose name was Claudi-baba. Claudi-baba was a black sheep and she loved frolicking-"

"No, no, Kabaji! I want the one with the princess!" Atobe snapped.

"Usu."

There he was.

Kabaji Munehiro sitting on a wooden chair with a book of tales in his hands saying things besides the regular 'Usu.'

Atobe couldn't sleep well without his regular bedtime stories so he had made a few phone calls and got Kabaji on the show. Just what he wanted.

"Wait! If that was Kabaji then what was that cry we heard?"

Eiji stepped out of the bathroom looking pissed off.

"Who put the cup of Inui juice in there!?" His head was covered with the green liquid. "I tripped and it fell on my face!"

"So you were the one who made that cry? It sounded like a dying animal!"

"Well I just drank half of the Inui juice! I could have died from the intoxication! It had this floating in it too!" Eiji showed a severely messed up earpiece that had belonged to someone...

"Then what was that other sound?"

"Hm? Neko?" Kaidoh picked up his cat that had been by everyone's feet. Someone had accidentally kicked the sleeping cat.

Everyone looked relieved that there was no crazy robber or murderer who had entered the house. Kabaji didn't need to get on the bed either since he was content with the chair he had dragged all the way over here.

The lights went out.

"Kai-doh..." Inui playfully whispered and kissed someone's shoulder.

"Fffshhhh." Finally Inui got the person right.

"Inui-senpai, could you stop touching me?" An irritated voice of a freshman asked.

"But I'm not touching you, Ryoma."

"Momo-chan?"

Snores.

"Then whose hand is this?"

Screams echoed in the master bedroom. A bloody hand was thrown across the room with no body to connect with.

THE END.

Kiyami: Hoped you enjoyed it. . Yeah, Yeah I know I said I would bring more detail in on their personalities, but I forgot by the end of this. Next time I promise! -cough-